“Yes. Oh my God, it’s amazing. You’re amazing…”
“We’re not done yet, April.” He started to move, slow and methodically at first, but soon, his pace was quick and sharp. My pussy clenched and convulsed around him as I made the ascent again. I held on to him, wanting this to last forever. Wanting this to not be the one and only time we did this. Wanting him to love me as I loved him.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come…April…come with me…are you close?” He plunged in, and my entire body went taut as I hit the pinnacle of pleasure and then spiraled out.
1
Jude – Eight Years Later
I stood looking out of the hotel window over the city of Bismarck, North Dakota. It was familiar and yet also different. When I’d left eight years ago, I had every intention of coming back. Of making a life here. Of having a family here. Of being with April. But, it turns out that saying about best laid plans is true. My plans went awry almost as soon as I left. And so, I hadn’t come back. Not until now.
I looked over the city streets, unable to stop the thoughts of April and whether she was down there. Was she shopping? Working? Was she married? That last thought made my stomach twist. The truth was, I never got over her. No matter how hard I tried. Once it was clear that she and I didn’t have a future, I focused on my life and career, but she was never far from my mind. Especially in dark quiet moments, like now, she’d shimmer into my brain like a mirage.
Fuck, I’d loved her. After eight years away, much of it deployed in the military, I still loved her. Cupid was a fucking sadist. He had to be. Why would he make me fall for my best friend’s sister? A young woman from a good family with means wouldn’t really love someone like me. I’d had nothing to offer her. And while she said she didn’t care about that, I knew that if we ran off, her family wouldn’t have approved. Her brother August would have made sure of that.
I should have recognized that April and I weren’t meant to be from the beginning. I suspect I had, but ignored it when it was clear she had feelings for me. The truth was, I’d wanted her long before she set me up and seduced me one weekend eight years ago.
When I’d first met her, she was just August’s kid sister. Over time, we became friendly and she grew from an annoying kid into a luscious young woman. I remember the first time I lusted after her. Me and August were at the river swimming, and over with a group of girls, I saw a young woman with fantastic curves. I immediately headed over to talk to her. When she turned around, it was April, and I nearly swallowed my tongue. I knew the rules. It was wrong to want her when I was nineteen. It was against the bro code to think of August’s sister as anything but a friend. And yet, that same night she showed up in my dreams, giving me the wet dream of a lifetime.
For the next two years, I’d been successful at not touching her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t fall for her sense of humor and strength, or that I didn’t have many more wet dreams after that first night. I’d been coping with hiding my attraction to her, and then she asked me to take her virginity. I tried to say no, but I couldn’t. For two years I’d denied myself, and I couldn’t any longer.
When I’d finished fucking her that first time, I thought that would be it. But then we talked, and she confessed her feelings and I, strangely as I wasn’t one to spill my emotional guts, admitted that I cared for her too. And so, we embarked on a secret love affair. It was the best few months of my life.
Looking back, I had many sweet feelings about our time together, but also, sadness that I hadn’t seen how doomed our relationship had been. Carrying on in secret, at first, held a certain thrill, but then I didn’t like that we were hiding our feelings because there was something wrong about us loving each other. She agreed, and yet, I was the one who could pull the trigger on coming out with our relationship.
Then there was the thought of having to be away from her while she went to college. Now that she knew about sex, would it be easier to fall for and be with someone else? Someone in her own social status? Someone who was going to college and would likely make something of himself. She deserved all that and wasn’t going to get it from me. I was a poor kid who would be a laborer like my father and his father before him. I had the smarts, but I didn’t have the money or support.
The final straw that broke our relationship came after August found out about us. He flipped out even bigger than I’d have expected. It made me realize that even though he acted like my friend, he actually saw me as less than because I came from the wrong side of town. He told me I wasn’t worthy of her and he was right. But hearing it from him, lit something in my gut. I could find a way to be worthy, couldn’t I? As it turns out, that thinking was a mistake, because I decided that the best way for me to show my worth was in joining the military. I enlisted in the Navy and asked April to wait for me. It would only be four years. I’d get experience and a skill, while she attended college and then we could be together again. She promised she would wait for me. Like an idiot, I believed her.
And then her letter came. I suppose I couldn’t blame her for not waiting or thinking we weren’t a good fit. We came from different backgrounds. She was still so young, only eighteen. She’d have her choice of men in college. There she could find a sure thing, whereas I was a gamble.
Even knowing that, knowing that it was probably the right choice for her, it fucking hurt to learn she didn’t love me anymore. It was a reminder that despite the fact that I’d fallen for her long before she seduced me, I should have never given in. I should have never touched her. I should have never spent time with her after that, loving her, making plans for the future with her. It had disaster written all over it, and I willingly jumped into it.
A knock on the door interrupted my reverie.
I went to open it.
“Hey man. I’m next door.” Cyrus was my current best buddy. We were SEALs together, forming a brotherhood that we were holding onto now that we were both out of the military. He was from Chicago originally, but when we decided to get out of the military and start our own security consulting business, I convinced him to come to Bismarck. As I reflected on all the pain I’d experienced here, I wondered why. Was I hoping to see April and fix the past? Or did I want to see August and show him my success as a big fuck you middle finger to how he treated me?
