by Zoey Gong
“I don’t have any evidence,” he says. “And you made a big show in front of the servants and guards, waving that bloody knife around.”
I have to nod at that. “I admit that I was not exactly in the best frame of mind at that moment. But neither would you have been if you had been the one to find a woman dying in your arms.”
“I’m not here to argue,” he says. “I’m here to save your life.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. Honghui goes to a dark corner of the room and pulls out a bag, handing it to me. I open it and pull out dark servant clothes. “Put them on, then I will help you get out of here.”
“Then what?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” he says. He opens the door a crack and peeks out into the dark night as I change my clothes. When I’m done, my mind feels transported back to the night I escaped from the Forbidden City all on my own. Suddenly, I’m afraid. I’m not the same person I was back then. I don’t want to leave. I have nowhere to go. Back then, I still harbored hope that my family would be in our old home waiting for me. Now, I know they are not there. I can’t go back to Tao Fashi at the Temple of Grief. This time when I leave the Forbidden City, I will be completely alone.
“I can’t do this,” I say, my voice small and shaky.
“What are you talking about?” Honghui asks me.
“Where am I to go?” I ask. “What will I do?”
Honghui closes the door and walks over to me, taking my hands in his and kissing my forehead. I close my eyes and try not to cry.
“You are the bravest, most resilient woman I know,” Honghui says. “Have we not always found our way back to each other?”
I shake my head. “Everything is different now. You are emperor. Once I leave here, I’ll be a wanted woman. A woman accused of murder. By running away, everyone will think I really am guilty.”
“Then we must prove your innocence,” he says. “Somehow we will prove that you didn’t do this thing. And better yet, we will find proof that Liling really is the person who killed Fenfeng.”
“But how?” I ask.
“I don’t know!” Honghui says in frustration, his own eyes growing glassy. “But we have to try.”
I have no faith that once I climb over the great red walls of the Forbidden City that I will ever be able to return to this place, but still, I nod. Honghui still has hope—however faint—that we will be together again, and I can’t take that from him.
“Yes,” I say. “Yes, of course. All we can do is try. We can’t let her get away with what she’s done.”
“Exactly,” he says. He reaches into his sleeve and hands me a small purse. “Some money to help you.” I take the purse and slip it into a pocket in my own sleeve.
“Now, how do we get you out of here?” Honghui asks.
“Behind the palace I lived in when I first arrived at the Forbidden City as a concubine there was a large, old tree. It reaches up taller than the outer wall, but it had branches low enough for me to reach.”
Honghui nods thoughtfully. “You climbed the tree and went over the wall and then…what? Dropped thirty feet to the ground on the other side?”
I shrug as I remember the terrifying fall and the pain as I landed.
“I can’t believe you didn’t die,” Honghui says, “or at least break something.”
“I didn’t think it through,” I say. “All I wanted was to get out.”
“But you came back,” Honghui says. “Why?”
“I didn’t have anywhere else to go,” I say.
“Your mother—”
“My family was gone,” I say. His mouth drops open. I’m tired of lying. This could be the last time I see Honghui, and I don’t want to leave without telling him the truth. “I’m not Ula-Nara Lihua. I never was. I was—” I bite my tongue and curse myself that I still can’t bring myself to tell him that I’m Han Chinese. That I’m not Manchu.
“My family was poor, so poor we often didn’t have enough food to eat. Lihua’s mother, Mingxia, offered my family money if I took her daughter’s place at the selection for Guozhi’s consorts. My parents didn’t want to accept, but I couldn’t let them go hungry. The baby was surely going to die if I didn’t take the money. I took Lihua’s place.
“I never thought I would be selected. I thought I would just attend the ceremony and then be sent home. When I ended up being selected, I panicked. I was miserable. So, I escaped. But when I got to our old home, my family was gone. I have no idea where they went or what happened to them.”
Honghui lets out an exhale and rubs his forehead. “You’re not Lihua. Then who are you?”
“My name is Daiyu,” I say.
Honghui nods. “Of course.” Still, he looks overwhelmed as he tries to process all I’ve told him. He’s not looking at me.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I wanted to tell you so many times. I should have told you before I agreed to marry you. But I was afraid. If anyone ever found out that I had lied. That I’d deceived the emperor, I could have been put to death. I’m sorry.”
“That’s why it is so important to you to send money to the poor,” he says slowly. “You know what being poor is like.”
“Yes,” I say simply.
“I can’t imagine what your life must have been like,” Honghui says. “I suppose you must have been very desperate to take such a risk.”
“I was,” I say. “But that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have lied…at least, not to you.”
“I understand why you did,” Honghui says. He looks at me and cups my face, placing his forehead against mine. “Thank you for finally trusting me.”
My heart breaks at his words and I grunt in frustration, pulling away from him. “I’m not Manchu!”
Confusion passes over Honghui’s face. “What?” he asks slowly.
“I’m not Manchu,” I say. “I’m Han. I’m Chinese.”
Honghui takes a step back as he runs his hand over his face. “You’re…not Manchu?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m not.”
