He kissed me with a brutal, demanding need, his tongue taking control of my own as his powerful body crushed me against the wall and a soft moan of surrender burned through my throat.
His free hand grasped the back of my thigh, fingers pushing between the slit in the material where Kaiser couldn't see what he was doing and a gasp escaped me as his fingers twisted into the wet material of my panties.
"I'm getting sick of this game, Rogue," he growled low, his words just for me as his mouth moved to my ear and I panted desperately against the press of his fingers against my aching pussy through my underwear. "I'm starting to think you want me to force your hand in this."
He flexed his fingers against me, making me whimper as my legs threatened to buckle beneath me, but then he was gone, striding away with Kaiser Rosewood who was making crude jokes while I just sagged against the damn wall.
Fuck him.
Shit, that was a bad choice of suggestion to make, because now all I could think about was what it might be like if I did fuck him and all the ways he might throw me around the bedroom while trying to control me the way he was so desperate to.
I glanced back towards the room where most of the party goers were still talking bullshit and drinking, my gaze falling on Rick who now had an arm curled around Mia the clam vag as he spoke with some asshole in a suit.
The wildly violent look in his eyes told me he'd just seen Fox pin me to the wall and I was willing to bet he wouldn't have nice things to say on that subject if he got me alone again. But as he was currently all up in the clam, I wasn't gonna have to deal with him playing hypocrite with me, so I just turned away and decided to do some exploring instead.
I wandered along the corridors which had once been so familiar to me when Miss Mabel had been alive, missing the simple, traditional decor she'd enjoyed and knowing she'd have fucking hated every garish choice that had been made in these so-called renovations.
I tried doors as I went, casual as fuck, finding most of them locked or otherwise boring, but in a drawing room which hadn't been touched by the renovation fairy yet, I found some old photographs in a drawer.
I smiled as I flicked through the pictures of Miss Mabel which dated back over the years, some of them faded and brown but showing a time when she'd been happy, laughing with a handsome man. I paused as I found a photograph of her cradling a baby in her arms, the look of serenity and peace on her face making my heart twist. Where had that baby been when I'd known her? She'd been so alone, so where was that child?
A noise from back in the corridor made me jump and I hurriedly shoved the photographs back in the drawer, whirling around with some bullshit line on my lips to excuse my nosy wanderings. But I found Fox standing there watching me instead of some random asshole and my posture relaxed.
"Found anything interesting?" he asked curiously.
"No," I replied with a shrug. "Just some old memories."
I crossed the room to join him and we headed back out into the corridor as I fell into step beside him.
"What did Kaiser want?" I asked when he failed to fill the silence. The space dividing us seemed to crackle with expectant energy, but for once he was making no attempt to cross the divide.
"Just a load of bullshit that comes down to a price. He wants to buy protection and loyalty from the Crew. Of course, it's pretty clear to me that he's looking to make that same deal with The Damned Men, so I don't feel all that inclined to offer him much loyalty. But we'll take his money all the same.”
We turned down a narrow corridor which I remembered from my youth and I glanced around at the dim space as we moved towards the door which led to the basement. JJ had chased me down there once and scared the crap out of me when he'd jumped out from behind an old suitcase.
But as we reached the door to the basement, we found it all locked up with several bolts and a large padlock. Three separate padlocks secured it with heavy bolts like Kaiser was keeping a monster in there.
"Ten bucks says he's got his collection of butt plugs locked away down there," I joked, flicking the padlock with my fingers so it smacked against the heavy wood of the door.
"Or maybe that's where he keeps the dead bodies," Fox teased, laying a hand against the wood above my head and peering down at me.
"Nah," I disagreed, turning towards him and pressing my back to the wood as I looked up at him. "That guy isn't the kind to get his manicured hands dirty like that."
Fox twitched a smile at me, his gaze moving down my body for a moment before fixing back on my eyes.
"And you prefer a man who gets his hands dirty then, do you?"
