by Ian Withrow
Lauren's discomfort grew, her father's voice was deeply laced with emotion. She could hear his voice crack as he finally opened up to her about the worries that must have plagued him since Gabriel was born. Maybe before. She wasn't used to seeing him this vulnerable, it was frightening. Her father had always been her rock, a grounded place in an uncertain world.
“I'll do it, dad, don't worry. I’ll watch him.” she replied, hoping to stem the tide of emotion.
Gabriel had to be seen regularly, especially when he was this young. The doctors at St. Mary’s told them fetal alcohol syndrome could cause all kinds of unexpected issues, and that close monitoring was the best prevention.
John smiled at her.
It wasn't the weak, forced smile of his wife, but one filled with genuine pride in his 'little girl.' He reached out for a hug, and they embraced.
Once again he was her rock, and some of her anxiety was laid to rest.
Lauren helped her father move Gabriel and his crib back into her parents’ room and then headed to bed herself.
Sleep eluded her.
She pulled out her phone and shot a quick text to Erin, an expert at putting Lauren more at ease.
Hey.
Erin knew her well enough to respond quickly to the single word message. A tiny bubble popped up immediately telling her that “Er-bear” was typing.
Hey, everything ok?
Yes/No. Dad's taking mom to see a counselor tomorrow. I won't be at school, taking Gabriel to the doctor about 1.
Unsurprisingly, Erin jumped at Lauren's unspoken invitation.
Want company?
Gonna skip? Just for me? :p
Course I will, wanna bring him over in the am? Can hang here a while...?
Deal, see you at 8?
Psh, I love you, but I'm sleeping in. See you at 10..30? ;)
Love it, ok sleeping beauty.
Just what I needed, Lauren thought to herself as she snuggled deep into her blanket and drifted off. Erin lifted her spirits every time.
Lauren woke with a start, unsure of what had roused her from her sleep. Her bedroom was dark, lit only by the dim, silvery light of the moon. A gentle tapping at her window startled her further, eliciting a startled squeak.
Erin's shadowy form was outlined against the glass. She waved before quickly tucking her hands under her armpits, clearly chilled.
Lauren slipped out of bed, goosebumps raising on her bare legs in the cool air as she walked to the the window and slid it open as quietly as she could.
“What are you doing here?”
“Working on my tan.”
Lauren stifled her laughter. It certainly wasn’t the first time erin had visited her in the dead of night, though their midnight walks usually took place in warmer weather.
“Get out here you tart, I'm freezing my ass off.”
Lauren looked down at herself, her boyshorts and tanktop were hardly warm enough to brave the cold.
“Let me throw some pants on, one sec.”
Erin let out a dramatic sigh, rolling her eyes.
“If you must.”
Minutes later the two were crossing Lauren's yard. A comfortable quiet followed the young women into the woods. They walked close together, warding off the weather as they strolled beneath the branches. This first twenty minutes or so were spent in a cozy silence, but as Lauren's mind woke up, her brow creased.
“So, you're worried that your parents are gonna split huh?”
Lauren was no longer surprised at how well Erin could read her mood, and pick out what she was thinking. A simple nod was all she needed as confirmation.
“Look, Lauren,” Erin paused along the path, her face bright with the moon’s light. “I'm always going to be here for you, ok? No matter what happen. Besides, you're tough. You're going to be ok.”
Lauren paused as well.
“I know, I'm just. I can't help but feel like...”
“Like maybe it's your fault?”
“Yeah.”
Lauren turned to continue down the path with a defeated hunch in her shoulders, but Erin stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. Lauren turned back to her and was surprised by a swift, firm hug from her normally reserved companion.
After a moment of shock, Lauren returned the embrace. She was acutely aware of the heat of her friend's body, even through the fabric of their jackets. Lauren knew the danger, it was an electric hum in her mind. Erin's bouncing curls, only a few inches from Lauren's face, smelled of sweet flowers and spices.
