Evie's Job

by Tess Mackenzie

  If it was, Natalie didn’t react. She just said goodbye again, more firmly, and pushed the door closed. Then she walked back to Evie and leaned on the counter next to her.

  “Is everything okay?” Evie said, wanting to make sure.

  Natalie nodded slowly.

  “You’re not upset by her?”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Not any more?” Evie said, guessing.

  “Yes, not any more.”

  “And by me?” Evie said, a little worried. “By how I was around her?”

  Natalie shook her head, and leaned on Evie. “Of course not.”

  Evie put her arm around Natalie, and sat there smoking, and wondered if she had been too awful after all. Or awful just the right amount.

  She wasn’t completely sure.

  *

  Natalie went through to the office and collected her and Meredith’s cups. She came back into the kitchen and put the empty cup in the sink. Then she looked at Meredith’s cup, which was still full of coffee.

  Then she lifted it to her mouth.

  “I wouldn’t…” Evie said, but was too late.

  Natalie sipped, then made a face. “That’s quite strong,” she said.

  “Um,” Evie said. “Yeah, it might be.”

  “Really very strong.”

  “I suppose it is,” Evie said.

  “Almost maliciously strong, perhaps?”

  “Perhaps,” Evie said. “Why are you drinking it?”

  “So it didn’t go to waste.”

  “What if I had poisoned it,” Evie said. “Then you’d look silly.”

  “I’d look silly?” Natalie said. “You’d have poisoned me.”

  “I suppose.”

  “And with what, anyway? There’s nothing poisonous in the house.”

  “Says you,” Evie said.

  Natalie just looked at her.

  “These,” Evie said, and held up her cigarette. “If you soak a cigarette in water…”

  “God,” Natalie said. “How do you know that?”

  “I just do.”

  “And why would you?”

  “I don’t know,” Evie said. She sat there for a moment, and then squashed out the end of cigarette. She blew out the last breath of smoke, and turned off the extractor fan.

  Natalie watched her, and seemed to be thinking.

  “Sorry,” Evie said.

  “What for?”

  “Um, saying I might poison you…”

  Natalie shrugged.

  “And for all the rest,” Evie said. “For I don’t know. For if I got carried away and went too far just now with Meredith.”

  “It’s fine. You didn’t.”

  “I might have.”

  “No.”

  Evie shrugged. She sat and thought. “I was kind of listening,” she said. “While you were in the office.”

  “I thought you might be,” Natalie said.

  “Is that bad?”

  Natalie grinned. “I probably would have too.”

  Evie nodded, relieved.

  “You seemed upset though,” Natalie said. “And perhaps a little confrontational. Is that awful to say?”

  “No,” Evie said. “It’s true. I mean, I know I was. And I am sorry.”

  “For being confrontational?”

  Evie nodded. “I suppose so, yeah. I mean, if you didn’t want me to be confrontational, then I’m sorry I was. It’s just that she brings out this awful side to me I didn’t know was there.”

  “You know what?” Natalie said. “I think it’s mutual.”

  “Yeah, I think so too.”

  Natalie took another sip of Meredith’s coffee, then seemed to change her mind. She tipped it into the sink.

  “You’re not taking sides?” Evie said, watching.

  “In what?” Natalie said. She ran water into the mug, and rinsed it out, and then drank a little water from it.

  “You said that to Meredith. That you weren’t taking sides.”

  “Oh,” Natalie said. She turned and looked at Evie. “Yes. Well, what was I supposed to say?”

  “You said that, but then you kind of did.”

  Natalie nodded. “I know.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re you. Of course I took sides.”

  “Oh,” Evie said, and started to smile. “Thank you.”

  “Glad to.”

  “I like you.”

  Natalie smiled back. “I like you too.” She kissed Evie quickly. “Can I say something though?”

  “Um,” Evie said, suddenly wary. “Yep. Of course.”