"Let's see." I took his free hand in mine, lifting it up and inspecting it closely. There were scars all over his knuckles which spoke of the violence that touched his life all too often and callouses lining his palm which proved he wasn't afraid of hard work. I trailed my fingertip around the curve of the infinity tattoo on his thumb and glanced up at him questioningly.
"I got that for you. Because I never gave up on finding you and I knew I never would. Now that I've found you again it isn't about the search. It's about the life we're owed. And the forever I know we’ll claim."
I licked my lips as I looked up at him, wanting more of his mouth on mine and knowing that wasn't fair while I knew I couldn't ever be what he wanted me to be.
"Say it," he growled, watching me like I held every answer to every question he'd ever wanted to ask on the tip of my tongue.
"No," I replied because I couldn't. I just wished I could make him understand why.
Fox growled in frustration and shifted forward, grasping the backs of my thighs and lifting me so that I was pinned against the basement door with his hips between my legs. He leaned in and my lips parted in anticipation of a kiss he didn't offer.
He paused there, holding me in suspense and looking me in the eyes as he smirked, his mouth just out of reach of my lips and his breath tasting like every sin I wanted to commit with him.
A muffled thump sounded from somewhere close by, but with Fox stealing every inch of my attention, I couldn't spare a moment to wonder about it.
"I warned you, hummingbird. If you don't ask for it soon, I'll end up taking it. But sometimes I think that's what you want, isn't it?" Fox asked darkly.
I shook my head as I gripped his biceps, physically forcing myself not to close the distance between us and let him win despite the ache I felt to do so.
He leaned in even closer and my traitorous lips parted as a soft whimper escaped me, the feeling of his solid cock driving against my panties making my fucking brain melt away and leak out of my ears as every single reason I had to try and fight this slipped out of my grasp.
"Liar," Fox breathed before stepping back suddenly and dropping me to my feet again.
I gaped up at him and he smirked down at me. "Asshole," I hissed, trying to pull off a scowl but I sagged back against the door and my chest heaved as I tried to fight off the effect he had on my body.
"You only have to say the word. Or we can keep playing this game until one of us snaps." Fox smirked at me like the cocky bastard he was and I straightened my spine at the challenge.
My gaze trailed down his muscular physique to the more than tempting bulge in his pants and I groaned again, knocking my head back against the basement door and laughing.
"I never lose, Badger," I said, trying to show more confidence than I felt but he only laughed too.
"We'll see."
“F ox!” I shouted against the gag in my mouth as I kicked the edges of the wooden chest Shawn had locked me inside hours ago. “Rogue!”
I could hear them, they were so close. I’d thought I was just imagining it at first, sure my mind was playing cruel tricks on me, but they were there. Right upstairs in this fucking house.
“Miss Mabel!” I cried, my voice nothing but a muffled sound and no answer came from her. She’d told me Kaiser always slipped her a sedative whenever he had guests over and tonight was clearly one of those fucking nights.
I kicked, shouted and thrashed as Rogue’s soft laughter called to me and my heart fragmented at that noise. Seeing her face again would be everything. I pictured her mouth pulling up in a smile and her eyes full of light, the endless depths of them possessing me.
Maybe I really am going mad.
But then they were talking again and I was sure, so fucking sure that they were there. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, I just knew it was them. I could sense them up there like they were pulling on some cord tethered to the core of my being.
“Fox!” I yelled against the fucking gag, kicking harder, but I couldn’t move properly in the tight space. My muscles were cramping and my back was in agony where it was pressed to the side of it and my legs were forced to curl to my chest. My hands were bound behind me and I fought with all my strength to break the rope binding them, but it just wouldn’t fucking give.
The sound of their voices started drifting away and I bashed my head back against the box so hard I saw stars.
“Fuck, no, please,” I begged to any god who might be listening. “Rogue!” I roared so loud it burned my throat, but between the gag, the box and the steel door locking this room, there was no chance of her hearing me.
