She hesitated, then decided. Nigel wasn’t really a friend, just an acquaintance who happened to work next to her. He wasn’t an especially nice person, either. He was rude and bossy and quite full of himself. He always seemed to be the one who ended up saying mean things to people, like he just had to Evie.
Evie would do what she had to.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Evie said, giving Nigel a last chance.
He ought to have understood. He ought to have let it go. He didn’t. He made it worse. “You’re only still here because of your girlfriend,” he said.
“I’m here because I billed more,” Evie said. “And worked harder. And I’m a better lawyer than you.”
Nigel opened his mouth, and Evie was scared for a moment, expecting him to say something truly awful. Then he slumped. He stood there, silently, looking miserable, looking like he was going to cry.
Rachel said something, perhaps, “Oh god,” and a few nearby people looked away.
Evie ignored them, and stood where she was, glaring at Nigel, waiting to see what he did. It was cruel, unnecessarily cruel. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done. It was like being in court, being the centre of attention, except she was in front of people she saw every day. People who were probably thinking the same thing as Nigel had just said, and who would be whispering it to one another as soon as their office doors were closed.
Evie wanted to say sorry to Nigel. She wanted to say she hadn’t meant it, and he would be all right. She couldn’t, though. Not once it was said. Instead, she stood there, and looked at Nigel, and waited.
After a moment, still looking wretched, he walked away.
From that moment, Evie knew, she’d probably have a reputation as some kind of ruthless, heartless bitch. She’d have a reputation like Meredith’s, as someone tough, someone terrifying, someone not to cross. She wasn’t entirely happy about that, but she didn’t really care. It was better than being the one who had her job because she was sleeping with Natalie.
She didn’t care about any of that, though, not really, not now it was done. She was safe, and that was all that mattered. She was going to keep her job.
She went back into her office and closed the door and sat down at her desk. After a few minutes Rachel came in and gave her some files and smiled. They were files Evie didn’t need, and which Rachel knew she didn’t need, but Rachel was trying to act normally, Evie assumed, and show Evie some support.
Evie was grateful. She smiled back. “Are they talking about me?” she said.
“Of course not,” Rachel said, but Evie didn’t quite believe her. Probably they were talking. Probably some people would dislike her now.
Evie thought for a moment, and decided she didn’t care.
*
Evie stayed at work until after seven, assuming it wasn’t the best day to be seen leaving early. She didn’t hear from Natalie again, but wasn’t really expecting to, so she wasn’t too alarmed.
She went home, and warmed a frozen packet dinner, and drank some of Natalie’s expensive wine without really tasting it or knowing what it was. She felt a little strange. Happy and relieved and miserable, all at the same time. She tried watching TV, but found she couldn’t concentrate, so she switched it off again. Oddly, after the day she’d just had, she actually felt like working. She’d feel better if she was distracted by work, she thought, and she’d also feel better if she was sitting in the kitchen. She would feel comfortable and safe, like she had been a year ago, when she was studying for her exams and things like mass-redundancies didn’t happen.
She wasn’t really sure what else to do, so in the end she did that. She went and sat at the kitchen table and sipped wine and read papers from work.
Natalie got home about ten. She put her briefcase down and took off her jacket and came over and kissed Evie. She didn’t say anything, just kissed Evie and then sat down. She looked exhausted.
Evie went and got a second glass from a cupboard. She poured wine, and pushed the glass over to Natalie.
“Thank you,” Natalie said, and drank a little.
“Are you okay?” Evie said. “You look a bit shattered.”
“I’m all right. Are you?”
“I got a fright,” Evie said. “That’s all. Not knowing whether I’d get to stay or not. It wasn’t much fun”
“Yes,” Natalie said. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t say anything to you.”
“I know.”
“I couldn’t. I would have, but…”
“We aren’t like that?”
“Well, yes,” Natalie said, and sipped her wine.
It was true, Evie thought. She’d been thinking about it off and on all day. Natalie could have told her, it would have been the easiest thing in the world for Natalie to do, but she didn’t, and wouldn’t have, because Evie had made it clear she didn’t want any special help. Evie had always insisted on that, so Natalie would have had no reason to think Evie wanted her to do anything different now.
“It’s fine,” Evie said. “I understand.”
Natalie nodded. “Thank you.”
They sat a little longer.
“And anyway,” Evie said. “I worked it out on my own.” For some reason she wanted Natalie to know that she had. “I came up to see you, and you weren’t there.”
Natalie seemed confused. “I’m often not…”
“And none of the either partners were either.”
“Oh,” Natalie said. “Yes, of course.”
“I didn’t say anything to anyone,” Evie said. “I just waited.”
“Thank you,” Natalie said. “For that, too.”
Evie shrugged.
Natalie leaned over, and kissed her again, and then drank a little more wine. “Sorry about coming downstairs,” she said. “Almost coming downstairs. That would have made things awkward, but I was worried about you and didn’t really think.”