  “I don’t quite understand why it has to be like this, with you and Meredith and taking sides, but if it does, I’m on your side. All right?”

  “Thank you.”

  “And just so you know, I don’t think she means to be rude. It’s just her. It’s just how she is. She’s kind of bossy and abrupt but it’s mostly unintentional. And she doesn’t deal well with surprises, either, and that probably didn’t help.”

  Evie nodded slowly. “Okay…” Natalie’s tone made it seem as though there was more.

  “But maybe,” Natalie said. “You should be a little careful around her. Assuming you plan to practice, I mean. That’s all.”

  “Practice?” Evie said. “Practice law?” She wanted to be certain, even though she was fairly sure what Natalie meant.

  Natalie nodded. “Of course.”

  Evie was suddenly worried. “I don’t… I mean, why? What’s wrong?”

  “Oh,” Natalie said. “You hadn’t thought?”

  “I hadn’t thought what?” Evie said. “What does that mean?”

  “About Meredith? And annoying her…?”

  “What about it?” Evie said.

  “Just that Meredith…” Natalie began, then stopped. “Oh shit.”

  “What?” Evie said.

  Natalie didn’t seem to know how to answer.

  “I’m getting worried,” Evie said. Mostly because of Natalie’s silences. “Could you please just tell me before I panic or something?”

  “It’s not that bad,” Natalie said. “You don’t need to…”

  Then she stopped again, which didn’t help Evie’s sense of alarm at all. “Please just tell me,” Evie said.

  Natalie bit her lip.

  “I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?” Evie said.

  “You haven’t fucked up, just….”

  “I have,” Evie said. She picked up her cigarettes and lit another, even though two so close together might make her feel queasy. She felt sick anyway. She felt like something awful had happened, and didn’t know what. “What’s wrong?” she said.

  “It’s not wrong. Not badly. You’re overreacting.”

  “Just tell me,” Evie said. “Please.”

  “I don’t want to until I know you’re okay.”

  “I won’t be if you don’t tell me,” Evie said. “Please?”

  Natalie looked at her, then nodded. “Meredith’s a partner in a very large firm,” Natalie said. “She’s been a member of the bar council and I think she’s still on one of the professional conduct committees. She knows everyone. She’ll know the examiners for the bar exams. She’ll probably know some of your lecturers.”

  “Oh fuck,” Evie said, feeling slightly breathless. “Fuck.”

  “Hey,” Natalie said. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fucked. I really am.”

  “Well, it’s not that bad, but she could make your life a little difficult if she wanted to.”

  “A little difficult?” Evie said, then, “Fuck,” again.

  “Hey,” Natalie said, and put her hands on Evie’s arms. Hugging her, half-stroking her, obviously trying to be reassuring. “Are you okay?”

  Evie nodded, and tried to blow smoke past Natalie’s face. “I am for now.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Since Meredith’s going to ruin my life and everything. I am for now.”

  “It’s really not that bad,”
Natalie said. “I promise.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Evie said. “I just don’t.”

  Natalie looked at her, worried and apparently speechless.

  “Fuck,” Evie said again. “Just fuck.”

  *

  Natalie kept stroking Evie’s arms.

  “Oh god,” Evie said. “Will she do something to get back at me?”

  Natalie was uncertain. Evie could see on Natalie’s face that she was uncertain, even while she was working out how to answer. Because of that, Evie didn’t bother waiting to hear what Natalie was going to say. “She will,” Evie said. “Oh fuck, she will.”

  “I really don’t think…”

  “Of course she will,” Evie said. “Why wouldn’t she? She hates me now…”

  “No,” Natalie said. “She doesn’t. And I truly hope she won’t.”

  “Oh god,” Evie said. “You only hope?”

  “No,” Natalie said quickly. “I’m sure. I’m sure she won’t.”

  “Oh,” Evie said. She felt a little better. “Really?”

  Natalie nodded.

  “You’re sure?” Evie said. “That’s good. Sure is good.”

