by Allie Santos
“You’ve slept for weeks, the best thing is—”
“The best thing for me right now is to get started,” I interrupted him, straightening my back. It was as if the sleep had completely restored any mental fatigue.
The look in his steady gaze was admiring as he led me out of the room and down the halls, toward a large oak door that mirrored the others. A tall Fae dressed identically to how Roark and Sabine had been dressed strode down the hall. I tensed, waiting for an attack.
But it never came. The Fae inclined his head to Tyran and me before disappearing down the hall.
I let out a stream of air I’d held in, swallowing back my nerves. The Fae Guard uniform was going to bring some unpleasant thoughts to my head.
“Are only the Fae Guard allowed to use that clothing?”
“Yes.”
I looked down at my black t-shirt and jeans. They were the same ones I’d bought with the money Rian stole. “Can I get clothing?”
“I’ll notify the weaver that you’d like some clothing.”
“Where do they get it from?”
“They make if from cerulyl. You may know it as cotton. But they also use a different material only found in Faerie that makes our Fae-made clothing stronger and more durable.”
I managed to stutter to a stop when he suddenly halted. He waved at the short staircase leading into darkness, and I couldn’t help but give him a suspicious look. Smiling, he didn’t move. I’d been under the impression I was at the highest point of the castle already.
The stillness throughout his body was eerie, and I knew he’d settled into the Fae version of waiting. With a sigh and an untrusting glance, I stepped through the darkened hall.
He stepped in behind me as darkness flooded the area. A thrill shot through me, and my heart picked up pace, pounding against my ribcage like a caged animal. It brought me back to the dungeon in the dark fortress. Of the chains and metal holding me and my friends in that godawful place.
My muscles tensed, but before I could take off at Fae speed, my sight got blurry. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. The shadow of the walls to the side of me slowly came into focus as light filtered though a cracked door.
Whirling, I faced Tyran. He stood still staring at me with his head tilted, watching me curiously. “Were you trying to scare me?”
The side of his lip tilted, and he shook his head. I scoffed in disbelief as the panicked survival mode my body had kicked into slowly seeped away. I’d changed so much in the last months, I barely recognized myself. I rubbed my wrist where the iron scar circled.
He chuckled, running his eyes down my body. I felt their touch, and there must have been a misfire in my system because my neck prickled with awareness. I narrowed my eyes at him, not liking the sensation akin to desire that shot through me.
My spine straightened as I realized something… This was the first time I’d gone longer than a minute without thinking about him in some way or another. Hope coursed through me. Maybe I would be able to forget…
“Are you ready to get started?”
“Sure.” I tried for flippancy.
Expression puzzled, he stared at me as if he could sense the negativity that slipped through my veins. “Well, let’s see how you do.” He waved out a hand so I could move into the room before him.
The smug look in his eyes annoyed me. He definitely didn’t think I could handle myself. In the face of the condescending expression, the desire to prove myself rose like a tidal wave.
Tyran wasn’t a jerk, which went against my overall initial experience with the Fae. My lips pursed, and I pushed that thought away. I needed to stop that. There was no need to remind myself of those thoughts, and all it did was make me feel crappy. This was my new reality—all Fae weren’t bad. Now I just had to believe it.
I observed the room as I stepped through, and the only object in sight was a large square mat in the middle of the floor. Another aspect—the walls were glass. I could see everything. I gaped and walked to the edge of the room and looked down from the highest point of the castle. My feet tingled at the drop. I gazed at my surroundings. This glass room was an extension and barely higher than the floor my bedroom was on.
I pressed my palm against the fogged glass. The rain had softened to a drizzle, but the sky remained dark. I couldn’t see anything more than the grey clouds.
Turning to Tyran, I found him sitting in the middle of the room, his legs crossed. The material of his loose shirt creased with his movement. He motioned me to do the same in front of him. “As a fully matured Fae, you are going to be heightened. You must learn how to concentrate. Sometimes, the very smell, the very sound of something will make you want to fall to your knees. That’s not taking into account the strength you will have in your fingertips. One wrong move and you could break a human’s bone with a hard grip.”