“Daiyu…Daiyu…” He seems to be having problems putting words together, and I don’t blame him. “This can’t… I don’t… Do you know what you’ve done?”
“I do now,” I say. “I didn’t at the time. Like I said, I never thought I’d be chosen.”
“You’re the empress!” he says. “The empress of the Qing Dynasty. The Manchu Dynasty. How…how could you do this?”
“I never wanted to be empress!” I say, but then I catch myself. “At least, not for Guozhi. I tried to hide among the women of the harem. To be invisible.”
“Daiyu,” Honghui says, “you should know that you could never be invisible. You shine like a star even on the brightest of days.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know how it happened. But when Guozhi banished me, I thought it was over. I thought I’d never see you again. But then you came for me. You asked me to be your wife. I knew it was stupid, that it was dangerous, but I couldn’t say no. I loved you so much.”
“I loved you too,” Honghui says. “I still love you.” He runs his hand through my hair and then cups my head, pulling me closer for a kiss. I don’t want to let him go, but I know I must.
“Do you still want me to leave?” I ask. “If I do, we might not ever see each other again.”
“We will be together again,” he says. “I don’t know how, but I promise that we will be.”
I nod, unable to speak. I don’t know how he can be so optimistic.
“Who is Liling?” he asks suddenly.
“What?”
“What does Liling have to do with you?” he asks. “Why does she hate you so much?”
“Oh,” I say. “She is the real Lihua. She is the girl whose place I took. Her mother didn’t want to lose her to the emperor.”
“Then what is she doing here?” he asks.
I shrug. “Her mother died and she resents me for taking what she saw as her rightful place as empress.”
“So, now that
she has my son,” Honghui says, “she wants you dead so she can take your place.”
I have to smile a little at just how clever Honghui is. “Yes.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen,” he says. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to get you back.”
“Don’t tell her that,” I say. “She’s dangerous. Desperate. We have to do this right.”
“Of course. I have my most trusted men looking into the dowager’s death. Hopefully they will find something we can use to prove your innocence. Maybe while you are on the outside, you can learn something that will help.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” he says. “But you know the truth about her. You could find something.”
“I’ll try,” I say, though I don’t hold out any hope.
From the center of the Forbidden City, a large gong is struck, indicating the time. It is still the middle of the night, but we should not waste any more time. I need to be well away from here before the sun rises.
“Come,” Honghui says, taking my hand. “I can’t let you escape from this place just to fall to your death. I know another way out.”
“Is it the door you use the night we met?” I ask.
Even in the darkness, I can see his face flush bright red. “Yes,” he says. He pauses and I raise my eyebrow at him. I bared my soul, after all. Now, he can return the favor.
“You want to know why I was sneaking out that night we met,” he says. I say nothing. “You already know, don’t you?” I stay quiet. “Fine. I had been seeing Lady An that night. I hadn’t slept with her in a very long time, but I cared for her and still called on her on occasion. Dongmei…Dongmei is our daughter.”
“Why didn’t you try to save her?” I ask.
“How dare you?” he asks, pulling his hand away from me. “What makes you think I didn’t? I spoke to my brother at length about her. He knew that Dongmei was my daughter, but he wasn’t angry about it since, at that time, he had no children. He was afraid that he was unable to have children. Dongmei allowed him to save face among the nobles. When Jiangfei was born, though, he knew he was the father. I never would have touched Caihong. But since we then knew that Guozhi was capable of having children of his own, he resented Lady An and me for what we had done. I think that by ordering Lady An to kill herself, Guozhi felt he was getting revenge on me as well.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Her death must have hurt you very much.”
“I didn’t love her,” Honghui is a little too quick to say. “I was young and stupid and took advantage of her loneliness. But I am so very sorry that Dongmei lost her mother. Things were different with you—”
“Shh.” I place my fingers over his mouth to stop him from trying to justify his past. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
Honghui kisses the tips of my fingers and then holds my hand to his chest. “When we are together again, we both have a lot to atone for.”
“We will,” I say, “when we are together again.”
He presses his lips together and nods. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
He leads me out of the building and through the many winding paths and gardens of the inner court. When we get to the small door, there is a single guard standing watch. Honghui motions for me to stay hidden while he approaches the guard. I thought that he would talk to the man, order him to leave, or maybe bribe him to walk away. I gasp when I see Honghui sneak up behind the man and wrap his arms around the man’s neck. The man struggles to fight back and call for help, but he was so caught off guard, he can do nothing. A moment later, Honghui lays the unconscious guard on the ground and motions for me to join him.
“Is he dead?” I ask as Honghui remove’s the gate key from the guard’s belt.
“Of course not,” Honghui says, fiddling with the lock. “He’ll wake up soon.”
The lock clicks and the door lets out a low groan as it is pulled open. I take a deep breath before I step through. Honghui grabs my hand.
“You will come back,” Honghui says. “I know you will.”
I’m not sure if he is trying to reassure me or himself, but I squeeze his hand and nod. “I will. I promise.”
