“And Meredith turning up,” Evie said.
Natalie looked a bit surprised, and then grinned. “Well, yes, that too.”
Evie thought for a moment. Natalie seemed quite serious. It wasn’t the most romantic way to say it, but Evie understood what she meant.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” Natalie said. “I have been a lot. It seems like a good idea to do this now, that’s all.”
“Did you practice that?” Evie said. “Because you sound like you’re in court…”
“A little,” Natalie said, and grinned.
Evie sat there for a moment, trying to decide how to answer. “I can’t afford half the rent,” she said. “There’s that.”
“What rent?” Natalie said.
“The rent I’d have to pay. I couldn’t afford half of it here. Not even close to half of it.”
“There’s no rent,” Natalie said. “I own the apartment.”
“Yeah, but if I’m living here I need to pay rent.”
“The mortgage is paid off. There isn’t anything to pay…”
“That isn’t how it works. I still need to pay.”
Natalie sighed. She sighed as if she’d expected Evie to say something like that. “There’s no rent, there’s no mortgage,” she said. “But you can pay half the water bill if you absolutely insist. How about that?”
Evie looked at her, thinking. “Why the water? Why not the power?”
“No reason,” Natalie said, but she seemed slightly guilty. She seemed as if she had actually said water on purpose. Evie thought for a moment, and decided she probably had. Evie had seen the power bills lying around, and they weren’t small.
“Oh,” Evie said. “Because the power’s a lot more.”
“Um, no,” Natalie said.
“You’re a terrible liar,” Evie said.
Natalie shrugged, and seemed almost embarrassed. “Fine,” she said. “That isn’t the point. Pay the power or the water, whatever you like.”
“I can’t afford either,” Evie said. “So it is kind of the point. I can’t pay a thing if I don’t have a job. Which I don’t have yet.”
“I know, but…” Natalie stopped, and thought. “You don’t have to pay anything,” she said. “I don’t want you to, so please don’t.”
“I have to pay something. We’ve talked about this. It sometimes seems like all we ever do is talk about this…”
“All right,” Natalie said quickly. “So pay half of something else. Pick something and pay that, whatever you like.”
“The phone?” Evie said. “That’s about all I could afford.”
“That’s fine.”
“Or the tea?” Evie said. “Maybe I could pay for that.”
Natalie grinned. “If you like.”
“You’re serious,” Evie said. “I should live here and buy tea to contribute?”
“Of course I’m serious.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Fine,” Natalie said. “Then don’t pay anything. It’s quite nice tea, anyway. It’s expensive. You probably couldn’t afford it.”
Evie sighed.
“This is your idea, remember,” Natalie said. “I don’t want you to pay anything. Not a thing until you can. It’s fine.”
Evie didn’t know what to say. She wanted to move in, she actually did, and Natalie was right that it wouldn’t really change very much about their lives. Evie wasn’t sure about not paying, though. That just didn’t seemed right. She was so not sure about it that she was close to refusing.
“Look at it this way,” Natalie said, after a moment. “A lot of things I have to pay anyway, just for me. Like the power and the water. And actually, the tea. I’d be using all of it anyway, even if you weren’t here, so what extra you use doesn’t really make a difference.”
Evie wondered if that was true. The heating and lights, she decided, it probably was, but not the water. Not hot water. She had to use more hot water just by showering. She was about to point that out.
“Don’t argue,” Natalie said. “Please. The money’s fine. Those are just details, they don’t really matter.”
“They matter.”
“Not right now. Just leave them for a second. Tell me whether you actually want to move in or not.”
Evie didn’t answer. She kept looking at Natalie.
“Please?” Natalie said. “Just tell me if you want to. We’ll work the rest out somehow.”
“I do,” Evie said. “Of course I do.
“Really?”
“I want to,” Evie said. “I promise. I just don’t know if I should.”
*
Natalie sat for a moment, thinking.
“Well?” Evie said, a little desperately.
“Well what?”
“Well, what’s your clever plan now? What amazing thing are you going to say to make me feel like this is all right?”
“Oh,” Natalie said. She looked completely blank. “Oh shit. I don’t know?”
“You must have something…”
Natalie shrugged. “Um, forget about money, think about other practicalities instead?”
“Practicalities like what?” Evie said.
“Honestly, I have no idea. That living here would probably mean you were closer to work, wherever you end up working? If it’s in the city, I mean. That would save you a commute…”
Evie looked at her. “I should move in with you to cut my travel time down?”
“Um yes, why not?”
“I don’t know, because that makes no sense at all…”
Natalie seemed to be trying not to laugh. “It’s as good a reason as most people have for deciding to live together,” she said.
Evie thought. “I really don’t know if that’s true.”
“Well, it’s practical, anyway. You said be practical.”
“And so utterly romantic.”
“Oh, well, romantic a completely different thing. You’re wonderful. You’re desperately important to me. It’s good having you here. I like you being here, I like it a lot, and I’d like to make that permanent. Romantic enough?”
