Evie's Job

by Tess Mackenzie

  Natalie seemed surprised. “No,” she said. “Of course not.”

  “You’re not angry?”

  “We talked about this last night.”

  “I know, but…”

  “I’m not anything. You should do what you want.”

  Evie nodded, and was relieved. She lay back down, and stayed where she was for a while. She was starting to feel awful. Her head hurt, and her mouth tasted odd.

  “I kind of feel like shit,” she said.

  “I’m sorry,” Natalie said. “Is there anything I can do?”

  Evie shook her head. “Just let me lie here for a minute.” She rolled over, and lay on her side, and looked out the windows, towards the harbour.

  “I’ll get you some more water.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll get up in a bit.”

  “I want to help.”

  Evie suddenly remembered. “Because you promised you would.”

  Natalie smiled.

  “It’s fine,” Evie said. “I’ll be right in a bit. I just need to wake up.”

  Natalie nodded, and stayed where she was. Her feet were still up on the bed. After a moment Evie slid one foot out from under the sheets and put it against Natalie’s. Natalie smiled, and rubbed her toes against Evie, gently warm.

  Evie lay there, thinking, trying to wake up.

  “So,” Evie said. “Want to ask if I’ve got any diseases?”

  “What?” Natalie said, then, “Not really, no.”

  “Because last night. We didn’t…”

  “I know.”

  “I thought you might be worried. You can ask if you want.”

  Natalie looked at her. “Why? Do you?”

  “Nope.”

  “So why…?”

  “I was just thinking. It mattered a week ago and it doesn’t now. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it?”

  “Not really,” Natalie said. “Is it?”

  Evie shrugged. “I sleep with people a bit.”

  “All right,” Natalie said. “And so…”

  “You don’t care?”

  “Not especially.”

  Evie thought. “I suppose I do enough that I’m completely sure I haven’t made a mistake and caught anything, if that makes any kind of sense.”

  “It actually does.”

  “Good. I thought it did.”

  Evie lay there a little longer, watching ferries cross the harbour. “I meant slept,” she said. “Actually.”

  “Not sleep?”

  “Yep. I used to sleep around. I slept around a lot. But I’m not so sure that I do any more.”

  Natalie was looking at her.

  “I’ve been thinking about stopping that, lately,” Evie said. “That’s all.”

  “Have you?”

  “Yep. I met someone, I think, and it just seems like what you do.”

  “It just seems like it?” Natalie said.

  Evie nodded.

  “Maybe you should then,” Natalie said.

  “Maybe.”

  Natalie thought. “I’m glad it does,” she said. “Make you feel like you should stop.”

  “Thought you might be,” Evie said, and then spread out so she could feel all of the sheets. Natalie was smiling at her again, and she didn’t feel like moving yet. She wondered if she should go back to sleep. She lay there, and Natalie went back to reading on her tablet, so after a while, Evie tried to sleep.

  *

  Evie got up, and had a shower, and felt a little better. She went back to the bed, and lay on it, on her back, staring out the windows. Natalie was still reading, and didn’t seem to have moved.

  After a while Evie said, “It’s going to rain. I can see clouds coming.”

  Natalie looked.

  “It’s odd,” Evie said. “When you think about it. Being high enough to see weather on its way.”

  “When it starts, it happens up here first. So there’s a moment before people on the ground start running for cover.”

  “It happens up here first?”

  Natalie nodded. “We’re high up. It just takes a moment longer to reach the ground.”

  “Oh,” Evie said. “Yeah, of course.” She slid off the bed, and went over to the window. She looked down, and could just see the street, a long way below. She was standing there naked. Natalie was probably looking at her, and was probably a little shocked.

  “Yep,” Evie said. “I’m not wearing anything.”

  “I noticed.”

  “And yep, the neighbours are probably noticing too.”

  “The ones with binoculars?”

  Evie grinned.

  “You don’t care?” Natalie said.

  Evie shrugged. “Not really,” she said. She stood there for a moment. “Of course, I might also be, you know, staying here longer than I normally would, since you’re watching and everything.”

  Natalie laughed.

  Evie she went back to the bed, and sat on it, but didn’t lie down. She was starting to think about what she needed to do for the rest of the day, and also that she’d probably been hanging around at Natalie’s long enough.

  “I should probably go,” she said.

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I have a thing tomorrow. An exam. I need to get ready for it.”

  “You could do that here.”

  “I need my books and shit.”

  “We can go and get them.”

  Evie looked over, surprised. “Seriously?”

  “If you like.”

  “That’s a nuisance. To you, I mean. Isn’t it?”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “And then, what, I sleep here again tonight?”

  Natalie shrugged.

  Evie was considering it. “It’s an exam. I have to study.”

  “I understood.”

  “I mean I can’t get distracted,” Evie said. “By, you know, constant fucking. And I’ll need quiet.”

  “Here must be quieter than at your place.”

  “Um, yep,” Evie said. “A lot. But what I meant was that you can’t be distracting. And you would be. Wouldn’t you?”

  “I don’t need to be. I can work too.”

  Evie looked at her.

  “I promise,” Natalie said. “Quiet.”

  “You really want me to?”

