USE YOUR INFLUENCE TO ACTIVATE OTHERS AND PROVIDE ACCESS Two important gifts we can give others are: 1) activation and 2) access. For the purpose of our conversation, activation is helping make someone aware of what makes them unique. Access is helping open doors of opportunity to use their abilities as important gifts in life. Activation without access is highly frustrating. It is the awareness that you can do something but denial of the opportunity to try. Access without activation is a tragedy. It is painful to watch someone who has the ability but does not believe they have what is needed miss opportunity when it is within their grasp.
I was raised in a loving family and was surrounded by encouraging coaches and teachers, but I had never considered myself to be someone who could succeed in an academic context until I met an activator, Dr. Dee Carson. When she said, “I think you are gifted and do not know it,” she challenged a core belief. She said the right thing at the right time, and it changed my life.
What I find all the more humbling is that Dr. Carson’s actions were not in isolation. There were several people who contributed to that breakthrough moment. For example, I would have never been in Dr. Carson’s class if Dr. David Burks had not helped provide me access to graduate school. I would have never known Dr. Burks if I had not been Student Association President. I would have never been Student Association President if Dr. Duane Warden had not chosen to give me a D for my effort versus an F. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. There are no self-made people. This is why we should express gratitude and a posture of humility when considering the opportunities that have been given to us.
Mahalia activated Dr. King when she called out to him and said, “Tell them about the dream, Martin.” He knew her voice, and he trusted her judgment. In the midst of the most important speech of his life, Dr. King went off script because of Mahalia Jackson’s encouragement to do so. When Clarence Jones, who had helped Dr. King write the original script, saw what was happening, he looked to the person next to him and said, “These people don’t know it, but they’re about to go to church.”
Mike O’Neal used his position as a university president as a platform to serve. He opened the doors of opportunity for Rwandan students who had the ability to succeed but lacked access. Instead of using the prestige of his family name to avoid getting involved in World War II, Ted Roosevelt used it to gain access. His argument was simple; if I am on the beach on D-Day, the soldiers will see my example and will not lose heart. He used his influence to activate the soldiers.
THE SHAKE DOWN—STOP BELIEVING
I am drawn to the idea of the pack shake down at Mountain Crossings. It is compelling to think of a place where experienced guides are helping remove the burdens of others. A long hike is enhanced when we lighten our load and leave behind what is no longer needed or wanted. Sometimes, however, what is left behind is something that we would have preferred to keep, but for reasons beyond our control, we must let go. I think of my forefathers who made the decision in 1795 to leave behind their prized farming implements to be able to make the journey from Baltimore to Fort Pitt. It was not without a great sense of loss, but it was the right choice when considering the distance to their ultimate destination. If the family was going to survive, hard choices had to be made. I asked the question at the conclusion of Chapter 13, but I will ask it again at the conclusion of the book, “What do you need to leave behind to get where you want to go?”
For most people, the struggles they have today are the result of decisions made long ago. Not only do you have permission to change your mental model, but you also have the responsibility to do so. Sometimes, this requires believing new things, but more often than not, it means laying something down that you have carried for too long and walking away. It would have excruciating to leave behind the farming implements and keep traveling. I am assuming they looked back over their shoulder a time or two, but they kept moving until what they left behind was so small it could no longer be seen.
COUNSEL FROM COACH
After Coach received the diagnosis that he had ALS, he began the process of researching the disease. In time, he created a website that offered guidance to those who also had the illness and their families. Due to his expertise and willingness to help, he became the person who people would call after they had been diagnosed and were grappling with what to do next. In Ralph’s trademark style, he offered advice that was straightforward and direct. He would tell them what to expect physically and explain how important it was to accept reality and choose a positive outlook. His counsel was to not waste time but to use their time wisely by making memories with their loved one and friends. Ralph’s advice was for fellow travelers who had the same disease, but it can be applied to us all. As the website he created said, “Be positive, be aggressive and embrace life.”13
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
Writing this book has been a journey for me. I hope it has been helpful for you. It was definitely helpful for me. Through the stories told, it gave me an opportunity to visit people and places from the past and to consider my own path forward. As I wrote each page, I became increasingly aware of how indebted I am to so many people who have been a source of encouragement along the way. It has been a humbling endeavor for which I am grateful to have had the opportunity.