Their voices faded away and my muscles shuddered as I continued to kick and the rope bit into my wrists. I heaved in air, the taste of it stale from being in this box for so long and my heart split open. I didn’t know what they were doing here, but the idea of them being so close was the final straw for me. I’d lost hope the moment I’d been brought here, but having a piece of it handed to me for a few sweet seconds only to be taken away again was too much. I didn’t even know if they wanted me back, or if my death was a relief to them after all I’d fucking done. Would Fox care if he knew I was here? Or was Shawn just doing to me what he hadn’t been able to in the end?
I fell still, my only company the thundering of my pulse in my ears and the press of the wooden chest on all sides. The last shard of my resolve crumbled like sand before me and I descended into a frighteningly dark place that was full of bad memories.
I’d die a cornered boy who was never worth loving and that was that. My existence had had no value and I was so fucking tired of being here. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted the silence and the eternal embrace of a deep grave. And I wanted Shawn to make it hurt, because pain had been my lifelong companion and I wanted to go into the dirt with at least one friend there to watch me go.
I drove us home in my truck and Rogue bobbed her head to Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift while my mood started to slip over Maverick. I wasn’t sure how to deal with him, but what I did know was that anything I’d done so far hadn’t worked. And I was starting to think it wasn’t going to. Rogue seemed to draw closer to me, only to retreat all over again until I was left feeling like I didn’t know what she needed at all. I’d always been convinced I was the best thing for her, that I could provide for her in all the ways she needed and make sure she never had to worry about anything. But Rogue didn’t want to be looked after, at least not by me. And it wasn’t like I wanted to stifle her, I just had no idea how to be what she needed. Maybe I’d been an idiot to think I was the right thing for her, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that we were meant to be together. And I wasn’t giving up yet, I just needed to figure out how to be the man for her, and how to get rid of the one trying to steal her from me.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, Badge?” she asked. “You look like you’ve got a storm brewing up there. Is it Chase?” she lowered her voice on his name and my chest tugged painfully.
It’s always Chase.
“No,” I said and silence pooled between us. “What do you want, Rogue? You want Maverick? Are you hoping I’ll let you go to him?” Because I never will.
“You don’t let me do anything, Badger,” she said in a warning tone, but she didn’t answer my other questions.
My grip tightened on the steering wheel and I fought to keep my temper in check. In all the visions I’d imagined of her coming home after ten years, this was not one of them. I’d always thought that once she was back, I’d figure out a way to make her mine. But the more I tried to claim her, the more she seemed to pull back even further, despite the fact that her body gave away exactly how much she desired mine.
Now she was fucking Maverick right under my nose and I just had to suck it up until I could figure out how to get rid of him. But what if she fell in love with him before then? What if she already was? Did he care about her like that? I couldn’t see it. Not after everything I’d witnessed Maverick do in Sunset Cove, the men he’d killed, the trail of blood he’d left in his wake. He’d changed, and I didn’t want her falling for some illusion he was painting for her.
JJ had told me Maverick had eyes among my men too, and that was seriously unnerving. How could he have turned a Harlequin? Maybe it was just a bluff and he was trying to fuck with my head, but I’d have to question all of my men and try to figure out if it was true or not regardless.
“Maverick isn’t a good man anymore,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “You don’t know what he’s done.”
“I’m well aware of what he’s done, but I don’t see how it’s any worse than what you do in the Crew,” she said lightly.
“I don’t make deaths bloody unless I need to,” I said. “I swear Maverick does it because he enjoys it.”
“Well maybe I like that he’s not afraid to show his monster,” she tossed back and my shoulder muscles bunched. “Who knows? Maybe I’d like you a bit more if you showed yours more often.” The comment was off hand, but it made a growl build in my throat. I didn’t show her that side of me much because that was the last thing I wanted her to see me as. I’d done things in the past ten years that could put even Maverick’s dirty work to shame, and I didn’t want her witnessing that. I wanted her to see the good left in me, but maybe what remained just wasn’t all that appealing anymore.
