by Kat Cameron
“Riley, are you okay with what happened last night? I mean, I know you two are one and the same, but I don’t want you to feel like I was… How do I say this? Like I don’t enjoy her more than you, I guess?” I was rambling and I never rambled. I was always to the point but this was making my skin itch. She stopped me in the middle of my musings when she put her hand on mine.
“Axel, stop it. Is this what you have been worried about today? If so, you have been worrying for nothing. I don’t mind you with her. It was a weird experience but I felt everything she did. But when it was her I didn’t have to think about anything; I just felt. I promise, you didn’t do anything wrong,” she confessed.
Shit. I didn’t think I was that worried about it until she just gave me the peace of mind that I needed. How she knew I needed it was beyond me. After the air was cleared we got to talking while waiting for our food. She told me she had always wanted kids but was worried about how that would work with Reese. Then she got a thoughtful look and I came to realize that was when Reese was talking to her. When our food came out a couple minutes later, it was to perfection. I had three eggs over easy with toast and bacon while Riley had three pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream on top.
It was nice having someone to eat breakfast like this with, and I could see us doing it for the rest of our lives. When we were done, I waited for the check while Riley went to use the bathroom. It had been a little over five minutes of her being in there and I was starting to get worried. I heard a screech of tires and knew that something wasn’t right. Throwing a couple bills on the table I got up and charged into the woman's bathroom. Sure enough, Riley wasn’t in there but there was a note on one of the mirrors.
Catch us if you can, big brother. -J.P
Ever heard the saying you can hear your blood rushing through your veins when something so fucking awful happens in your life you know it was going to be life changing? No? Well me either but it was happening now. My heart had never beat harder than it was right now. I took a picture of the mirror, wiped it down because it was club business, and hurried my fucking way to the clubhouse with nothing but murder and fury on my mind as the long forgotten memories assaulted me.
Bullet
5 years ago
The yelling just wouldn’t quit. I knew what was happening but I wanted to block it out like every other night. Unfortunately, I heard J.P being yelled at and I couldn’t allow him to be in the middle of their arguments. Last time I checked, he was in bed but sure enough, his bed was now empty. At this point, I didn’t realize how monumental this moment in my life would become.
At the age of sixteen I went through a growth spurt, putting me at six foot and a hundred and thirty five pounds. Our father tended to pick on J.P a lot, but I tried to stop it as much as I could. There was only so much a smaller me could do. But as I grew and was able to hit back, our dad tried to take his rage out on my brother more because he was the smaller one out of us. Considering we were twins, this was unusual.
As I got downstairs, I saw the scattered picture frames from the walls which meant this was much worse than I had previously thought. It only ever got this bad once before and it was a night I was hoping wouldn’t repeat itself. Who could have known it was about to be ten times worse? There was glass and blood everywhere. So, so much blood. I followed the blood trail to the kitchen and there was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. My mother was on the floor with a gunshot wound to her back. She was blinking and watching everything going on next to her which was not something a mother should ever have to see.
My father had J.P in the corner with the gun pointed to his face while screaming at him, saying how he was such a piece of shit and he was worthless. I didn’t know what to do at that moment because there was so much going through my head. If I made the wrong move or said the wrong thing he could go off like a hair trigger. That was not something I could afford to happen. I couldn’t lose my mom and my brother. They were the only reason I was playing football when I didn’t want to play any sports at all. I had to be able to make sure they were taken care of.
Indecision raced through my brain as I tried to figure out what to do but then the decision was taken out of my hands when our dad turned around and looked at me with such hatred in his eyes. I never understood why he hated all of us. I thought marriage would have been a happy thing. I guess not.
“You stupid, little fucker. You think you are going to save him this time?” he taunted. His words were slurred and his face was twisted into a snarl. He cocked the gun and the next thing I knew, the gun went scattering across the kitchen floor. Somehow J.P had gotten the courage that he never showed before to get the gun out of his face.