I have breakfast often with my friend, Shad Glass. He is a dedicated husband, father and leader and I value his insights. As the book was coming together, I asked him to read through a rough draft and provide feedback. While eating breakfast and drinking a cup of coffee, he shared with me some of his thoughts about the book. As we were wrapping up, he said, “Your book covers several generations of people over the course of a few centuries.” I was unsure where he was headed, but I nodded in agreement. He continued, “Although it covers a long period of time, I noticed that the key themes remain constant. The context in which people were living changed, but what was truly important remained the same.” I smiled and said, “I think you’re right.”
He was right. Whether the stories shared in the book took place a decade ago or a century in the past, the key concepts remain remarkably durable. Evidently, throughout human history, living a life of meaning has always required intentionality and a willingness to serve others.
I would like for you to imagine we are having breakfast together. We are sitting in a corner booth that is filled with some of the key people in your life. Imagine who you would most like to be there. See them in your mind’s eye. Now imagine one of them, someone who means the world to you, looks up, makes eye contact with you and says, “So… tell me about who you want to be.” I look forward to hearing your response.
PHOTOS
When my dad first traveled to Guyana in 1982, he went with Benny and Kitty Mullins. This picture is of Kitty Mullins providing comfort to an infant in the children’s ward. I traveled to Guyana for the first time in 1988.
Susan graduated from Glendale High in Springfield, Missouri in 1967. Upon graduation, she enrolled at Harding College where her sister, Jana, was already attending.
This picture was taken in 1969 while my parents were students at Harding College. They married on March 26, 1970.
Church was a big part of our life and dad had a hand in buying, driving and painting the buses. Each week, the busses were filled with kids who wanted to go to church, but did not have transportation.
147 happy kids on one bus headed to the Central Church of Christ in Vincennes, Indiana. Dad was one of the ministers as well as a bus captain. Mom taught the second grade class.
Matt (left), Kristi (middle) and Nathan (right) sit for a family portrait. This picture was taken around 1980.
On the left is Katya Bell, I am standing in the middle and David Natanovich Bell is on my right. We are standing in their apartment in Dubna, Russia. David was born in Houston and moved to Russia at the age of the age of 10 in 1931. He was among the key reasons why I was able to teach English in Dubna in the summers of 1993-199
5. This photo was taken in 1993.
Dubna is the home of the Joint Institute for Nuclear Research (JINR) and was originally launched as one of the Soviet Union’s “Science Cities.” This mosaic is located at the entrance of the town. Those below include the English teachers in the summer of 1993. The group includes (left to right): David Pratt (host), Chris Barker, Anissa Carlyle Falconer, Nathan Mellor, Jessica Beltzer Henman, Jerry Higgs and Michelle Morgan.
Our classroom was usually a school cafeteria or a large open room. Each day, we would work with men and women who wanted to improve their conversational English skills. I taught in Dubna, Russia in the summers of 1993-1995.
On May 16, 1997, in a surprise graduation, the President of Harding University Dr. David Burks (left), presents a diploma to my dad, David Russell Mellor (right). Dad left Harding College in the spring of 1970 without graduating. It was later discovered that although he did not have enough credits to graduate with a degree in kinesiology, he did have enough credits for a general studies degree.
Dad getting in the Buick Century in what likely the summer of 1976. This was the car in which Matt used the lighter to create a design on the dashboard. The white house in the background is our duplex at 109 Wooster Street in Marietta. Grandma Mellor is standing under the tree with her grandchildren with their home in the background.
ENDNOTES
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