  “Only if you do.”

  “And you’re completely sure? Like this is your last chance to change your mind or I’ll say yes.”

  “I’m sure. Say yes.”

  “Okay then,” Evie said. “Um, thank you.”

  Natalie put the tablet down, and stood up. She seemed about to leave, to go for Evie’s books right then.

  “Oh,” Evie said. “Wait. In a bit. In a while. I want to see the rain first.”

  “Of course,” Natalie said, and sat back down.

  Evie lay back on the bed, and slid her arms against the sheets, and looked out the windows, quietly. She watched the clouds come closer, and watched Natalie too, but pretended to be looking at the clouds each time Natalie glanced in her direction. As she lay there, she thought. About last night, and what they’d been saying to each other.

  “Things are changing between us,” Evie said. “It feels like.”

  Natalie looked up.

  “Are things changing?” Evie said. “Just, with what we were talking about last night…?”

  Natalie nodded. “I think so.”

  “Do you want them to? Change?”

  “I do.”

  “There’s something, though,” Evie said. “Something I was thinking.”

  “Something bad?”

  Evie shrugged.

  “Go on,” Natalie said.

  “It’s not a big deal. It’s not really true. I’m mostly just thinking out loud.”

  Natalie lowered her tablet, and looked at Evie. “Now I’m starting to get concerned.”

  “Oh,” Evie said. “Fuck, sorry, I…”

  “You’re just thinking out loud?”

  “I am. I promise.”
>
  “Could you tell me all the same?”

  Evie was upset. She’d spoken too soon, and shouldn’t have made a half-hearted thought sound so serious. “I probably shouldn’t, not now it’s like this…”

  “Actually, I’d appreciate it if you did, after that.”

  Evie hesitated. Natalie sounded worried. “Okay,” she said. “But I’m only thinking.”

  “All right. I understand.”

  “It’s not true. It’s not real. It was just what I was thinking.”

  “Go on.”

  “I was just wondering how completely to trust you, that was all.”

  “Oh.”

  “And I do know how awful that sounds.”

  “It doesn’t sound awful. It sounds like…” Natalie stopped.

  “Awful.”

  “No, just… I’m not quite sure I understand. Why couldn’t you trust me?”

  Evie thought. “No reason, really. Just that I don’t know you especially well, I suppose.”

  “Well, I don’t know you.”

  “Yep,” Evie said. “Exactly.”

  “What’s worrying you, exactly?”

  “You might do this all the time. Pick people up, offer them money. It could be your thing. How would I know?”

  “Well I don’t,” Natalie said. “Only you.”

  “But how do I know that for sure?”

  “I suppose you can’t,” Natalie said. “Not really. Not to be sure.”

  “Yep,” Evie said. “That was what I’d decided too.”

  “Are you actually worried?” Natalie said. “Even in the slightest. Or is this just… the thinking out loud?”

  “That. Thinking out loud. Mostly.”

  “Good,” Natalie said. She sounded relieved.

  “Oh,” Evie said, realizing why. “Oh, fuck, sorry, I’m being awful.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I am and I don’t know why,” Evie said. “That wasn’t fair. I must sound completely paranoid.”

  “You sound like you’re worrying, and it’s natural to worry, so don’t not do it, honestly.”

  “You’re kind,” Evie said.

  Natalie shrugged.

  “You are,” Evie said.

  “And you’re still worrying. So what exactly are you worrying about.”

  “I don’t completely know. Just, if you had a wife and three girlfriends, and this was your sex apartment, and you had another whole house somewhere else, how would I know?”

  “That sounds expensive.”

  “You’re rich.”

  “Not rich, but… still expensive.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “There’s no wife,” Natalie said. “There’s no girlfriends. Not yet, anyway.”

  “Not yet?”

  “I promise you, there aren’t any.”

  “Not yet?”

  “No Evie, not yet.”

  Evie grinned at the ceiling. “And what’s that meant to mean?”

  “Nothing at all. Just, not yet.”

  “Are you asking me something, Natalie?”

  Natalie didn’t answer. Evie looked over, and Natalie shook her head. She was smiling again, though.

  “Are you?” Evie said.

  “Stop,” Natalie said. “Please.”

  Evie opened her mouth.

  “Please?” Natalie said.

  “Sorry,” Evie said, and Natalie shrugged.

  “I am,” Evie said, and went back to looking out the window.

  *

  The clouds were closer now. Evie lay where she was on Natalie’s bed, watching them, thinking. Her mind was wandering a little.

  “Why didn’t you think you had a chance with me back at the start?” she said. “Unless you paid me, I mean.”

  Natalie looked up.

  “I’m curious,” Evie said. “That’s all.”

  “I really don’t know.”

  “But you offered me money.”

  “I was drunk.”

  “So you don’t do that normally?” Evie said, mostly teasing.

  Natalie seemed surprised, and took her seriously. “No, she said. Then, after a moment, “God no, of course not.”

  “You had a chance with me,” Evie said. “Just so you know. You only had to ask.”

  Natalie smiled. “Well yes, I know that now.”

  “Yeah you do.” Evie smiled. “You listened to me. To what I think and say. That means a lot.”