Dad realized what had happened and from there, everything went from bad to worse. I told J.P to call the cops and let them know mom needs an ambulance and then I flew at dad. By the time the cops showed up, there was blood all over me and I didn’t know how we got to the top of the steps but dad was at the bottom of them with his neck at an odd angle. Chest heaving, the cops told me to put my hands in the air and I was arrested. As far as I knew, J.P went with mom to the hospital. Dad was considered dead on arrival.
Later that night I was released since I attacked out of self defense. I told them everything that happened honestly. There was no reason to lie. When I returned home and found no one there, I knew something was wrong. I walked to the hospital since it was only a mile away and walked into the emergency room asking for mom. The weird looks I was getting was most likely because I was beat the fuck up. As I sat down, I looked around to see if J.P was waiting anywhere but he was still nowhere to be found.
“Excuse me, sir. Your mother is in surgery. If you want, you can take the elevator to the third floor and let them know your mom’s name. You will be able to wait in the waiting room,” the nurse told me. When I got to the third floor, I noticed the distinct smell of bleach and hospital. My shoes squeak on the floor, sounding like bombs going off in the entirely too quiet hallway. My heartbeat was pounding in my chest like a bass drum beating in my ears.
I finally made it to the nurses station and let them know I was here for her. Like I knew they would, they told me to go sit in the waiting room with the same wary looks as the nurses downstairs. Unfortunately when I got there and saw J.P was not here either, I knew without a doubt he was gone like the wind. I couldn’t sit so I paced and paced until I thought I was going to burn a hole in the floor. My feelings were so up and down about everything in my life and how one whole night changed everything. I was terrified because my brother was somewhere out there and I wasn’t there to protect him. At the same time, I had hope that mom would be okay and the surgeon would come to tell me she survived and she would recover.
As it was, when the surgeon did finally come out to tell me that they did everything they could, I knew right then and there that I couldn’t hang around anymore. The surgeon apologized profusely and told me what the next steps would be. For fuck’s sake, I was sixteen years old. I didn’t want to fucking deal with this. My heart was shattering beneath my fucking feet. The tears sprang and fell down without my permission but my mother was the fucking heart to our family. She was what kept everyone kicking. How the fuck was I going to survive without her?
Mind made up, there was nothing more I could do there. I would do what I had to do to get us to survive until we aged out, because there was no way I was letting us go into the system and get split up. My head was spinning with memories of mom by the time I got back to the house. It was like walking into a crime scene. Blood was everywhere and when I got to the steps, I heard the movement. Heart pounding, I went into our parents’ room and found J.P. Only this was not how I wanted to find him. There was a chair knocked over, underneath his feet. The noose that was hanging from the rafters above was tight around his neck and he was struggling to breathe.
Jumping into action, I pulled the chair back up so I could at least get him some air. He started coughing and sputtering. “Why could
n’t you just leave me there to die? I am nothing. How the fuck do you expect to be able to protect me from everything when you will have to be out supporting us? Knock it the fuck off and let me be, Axel!”
His voice was so full of emotion that it kick started my own. Pulling the belt off his neck, he collapsed into me. The wailing sounds that were coming out of him I could have sworn his heart was ripping right out of his chest. He was begging me to let him die, to let him just go and stop wasting my time with him. I thought my heart was broken when the surgeon told me mom didn’t make it, but this... there was nothing like my twin, that I shared a womb with, begging me to kill him. It was heartbreaking and it felt like shards of glass were penetrating my heart and slowly dragging themselves down through the rest of my organs, tearing me apart.
3 Years Later
I was working at a bar trying to keep our rent paid at the place we were living in. One of my friends from high school was renting a house and there was a room he was renting to us. J.P was working at a local pizza place as a busboy. Tonight was the same as every other night. The bar was just a hole in the wall but at least one member of The Ruthless Renegades was here every night. For the second time in my life, this night would be one I wouldn’t realize was monumental until it was too late.