“Nah, it’s fine. I didn’t either until Rachel said you were on the way.”
“How was it, down there?”
“Awful,” Evie said, then hesitated. “Um, are you asking as my girlfriend or as my boss?”
“I’m not your boss.”
“You know what I mean,” Evie said.
“As one of the people who did it to them?”
Evie looked at Natalie, and wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. She wasn’t sure if Natalie wanted the truth, or simply reassurance. Natalie almost seemed guilty, Evie thought, which seemed a little odd, because she must have had to make decisions like this before. Perhaps it was because this time Evie had been involved.
“Honestly?” Evie said.
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t good,” Evie said. “It was kind of disruptive. Was that really the best way to do it?”
“The consultants said it was. That it was better all at once, without any warning, and just getting it done. Instead of making announcements and then leaving people worrying for weeks.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Yes, I suppose so.”
“We thought it made sense.”
“Oh, it makes sense. I get it completely. It makes a lot of sense, right up until you’re in stuck the middle of it.”
Natalie nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Evie sat there, looking at her wine. “I didn’t know if I was going or not,” she said. “That scared me a little.”
“I’m sorry,” Natalie said again.
“I was really scared.”
“You shouldn’t have been. You were always going to be all right. I couldn’t tell you, but you were.”
“Because of you?”
“No.”
“Promise me?” Evie said.
“That I didn’t interfere?”
“That it was fair, I suppose. That I got through it on my own, because I’m a good lawyer and I work hard.” She was thinking about Nigel. For some reason it mattered to her that what she’d said to him had actually been right. It would be awful to be cruel, and also wrong. “Promise me it wa
sn’t just you.”
“I didn’t,” Natalie said. “It wasn’t. I promise.”
“And no-one else did either? No-one I’ve met? No-one who knows you?”
“Not as far as I know,” Natalie said.
Evie looked up, suddenly wary. That was a very careful, very lawyer answer. Evie looked at Natalie, and wondered if she should point that out.
Natalie not knowing didn’t mean Natalie didn’t assume. It didn’t mean she hadn’t got her suspicions. Natalie might take it for granted that people had sat in a room with a list and looked at each other and said, no, not Evie, and then made certain Natalie never found out. Or Natalie might have left a meeting just as the name on a list right above Evie’s was being considered, and then come back in as they discussed the name below Evie’s, and not asked what had happened in between or why. There were a lot of reasons why as far as Natalie knew wasn’t nearly the same thing as no, and Evie suddenly wasn’t sure she cared. Not any more. Not after all this had all happened. She really didn’t care what Natalie had done, and what Natalie knew. It just wasn’t important, any more.
She leaned over, and kissed Natalie. A proper kiss, for half a minute, with her mouth open, breathing, tasting wine.
“What’s that for?” Natalie said, when Evie stopped.
Evie shrugged. “Don’t know. Just because.”
Then she kissed Natalie again.
“Did you eat yet?” Evie said, after a moment, wondering if she should warm something up.
“I did earlier,” Natalie said.
“You’re not still hungry?”
Natalie shook her head.
Evie refilled both their wine glasses, and then leaned on Natalie, thinking. “Not much work got done this afternoon,” she said, just for something to say.
“I imagine,” Natalie said. “Although it doesn’t really matter. They’ll all bill for that time anyway.”
Evie nodded.
“Although…” Natalie said, then hesitated.
Evie looked at her.
“I shouldn’t say this,” Natalie said. “But make sure people do bill. Make sure you do, and anyone else you’re friendly with.”
“Okay,” Evie said. “Um, why?”
“Because it’ll be noticed if you don’t.”
“Yes,” Evie said. “But why? Why does it matter right now?”
Natalie didn’t answer. She looked at her wine, quite deliberately. Evie thought for a moment, thought carefully, and then understood. “Oh,” she said. “It isn’t over yet?”
Natalie still didn’t answer.
“It isn’t, is it?” Evie said. “The layoffs?”
Natalie shook her head.
“Oh god,” Evie said, suddenly feeling helpless again.
“They didn’t tell you?” Natalie said. “There hasn’t been some kind of announcement?”
“Not to me.”
Natalie seemed surprised. “I didn’t know,” she said. “That’s wrong. It’s not what we all agreed. They should have…” She stopped, and sat there for a moment, thinking. She seemed torn. “Fuck,” she said. “I’m sorry. I just can’t really talk to you about this…”
“I know,” Evie said. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not really.”
“Of course if it.”
“No,” Natalie said. “No it isn’t. This is you. I should tell you if you want me to. I will if you ask.”
“No,” Evie said. “Don’t. I’m not asking.”
Natalie looked at her. “Are you sure?”
“Completely,” Evie said. Sharing secrets from work wasn’t what they’d ever done. It wasn’t what any lawyer could do, not really. “I’m sure,” she said.
Natalie nodded. She sipped her wine, and kept looking at Evie. She reached over and squeezed Evie’s hand. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“It isn’t your fault. It’s just… us.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“I know.”