Every rustling leaf, every gently creaking branch, stood out sharply in Lauren's mind. She was just about to speak when Erin pulled away and turned back down the path.
“Thanks,” Lauren said simply, striding quickly to catch up after a brief pause.
“For what?”
Erin's smile was beautifully infectious, it lit up her whole face.
“For the hug,” Lauren said with an exaggerated eye roll. She took a risk and nudged her friend playfully.
“Oh no, that was all for me,” Erin laughed at Lauren's look of confusion and nudged her back.
“You walk too damn fast! You're like a gazelle when you worry, I just needed a break.”
“Ah, is that so!”
Their banter continued as the two pushed deeper into the woods. Lauren found herself hoping that her friend was only kidding, and thanked the darkness for covering the red in her face.
The next morning dawned cool and foggy. The late summer heat had started to give way to chilly nights and cooler days these past few weeks, but the humidity remained. They were left with thick fog banks that floated like ghosts in the early hours before the sun burned them away.
Lauren loved it, they way the fog blanketed the landscape and created a deafening silence. She glanced down at her watch, it was only 7:04, she was two miles into her morning run and still felt energetic, so she decided to push past her usual turnaround point. Her feet carried her deeper into the woods than she usually went, and she embraced the peaceful solitude. In her mind she was running through a primordial forest that had never seen a footprint. It was easy enough to believe in the silent, magical landscape of misty trees. At 7:25 her alarm beeped and reluctantly she turned and headed for home. Her footfalls were nearly silent as she padded back towards her house, more at peace than she had in a very long time.
Lauren peeled out of her sweat-slick clothes and tossed them to the floor as she stepped into the shower. Her muscles burned from the abuse of eight long miles. Steaming hot water soon soothed her tight calves and her breathing and heart rate returned to their normal levels, leaving her only the endorphins of a runner's high.
Her spirits were soaring, a welcome change from the gloom she had felt lately. As she tried to put a finger on exactly what had changed, her thoughts turned to Erin. To their moonlit escapade. To the warmth of her embrace, a risk she'd only dreamed of taking a few short years ago. Her cheeks flushed at the unbidden thought, and she felt a shy smile cross her lips. Shaking her head in the steamy haze, she turned the water cooler to clear her mind.
She was whistling as she emerged from the bathroom, eliciting a look of surprise followed by raised eyebrows from her father as he sipped his morning coffee.
He was wearing a tie, highly unusual. Lauren snorted with laughter as she walked dripping across the room, wrapped in a towel and putting her hair up into a makeshift turban with another.
“Just what are you laughing about young lady,” he chided jokingly.
Good, he was in a good mood too.
“Nothing father dearest,” she replied, adopting a silly British accent.
“Very good, carry on,” he followed suit. “Pip pip!”
“Pip pip, yes indeed,” she dropped her tone, holding an imaginary pipe to her lips.
The pair of them burst into gales of laughter as she stepped into her room, still smiling.
Lauren slipped into a pair of dark blue leggings and a bright green tank top to go with her lime colored sneakers.
She was, after all, still working on expanding Erin's color palette.
Lauren practically danced her way into the living room. Swooping down and picking up Gabriel, she lifted him from his crib and spun in slow gentle circles for a moment, causing him to erupt into youthful squeals of delight.
Gabriel hadn't started to talk yet.
The doctors tried to be positive about it but at two and a half years old Lauren and her parents were long past starting to worry.
Lauren loved to pick him up, to play with him and tickle him, to simply hold him. Secretly, in her heart of hearts, she prayed that someday her gift might help him. That she might rid him of the terrible curse that Allison's negligence had wrought. But it didn't. Like her mother, and her mother's side of the family, her power seemed to have no effect on Gabriel.
It was odd, the way she thought of her mother since Gabriel's birth. More and more it was Allison, instead of mom.
Was that cruel?
Guilt clouded her mind as she justified the change within herself.