The president of the MC, Snake, came over to the bar and ordered his drink. The owner of the bar and Snake were good friends so I knew not to charge anyone from the MC. I went on with my night. Same old drunks coming in to drown their sorrows and complain about life. My shift ended, I closed up the bar, and left to go home. The walk home was cold but I didn’t have money for a car. J.P spent his money elsewhere. Ever since mom died he hasn’t been the same. It was like he folded in on himself and became a shell of the lively kid he used to be. Now I barely saw him.
Letting myself in the side door, I went to our room and found J.P packing a bag. This wasn’t unusual for him since he liked to stay out at his friends but the way he was rushing and throwing things into the bag was giving me an awful fucking feeling.
“J.P what did you do?” I groaned. I did not want to deal with this shit tonight. It was my turn to sleep in the bed and I was really looking forward to it. Since there wasn’t enough room for a bigger bed, we only had a twin. He stopped dead in his tracks as if he didn’t even hear me. His eyes were nearly bugging out of his head and it looked like the emotions were all swirling into one tornado of a clusterfuck. I walked over to him and put my hands on his shoulders to steady him.
“J.P, let me ask you one more time. What the fuck did you do?” I questioned. He shrugged me off and told me to mind my own business. Okay, if that was how he wanted to play it. I wasn’t heartless but there was only so much I could take of trying to help someone that didn’t want to be helped. It was like poking a pinhole into a balloon and watching it slowly wither into a shriveled piece of what it used to be.
“J.P, I love you. Don’t do anything stupid, if you haven’t already.” I told him right before I got in the shower. Little did I know those words were the ones that would set off an entire shit storm later in my life.
Present Day
I got to the clubhouse and tore through the front door to find Snake. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I thought I was having a heart attack. The last day I saw J.P, I honestly didn’t think I would ever see him again. As harsh as that sounded, he disconnected himself from me so thoroughly that I didn’t even know the kid that I took under my wing. It was about a year and a half later now, since the last night I saw him and the pain of losing him was still fresh. When he didn’t come back that weekend I knew he was gone in the wind. If he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t, and that is what was scaring me the most right now.
He had my fucking woman and it was going to be hard as hell to find him. If we didn’t, I wasn’t so sure I could survive. Oh, fuck. Stana. Fucking Stana was going to kill me. I may as well kiss my life goodbye. Everything was going to be fucked after this. Getting to Snake’s door, I pounded on it until he swung it open with an angry snarl on his face.
“He fucking took my woman. J.P took my motherfucking woman right out from under my nose.” I could barely get the words out because my teeth were grinding together so hard. Snake, Crow, and Knuckles knew about my past and my brother. They knew that I was never able to find him. What no one knew was why all of a sudden, did he come back around and kidnap Riley. I don’t remember us having any bad blood between us but now we sure as fuck did.
“Did I just fucking hear that Riley was kidnapped?” The words were drawn out and slow, like Stana was trying to figure out if I was serious or not, but her anger was simmering in her eyes when I turned around. Fuck. We needed to find her. And fast. Stana would burn the world down to get her sister back, and I would be standing right next to her while helping her light the fuse.
Riley
The smell that invaded my senses almost made me gag. I didn’t know where I was which was making this even worse. There was something in my mouth to keep me quiet while my hands were tied behind my back. My eyelids felt like they were sheets of sandpaper, rubbing together trying to open. Fuck. How long have I been out? Judging by the pink rays shining in from the only window in the room I was in, it had been a few hours. This was not good.
Calm down. No need to panic. I didn’t disappear.
She was right though. I needed to calm down and figure out how I was getting myself out of this mess. I went to roll over what I thought was a bed and rolled myself onto the floor. Damn it, that hurt. Nothing like falling flat on your face, literally. I pushed myself to sit up against the side of the bed and tried to get my hands out of the cloth that they were tied up in. As I tried to loosen the bind that my hands were in, I started to feel it give a little bit. That was when I heard the key in the lock. Shit, I needed to hurry the hell up! Then the door opened and my shock went to the worst fear that I have ever felt in my life.
