I stiffened and then turned to look at the other man. “So, you’re just trying to get a rise out of me?”
“Maybe. The fact that your control is like it is? Yeah, that tells me it’s not The Gray, it’s all you. You haven’t used your Wielding once on me, and I’ve been a complete asshole to you. Condemning you, threatening you right in your own court. And you haven’t done a damn thing to me in response. So, yeah, I know it’s you. And I honestly think you’re stronger than you were before because you know what The Gray can do.”
“He cursed me.”
Rhodes nodded, his silver gaze still on mine. “I know.”
“Well, good.” It was good to know that everyone in our circle knew that I could never love Lyric. Maybe she and Rhodes could find their way to each other and discover their own love, where I didn’t have to be part of it. Anger burned through me at the thought, right before it was dampened by that same gray ice that I always felt where Lyric was concerned.
I couldn’t even feel jealous. The damn curse wouldn’t let me.
I was a mess and worrying about things that didn’t matter.
“Wyn and Luken took care of the bodies?” I asked, knowing that Rhodes would know the answer.
“Yeah, your uncles went with them.”
“We’ll have to have a funeral. One that’s small enough so the rest of the court doesn’t find out what happened. They can’t know everything. There’s already enough fear and distrust within our ranks. We don’t need to add the knowledge that two humans, parents of our precious savior, were killed on our watch while we did nothing.”
“We tried to do something, Easton. We all know it. The Gray employed enough power to stop the Spirit Priestess and the King of Obscurité in their tracks.”
I turned on him. “You don’t think I know that? But I did nothing against him. And it wasn’t even the true Gray. It was his pawn. The one we let into our ranks as he learned all about us. And what secrets did he unearth? We know his power now. This…Whisperer. But we likely don’t know all of it. On the flip side, he could know all of our plans.”
Rhodes fisted his hands at his sides, his Air Wielding skimming between his fingers even as my Fire did the same on my hands. They were our dominant elements and were what came out even when we weren’t thinking about it. “No, the only thing he could possibly know is part of the prophecy, if he overheard us talking. We haven’t finished our plans. Meaning, we need to talk with my uncle and figure out what the hell is going on. Try to make peace with him. Maybe form an alliance if he’s on the right side of things.”
I sputtered, even though I knew that was our deal.
“I’m right, and you know it.”
“I know. I hate your uncle with a passion, though.”
“You’re not alone there.” Rhodes sighed, pushing his hand through his hair, looking as if he belonged on one of those human magazines or hung up on a wall as drawn by the artists in our realm for girls to titter at, and boys to pretend they weren’t staring at. No wonder Lyric had a crush on him.
Again, no jealousy. Just anger sheathed in gray ice.
“We’ll have the funeral. For Lyric. If that’s what she needs. I don’t know what we’re going to do about the human realm. I don’t think that’s within our power anymore.”
“Maybe we can get word out to Alura,” Rhodes put in.
“If you can get word to that mysterious woman, go for it. We all know that she dances to her own tune and never really listens to us.”
“I know. She was with Lyric for that year, where none of us could be.”
“So I was told.” And Lyric hadn’t asked for help.
The entire time she’d been gone, she hadn’t asked for help. Would she have even asked me? And would The Gray have let me help her? That was the question. The one I really didn’t want to know the answer to.
“We’ll deal with the strategy in the morning. It can wait for now.” I said the words, yet I knew they were a lie. We didn’t have time, and all of us knew it.
The one person we needed beyond all others was passed out cold because of the power within her…and her grief. I knew that it surrounded her, sucked her down, and it would always be with her. I didn’t know how to fix it.
“I’m going to go check on her.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” Rhodes asked.
I glared at him. “I know my own mind when it comes to Lyric,” I lied.
“We both know that’s a lie,” he whispered. “Don’t hurt her, Easton.”
“You already know that I hurt her just by breathing. By existing.”
“Then figure your crap out.”
“What do you think I’m trying to do? It seems that’s all we’re doing these days. We’re always one step behind The Gray, beyond this prophecy. I don’t really think that me trying to figure out what’s going on or not going on between us will help anything.”
“You never know. Don’t hurt her. Any more than you already have...”
“You say that like I have a choice,” I said, my voice soft.
“Maybe you do. And perhaps that’s the whole point of this. Because I know that we keep saying that none of us really have choices, futures of our own making, not these days with this war and this prophecy. But maybe that’s what the Fall was all about. Reminding us to make the choices our forebearers didn’t or couldn’t.”
“Or at least make some decisions that are the complete opposite of what they did. Considering that they brought us to this moment with their greed.”
“And their hate. And their distrust. And their anger. Their feuding. All of it.”
“I want to fix it, Rhodes. I always have. It’s just easier said than done.”
“You know it. Now, go and talk with Lyric. Make sure she’s okay. Because even though it pains me to say this, she needs to pull through quickly so we can get to the next phase.”
“Just like you had to get through watching your parents die?” I asked.
“Yeah, same as you. It seems that’s our lot in life. To ignore the fact that everyone we thought would always be here gets turned to dust and fades away. Hopefully, not from our memories though as we focus on the hell burning around us.”
