You’re being silly, Brex. Seeing stuff in the shadows now.
Tension shifted along Istvan’s shoulders. His hand took the picture from me, his gaze scanning the photo, a faraway glint in his eyes. “Yes. I miss him too. We could have…” Istvan cleared his throat. “We were a great team together. I have no doubt we could have ruled it all, been feared and respected… if…”
“If?”
“If he lived.” Istvan set the picture down, his look sliding over the files on his desk. His lips twitched as he closed them, his finger tapping on the folder. “It’s good to know about your enemies. What they are thinking. Doing. The more you know, the better you can fight.” His voice was even, his regard knowing. “You understand?”
He wasn’t stupid; he knew I’d read it.
“Yes, sir.” My stomach was still in knots. Seeds of doubt had sprouted in my gut.
I should believe and trust Istvan completely. He worked to protect humans. Killian did not.
“I was hoping Dr. Karl’s results would be back, but he is making sure they are thoroughly done. No mistakes.” He motioned to the chair. “I would like to question you more about your time at Halálház and where you were after. A few things aren’t quite clear to me.”
I swallowed.
“Skip the part of how you escaped alive and alone from Halálház. I’m still confused about how you could have made it to the Savage Lands—so close to us—but it took you over a month to get here.”
“I barely made it.” I forced my tone to stay level. “They had soldiers out searching for escapees. Walking the wall. So I had to go into hiding.”
“Where?”
“Uh… an abandoned house.”
“You don’t know?”
“Only a shell remained of it.”
“You survived with no money for food or water, no weapon to keep you safe?” He sat back, his blue eyes burrowing into me. Istvan was no fool, and he pushed for details most wouldn’t think about, making lies so much harder to keep track of. When we were kids, he could tangle Caden and me up in our fibs so easily.
“I did what I had to. It became about survival. Like you taught me.” At an early age, I learned no man was immune to having their ego stroked. “I don’t think I would have lived if it wasn’t for all your lessons growing up. My training, the way to assess a situation. Strategic. Smart. That’s how I made it back alive.”
“I feel you are keeping something from me.” A nerve twitched under his eye; the intensity of his stare dampened the back of my neck, my heart pulsing behind my ear.
“There you are.” I turned at the sound of Caden’s voice. “I was looking for you everywhere.” A flirty smile curled his mouth.
“We are busy right now, Caden.” Istvan didn’t look away from me.
“Sorry. Just the messenger. Mother sent me to get her. Guess she told you earlier about getting an appointment for Brexley’s fitting.”
Istvan rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to run a country, defeat our enemy at every turn, but sure, she needs a new party dress.”
Caden shrugged, his smile landing on me.
I didn’t stand but scooted to the end of my seat, wanting to run out of there.
“Yes. Fine. Go. Actually, I have another meeting soon.” He waved me off, and I bounced out of the seat in a blink, heading to Caden. “But, Brexley, we still aren’t done here.”
“Of course, sir.” I bowed my head, then hustled through the door.
“You’re welcome.” Caden pulled me into him as we walked, his nose brushing against my ear.
“I don’t have an appointment?”
“Oh, you do… but it got postponed for another hour.” His tawny eyes glistened, his mouth brushing my ear. “How about we grab some lunch? We could take it back to your room instead of sitting with everyone.” His kiss down my neck told me he hoped for much more than that. “Spend some time together. Alone.”
Anxiety sank into my belly. After my morning, I felt anything but sexual. “I probably should see everyone. They know I’m back now.” I wrinkled my nose as if it was the last thing I wanted to do. “Get it over with.”
“Yeah.” Caden sighed, leaning back, running his hands up and down my arms. “But I get you all to myself tonight.”
I pushed a smile onto my mouth.
“What party is the dress for anyway? Another gala?”
Caden’s Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes looking away.
“Caden?”
“It’s nothing… nothing important.” He shook his head, facing me again, a grin on his face. “The only thing important is that you are back. Alive. And with me. That’s all we should be celebrating.” He twined his fingers with mine, tugging me toward the canteen.