“Yep,” Evie said, and kissed her. “And me too. To all of that.”
“But that isn’t enough?” Natalie said.
Evie shrugged.
Natalie sighed. “All right,” she said. “Then it seems silly for you to pay rent when you don’t need to. How about that?”
“And so romantic again,” Evie said.
“I thought you wanted practicalities. And being practical, you paying rent on a flat you don’t use is a waste of money when you’re here all the time.”
“So wasting money’s your big argument?”
“I suppose it is.”
“Which is really odd,” Evie said, trying not to smile. “Considering the huge amounts you apparently spend on tea...”
Natalie grinned. “True,” she said.
They looked at each other for a moment.
“Please?” Natalie said. “Just say yes, don’t think about it so much.”
“Maybe,” Evie said, and then thought anyway.
She thought about promises, and commitments, and what a decision now might mean, and she thought what living with Natalie might actually be like. She wanted to say yes. She wanted it so much she was almost actually scared to, mainly because she didn’t quite know what would happen next. She’d never done this before. She never even talked about moving in with someone before. She might do something wrong, she thought, because she didn’t know how, or what to expect. She might to something wrong, or something between them might change, and even if nothing actually did, nothing real, then an imaginary change might still be enough to spoil everything they had. She stopped and considered that idea. It worried her enough she almost said no on the spot.
“You’re thinking too much,” Natalie said.
“I am.”
“Please don’t,” Natalie said.
Evie nodded, and bit her lip, and thought a little more. She
thought about worries, and fears, and whether she ought not do something she wanted to do for fear of imagined consequences. She thought about Natalie’s practicalities too, without quite knowing why, about commuting and finances and wasting money on rent. Especially about rent, because for some reason that felt like a sensible reason to move in with Natalie. It was very sensible, Evie thought. It was grown-up and financially responsible, which really shouldn’t matter, except that oddly enough, it did.
“You honestly want to try this?” Evie said. “You promise that you do?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“It might just be some stupid thing you said without thinking, by mistake, that now you’re regretting?”
“By mistake?” Natalie said, surprised. “How on earth…?”
“I don’t know, you might have. Somehow.”
“Um, no.”
“You really want me to move in?” Evie said.
“I really do. More than anything I can think of.”
“Same,” Evie said. “I do too. I mean, I want to move in. A lot. Just for what that’s worth.”
Suddenly, Natalie seemed happier. “It’s worth a lot,” she said. “I’m very glad.”
Evie nodded.
“So let’s,” Natalie said.
Evie didn’t answer. She was still thinking too much. She didn’t even know how to decide something like this.
“Are you talking yourself out of it?” Natalie said.
Evie hesitated. “Um, not really.”
“Please don’t.”
“I’m not. I’m trying not to.”
“What’s wrong?” Natalie said, concerned.
“I actually don’t know. Because like you said, it doesn’t actually change anything important does it?”
“Not actually,” Natalie said. “No.”
“So then I should…”
Natalie didn’t answer. She stayed quiet, letting Evie think. Evie thought, and decided. She decided, just like that. The way to decide something impossible, she realized, was just to decide. To do what felt right.
“I should,” Evie said. “So I will.”
Natalie seemed surprised. “Oh,” she said. “Good.”
“I’d like to move in,” Evie said, wanting to be clear, to spare Natalie any confusion.
“You’ll move in?” Natalie said.
So much for being clear, Evie thought. “Yep,” she said. “I will.”
Natalie nodded, but still seemed surprised. Surprised enough that Evie suddenly felt anxious. “What?” she said. “Don’t you want me to…?”
“I do,” Natalie said. “Oh fuck, I promise I do. I swear.”
“But something’s wrong…?”
“I was just expecting it to be harder to convince you, that’s all.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Really?”
Natalie nodded.
“I don’t know that’s a good thing…” Evie said.
“It’s good. We’re good. I’m terribly glad,” Natalie said. She leaned forward, and kissed Evie. “I’m glad you are. Please don’t change your mind now.”
“I won’t,” Evie said.
Natalie grinned. “You’d better not.”
“I won’t,” Evie said again. She thought for a moment. “But, um, just in case, it might be a good idea to sort that out right now.”
“All right,” Natalie said, but didn’t seem to quite understand.
“Wait,” Evie said, and got up and found her phone. She called her flat, and got one of her housemates, and started to explain. She tried to be nice, but that just seemed awkward, so she just said it, in the end, because she wasn’t especially close with her housemates, and it was simpler that way. Evie said she was moving out, and giving notice now, but she’d pay rent until they found someone else since it would be trickier at this time of year. Her housemate said thanks and no worries, and they’d all expected it sometime, since Evie was never there anyway, which Evie supposed that made sense. She said bye, and hung up, and looked at Natalie.
She took a breath. Just like that, she thought, it was done.
“That was quick,” Natalie said. “Really very quick.”
“Yep, it was,” Evie said. “Is that okay?”
“Oh it is.”
