Carnival Hill (The Harlequin Crew Book 3)

by Caroline Peckham

  But when I'd heard the four of them laughing and yelling at the base of the cliff, I'd rolled over and crawled to the edge to get a look down and found all of them starting the climb like it was just another fun adventure.

  "Be careful," I groaned for the hundredth time. This was stupid. So fucking stupid, but they'd come so far now that it was safer for them to crest the top than it would have been for them to try and head back down.

  "Whose dumb idea was this again?" Chase grunted, his dark curls sticking to his forehead as he climbed and the setting sun baked him.

  "Rick's," JJ panted and I craned my neck to see him as he heaved himself a little higher, knocking some loose gravel tumbling down to the rocks below.

  "Well I thought you'd all pussy out before I got half way up and I could just laugh at you assholes over my win," Maverick grumbled. "Who knew you were all this fucking stubborn."

  "Maybe you shouldn't have raised the stakes then," Fox baited, his gaze shifting up to meet mine for a moment and making my breath hitch in my throat. He was so close that I was aching to reach down and offer him a hand up, but I was afraid to throw off his concentration at the same time.

  "So who wins if we all make it to the top?" Rick asked and all four of them looked up at me like I held the answer to that.

  "What's the prize?" I breathed, adrenaline making my fingers tremble with fear for them.

  "Well, we said the one who climbed the highest could ask you for a ki-" Maverick's words cut off as his grip faltered and a yell of alarm escaped him as his handhold crumbled to nothing and he slipped down several feet, the loose rocks breaking apart as he fought to regain his hold.

  I screamed in fright, lurching forward and reaching for him even though he was too far from me for it to make a difference. But it didn't matter anyway.

  Fox had caught his hand and JJ gripped the back of his shirt while Chase held onto his arm in turn to lend more support.

  "Holy fuck," I whispered as they all froze there for a moment, waiting to make sure the cliff was done trying to kill them. Then Rick broke a wild laugh, crowing like a rooster and throwing his head back while the others all followed suit.

  Fucking, crazy, stupid, asshole boys.

  They continued to climb for the top together and I scrambled back out of their way as they all reached it as one, hands coming up over the edge and clawing into the dirt as they heaved themselves up and onto the clifftop.

  "Water," JJ gasped dramatically and I cursed him out while turning and running away from them towards our bags and the boys' bikes which we'd left in the shade of a towering rock.

  I tore through the bags, grabbing the bottles of water from them and turned to sprint back to them.

  But as I did, I paused, finding the four of them sitting shoulder to shoulder facing the sea, their laughter floating away on the breeze as the setting sun silhouetted them there together.

  I dropped the water and fished my phone from my pocket, snapping a pic of that moment so that I could keep it forever.

  They'd forgotten their competition and were just joking and teasing one another, elbows nudging and curses spilling from their lips.

  They were happy. So freaking happy just there in each other’s company. And I gave them a few moments like that without me, not wanting to interrupt their triumph while drinking in the feeling of their love for one another.

  "Get your ass over here, Rogue," Fox called, turning his head to hunt for me and the others all started yelling at me to hurry back too.

  I smiled, grabbing the water bottles and breaking into a run again as I approached them. The answer to all the bad in my world. The only good I'd ever had and would ever need.

  I held onto that memory as I started backing away, trying to block out the sounds of those same boys screaming abuse at one another, of their fists striking each other and the anger and hatred that lay so thick within the room.

  I'd done that to them.

  I'd started it by attracting Axel's gaze despite my best attempts not to. I knew that part wasn't really my fault. That sick fuck had been a predator who more than deserved the death I gave him.

  But if I'd just called the police when it had happened instead of calling them. If I'd just run and stayed quiet. Or even if I hadn't fought back so hard and my short, pathetically beautiful life had ended then, it would have been better than this.

  At least then I would have died with love in my heart and a lifetime full of memories of me and my boys in the sun to guide me on into whatever came next. I could have just been this tragic story which darkened their memories but which they could have moved on from. Anything but this.

  I'd become the thorn in their sides. The itch they couldn't scratch. The wedge which divided them and the catalyst to their destruction. The love they'd held for each other had turned toxic and it would only continue to fester the longer I was here.

  Chase was gone and I knew in my heart that he wasn't coming back. That far too brief kiss he'd stolen from me the morning of the carnival had tasted of goodbye. I just hadn't recognised it at the time. And now I was standing here watching as the rest of my boys fought and spat venomous words at each other. Watching as they took joy in causing one another pain and feeling every twist of betrayal and heartache that had been inflicted upon each of them like it was a knife in my own gut.

  And worse than that, I'd brought the demons of my life without them right up to their front door. Shawn was never going to stop this war. It could only be finished with blood and death, and I knew in my heart that all of Chase's suffering had only been a taste of what Shawn was capable of.

  This was all my fault. And if I stayed here, it wasn't going to stop. They wouldn't stop fighting over me, using me to score points against one another and trying to win me for their own. This wasn't some fairy tale where I could just get what I wanted because I hungered for it enough. It was all well and good for me to insist time and time again that I wouldn't pick between them, but all that did was leave them in this pain and torment, this burning cycle of jealousy and envy and heartache every time I moved from one to another. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair.