“Are you hungry? Is there anything good to eat in North Dakota?” Cyrus asked, raiding my minifridge.
I smirked. So maybe Bismarck wasn’t Chicago, but it wasn’t without good food or fun.
“There’s a good place down the street.” I hoped it was still there. “Best burger and brew in town.”
“Let’s go then.” He downed the mini-bottle of booze.
“You owe me twelve bucks for that.” I said grabbing my jacket, and heading out the door with him.
“Consider it coming out of our petty cash. Business expense.” He grinned and I had to laugh.
Growing up in poverty, we lived in a neighborhood where many of the boys were troublemakers. While not all ended up in jail, many did flunk out of school. For me, school was a sanctuary away from two parents who hated each other and usually took it out on me. I was a bit of an oddball at school because while I was athletic, I didn’t fit into the jock crowd. I was smart, but the nerds were afraid of me, until August. I’d stepped in to stop a bully from laying him flat our freshman year, and from then on we were friends. Or so I thought. Granted, I fucked his sister, but I loved her. It wasn’t like I disrespected her.
In the military, I had the order I craved, and I found camaraderie that made me realize I didn’t know what a friend was until I’d met these people. Cyrus was a true friend. He was proving it now by trusting me to build our business in North Dakota instead of Chicago.
“It’s hard to believe this is the capital. It’s so small,” Cyrus said, as we walked down the street.
I rolled my eyes. “The size is the charm. Big city appeal but small-town charm. If you want big, you have to go to Fargo.”
“Ut uh, I saw th
at movie.”
I snorted. “I saw Chicago too. Are you going to start singing and dancing?”
“Better than ending up in a woodchipper.”
I supposed he was right. We arrived at the restaurant, which looked exactly the same except for the hostess who greeted us. She wasn’t someone I’d known before. “Two?”
“Yep. Can we have a booth?” I asked.
She scanned the restaurant. “Yeah, sure. Follow me.” She showed us to our booth, handing us a menu. “Your waitress will be here to take your drink order in a minute.”
“Great. Thanks,” I said, looking over the menu. The actual menus themselves were different, but the food listed on them hadn’t changed a bit. I was already salivating over the jalapeño burger and fries.
I was reconsidering my choice of the smoky BBQ burger, when the hairs on my arms stood up and my heart rate shot to racing as a sweet floral scent filled my nostrils.
My head jerked up toward the woman approaching us. My breath stalled in my lungs as April stepped up to the table. Jesus she was even more beautiful than I remembered. Her dark hair was pulled back, with loose tendrils falling around her face. She looked at me with shock showing in her hazel eyes.
After my initial surprise, my first thought was why was she waiting tables? Had August found a way to take her trust? Had he tossed her out leaving her with nothing? Guilt lanced in my gut that I wasn’t here to help her if that was the case.
“April,” I managed to croak out.
Her wide hazel eyes were locked on to mine. A range of emotions crossed her face. I was feeling them all as well. Pain. Longing. Anger. Desire. Grief. But more than anything, I felt like I’d been waiting to see her for the last eight years. This was why I was back. I had to resolve my feelings with April. I’d spent the last eight years in a limbo and now it was time to either fix what broke between us, or move on. As I looked into her beautiful yet sad eyes, I realized that what I really wanted was her and how we’d been. Outside of the military, she’d been the only person I felt had really known me and loved me. It didn’t seem to matter that in actual fact she didn’t love me. I was here to find her. To make good on the promise I’d made to her to come back for her.
2
April
The last time I saw Jude Mason, he was leaving but promising he’d be back and begging me to wait. At the time, I didn’t want him to leave. My life had been turned upside down, and he was the only rock keeping me tethered to earth. Even so, I knew he had to go if he and I would ever have a future together. I reasoned that I’d be in college the next four years, and so I could wait for him, keeping myself busy until he returned and we could go off to have the life we dreamed of.
But that’s not what happened.
Right after Jude and I got together, life seemed so perfect. I was living a fairy tale as he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me too. We hadn’t yet figured out how to tell August, but we thought we had time.
And then my world went black. First, my parents were killed in a freak accident on one of their weekend trips away. I was devastated. Sure, I was an adult, but there was so much I still needed to learn. I needed my parents with me. Even now, at twenty-six, I often wish they were here to consult with on life’s challenges. Or better yet, I wish they were here to tell Auggie to chill.
August assumed control of our parent’s assets and a trust for us, and while he was good at managing the money, it made him terrible as a brother. I understood that he saw himself as being responsible for me now that our parents were gone, but he was so controlling of everything I did. When he found out about me and Jude, I thought his head would explode. I couldn’t believe the things he’d said about Jude. They were supposed to be best friends, but he told me Jude wasn’t good enough for me. That he wouldn’t amount to anything.
When Jude told me that he had to go away to make something of himself, I knew that was August’s doing. I went along with Jude’s plan because I figured I’d be busy in college, but then I was dealt another blow.