  “Of course I listen.”

  “It’s almost scary. I don’t think anyone else does. Not really.”

  “I’m sure they do.”

  “No,” Evie said. “I mean, no-one listens to anyone. Not oh poor me no-one cares.”

  “Oh. Yes, I see.”

  “I just keep thinking it means something. That you listen to me.”

  “I hope it does.”

  “Me too. And if it does, what then?”

  “I don’t understand,” Natalie said.

  “What if this is that serious? Really serious? Enough you listen to absolutely everything I say?”

  “Wouldn’t that be good?” Natalie said, sounding confused.

  “No,” Evie said. “I mean, what if this is serious.”

  “I’m sorry,” Natalie said. “I don’t understand…”

  “I know,” Evie said, and then stopped and thought. She wasn’t explaining what she meant properly. “What if this is the start of something,” she said. “Us, sitting around right now? What if this is the beginning of everything, this big important thing in both our lives that we remember years from now. What then?”

  Natalie didn’t answer for a moment, and Evie was suddenly worried. She might have gone too far, and said more than she should. She looked at Natalie, worrying, but Natalie didn’t seem alarmed. Natalie sat there, thinking, and seemed to be trying to understand. She was trying, Evie thought, and was suddenly very glad. Natalie trying meant a lot.

  “What if it is?” Natalie said after a moment. “Would that be so bad?”

  “This being the start?”

  “Yes. Would that be so bad?”

  Evie was relieved. “Not at all,” she said. “Of course it wouldn’t.”

  “So what’s concerning you…?”

  “Shouldn’t we know? Shouldn’t it all feel terribly significant.”

  “More than just us talking and you lying around on the bed?”

  “Yeah,” Evie said. “That. Like we both ought to know, and feel it, and be all aware of this happening.”

  “And breathlessness and excitement and our hearts skipping beats?”

  Evie shrugged. “I suppose.”

  “I don’t think it happens like that,” Natalie said. “Does it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t either.”

  “Oh,” Evie said. They looked at each other for a moment.

  “Do you want it to be like that?” Natalie said. “So utterly certain from the very start?”

  “I think it would scare me. To be honest.”

  “Me too,” Natalie said.

  “So we’re both scared?” Evie said.

  “I think we are. For now.”

  Evie thought about that. “Okay.”

  “So in that case,” Natalie said. “We should probably say this isn’t terribly serious. If the idea’s bothering you, I mean. At least for now we should say it’s just us, being us, and having fun.”

  “Perhaps,” Evie said. “Just for now?”

  “For now, yes. Until it’s something else.”

  Evie considered. “Something more serious?”

  “Something else. Whatever that happens to be.”

  “Yeah, okay,” Evie said.

  “But that’s a completely different thing,” Natalie said. “Not something to worry about right now.”

  “Yep,” Evie said. “I think I understand.”

  “Good.”

  “So this, it isn’t serious, at all?”

  Natalie smiled. “Not yet.”

&n
bsp; Evie nodded. “Thank you,” she said, and assumed they were done. She assumed, then thought some more. She wondered if she was being fair. She wondered if she’d just disappointed Natalie, or taken away some hope.

  “But do you want serious?” Evie said, suddenly.

  “I told you. No, not yet.”

  Evie wasn’t sure. Natalie might be saying what she thought Evie wanted to hear. “Honestly?” Evie said.

  Natalie nodded. “Absolutely not yet. But maybe later on.”

  “You don’t mind waiting for whatever? I mean, you’re okay with what this is now?”

  “More than okay. This is good.”

  “You don’t want…”

  “Evie, I’m sure.”

  Evie nodded, and looked out the window again. The clouds had almost reached them, had started to fill the harbour with mist.

  “Could I ask something though?” Natalie said. “Something completely different.”

  “Yep, of course.”

  “I just wondered, while we’re talking,” Natalie said, then, “No, never mind, it doesn’t matter.”

  “No, ask.”

  Natalie shook her head.

  “You started,” Evie said. “So just ask. It’s not like I haven’t been being weird all morning.”

  Natalie hesitated. “Me being older…” she said. “It doesn’t matter to you?”

  “Not at all.”

  “Do you prefer it?”

  “Prefer?”

  “Is it something you’ve done before?”

  Evie shook her head. “Not usually.”

  “Not usually?”

  “Not ever until you.”

  Natalie nodded, and Evie shrugged, and then Natalie smiled, and went back to her reading.

  Evie lay where she was a little longer. The rain began to arrive. Slowly, a thick cloud settling over the city, an oozing dripping rather than a sudden storm. Evie got up, and stood in front the window, but she couldn’t really see when the rain started, or when it hit the ground far below. Rain splattered into the glass in front of her, and the road beneath got darker, changing colour. The sky got darker too.

  Natalie looked up, and noticed the window. “Rain,” she said. “Happy?”

  Evie nodded, and watched the rain a little longer. Then she went back to the bed. She sat, rather than lying back down. She sat for a moment, until Natalie looked up again.

  “Maybe we should go,” Evie said. “If that’s okay? Just I’ve got a bit to do…”

  “Of course,” Natalie said, and stood up.