Lauren shoved her gloomy thoughts away, unwilling to sacrifice her good mood. Forcing another big smile she stopped spinning and held Gabriel against one hip as she wandered into the family kitchen.
Settling Gabriel into his high-chair was almost always a struggle, but today he cooperated and Lauren had no trouble getting him situated before making them each a bowl of cereal.
Breakfast was busy, loud, and warm. The whole family gathered around the table, reminding Lauren of happier times. They spent nearly an hour talking, laughing, being a family again. Lauren hadn't seen her parents so comfortable with each other in a long time. Eventually though, the time came for their appointment and they got ready to leave. Lauren picked up Gabriel and walked them to the door.
“Have a good day sweetie,” Allison said, giving her daughter a gentle hug. Lauren smelled only faint perfume, and she dared to hope that maybe, just maybe things could turn around.
“Take care of the little guy,” her father began, giving them each a kiss on the cheek. “And, young lady.”
His stern but loving look pulled her distracted attention from her brother.
“Don't get too used to skipping school, ok?”
“Aye aye captain,” Lauren gave a joking salute as she replied. She and Gabriel waved as their parents pulled out of the drive, watching until they rounded the bend in the narrow drive.
“Well now, mommy and daddy are gone, what shall we do, huh?”
Gabriel cooed back as Lauren took him for another spin above her head.
Her watch said it was barely past 9, so she had time to kill.
The pair made their way into the living room, Lauren holding him expertly as he energetically tried to escape. Lauren pulled out an old battered box of wooden blocks, an heirloom from her own childhood, and plopped her brother down in front of them. She clicked on the television. The family had only recently gotten cable, mostly for the educational programming that Gabriel might benefit from.
A panel of commentators greeted her as the screen flickered to life. Five thirty-something women discussing gossip and news. A skinny blonde with big hair was in the middle of a rant of sorts.
“Well, Bonnie, if you must know then yes. Yes it is important to believers that the eighteenth anniversary of the Rebirth is in a few weeks!”
As she spoke she clutched a small necklace in one hand, visibly angered at whatever her colleague had said moments before.
“Casey, now you know I didn't mean anything by it, it's just that not everybody believes the same things you do, ok? We can all just agree to disagree?”
A stout brunette was backpedaling, while the other three fixed nervous smiles and glanced back and forth from the cameras to their comrades.
Casey, the blonde, had a too-wide look in her eyes and clearly wanted to continue, but she calmed down and collected herself.
“So, as I was saying, believers in the Reborn Immaculate Child will be turning out in droves in the coming weeks as they celebrate the birth of the girl they believe to be the reborn savior. This year will mark the tenth since the disappearance of the Immaculate Child, but believers have still planned demonstrations and events around the world.”
Lauren watched with morbid curiosity. It seemed that there was to be a parade in her honor in her hometown of Galesburg, and that one of the churches there would be renamed to the Corvidae Place of Healing Worship. She snorted, unsure whether to be amused or terrified at the idea of people still obsessing over her.
The program droned on for a while about her life, the eight years of her youth she had spent touring the country, and what her followers were doing now. They replayed footage of her meeting the Dalai Lama when she was six, as well as various other interviews with important people. It was, admittedly, somewhat interesting, Lauren thought. At least until they played a clip of her final interview with Dailey.
She clicked the TV off with disgust, Gabriel started to cry.
“Aww baby bear, don't worry. That's a very bad man. Lolo is here to make you smile.”
She picked him up and blew a raspberry on his tummy, immediately sending him into a fit of giggles. She glanced at her watch, 10 on the dot.
Screw it, Erin will deal with us being early.
Lauren, still carrying her little brother, collected his things and made ready to depart. Her dad had already set aside a bag with toys, diapers, extra clothes, and his favorite snacks so it was a simple matter of slinging the strap over one shoulder and she was almost ready to go.
As a finishing touch, Lauren slipped on a long, thin, wrist-length pair of gloves. A present from Erin for her birthday last year, the gloves made Lauren feel more secure in public and meant more to her than Erin could possibly have known. The gloves themselves were of supple, ultra-thin leather in a neutral brown. Lauren loved them.