“Well, we have to focus on all of it. Because if we don’t, who else is going to clean up this mess?”
“I don’t think there is ever going to be an answer we like to that question.”
At that incredibly true statement, I walked away and headed toward my bedroom. There was a woman in my bed, a woman I wanted even though I didn’t know why. It couldn’t be fate, I wasn’t allowed to feel that because of the curse. But I still wanted her. And I hated that there was nothing I could do about it.
I walked into the room without bothering to knock—after all, it was my bedroom.
And I figured since a Seer was watching Lyric, I wasn’t going to walk in on anything I shouldn’t see.
Rosamond stood, her book closed in her hand as she looked down at Lyric and slid her fingers through Lyric’s hair.
“She’ll wake soon. And then we will take our next steps. We always do.”
I reached out for Rosamond as she staggered ever so slightly into my arms.
“You should rest.” I sat down, sounding far more brotherly than I ever had before in my life.
“You’re a good man, Easton.”
“No, I’m not. But I am the king. So, I need to protect those in my court.”
She looked at me and shook her head. “You say those things. However, they’re not completely true. You are a very good man. And one day, the world will see that. Or they will watch as we perish in the folds of our own darkness. For the Spirit Priestess is not of one but of five, and will fade into The Gray as the curse of the unknown shatters into the darkness of the obsolete.”
She shook herself as I sat there, trying to keep her steady even as my blood ran cold.
“What was that?” I asked, my voice low so as not to wake Lyric. Not yet.
“Rosamon
d?”
“She wakes soon. Be good.” Then she kissed my cheek before drifting out of the room as if her feet weren’t even touching the floor. I knew that wasn’t the case. Sometimes that woman was so damn eerie.
As the door closed, I tried to collect myself, wondering what the hell type of vision she had just had as Lyric shifted on the bed. I was at her side in a flash, my hand holding hers as I waited to see what she would say. I didn’t want her to be alone when she woke.
I didn’t know why I felt that way. Something pushed me away until I almost made to leave. She wasn’t mine. I didn’t need her. She was nothing to me. And even though it hurt, even though I wanted her more than I cared to admit, I told myself that it was just lust. Just need. And that was fine, but I had to push that out of my mind. Because it didn’t matter.
“Easton?” Lyric asked, her voice shaky.
“I’m here.” I listened to an ache in my voice, the jagged edge of the man I had once been.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
“I’m fine. I don’t want to talk.”
I nodded, figuring that was exactly what I probably would have said, and then I wasn’t thinking at all. Suddenly, she was sitting up, and her lips were on mine, and I could barely breathe. I parted my lips, tangling my tongue with hers as I slid my arms around her, fisting one hand in her hair and moving the other around to her waist as she kissed me hard and fast.
I needed to pull away.
I couldn’t.
Not when she was moving, suddenly straddling me at the edge of the bed as she kept kissing—faster, harder, deeper.
There was an intensity to her that scared me, as if she were trying to taste life on my lips, to feel something that wasn’t there.
She groped at me, tugging at my clothes, wanting more. And even though I wanted it, too; even though the evidence of exactly what I wanted was between us, I pushed her away just slightly. I cupped her face, searching her gaze. She panted, her brown eyes bright, her lips parted. I wanted to kiss her again, needed to touch and hold her.
It would be wrong. Wrong in so many ways. So I let her breathe, let her calm, and slid my thumb across her cheek.
“Not now, little girl. Not now, Priestess. Not now.”
“Don’t call me that. I can’t be your Priestess. Not here. Not with you.”
I nodded. “Just like you said I’m not your king.”
“Like how I’m not your Priestess?” she asked, her voice broken.
“You are Lyric. And kissing me and doing whatever else we could have done just then isn’t going to solve anything. It won’t fix this. When and if we do something like that, it’ll be because we’re both ready, and it’s the right time.”
“There’s never the right time. Or enough time.” Tears filled her eyes, and I was thankful that I’d pushed her away when I did. I was already a bastard. I wasn’t going to take advantage, too.
Though, because I had to, I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. And felt…nothing. My pulse didn’t race, my heart didn’t beat in time with hers. There was nothing. I hated her crying, though.
“They’re gone,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry.” And that was the truth. I could be sorry, even if I couldn’t feel anything else. The hollowness within me echoed throughout my body, and I hated myself for it. Was that hate a feeling? Or just the truth.
“I’m going to kill him.”
“I can do that for you. You don’t have to kill, Lyric. You don’t have to have that on your soul.”
“I already have. I can do this. You don’t have to do everything for me.”
“And you don’t have to do everything yourself.”
She closed her eyes and slid off my lap. She paced to the other side of the room and faced the wall, folding her arms over her chest.
I sighed and stood up, pushing my hands through my hair. Anyone walking in would probably wonder what we had just done. It wasn’t their business. I was the king, she was the Spirit Priestess, and they could all rot for all I cared.