Right as we went down the stairs, a massive outline pulled my attention to the far wall.
Leaning against it, a smirk on his face, was Warwick. Rough and feral, he conflicted with every rich fabric, pristine white wall, and elegant furniture piece surrounding him.
“You don’t fit here either,” he whispered huskily in my ear as if he was right behind me, though he stayed across the room, his mouth never moving. Even as I stayed next to Caden, I was also standing in some dirty alley in the Savage Lands, the smell of trash and feces turning my stomach.
“You don’t fucking know me.” I spun away from him, anger flaring through me.
“I know you better than anyone here, princess.” He growled into my ear.
I turned to tell him off.
He was gone.
The burning sweet taste of Pálinka slid down my throat, scorching my stomach, making me feel solid. As though my body and I were one again and everything made sense.
But nothing did.
The crisp wind, far up on the HDF roof, whipped through my hair and seeped into my coat, pimpling my skin. Lights glistened in the night, dancing across the Danube in soft kaleidoscope designs, but my gaze was locked on the building on the hill. One that no longer felt foreign or filled me with hatred… only confusion.
My ass was numb, but I didn’t want to leave. Nor did I want to go back downstairs, where I’d run into people, their mouths full of questions, their minds stuffed with naïve savagery. I’d had enough of that at lunch today. I thought seeing everyone would be good for me, catching up with my friends, grounding me back to earth, to my life here. But their joy at seeing me lasted briefly before their curiosity of Halálház flipped them into frenzied monsters. Quickly they were bragging about how they would have killed every fae in there, cutting and gutting them. In their bloodlust, they seemed to forget what I had gone through was real and traumatizing.
They were all overconfident, ill-prepared, inexperienced, and reckless. All things that would get them killed the moment they stepped out of these gates.
For the rest of the evening, I was positioned in front of a mirror as Rebeka’s tailor measured me and complimented me on my “weight loss.” I stood there like a robot, despising every silky imported fabric, every sparkly jewel. One small gem on the shoes they chose could feed a family for weeks in the Savage Lands. In the past, I had robbed trains and given to Maja to help her family, but I didn’t do it because I had really cared or understood. I had been entitled and arrogant, thinking I was some fucking Robin Hood type, enjoying playing the hero.
But I was nothing more than a snobby rich girl. A princess.
I curled my lip at myself, taking another deep swig of the strong liquor. I leaned my arms on the railing, taking in a deep breath of the musty Danube. It felt so odd to be sitting here again, something I had wished for so badly months ago, but now it didn’t feel as it should. I expected joy, relief, some complicated emotions at what I’d been through in Halálház. But I hadn’t expected the ache in my heart, the feeling I didn’t belong, that I shouldn’t have come back.
Staring at the fae palace, I tried to pinpoint the room Killian put me in. I knew what it looked like from the inside, how it smelled, what was beneath the fortified walls, what rooms were carved deep undern
eath the mountain.
My mind was a fountain of knowledge Istvan would kill to know, to cut into and scrape out. I would be considered a traitor for not divulging what I learned. The tunnels, labs, and places I was aware of could possibly bring Killian down.
Still, I couldn’t.
Was he standing out on the balcony? Was he thinking of me? Could he feel me across the river, looking back at him right now? And why did I feel guilty for leaving him the way I did? No matter how kindly he treated me, I had still been a prisoner, yet somehow, I felt awful for betraying him.
“Thought I’d find you here.” I twisted to find Caden strolling up to me, the wind blowing his rich brown hair, a sexy smile hitching the side of his face. He held a bottle. Everything about him was comfy and warm. Safe. He felt like my only touchstone. The only one who would know where to find me. “Brought back up.”
“Good thing.” I finished off the first one, setting it to the side.
He snorted, shaking his head and sitting down next to me.
“Should have brought backup for the backup.” He nudged me playfully, handing me the new bottle.
“You’d think you would have learned that by now.” I took a sip, handing it back to him.
His fingers wrapped around it, watching me for a long silent minute. Then turned his head away, his shoulders rolling forward.
“Caden?”