Although, whenever I pushed her boundaries and showed her exactly how much power I could seize over her body, she always seemed to like it. I was starting to think she really did want me to take the decision away from her and bend her to my will, and the idea of that got me seriously hot. But I wasn’t gonna do shit unless I could be sure that was what she wanted. Or maybe I was just deluding myself and she was planning to shack up with Maverick as soon as she got the chance. Over my dead body.
We arrived back at Harlequin House and I drove us down into the garage, switching off the engine so quiet settled between us.
“I’m not going to stop fighting for you, Rogue,” I told her, gazing out the window instead of at her. “I can’t, it’s in my blood. But I’m starting to wonder if the battle’s already lost.” I shoved the door open, stepping out of my truck and heading upstairs into the house. I unbuttoned my shirt as I marched up to my bedroom and headed inside, tossing it into the laundry hamper and unbuckling my pants.
This house felt suffocating lately. I could feel the press of Chase’s room across the hall from mine like it was pushing the walls toward me inch by inch. We’d stopped sleeping in there, leaving it as a sort of shrine to him, but one day I knew we’d have to go in and clear through his things. I just didn’t want to. I hadn’t even thought to do it after I banished him from the Crew, let alone now that he was dead.
My grief welled up again and I walked into the bathroom, resting my hands on the sink and staring myself in the eyes, facing the consequences of all the decisions I’d made in relation to him. I had to own it all, every ounce of regret, every pound of hurt. The choices I’d made were the right ones, I had to believe that. It was the only thing that allowed me to lead within the Crew, because if I ever stopped to question my actions, I’d spiral out of control.
You did the right thing.
It’s not your fault he’s dead.
My eyes looked darker than they had when I was a kid, the green in them seeming to deepen a shade every year I tainted my soul with more bad
deeds. This was my burden to bear for my position and I’d accepted that there was no other life for me anymore. But the one thing which had always kept me resilient was my family. Knowing JJ and Chase were at my side had been a constant reassurance that I was making the right choices. Because since I’d lost Rogue then Maverick too, I’d made it my life’s mission to keep the last of my family close and ensure no harm ever came to them. But I’d failed. I hadn’t listened to Chase when he’d needed me. His struggles had been right there in front of me since Rogue had come home, but I hadn’t listened, too blinded by my love of my girl to even hear a single word spoken against her. He wasn’t right in what he’d done, but if I’d just tried to handle things differently…
I hung my head then splashed my face with cold water, knowing another restless night awaited me in my bed. Whenever I closed my eyes, all I saw was Chase on his knees with my gun aimed at his forehead, the way my finger had tightened around the trigger, how close I’d been to really doing it. It made me fucking nauseous.
“Fox?” Rogue’s soft voice called from my bedroom.
I turned and pushed out the door, frowning as I found her there with Mutt hugged to her chest.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
“Yeah, but um, can I stay in here tonight?” she asked hopefully. “I still get nightmares about Chase when I sleep on my own.”
I frowned, hurting for my girl and knowing that pain as well as she did. “Sure, baby.”
She turned around, pulling her hair over her shoulder. “Could you unzip me? I can’t reach.”
She placed Mutt on the bed and I moved toward her, taking hold of the zip and drawing it down the length of her spine, a shiver dancing across her body at my touch.
My gaze flicked to the mirror on the wall in front of us and she caught my gaze there before shrugging out of the dress and letting it drop down to her ankles, leaving her in her pale blue panties and matching lacy bra. Her nipples were pressing against the material and my cock hardened at the perfect sight of her, my breath hitching in my throat. It was a dare, a fucking challenge that persuaded me a little more that she wanted me to claim her.
Carnival Hill (The Harlequin Crew Book 3) Page 17