  “I’m mostly sure,” Natalie said.

  “Mostly?” Evie said. Mostly wasn’t nearly as reassuring.

  “I’m sorry,” Natalie said. “I’m trying to be honest. I really don’t think she will. And I’m almost sure, but not completely.”

  “How sure? Like exactly?”

  “I don’t think I can tell you exactly. I’m guessing.”

  “You know her, though. You must know what she’s likely to do.”

  Natalie seemed to be thinking.

  “Please?” Evie said. “I’m going a bit…”

  “I can see,” Natalie said. She seemed reluctant, but after a moment she said, “Meredith’s sometimes vindictive, and that could be a problem. But she also doesn’t know who you are. She doesn’t know your last name, for one thing, so that must help.”

  “Oh,” Evie said, and thought about that. Meredith didn’t know her last name, or that she was a student, or that she was about to graduate. Meredith didn’t know very much about her at all, except that she liked wearing shorts at home, and that wasn’t really anything to worry about.

  “Do you see what I mean?” Natalie said.

  “Yes,” Evie said. “Actually, I do. And that does help.”

  Natalie smiled. “Good.”

  “I’m still an idiot though,” Evie said. “For even starting it. I just didn’t think…”

  “I know.”

  “I didn’t think at all,” Evie said, not really listening to Natalie. “And then I didn’t think again. I didn’t think twice over, and that’s just stupid. I’m a complete asshole.”

  “I know, but…” Natalie kissed her. “Of course you didn’t think. You were angry on my behalf.”

  “Yep,” Evie said. “I know. I was.” She stopped and thought. “Oh, is that okay? Do you mind?”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Of course not. It’s utterly sweet.”

  Evie nodded. “Okay, well that’s good. But I’m still worried about Meredith. I shouldn’t have been so in her face.”

  “I wouldn’t worry,” Natalie said. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I know it seems bad right now, but it’s really not as awful as it seems.”

  “Should I apologise or something?”

  “I wouldn’t. Not if it was me.”

  “I will if it’ll get her to leave me alone,” Evie said.

  Natalie shook her head. “Honestly, no. It won’t help. I’d just let it be.”

  “I shouldn’t even try? What if she’s angry?”

  “Then you shouldn’t remind her she might have some way to hurt you.”

  Evie stopped and thought. “How do you mean?”

  “Until now you haven’t cared what Meredith thinks…”

  Evie nodded.

  “So don’t let that change,” Natalie said. “Don’t do anything that makes her start wondering why you’ve suddenly got all apologetic.”

  Evie sat there for a moment. “I don’t think I understand?”

  “Meredith has… preconceptions a lot. I don’t think it will occur to her that you’re a lawyer. Because, obviously, a much younger girlfriend, you have to be a waitress or a stripper or something.”

  “I am a waitress.”

  “Yes, I know,” Natalie said. “But what I meant was, just keep quiet. Keep doing what you were. Just let her forget about you, because she probably will, and fairly soon.”

  “She actually will?”

  “Hopefully. If she doesn’t, I’ll talk to her, but I think she will.”

  Evie nodded slowly.

  “I’m almost sure she’ll forget though,” Natalie said. “So don’t worry about it too much. Just concentrate on your exams for now, and we’ll untangle all this if we have to.”

  Evie nodded.

  “Is everything all right?” Natalie said. “Other than getting a fright, I mean? Are you all right other than that.”

  “Yep,” Evie said. “I think so. I think I’m just stressed and too busy studying and all that crap, and meeting her I just ended up feeling a bit shit.”

  “It’s understandable. With how she is.”

  Evie started to grin.

  “And Evie,” Natalie said. “I want you, just so you know. This, with you, I want to be having this.”

  “Oh yep. Me too. Of course.”

  “Because this thing that we have, it’s all here if we want it. The important part, the part that makes being with someone worthwhile, the part that’s there after you stop shouting and crying and that makes you keep going back and trying again, it feels like that’s there with you.”