“So now I’m moving in.”
“You absolutely are.”
“Assuming you still want me to, I mean?”
“Evie,” Natalie said. “Fuck. Of course I do.”
“Good,” Evie said. “That’s really good, because it’s way, way too late to change your mind.”
“I’m not changing my mind.”
“You’d so better not.”
“Evie, I promise. I won’t.”
“Just don’t, okay?”
Evie sat there for a moment, trying to take it all in. It meant something, she thought, even if nothing actually changed. It meant something, but she wasn’t sure what. She felt nervous, and slightly unsettled. She felt excited too. And she felt terribly glad to have Natalie, which probably mattered most of all.
*
Evie sat on the couch, next to Natalie, thinking about what she’d just decided. She felt a little panicky. It wasn’t a big deal, she tried to tell herself. It absolutely wasn’t. People moved in with each other all the time, and didn’t get upset about it. People did it all the time, she thought, but all the same, her breathing suddenly felt strangely shallow.
Natalie seemed to notice. “What’s wrong?” she said, after a moment.
“I just moved in with you.”
Natalie seemed puzzled. “Well, yes…” she said.
“I’ve never done this before,” Evie said.
“No,” Natalie said gently. “No, you haven’t. But now you are.”
Natalie had been holding one of Evie’s hands. Evie shook it free. She wasn’t quite sure why, other than she needed to squeeze it herself. She put both hands between her knees, her fingers twisted together, and pressed tightly. Natalie watched, and seemed to be wondering what to say.
“I’m thinking too much,” Evie said. “I don’t know why.”
“Do you need to think anything? Other than happy, I mean?”
“I’m not sure,” Evie said. “I shouldn’t panic, should I?”
Natalie smiled. “I wouldn’t have thought so, no.”
“It’s just that I haven’t done this before…”
“I know. You said.”
“Yeah,” Evie said, and sat there, thinking. “But what if everything suddenly goes wrong, now?”
Natalie leaned over, and put her arm around Evie’s back. She hugged Evie gently. “Nothing will go wrong.”
“It might. You don’t know. This might spoil everything between us. I might spoil everything without meaning to.”
“You won’t.”
“I might.”
“Evie,” Natalie said. “Calm down. Nothing’s going to change, not badly, anyway. I promise you it won’t.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Common sense. It hasn’t yet.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well…” Natalie said, and looked around the room. Evie didn’t understand. Natalie looked again, pointedly, and Evie suddenly realized what she meant. Natalie was seeing the scatter of Evie’s possessions that were already there, Evie’s nail-polish bottles on the coffee table and her textbooks in the kitchen, a pile of Evie’s clean laundry on a lounge-room chair, and several pairs of her shoes kicked off and abandoned beside the front door. The apartment already looked like Evie lived there. It looked like a mess, too.
“I can be tidier,” Evie said, suddenly worried again.
“What?” Natalie said. “No, not that. Fuck, Evie, what’s…”
Evie shrugged.
“Don’t be tidier,” Natalie said. “For god’s sake. Be you.”
Evie wasn’t sure what that meant.
Natalie sighed. “I didn’t mean you’re untidy,” she said. “For fuck’s sake. I meant you’ve mostly
already moved in. We’ve been doing this for months, so all we’re doing right now is making it official. Everything’s going to be fine.”
Evie sat there for a moment. “But all the same…” she began.
“All the same nothing,” Natalie said. “Everything will be fine. I promise.”
Evie looked around the room, and decided Natalie was right. Once she began thinking about it, there was more of hers here than just what she could see. More than just her clothes and books lying around. She knew the grain bread she preferred was out in the kitchen, and shows she’d planned to watch were recorded for the TV. She lived here, she thought, even if she hadn’t noticed it until now. So whatever seemed to have just changed, really nothing had at all. Really, everything was the same as it had been an hour ago. Natalie was right, she decided. All that was actually different was the label they happened to put on themselves.
Evie started to feel better. “Sorry,” she said, after a moment.
Natalie shrugged. “It’s fine.”
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m not. I’m very carefully not.”
“Thank you,” Evie said. She sat a little longer. “Okay,” she said. “I think I’m done worrying.”
“Good,” Natalie said, and kissed her, and Evie kissed her back.
“I live here now,” Evie said into Natalie’s mouth, still quite amazed by that.
Natalie stopped kissing. “And I’m terribly happy that you do.”
“I feel like I should start changing everything around,” Evie said. “Make demands about decorating or something.”
“You can if you like.”
“Maybe the curtains?” Evie said.
Natalie turned and looked at them, surprised. “What’s wrong with the curtains?”
“Nothing’s wrong with them. Just, I could change them if I wanted to.”
“Oh, yes. Of course you can. We’ll get new curtains if you like.”
“Nah,” Evie said. “They’re fine. We never use them, anyway.”
Natalie grinned. “Well, you can if you want to. In fact, do anything you like. Paint things and knock out walls and move everything around.”
Evie's Job Page 50