A strangled choke heaved from deep inside him, stabbing through me like a dagger.
“I thought I lost you—forever.” His voice was strangled, his eyes filling with tears. “I never realized how much you are part of me until you were gone.” He struggled back a sob. “I fell apart. I couldn’t function without you. I didn’t give a shit about anything… I didn’t care what happened to me or what my future held.”
I put a hand on his. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“No, you don’t get it. It’s too late. And all I want is you.”
“What are you talking about?”
He shook his head. Another few beats passed before he spoke again.
“I got Aron killed…” He turned to me.
My throat bobbed at his pain. “No, you didn’t.”
I did.
“He wouldn’t have gotten caught if it wasn’t for me.” His throat bobbed heavily. “I was on a suicide mission. Everything felt dark, my life over… and he followed.”
“He made his own choice.”
The guilt Caden felt was nothing compared to what sat on my chest. It might have been Caden’s idea that got Aron caught, but he knew the risks. It was my hand that actually killed him. I heard his blood gurgle in his throat and watched the life drain out of him.
“Brex.” Caden set the bottle down, cupping my face. “Being up here… it’s as if we can we go back in time. Pretend it’s that night and change every wrong choice I made, which turned my life into a nightmare. I’m trapped now. My future is no longer mine, and all I want to do is go back and make love to you instead of stupidly pushing you away.”
As if fate taunted us, a train whistle bellowed through the night, rolling by, heading for the bridge. The stage was set; the fantasy I had conjured in Halálház was coming true.
“For one night. It’s just us.” He pulled me into him, his breath skating my parted lips, his forehead pressing into mine. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for quite a while.”
I sucked in, the words swirling in my head and curling in my chest. How long I had waited for him to say it. I couldn’t deny it made me want to forget everything that happened to me, rewind to the last time we were up here together and pretend this was all I wanted and needed.
“Caden, I—”
His mouth came down on mine, snatching up the rest of my sentence. His lips were soft and eager, his tongue curling around mine, deepening the kiss. He gripped me harder, pulling me in, kissing me like I had always envisioned.
Yes. This was right. Caden and me.
“Then why am I here?” A deep voice rumbled.
Oh. Fuck. No. I opened an eye. Warwick sat on the railing behind Caden.
“So many admirers, Kovacs… But you know, I find it odd every time you are kissing one of them, you think of me.” Warwick leaned over, his look hungry and dangerous. “And just think, I haven’t even kissed you yet, princess.”
“Fuck off,” I seethed, grabbing Caden’s face.
“What?” Caden jerked back, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Not talking to you,” I growled, climbing onto Caden’s lap, straddling him. Glaring up at Warwick, I kissed Caden with everything I had.
Caden groaned, his hands running up my back, pressing me into him, his mouth desperate for more.
“Oh fuck, Brex.” He tugged my jacket zipper, his mouth frantic, his hips rolling up into me. “I need to be inside you.”
My gaze shot up to Warwick. His attention was locked on Caden, his expression detached, though a nerve along his jaw throbbed.
“Mmmm.” I made a sound of agreement, drawing Warwick’s eyes back to me. His turquoise eyes darkened, his shoulders tightening.
“You think I care who you fuck?” Warwick snarled. “You watched me fuck four nymphos last night, so if you think watching you and Captain Quick Pump here will do anything but put me to sleep…”
“Really?” I snapped back, my eyes flaring with challenge. “Let’s see about that.” I shoved Caden onto his back, my fingers tearing at his trouser zipper. I could feel his erection throbbing against me.
How many times I had fantasized about this? Imagined every detail of Caden sliding into me, making love for hours?
“Damn…” Caden blinked up at me like he had never seen me before, his fingers greedily tugging at my cargo pants.
“Shhh.” I covered his mouth with mine, but I still glared up at Warwick while my hands pushed Caden’s pants lower, cupping his cock through his briefs.
A deep growl came from Warwick, the sound vibrating deep into my bones, spiking flames through my veins.
“If you don’t like it, leave,” I hissed at Warwick.
“No, I like it… I really like it,” Caden responded, but I wasn’t really listening.