  “Oh,” Evie said, and kissed Natalie slowly. She kissed for a while, and thought, and then said, “Me too as well. Too all of that.”

  “So I’m here, is what I meant. For as long as you need. No matter what Meredith does. I’m here, so please don’t worry.”

  Evie nodded again. “I won’t.”

  Natalie stood in front of Evie, and hugged her, and Evie slid forward so she could reach properly and hugged back. She was a little higher than usual, sitting on the counter. She was a little higher than Natalie, and if she stretched, she could rest her chin on the top of Natalie’s head. She did, for a moment, but it made her feel odd. It didn’t feel right. She moved, and pressed her face against the side of Natalie’s neck, and breathed in the smell of her, and felt better.

  *

  Evie hugged Natalie and thought. She thought hard, about Natalie and how she felt, and how much she wanted this. Natalie was right, she decided. What they had, it felt like the important parts were there, and those parts were enough. To anyone else she and Natalie might not make sense, but that didn’t really matter because to each other, they did.

  She sat there, hugging Natalie, and thinking. She thought about Natalie’s old life, oddly. Because Meredith had just been there, she supposed. Sometimes she wondered about Natalie and Meredith, and what it meant that they’d been together so long. Sometimes she was a little envious, because of all the years they’d had together, but other times she was simply glad that Natalie had put it all behind her.

  Evie thought. She thought about Meredith, and how long Meredith and Natalie had been together, and why Meredith had reacted so badly when she’d first met Evie. She thought about how Meredith had reacted.

  “Hey,” Evie said suddenly. “Um. When did you last sleep with Meredith?”

  “What?” Natalie said. “Why?”

  Evie shrugged. “I just wondered.”

  Natalie stopped hugging so she could look at Evie. “Years ago,” she said.

  “Before you broke up?”

  Natalie nodded. “Long before that. Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just wondered if she was upset because you’d kept on sleeping with her afterwards, and this was like her suddenly getting dum
ped for me or something.”

  “Oh,” Natalie said. “No, nothing like that.”

  “Good,” Evie said. “I think.”

  “You think?”

  “Well, if you’d have been happier if you had…”

  “Not really,” Natalie said. “No.”

  “You’re happier without her?”

  “Can’t you tell?” Natalie said, then, “Yes.”

  “You’re really happier now? With me?” Evie didn’t know why she needed reassuring, but some little part of her seemed to.

  “I really am,” Natalie said, and kissed her.

  “Even if I start fights I shouldn’t start with people who can ruin my life?”

  Natalie smiled. “Even then.”

  “Good,” Evie said. “I’m glad.” She kissed Natalie, then said, “I might go back to bed, after all that. I think I need some more sleep.”

  “But we’re already up,” Natalie said.

  “Yes we are,” Evie said. “And now I want to go back to bed.”

  She waited, looking at Natalie.

  “Oh,” Natalie said. “Yes. Do you want some company?”

  Evie sat where she was a moment longer, smiling just because, then she slid herself forward and off the bench. “You know what?” she said. “Actually I think I do.”

  Natalie smiled, and followed Evie into the bedroom.

  The sun was warm on the bed, and Natalie’s skin was soft and warm too. They had sex in the sun, and it was tender and drowsy and nuzzley and nice, gently fucking while holding one another. Evie had actually been quite tired, because of being awake much earlier than usual. She had been tried, but suddenly felt better after sex. It seemed to help compensate for not sleeping, which she’d never quite realized before. It was good to know though, she decided, and something she should remember for another time. Before any morning exams she ended up having, perhaps, if it helped her to think.

  She was thinking as she lay there, so it seemed that it did. She was thinking clearly, suddenly, her mind dwelling on Meredith. She lay there holding Natalie, feeling Natalie’s skin slippery warm on her own, but thinking about Meredith, despite not wanting to. She thought, and started worrying, too. She was anxious about what Natalie had said.