That did not sound pleasant. None of it.
“Close your eyes and focus. Is there a building pressure in your chest as if there’s a pool, or even a fulness?”
My eyes slid closed, and I concentrated. The ballooning in my chest expanded, pushing against my throat. I gasped on a breath as the sensation continued building.
“It hurts,” I rasped. Sleet started pounding against the window.
“Pull back, don’t access it,” he muttered. Concern seeped in his voice.
The pressure intensified. My body began trembling with the sensations running through me.
“Stop. Rae!” Tyran yelled. It startled me from the grip I had on the well of magic, or more accurately, the grip it had on me. I coughed and inhaled sharply as it released me. “I think you tapped into it too fast.”
I rubbed my sternum. The residual billowing ache receded, but a dull pain settled.
He rubbed his face. “You need to learn how to tap into your magic in moderations.”
“How would I do that?”
“Very carefully. The way Luz explained her abilities, while magic is bound, it’s stuck within you. This is dangerous especially for you, since you don’t know how navigate it. You will implode if you tap into it too much. Think of it as if pouring out a vat of water. You have to tilt until you have what you need. You were just pouring so it filled you to a dangerous extent. Having the essence means there is no end like there are for every other Fae. It can take control and destroy you. You must be cautious. It won’t ever be that your magic runs out when you unbind magic. It will be that your body can’t take anymore, and it shuts down. If you’re lucky, you just fall asleep, but the worst case is you die.”
The news was startling, but I understood. There was no way I couldn’t with how it felt like I was being filled with electricity that had incrementally been spreading. But…it was progress. Moments ago, I hadn’t known what that uncomfortable pressure in my chest was. Now, I’d been able to access it. Excitement zinged through me.
“I want to do it again,” I declared. He blinked at me and started to shake his head. “Tyran, I won’t learn if I don’t practice.”
“Maybe you need rest…” When I quirked an eyebrow at him, he sighed. “Fine. The moment you feel it get uncomfortable, promise you will withdraw. I’ll repeat, since it’s all bound within you, you won’t create havoc, you’ll just implode.” He cleared his throat, eyeing me wearily. “To get rid of that residual edge from your trapped magic, you can force the weather to bend to your will. That was the only way Luz kept from dying.”
I nodded, and my eyes slid closed. Reaching for that well, I dipped into it slowly, unlike last time when I’d practically jumped into it. Electricity trailed up my arms, coming to the forefront quicker with the leftover ache in my chest.
“Force it to do what you want. You’re its master, not the other way around. It’s all about balance.”
I focused on making the sky clear. I squeezed my eyes tighter and flexed my trembling hands. They began to numb because of the prickling sensation racing over them. The pressure in my chest lessened so it wasn’t as suffocating.
; “You’re doing it, Rae,” he said with awe. “Don’t lose focus.”
My eye slit open, and my heart rate picked up. Light filtered through the windows. The suns peeked through the clouds.
My magic expanded in my chest in a quick burst. I felt myself losing control as it built and built. Tension rose and, with it, the panicked feeling. My chest pumped up and down, air whooshing out of me. On an inhale, I choked on the mounting fear inside me, and with a sob, I curled down into my crossed legs.
Tyran touched my shoulder, and the emotion receded just as quickly as it had come. I popped up and was perfectly fine. The tightness in my chest was still there as if it had retreated.
“I told you to withdraw—”
“I lost focus. It all happened so fast.” I blinked at the snow falling outside.
Tyran’s lips tightened grimly. “That’s why you must only practice with me. I will be able to bring you back.”
“How did you do that?” I rasped, still catching my breath.
The guilt on his face sent rage through me. My teeth clenched. Damn Fae, he did something to me. Fear kicked in overtime.