He kisses me one more time, then he practically pushes me out the door and into the dark night on the other side of the great red wall. Suddenly alone, I look left and right. I don’t see any guards, so I rush across the wide road and slip into the crowded hutongs to hide.
28
I crouch down behind a cart and watch as a guard walks past the small door in the great red wall. He raises his hand to his mouth as he yawns. I sigh with relief at the knowledge that I had not been seen. But what would I do now? The moon was high in the sky. I knew of a couple of inns in the area, but even the innkeepers would be asleep at such a late hour. I feel a smile creep across my face at the idea of returning to my old home. I know my family won’t be there, but just the idea of going “home” fills me with joy.
I walk quickly and quietly. It’s not exactly safe to wander the hutongs alone at night, at least for a woman. I pass by a drunken man slumped against a wall who is singing a song from the opera Peony in Love. Well, I say singing, but it sounds more like a catfight. I stay on the opposite side of the street of a brothel, its red lanterns swaying in the breeze. The sounds of laughter float through the doors, but I can see a young woman standing by an upstairs window, tears streaking down her face. I linger to look at her face a little too long, and she sees me watching. When our eyes meet, I quickly tear them away and practically run to the next block. That woman could have been me. I pray it is not what happened to my sisters. Surely my father did better by them than that after the sacrifice I made.
I pass by the market where I used to buy rice and pork to feed my family. I have to plug my nose at the smells of rancid meat and animal feces. I don’t remember the market stinking so badly when I lived here. I then realize that it isn’t the market smell that has changed, but me. I haven’t had to put up with a nasty, filthy market in years. I never even went to the kitchens when I lived in the Forbidden City. At the Temple of Grief, the kitchens were kept immaculately clean.
Finally, I come to the alley where our house was located. For some reason, my pace slows as I approach it. I know my family won’t be there, but still there is a well of hope in my chest that maybe they will be. What if, for some reason, much like myself, they found themselves here once again. Back at the beginning. I feel excited at the prospect, but then terribly sad. If they ended up back here again, it would mean that they lost all the money they had earned from selling me. No, I have to hope that they are not here, no matter how much I long to see them.
I push lightly on the door, and it doesn’t budge. I push a little harder, and the top of the door shudders, but the bottom doesn’t, as if there is something at the bottom blocking it. I hear a low growl from behind me. I look over my shoulder and see a dog on a rope outside of a nearby house watching me. I have to be careful not to make too much noise. I don’t want to set the dog to barking and wake the neighbors. I lean against the door and press my weight against it. The door begins to move, and there is a scraping sound as whatever was against the bottom of it is pushed across the floor. Finally, the door is open and moonlight streams into the large room.
“Huh? What?”
I gasp and then press my hand to my mouth as a person who was lying on the floor sits up. The dog starts barking and I hear a voice from another house yell.
“Shh!” I say as I step into the room and close the door behind me. I see that the door had been held closed by a large rock, but I leave that where it lays, leaving the door open a crack to let some of the light in.
“What? Who are you?” the man says as he looks around in confusion. At first, I think he is just drowsy, but the way he wobbles, I think he must also be a bit drunk. His hair is long and matted, filthy. He hasn’t shaved in who knows how long. His clothes are rags and his nails are practically claws.
&nbs
p; “My name is Daiyu,” I say, keeping my voice low. I hear another neighbor shout for the dog to shut up. “I used to live in this house.”
“Daiyu…” the man says, his voice gravelly. He blinks and rubs his forehead. For a brief moment, my heart seizes at the idea that this man could be my father. But no. I shake my head and thank the gods that it isn’t. But there is something familiar about him.
“Who are you?” I ask him.
He lets out a long breath as if trying to remember his own name. “Fa…” he finally says slowly. “Dong Fa.”
“I remember you!” I say. He had been our neighbor for many years. He had several daughters around the same ages as my sisters. His wife and my mother would sometimes sit and embroider together. But in the days before I met Mingxia, he had completely run out of money and hope. He had sold his daughters to a brothel. In her grief, his wife had killed herself. The last time I saw him, he had been drinking away the money he’d received from selling his daughters in a public house down the road. He had been one of the reasons why I’d agreed to Mingxia’s scheme. I didn’t want my family to end up like his.
“Yes,” the man says. “Daiyu… You’re old Hong’s daughter, aren’t you?”
I let out a small cry of joy at hearing my family name, my real family name, for the first time in years.
“Yes,” I say. “My father was Hong Wen. Do you know what happened to him? Where are my mother and sisters?”
Dong Fa sits up and stretches, rubbing the back of his neck. “Why did you wake me? The only peace I get is when I sleep.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, sitting down across from him and crossing my legs. “I’ve come a long way and was hoping my family would still be here.”
“I thought you married,” Dong Fa says, clearing some phlegm and spitting it across the room. “What happened? Husband beat you?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. But I suppose I should have just said yes. I hardly want to tell this man my whole story, and he doesn’t want to hear it. “He…he died,” I settle on, which is at least partly the truth. My first husband did die after all.