There standing in the doorway, was Axel. My heart dropped and I could feel it shatter as if it were frozen and someone put a pickaxe through it. The tears started almost immediately. Why would he do this to me? Did my heart lead me so terribly wrong that it was about to cost me my life? There was a second I thought maybe I was dreaming a terrible nightmare, that this couldn’t be possible. I closed my eyes, begging for this to not be reality. Then I heard his voice.
“You don’t need to cry. It will all be over soon,” he cackled. Like he thought kidnapping me was the funniest thing he was told that day. This was when I knew it wasn’t Axel. Aexl’s voice was deep and rich and sexy. This man sounded plain evil. It was the only way that I could describe it. I opened my eyes and the relief I felt was like a tidal wave of water washing away all the uncertainty. He laughed so hard there were tears coming from his eyes. At this point I just felt bad for him. I started trying to talk, to let him know I had some things to say to him. It probably wasn’t smart to taunt the psycho that could do anything to me but I couldn’t help it. I needed to know why he wanted me here. What his endgame was.
“What is the point in this anyways? We both know you won’t survive this when Bullet and the club finds me. Was it wise for you to kidnap me?” I snarked. It was like he switched from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. His laughing stopped so suddenly it startled me. Shit. I knew this was going to happen but I thought it might take longer to piss him off. Although I couldn’t really tell if he was pissed or annoyed at the moment.
Look at you growing a backbone.
He started walking towards me when I blurted, “What’s your name?” That didn’t help. His face turned red and it actually looked like he was about to cry. Squatting down in front of me, he took my face in his hand and cradled my face like a lover. Oh god please don’t let me throw up in his face.
That would be kind of funny though.
“He didn’t tell you his past did he? Of course he didn’t. That just means he doesn’t love you. Or he just didn’t care enough to let you all the way in. Maybe they won’
t be coming for you after all. Ever think of that?” he asked. Then he backhanded me across the face and left out the door he came. The throbbing in my face only intensified as the day went on. I finally got my hands free and was able to massage the pain out of my wrists.
He never told me his name. Maybe I would start calling him Nameless since he seemed to like it better that way. Maybe it made him feel better. I didn’t really know. What I did know is that I needed to get out of here. Who knew if the men at the club would be able to find me. My phone was nowhere to be found. I knew it was in my bra when I went to the diner with Axel but oh god no. I pray it fell out somewhere but I highly doubted that was what happened. Shivering, I lie down in what is supposed to be my bed, I guess and shut my eyes for five minutes.
Startled awake by a clanging sound I jumped out of bed. My eyes were still blurry from sleep but I was awake. Awake enough to realize what the noise was. My dinner, or what I think should be dinner, since there was no light coming through the window, was sitting on a tray. It looked like a sandwich with slightly brown lettuce. Shit. I really didn’t want to eat this but I had to eat something. There was also a bottle of water, so there was that.
Gulping down almost the whole water bottle, I realized he might not come in for the rest of the night which meant I had to conserve this and hope I didn’t have to use the bathroom because looking around there wasn’t one anywhere… damn it. He must have snuck the bucket in or I just wasn’t paying attention before. There wasn’t even any damn toilet paper. I don’t really know why I was expecting him to care. He did kidnap me, after all.
After lying down and not being able to sleep, I decided to get up and start searching for ways out of this hellhole. There had to be something. I wasn’t going to lie here and give up, I had been through way too much in my life to give up now. Starting off with the window, I tried seeing if I was able to open it. I was surprised when it opened without a sound. Did this man really think I wouldn’t try to escape? He must have some issues upstairs. Not that I didn’t know that already judging by the way he acted.