“What did you do to me?” Without a thought, I launched myself at him and wrapped my hands around the front of his clothing, bunching it in my fists. It took only a second for me to register the savage twist of my lips as I leaned over his still form. He did nothing as he let me pin him to the floor.
What was wrong with me? Appalled at myself, strength fell from my arms, and I let gravity take me down. My body pressed against his—chest to thigh.
My torso heaved against his, pushing my breasts against him in a rhythmic motion. The friction sent a shiver down my spine, and I trembled. I looked down at Tyran’s shocked eyes and knew it had nothing to do with him. It could have been anyone, and my body would have reacted. Not that he wasn’t an attractive Fae.
Realizing I was pushing my body closer to him at the thought, I moved to spring away from him, but his hand pushed against my lower back, keeping me in place.
“You’re okay,” he rasped, desire swirling in his eyes. His firm touch caused a domino effect, and my breath puffed out as I forced myself to still. I curled my trembling fingers. I wanted more of that sweet friction.
His thumb gently rubbed my back, and that one touch sent shocks across my lower half. I allowed myself to sink closer to him. He stilled me and kept caressing. Tyran kept me there until, gradually, the intense desire subsided.
I finally formulated my shock into words. “I-I don’t even know you.”
I winced. Great word choices.
“Touch is heightened for Fae. I can imagine that it would be a shock to your body.”
“Is this like the hormonal thing Rian said all Fae go through when transitioning?”
“Not even close.”
Great.
I finally felt strong enough to move off him. I looked down at my hands. What was becoming of me?
Ty’s large hand settled over mine, wrapping them with his. I wanted to pull away, but the gentle touch… it felt so good. Ty looked uncomfortable as he scooted closer. I felt the heat from his body, and I squeezed his hand so I wouldn’t think to jump on him again.
“I know you don’t know me well, but I can help with the frustration you’re feeling.”
It took me a second to process what he was saying.
“Are you proposing you relieve my… ache?” I laid on the sarcasm.
“Yes,” he said frankly.
I was not expecting that.
Tyran had just propositioned we become fuck buddies. Warring emotions swirled inside me. And I was more shocked by the interest. We’d met moments ago and then this? I rubbed my forehead.
Now that I was in my right mind and not hazy from a disconcerting sexual drive, I scooted away from him. As sad as it made me, all I could think about was Roark. I wanted him, but I could never have him.
Would it be such a bad thing to give in to touch when all I’d been shown was betrayal? It wasn’t like it would mean anything, and I would make that very clear. I was too damaged, too hurt, to offer anyone more.
Plus, I’d been holding off for so long, always wanting it to be special, but I was beginning to think those expectations were too high. I’d been fooling myself. There was never going to be perfect anything, at least not for me. Roark showed me that. Hell, even Jeff showed me.
“Think about it. I’ll not reject you if you have a change of opinion,” he said. At the phrasing, I narrowed my eyes. “And not because you are the Queen.”
I took him in and said nothing. Tyran had been nothing but friendly and even funny with his dry quips I wasn’t sure were serious half the time. Maybe if I got to know him more, it would be a decision that would come easier.
“So, you never explained what you did earlier.” I quirked an eyebrow and stood. When I reached a hand down, he grasped it, and I pulled him up. The warmth was comforting, and I knew I’d be looking for ways to touch him if only for the sensation on my overly sensitive skin. I yanked my hand from his, freaked out by my need. It occurred to me that he felt warm now when, before, touching a Fae was cold.
“I didn’t want to use my abilities, but to train you properly, I will have to.” Thankfully, he ignored my odd behavior.
“A warning would have been nice.”
“There was no time. You were about to lose control.” At my glacier look, he smiled sheepishly. “Tomorrow we can pick up where we left off.”
This had to get done. Like a needle popping a balloon, anger flowed out of me. It took me a second to realize the unnatural way irritation left me. I glared up at him. He shrugged and didn’t meet my eyes.