I was pregnant.
Of all the challenges I went through eight years ago, having a child was the one bit of sunshine. Oh sure, I was terrified to discover I was pregnant, but Maya was the sweetest child. She brought so much joy to my otherwise lackluster life.
But of course, August used my unplanned pregnancy against me saying it proved I was too immature to run my own life. He said I couldn’t go off to college pregnant, so stayed in Bismarck and got my AA at local community college, and my BA through an online college. When I finished, August gave me a job in his recently formed accounting firm. I appreciated the job, but it allowed him to continue to control me at home and work.
Now, eight years later, he still treated me as that eighteen-year-old kid. I’d tried several times to get out from under him. I’d taken a second job as a waitress to earn “escape money.” I’d earn enough to get a place for me and Maya. But I couldn’t keep up with the job as I felt guilty about the time it took away from Maya, and having to lie to August about where I was when I wasn’t home. Eventually, I just accepted my lot in life. I couldn’t complain too much. I had a roof over my head and a wonderful daughter.
Tonight, I was back at the restaurant covering for a sick waitress as I sometimes did. The extra money allowed me to do something fun with Maya since August was such a miser and didn’t like my spending extra money. What I hadn’t expected was to see Jude. All of a sudden, out of the blue, he was here. Why?
A part of me wondered if I’d ever see him again. But now that he was here, I realized that in truth, I thought he’d never come back. He’d gone out in the world and found a life that didn’t include me.
Seeing him was a blow to the gut. His hair was shorter and he seemed harder, not just in his body build, but in his face. I wondered what he’d seen in his military career that made him seem dangerous. My heart filled with residual emotion from eight years ago. All the love and hate and pain vied for attention in my chest. The pain and hate won as I remembered how he promised to come back and never did. Not even when I wrote to tell him I was pregnant.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted out, as if he was ruining everything. He sort of was. I’d resigned myself to my lot in life. I didn’t need him here reminding me of what I could have had.
“We’re getting a bite to eat and a few beers.”
That’s not what I meant and he knew it. But took him at his word, giving him the list of beers we had, and when he and his friend ordered, I left to get them. I set their beers on the table and left, heading outside to get some air. I needed to get myself sorted.
What hell was he doing back in Bismarck? I figured when he never responded to my letters, he was done with me and this place. He left to build a life on his terms. A life that didn’t include me or our child. I could only imagine that he figured August would take care of me and Maya, which he did, but I often felt like I was in a prison. Like August was still punishing me for being with Jude. Thank God he didn’t hold it over Maya.
“Are you alright?”
I spun around to Jude’s deep voice. I slapped on a fake smile. “Yes. Just getting air. Are you and your friend ready to order?”
He studied me. “It’s good to see you, April. You look good.”
While his features seemed darker, I could see the warmth in his eyes that he meant his words. They made me long for the time when he and I were happy.
“What are you doing back in Bismarck?” I asked him.
“I just retired from the Navy and decided to come home to open a security consulting firm with my friend inside.”
I swallowed as I realized he was intending to stay. But he wasn’t back for me and Maya. He hadn’t even asked about her. Did he forget that I wrote and told him I was pregnant? Did he think my claim that I was pregnant was a fake ploy to bring him home as August said he would? At the time, I was sure Jude would believe me, but eventually I came to think that August was right. Either he thought I was lying to bring h
im home, or he didn’t care. Once Jude got out, he never looked back.
My conscience told me that even though he’s walked away from us, he needed to know about Maya. At the same time, the petty part of me said that I had told him about the baby and he’d ignored it. That had been his answer. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to be a father. There was no reason for me to bring her up now.
“I hope your business is successful. Shall we go back in and I’ll take your order?” If I was lucky, this would be the last I’d see of him. Bismarck was big enough that I could avoid him especially if I stopped covering shifts here.
He held the door open for me and we went back inside.
“April, this is Cyrus Blake. Cy, this is the sister of an old friend of mine.”
I flinched slightly that he was referring to me as August’s friend and not a former girlfriend. It put everything in perspective. For the last eight years, I’d always wondered if all those promises he made were real. Now I knew they weren’t. To him, I was August’s sister. I wondered if he even remembered that he and I had a fling one summer.
A part of me wished I could go back and be smarter about the day I seduced Jude. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it at all, but then I wouldn’t have Maya, and I couldn’t imagine that. So I had to forgive the young girl I’d been who believed in fairy tales and love when she asked Jude to take her virginity. I’d been so sure he’d respected me and wouldn’t hurt me. But I’d been wrong. On that August had been right too. No wonder he thought I couldn’t manage my own life.
That was then and this was now, I reminded myself. Maybe seeing Jude was the kick in the butt I needed to put my life right. I didn’t want Maya growing up with a mother who’d sacrificed her dreams. I wanted her to see a strong, powerful woman making her own way, not being bossed around by her older brother. We didn’t need August or Jude.
Eight Long Years: A Second Chance Secret Baby Romance (Heart of Hope Book 5) Page 2