“Lyric.” She twisted on her heel and pulled up my shirt. I was so stunned that I didn’t move fast enough. Her training was clearly going well if she’d moved that quickly. She didn’t pull my shirt up any higher than my chest. Instead, she slid her fingers along the jagged scar on my stomach, and her eyes widened.
“This was from me,” she whispered, her voice soft. “This is from when I died.”
I swallowed hard. “Yes, I bled because you were dying. I didn’t know it at the time. And I don’t know why I even know now. I shouldn’t be able to feel anything for that memory or understand the connection. Not with the curse.”
“I don’t know if I can fight this anymore,” she whispered.
“Fight what?” I asked, worried. I was always worried.
“I have to fight so much. Who I need to be, the powers within me, the expectations of those who want so much out of me, and the fear that I can’t do it. I’ve already failed at so much, and I don’t want to fight anymore. So maybe…maybe I won’t. And perhaps the curse will always be there, and you’ll never be mine, and I’ll never be yours. We’ll never have that bond. I don’t want to pretend that I’m not hurting. And I don’t want to pretend that I don’t want to reach out and touch you. Because that’s always in the back of my mind. Even though I know it shouldn’t be. If I just give in, perhaps if I just let myself touch you, if you let me, then I’ll be able to focus on everything else.”
I stood there stunned, my throat tight. “That’s a half-life, Lyric.”
“No, it’s a human one. Humans don’t have soulmates, they don’t have promises beyond trust that is usually broken. You don’t have to love me. I just need you to be here. Can you do that?”
I didn’t shake my head, didn’t nod, I just swallowed hard. “Will that be enough?”
She didn’t answer, and I didn’t say anything more.
Instead, I watched as she trailed her fingers along my scar. I stood there, letting her.
Because there were no easy answers for any of this. Then again, there never were.
If I could give her this, at least pretend that I could love her, that this was okay and would be our happily ever after, maybe she could focus on everything else.
Perhaps that was my lot. To be there so she could save the world, even when I was dead inside.
I stood there and watched. I didn’t yearn. Didn’t love.
Because I felt nothing. Just like always.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lyric
* * *
The voices echoed as a cacophony of sound in my mind, and I rubbed my temples, wishing I had coffee or some other form of caffeine. I hadn’t been a coffee drinker in the human realm, but now I missed it. Oh, there was coffee in the Maison realm. But it wasn’t the same. Whatever it was, I really wanted it. Maybe I could ask Ridley for an elixir or something to help me wake up. Because even though I had passed out and slept hard in Easton’s bed the night before, it hadn’t been real rest. No, it had been my body fighting off whatever had come at it, trying to find its equilibrium again.
“We need to meet with the king and see what his plans are.”
I looked at Rhodes as he spoke, as he tried to keep his voice calm. I knew there was anger just beneath the surface.
“And what help will that be?” Teagan asked. “Your bastard of an uncle has never helped us. Never listened to us. No, he just kills our people and tries to take our lands.”
“We’ve been at war for centuries,” Luken put in. “It’s not just the Lumière who are at fault.”
“Oh, I know that the Obscurité have their faults, as well,” Wyn said. “We just don’t torture and murder like the Lumière have done.”
I stood, putting up my hands. Everyone quieted.
“Stop it. Almost every person in this room has said more than once that this isn’t Lumière versus Obscurité anymore. And yet these arguments make
it sound like that’s exactly what this is.”
“It’s hard to go back on so much history, pet,” Easton said, and I glared.
I didn’t like his nicknames. But I guessed the posh “pet” was better than Priestess or little girl. Maybe.
“It’s The Gray versus the rest of us. And we have to see what side the king is on.”
Rhodes’ jaw clenched. “We don’t know that my uncle’s working with him.”
“No, we don’t. We don’t know that he isn’t either. Maybe things will work out, and we’ll be able to talk with him and come together. If we’re united, perhaps we’ll be too much for The Gray.”
Even as I said it, I knew I didn’t believe it. After all, I had five elements burning through my system, and they were there for a reason.
I had lost my family for this power, so I could unlock Spirit. That meant I had to use it. Or at least some amalgamation of the five. Talking with the king wasn’t going to save us. I knew that. That wasn’t part of the prophecy.
We had to take all paths.
And as I told them that, they shot me looks I didn’t want to see. I hated the pity. There wasn’t a single person in the room who hadn’t lost someone.
The fact that Luken was holding his mate in his arms as she purred against him was evidence of that.
The fact that we didn’t know who wore the mantle of Lord of Water because the one who had lived and ruled was dead. His children were still here, but we didn’t know who would rule, or if the King of the Lumière would even allow them to try.
Easton was king because of death, we had lost Arwin, we had lost so much. Emory was in the corner, her hands bound as she looked at all of us, confused yet trying to be part of the group even if she didn’t say anything.
All of us had lost something, someone. Even parts of ourselves.
And that meant we needed to figure out what our plan was. We had to meet with the king.
“So, we’ll meet with the king.”
“I’m sure he’s already searching for us,” Rhodes said, his voice deadpan.
From Spirit and Binding Page 20