  But there was one thing I could do to end it.

  I backed up, moving towards the door and none of them noticed me as I went, too caught up in their hatred and rage to even remember the one who had caused it all.

  I pushed out of the door with my fingers trembling a little, but I wasn't going to back down. I knew that now. I got it. This was my fault, so it was on me to fix it. And I would, even if that might be the last thing I ever did.

  I took one final, desperate look at them all, then the moment I was out the door, I turned and ran.

  Maverick's men were all keeping out of sight like he'd commanded them to, so no one stopped me as I sprinted down the stairs, through the hotel and raced for the dock.

  There were four boats tied up there, bobbing on the choppy waves as cool air whipped around me and I couldn't help but glance up at the dark sky and the thick clouds which were closing in over the stars.

  There was a storm blowing in tonight. But that only meant I needed to move faster.

  I hopped up onto the first boat, making quick work of starting her up and loosing the throttle just enough for it to tug against the mooring rope which was still tied to the jetty.

  I jumped back down again, glancing towards the hotel to make sure they hadn't noticed my absence yet, but they were clearly still too caught up in their anger for that.

  I untied the boat and it pulled away from the shore, moving at a slow but steady pace over the ocean and out of reach.

  I watched it for several long seconds then repeated my work on the other boats, sending them away from the shore until only one remained for me to use.

  I strode towards it, my jaw set with determination as I tried not to think about what I was leaving behind and focus on what I might be able to fix by doing so.

  This had only ever been a fleeting dream anyway. The future I'd once relied on in
this town had never really been destined for me. I knew my place in this world and it wasn't with the Harlequins. It hadn't been for a long damn time.

  I strode towards the final boat, but fell still as a sharp bark pierced the night and I looked around to find Mutt racing down the jetty towards me.

  My heart cleaved in two at the sight of my little buddy, and the tears which I’d been fighting to hold back burst free of my restraint as I dropped to my knees and he leapt into my arms.

  He wagged his tail feverishly, licking the tears from my cheeks and jumping all over me as if to say he was coming too. But he couldn't. I wouldn't risk his safety where I was going, and I knew full well that it would be in jeopardy if I did. No matter how much I ached to keep this one, loyal companion by my side for what was to come, doing so would have been endlessly selfish and I refused to hurt the one creature in this world whose love had always been nothing but pure for me.

  "I'm sorry, boy," I whispered, squeezing him tight and trying not to break as I stole a last moment in his company. "I wish I didn't have to go."

  Mutt whimpered, nuzzling against me defiantly as if he was insisting on coming too, but I just shook my head.

  "They're assholes, but you'll be safe here with them," I breathed. "I can't say the same for where I'm going."

  Mutt growled softly, seeming to catch the tone of what I was telling him and he bounced in my lap, knocking my cell phone from my pocket so that it fell onto the boards beside me.

  I stared down at it through the blur of tears in my eyes and I swallowed down the thick lump in my throat as I finalised this decision. I had to do it. And they had to understand that there was no coming back from this. I was done being the thing which tore them apart. So I was going to break them one final time and prove to them that they were better off without me. Because maybe then they'd be able to find a way to move on from the idea of me at last. Maybe then they'd remember why I was the girl who was always tossed aside. Maybe then they'd find their way back to each other and be able to claim the love they were owed. But that could only happen without me there to destroy their happily ever after and that meant I had to make sure they understood that they were far better off with me gone and they always had been.

  Thunder rumbled in the distance, lightning forking through the clouds way out over the sea like even the sky knew that this was it. Our paths had always been leading here and now it was time for fate to run its course.

  I looked back towards the hotel, unsure if I was hoping for one last glimpse of my boys or if I was glad they still hadn't realised I was missing before lifting my phone and opening the camera app.

  I held the camera up to look at myself, taking a moment to wipe the tears from my cheeks and draw in a steadying breath. Then I caught hold of each and every emotion in me, all of my feelings over doing this and what it would mean for me and them and I just bundled it all away. I crushed it down inside me and fought it with an iron fist until finally, my face fell blank and I was left numb to it all.

  If I was being totally honest, it was a relief. Everything that had happened since the day of the carnival had been eating away at me piece by piece up until this moment. I'd been cast adrift, aching for Chase, aching for Fox, not knowing what I could have done differently while feeling certain I'd done it all wrong.

  But now that was gone. And as I set the camera recording, there wasn't so much as a flicker of that girl left in me. I was the girl I'd been before I woke up in that shallow grave. I was the empty vessel that could never be filled. I was the broken girl who no one ever wanted to keep in the end. And maybe that was for the best.

  "Well," I began, my voice steady and gaze hard. "If you're watching this now, then you already know I'm gone. And don't worry, I won't be coming back. I got what I wanted from each of you and as much as I'm sure you won't want to believe it, it was this. Your destruction. Your pain." I forced the hint of a smile to my lips before I went on. "Ten long years ago, the four of you broke me. You took away the only good I'd ever had in my life and threw me to the wolves out there on the streets. So now I broke you back."