“I have a small reserve of magic built up. I don’t want you to suffer.” It was an intangible feeling, but his hold on my emotion incrementally lessen until I knew what I was feeling was mine.
“Please don’t use your… ability on me again.” When he opened his mouth, I added, “Except when we’re training.”
He conceded and reached his hand out for mine. I looked down at his open palm, the strange desire overtaking me.
“It’ll mean nothing, I promise. I just—” Tyran cleared his throat. “I know how it is to crave the comfort of touch.”
Flicking my gaze away from his knowing ones, I let out a decided breath and grasped his hand. Warmth suffused my hand. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let myself enjoy the surface comfort. I hadn’t realized I needed something as simple as having my hand held.
“I’ll take you to Cora. She can give you a tour of the grounds.”
I walked slightly behind him, still grasping his hand like a lifeline. “What do you call your ability?”
Ty slowed his steps, so they matched my slower ones. “Mine is a mental-based ability, with roots pertaining to emotion. I can enhance anything you feel. I’ll eventually teach you how to ward yourself from mental influences by throwing up blocks. It’s basic visualization.”
I stayed quiet as he explained the importance of protecting oneself from mental attacks, but I was thoroughly checked out at that point. It occurred to me that he could use his ability to make me feel anything. Could replace this gaping hole in my chest… It wasn’t the thought that he was capable of it that freaked me out. It was that I was considering asking him to use it on me.
8
Weeks later, I’d figured out the precise amount of magic to dip into so I didn’t implode. Another plus? I was learning how to have a constant grasp on it. It was like gripping a pencil. I had to learn the perfect way to hold it, and if I dropped that pencil, my fingers went numb, or I broke it—I lose control. That balance was key to everything I did. I’d barely managed to keep it sunny for a minute, but the constant sleeting and snowing had stopped.
Other than training, I also spent a lot of time sleeping. Like, an abnormal amount. I was fully ignoring the fact that I’d been in a depressive funk. It didn’t help that Annie refused to leave my brain. What was she doing? Was she okay? It had already been longer than
what I expected it to be. I was planning on asking Ty if there was some way I could contact her, just to let her know I was alive and to make sure she was okay.
On top of it all, an entire species depended on me, and that only weighed me down.
Cue constant naps.
From the countless training sessions with Tyran, I also knew that I was still human enough to feel utterly sapped of energy after practicing. It was my human side battling with my Fae abilities. According to Tyran, when at full magical capacity, Fae didn’t need much rest to feel rejuvenated if I dipped into my power. It wasn’t until much of the magic well was used up that Fae needed rest to reinvigorate.
Another weird thing: Most everyone evaded me like I had the plague. It wasn’t as if they were rude or anything. In fact, I’d had to repeatedly tell Fae to call me Rae and to stop with the bowing. More off-putting, Cora and Tyran never left me alone. Ever. If I stepped out of my room, one of them magically appeared beside me. Sometimes they even sent Teagan to escort me. It was as if they were on Rae duty, but quite frankly, I didn’t have the brainpower or the desire to question it. I already had too much on my plate.
Oddly enough, I found myself missing Rian. But he was always busy. He was some big shot Fae Guard leader. According to my sources—namely Cora—he’d also had to take Roark’s position. So, he was gone more than half the time, rotating to protect the portals.
As I observed the Fae and how they’d managed to adapt without magic, it was humbling. It almost reminded me of medieval life. Everyone had their position, and it was all in an effort to keep the little society functioning. I felt like a total sloth since they wouldn’t put me to work. Instead, I focused on training. Just another reason why my lack of progress was disheartening.
There had also been nothing on the magic unbinding end. After I told Tyran about the prophecy Sabine had been going off about, the entire reason she chose to kidnap humans with the most powerful Fae blood, he’d been excited. Seers were constantly being harassed about seeing anything more, but nada.
“I can feel you thinking,” Tyran called out, and I groaned. Damn him.