They were both quiet for a moment.
“I won’t ask about work any more,” Evie said. “I mean, ever. Until this is over. I just won’t ask in case you feel pressured or something, okay?”
“Thank you.”
“But I do think I should ask about us.”
Natalie nodded. “Of course.”
“It’s just, I never ask about money,” Evie said. “I never have before, I mean. Because, I don’t know, we don’t seem to do that. But I’m going to now. I really think I should now.”
“All right.”
“Is that okay?”
Natalie shrugged a little. “Go ahead.”
“Well,” Evie said. “Is everything okay? About money? With money? I mean, is there anything I should know?”
“For us, you mean? Not for the firm?”
“Of course for us,” Evie said. “For you, really.”
“The firm’s earnings are down a lot.”
Evie thought for a moment, trying to work that out. She couldn’t. “I don’t know what that means.”
“There won’t be bonuses. All the partners’ pay will be down. I’ll only get my base salary.”
Evie still wasn’t completely sure what Natalie was telling her. “Is that, well, bad? I don’t actually know how much you earn, so…”
“It means I earn a lot less this year.”
“How much is a lot less?”
Natalie hesitated. “Most of it.”
“Oh,” Evie said, feeling oddly helpless. “Fuck, I didn’t realize.”
“I didn’t tell you.”
“Well you should have.”
“I am now.”
Evie thought about clothes and dinners and wine that cost far more than it needed to. “Sorry,” she said. “If I’d known…”
“It hasn’t mattered until now.”
Evie thought. She didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure how bad Natalie was saying things were. “Are we really going to be okay?” she said, still worried.
“I think so,” Natalie said. “In the end.”
Evie wondered what that meant. “Natalie,” she said, anxiously. “I…”
“We should be fine,” Natalie said. “Everything should be fine. That’s what today was about.”
“Saving the partner’s bonuses?”
“No,” Natalie said. “Evie, fuck… Saving the firm.”
Evie was a little surprised. “Is it that bad?”
“For the firm?”
“Not for the firm. Is it that bad for you?”
Natalie sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s bad. It’s bad for both, really. I mean, obviously it’s bad for the firm, but I’m completely tied up with the firm. My capital is there, and my income is mostly from there, so if the firm goes under…”
“Oh,” Evie said. “Fuck.”
Evie didn’t really understand how partnership agreements worked, because she’d never needed to know. She understood about a partnership’s unlimited liability, though, and the part about bad was fairly clear. The situation was bad, and Natalie was worried, and that was all Evie needed to know.
She started thinking about money. Actually thinking about it, for the first time since she’d moved in with Natalie. She’d got carried away, she thought. She’d been careless for no real reason except that she could. She’d spent a lot on nice clothes that she didn’t actually wear because she was always at work in suits. She’d spent more on shoes that were too high or fun or sexy for work, and she didn’t wear them either. She bought her lunch most days, and not just bought it, but went to the restaurants Natalie liked, and which Evie had got used to eating at too. Expensive restaurants, which Evie couldn’t have afforded on her actual salary. She belonged to two gyms, one near home and one near work, which was convenient but also completely wasteful, and she’d never really thought about it because Natalie paid the membership fees. She’d never really thought about any of it, she realized, but it all added up. She had wasted a lot of money since she’d started working, wasted it ju
st because it was just there. It was what you expected to do when you got your first job, she thought, and that was all very well, but she’d ended up spending far more than was reasonable, more than she actually had, because she’d never actually started paying her share of the household expenses. Natalie had let her, and what was worse, Natalie still paid for everything now. She shouldn’t have let that happen, Evie decided. It ought to end right now.
“I’ll cut back on what I spend,” Evie said. “I can cut back a lot.”
“You don’t need to, not yet.”
“I will. I should have months ago. And you should have said something before now.”
Natalie shrugged.
“I’ll start paying my share here, too,” Evie said.
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to. I will.”
“If you like,” Natalie said. “But don’t get carried away. Don’t actually make things hard for yourself.”
“Why not, if I want to?”
“Because there’s no need. Because you should still have some fun. But mostly because we spend quite a lot, so you making yourself suffer might not make that much difference.”
“Oh,” Evie said, realizing that was true. She thought about under-floor heating and expensive restaurants, and then, quite suddenly, about car parks. Car parks were as much a part of this as anything else. Parking was expensive in the city, and Evie knew that perfectly well. She knew because she drove past the signs of prices at the gates. She knew, but she’d never actually thought where her reserved space came from, because Natalie always paid the monthly fee. She thought about cars, and then about taxis, and how she sometimes got a taxi home from work just because her feet hurt after a day in heels. That was something she should stop, as well. She ought to just take comfortable shoes to work and change to walk home, like everyone else. She ought not even have a car, and a parking space, and taxi rides, when she lived ten minutes walk from her work.
“I’ll help,” Evie said. “I’ll give you money anyway, and start cutting back what I spend too.”
Evie's Job Page 53