  I went on, forcing the words past my tongue and ignoring the way they burned like acid as they spilled from my lips. I mocked them with my gaze and used the mask I'd perfected so long ago to sell them every single line of it. Because they had to believe this if they were going to accept it. They had to hate me if they were going to stand a chance at loving each other again. And I needed to be sure they wouldn't try to come for me. I'd made my choice and this was it. No come backs, no shining knights or even cunning thieves trying to rescue me. This was how our story ended and that was the way it had to be.

  When I finished the recording, I placed my phone down beside me with the message ready to play when they discovered it.

  I squeezed Mutt tight, my eyes burning and I apologised to him once more and he whimpered as he nuzzled into me like he understood exactly what was happening.

  But I couldn't change my mind. Not even for him. So I placed him down on the jetty and jumped into the final boat, tossing the mooring line onto the deck as I moved to start the engine.

  Mutt barked at me in a clear plea, his little eyes imploring me to come back and the knowledge that I never would burned through my heart like a blazing knife, leaving a scar which I knew wouldn't ever heal right.

  But this wasn't about me.

  I didn't matter.

  I turned my eyes to the horizon as the thunder crashed through the heavens again, nearer this time with the lightning forking right behind it off to the south.

  I let the throttle loose and a mournful howl coloured the air as Mutt raced to the very end of the jetty, his grief pouring from him as he watched me go and my own pain sharpening to the point of breaking me as I refused to turn back.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice stolen by the wind as I left him behind alongside my heart and the only hopes I'd ever had of claiming some kind of true happiness for myself. "I love you," I added, my words for the four men who had stolen my heart before I even understood what that meant, the four keepers of my soul and the only things that had ever brightened my dark existence so that I could see up out of the gutter. They'd given me a taste of something that someone like me never should have tried to claim. And now I was giving them a chance to find happiness without me tainting everything around them.

  The water spread out darkly before me and I fixed my gaze on the lights of Sunset Cove in the distance. I was almost there. This was almost over.

  I was a dead girl walking, and it was time I returned to my grave.

  “S top it you fucking idiots!” I dove onto Fox’s back, trying to pull him off of Maverick as the bastard tried to lock his hands around his throat.

  I rolled us hard so Fox landed on top of me and I locked my arms and legs around him as he started thrashing to get up. Maverick shoved to his feet, spitting a wad of blood from his mouth as he panted, advancing towards Fox once more.

  “Let him go, Johnny James,” he snarled. “This fight is long overdue.”

  “I’m tired of this bullshit!” I barked. “Rogue’s had enough of it too, haven’t you pretty girl?”

  We all turned our heads, looking for her but the room was empty and Mutt was in the doorway, yapping at us like he was calling us every swear word in dog language he could think up.

  “Rogue?” Maverick called, striding to the door and Mutt savaged his ankle. “Watch it, you little beast.”

  Mutt barked again, looking from Maverick to me and Fox and my arms and legs went slack around my brother.

  Fox pushed to his feet and I followed, bruises throbbing against my skin as Fox stalked after Maverick to the door with tension in his posture. Mutt barked more furiously, backing away down the corridor, and growling when we didn’t go after him.

  “He wants us to follow him,” I said in realisation, striding straight towards the little dog. “What’s up, boy?” My pulse skipped unevenly at his strange behaviour. Where had Rogue gone off to?
>
  “Is it Rogue? Is she okay?” Fox asked gruffly, appearing at my side half a heartbeat before Maverick appeared on my other.

  Mutt turned into the stairwell and started running and I broke into a run too, my heart beating unevenly, sensing something was wrong. Maverick and Fox charged along beside me, the three of us sprinting full pelt down the stairs and through a corridor towards the exit.

  Mutt barked more furiously as he sped outside and we tore after him through the compound and towards the jetty as a crash of thunder sounded in the sky.

  My breaths came heavier as I spotted the boats way out in the water, moving away towards the horizon and Maverick spat swear words as we ran up the jetty to where Mutt was now pacing back and forth. He stared back at us, yapping angrily and the three of us came to a sudden halt in front of him, staring down at the phone before the dog. Rogue’s phone.

  We all stooped down to grab it, but my hand closed around it first, my gaze locking on the video waiting to play on the screen, Rogue’s empty expression staring at me through the glass.

  A sickness twisted my insides as an ominous prickle ran along my spine. I stood upright and Fox and Maverick’s shoulders jammed tight against mine as they leaned in to look at the screen and with a horrible sense that my entire world was about to end, I pressed play.

  “Well," Rogue began, her expression cold and hard. "If you're watching this now, then you already know I'm gone. And don't worry, I won't be coming back. I got what I wanted from each of you and as much as I'm sure you won't want to believe it, it was this. Your destruction. Your pain." A smile danced around her lips and ice slid deep into my veins, coating my insides with fear. What is she talking about? "Ten long years ago, the four of you broke me. You took away the only good I'd ever had in my life and threw me to the wolves out there on the streets. So now I broke you back."

  “No,” I refused what I was hearing, panic cleaving my chest apart. “She’s lying.”

  “Shut up,” Maverick snarled as Rogue continued.