“I’m not the one putting me here. You get that, right?” Warwick pushed off the railing, fury radiating off him. “You brought me here, princess. You are only fucking him to prove a point… and what are you proving to yourself? That you can force yourself back into a box? Live a life you hate? Good for you.” He tipped his head, his arms folded.
“Fuck you.” I seethed, my hand slipping inside Caden’s briefs, my fingers wrapping around him.
“Brexley.” Caden’s hips bucked as I started to work him, his hands pushing underneath my layers, cupping my breasts.
A deep growl came from Warwick, our eyes meeting, making me feel it was really him I was touching, his hands gliding over my skin, hardening my nipples. Wetness seeped between my thighs as Caden’s hand moved under my sports bra, his fingers kneading my breast. But then I felt an invisible tongue flick at the nipple of my other breast.
A groan scraped my throat, my eyes never leaving Warwick’s.
“You like it, don’t you?” Warwick sneered as his fantom mouth sucked, my back arching like I had been electrocuted. “Me watching you… just like you got off watching me fuck those women. Like the night in Halálház… I see you, Kovacs. Know what you want. How dirty you like it. He doesn’t. I’m the only one who could handle you. Be honest, it’s not him your pussy is dripping for… it’s me. You don’t even notice he’s here.”
I jerked back as if he punched me, inhaling sharply. My attention darted down to Caden, the boy I was supposedly so in love with, and yet now that I had him, I barely even noticed him. The moment Warwick showed up, I became aggressive. Fierce. Confident. Carnal. All things I hadn’t ever been with Caden before.
I was no longer the girl who sat up here with him last spring—timid and insecure, desperately waiting for him to give me a scrap of notice. Allowing him to tell me he love
d me too much to be with me. What bullshit was that?
My focus went back to the railing where Warwick had sat. Empty. His disappearance caused my chest to squeeze, feeling alone.
“Brexley?” Caden’s hand moved up to my face, getting me to look at him. His brown eyes were glassy with desire, his hips pushing up into me, his free hand moving up my tank again. “What’s wrong, bebi?”
What was wrong?
I searched Caden’s eyes. I loved him, I did, but no longer the way I had before. The innocent girl had died on the bridge, and I couldn’t go back.
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” I choked, anguish flooding my eyes and drowning in my chest. Jumping up, I darted down the walkway.
“Brexley! Wait!” Caden’s voice carried over the wind, filled with confusion and hurt. “Brex-ley!”
He had no idea walking away from him was one of the most painful things I ever had to do. I wasn’t only running from the boy I had been in love with most of my life, but my whole belief system. I had thought myself grown up living through painful times like my father’s death. But everything I once understood as truth, as real, and dedicated my life to had tipped over, spilling out on the floor.
Nothing would be the same again.
And I had no idea what that meant for me.
Chapter 12
Soft classical music floated above our heads. The gold and marble sixteen-sided room glinted with candlelight and soft firebulbs. The bright moon peeked through the windows far up in the dome, casting a romantic glow on the vast space.
Glittery ballgowns, twinkling jewels, and crystal goblets danced and twirled around me, creating a world of dreamlike perfection.
Elaborate and over the top, food and drink grotesquely overfilled every table and tray even more than usual. The finest china was set out, suggesting this wasn’t a typical party, but a sit-down meal. Istvan only did those when something was of top-level importance.
“Wow! You look gorgeous.” Hanna strolled up to me, her mouth open. “I mean… damn.”
I scoffed, swiping a glass off a tray. “Thanks.”
The deep blood-red dress Rebeka had me wear was the pinnacle of an ostentatious evening, staining my soul. Hundreds of tight hand-stitched roses decorated the huge skirt, while the top was almost pure silk lace. Only my breasts were covered, while the rest of my skin showed through, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. She had Maja straighten my hair until it laid like black glass down my waist, and she painted my lips red while I sat there like a doll. I felt like the Russian dolls my father brought me from his family’s homeland—beautiful, wooden, and hollow.
Wild Lands (Savage Lands Book 2) Page 12