When Lauren arrived at Erin's house, she pulled into the drive. She reminisced for a moment on the first time she had done so. She put the truck in park behind Erin's beat up moped, a dangerously unstable machine in Lauren's opinion, which she had bought a few months back. A loud banging noise startled her, ringing out in the clear morning air. It seemed to be coming from Erin's fenced-in backyard.
Lauren and Gabriel shared a confused look. The sound seemed to excite him though because he smiled widely and clapped his little hands.
Grinning back, Lauren exited the truck. She walked over to his side and hoisted him out. She grabbed the diaper bag from the truck bed and approached the house, the door was unlocked and had a bright pink sticky note on it.
A/C is broke. I'm out back, help!
Love,
Erbear
Lauren was puzzled. Erin was perhaps the least mechanically inclined person she knew, despite of her hoard of instructional manuals and guidebooks.
The banging came again, this time persisting for nearly a minute. The noise prompted Lauren to enter, calling out for Erin as she did so. No answer.
Lauren headed for the back door and upon exiting she found her friend. Erin was standing in a pair of shorts and a camisole, headphones in and a mp3 player tucked under her left shoulder strap. In one hand she held a hefty, wood-handled hammer and in the other a collection of time-worn diagrams.
Erin was smashing the hammer repeatedly into an ancient air conditioning unit that protruded from one of the house's windows.
Somehow, Lauren doubted the manual specified that particular course of action.
A few years ago, when they had first met, it would have been a cold day in hell before Erin showed this much skin outside. Even within the privacy-fence lined confines of her yard. But as her friendship with Lauren had deepened so too had her confidence grown.
Now here she stood, her arms and legs exposed to the bright rays of the sun, her scars open to the world. Lauren had to concentrate to see the scars these days. She had grown so used to them, they were so much a part of who Erin was, that they didn't stand out anymore.
Instead, she saw her
friend as she truly was; beautiful.
“Fuck,” Erin shouted with frustration, giving the machine one last whack with the hammer. She turned around, freezing when she saw she had an audience. Her breathing was heavy, her cheeks and chest flushed with exertion. She yanked out her headphones, managing to look sheepish and peeved at the same time.
“You uh, look a little crazy, hon,” Lauren said with laughter in her voice.
“Watch it,” Erin growled in response, pointing the hammer at the pair. Wiping her sweaty brow and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Erin cast a last, angry look at the morning sun, as though its brightness and heat had personally offended her.
It was quarter-past ten and already the day was shaping up to be a muggy one.
Erin couldn't pretend to be mad for long though, because Gabriel immediately captured her attention.
“Well hello young man,” she cooed at him. “Your big sister is a making fun of me isn't she? Yes she is!”
Gabriel giggled at her tone and the attention he was being paid. He babbled a nonsense reply.
“What's that? She's a pain in your ass too?”
Erin followed her words by sticking her tongue out at Lauren as she walked past, back towards the door.
“Hey,” Lauren said, irked. “Don't say stuff like that in front of him, he might pick up on it...”
Her words trailed off at the end, and the two shared a more serious look, they both knew that Gabriel wasn't likely to be speaking anytime soon, and why.
“Sorry,” Erin paused and gave her a sad, understanding look. “I know. You're right.”
She cast around for something to ease the tension and settled for tickling Gabriel's feet.
“Your big sister is usually right, you know that little guy?”
The awkward moment of silence passed, and the group headed inside. They made their way to the living room, where Lauren placed Gabriel in the large playpen set up there. Shortly after Erin had met Gabriel, she had insisted on spending some of her monthly life insurance check on the playpen. It was huge, took up most of the living room, and it had taken them hours to figure out how to set it up, but Lauren admitted that it was incredibly convenient at times like this. Lauren pulled out a few of Gabriel's favorite toys, a pair of bulky plastic dinosaurs, for him to play with.
