by Ted Allbeury
He crossed the street, walked up the three stone steps and rang the bell. It was several minutes before the door opened and there was no doubt that it was her. She looked at him amiably enough and said, ‘Who did you want?’
I wanted to speak to you.’
She frowned. ‘Who are you?’
‘It’s a personal matter. I’d like to speak to you in private.’
‘Are you from the police?’
‘No.’
‘You’ve got an accent.’
‘So have you.’ For a moment he cursed his flippancy, and then she laughed, and opened the door wide.
‘You’d better come in, but I can’t be long, I’ve got things to do.’
She closed the door behind him, then led him into a cool sitting-room, which looked out on to a small garden at the back. She pointed to a chair and then sat down herself.
‘Now,’ she said, ‘what can I do for you?’
She looked very little different from Petrov’s photograph. Her face was fine. There were lines at the corner of her eyes, but they were smile lines.
‘I’ve tried very hard to think how to say what I have to say. How to begin. I haven’t succeeded, I’m afraid.’
She shrugged lightly. ‘So just begin.’
‘I’ve brought a letter for you from Anatoli Mikhailovich Petrov. And I’ve brought you his love.’
She stared at him open-mouthed, her hand to her heart like a woman in a Russian film. But he knew that it wasn’t acting. It was as if he’d struck her.
She shook her head slowly and said, almost in a whisper, ‘I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it.’
He handed her the letter, and she stared at the writing on the envelope. It was addressed to Maria Grazyna Petrovna. Slowly she opened it, took out the two pages, and read them. When she came to the end she turned back to the beginning and read them again. It seemed a long time before she looked up at his face.
‘How is he?’
‘He’ll be fine if you come back.’
‘How could I?’ she said softly. ‘After all these years. It’s impossible.’
‘Would you meet him? Talk to him?’
‘Why does he send you? Why didn’t he come himself?’
‘After they forced him to divorce you, and they sent you back to Poland he was in a turmoil. Finally he was so angry that he defected. He came over to the West.’
‘Mother of God. The poor man.’ She looked back at him. ‘Has he not married? No woman of his own?’
‘No. He wants you to marry him again.’
‘He doesn’t know about my new life?’
‘Just the bare facts.’
‘He knows I have another man, yes?’
‘Yes.’
She briefly closed her eyes, shaking her head.
This is like a bomb.’ She looked towards the garden and the sunshine. ‘One minute all is peaceful. Sunshine and flowers, and another good day. Now suddenly . . . all this.’
For long moments they were both silent and then he said softly, ‘Are you happy now?’
And suddenly she was weeping, tears streaming down her cheeks. Then she bent her head until it touched her knees, and she sobbed, her shoulders shaking, as if she would never stop. He reached out and touched her hand as it cradled her head and like a child she turned her hand to his and held it. Eventually she was still and silent. Slowly she lifted her head and looked at him.
‘I couldn’t go back to him now.’
‘Don’t you care for him anymore?’
‘I don’t know. I just don’t know. The time with him in Moscow is just a dream. A bad dream.’ She shivered. ‘My God, what a fool I was, for both of us. What the hell did I really care about what the Politburo does to the Russians?’
‘Would you meet him and talk to him?’
‘Where?’
‘It means crossing through a checkpoint but I could bring him through to you, or arrange for you to see him in West Berlin. Whichever you wanted.’
She looked at her watch and then back at his face. ‘Have you got time to tell me about him?’
‘Of course. Tell me what you want to know.’
‘What happened after they sent me back to Poland?’
‘You know that they told him you would be sent to a labour-camp in the Gulag if he didn’t divorce you?’
‘No. I guessed they had pressured him, but I thought it would be about his career.’
‘They threatened him about you too. After you had gone they still pressured him. Said he might be sent to a back-number station. The normal kind of thing. He got in touch with us, and over the next six months we made arrangements for him to come over.’
‘Are you American or British?’
‘British.’
‘And now he works for you?’
‘No. Not really. He is co-operating, but he doesn’t work for us. He will have a pension and a house, and be independent.’
‘Why does he want me again?’
‘He didn’t ever stop wanting you. It was forced on him as much as it was forced on you.’
‘And no woman?’
‘He had a girl-friend. If you saw her you’d know why.’
‘Tell me.’
‘She looks exactly like you.’
‘What happened to her?’
‘From the moment we said that we would try to persuade you to come to him she didn’t exist for him.’
‘And what about her?’
‘She liked him a lot, but she didn’t love him, just as he didn’t love her.’
‘And you? I suppose you are secret police.’
‘I’m an intelligence officer.’
‘And if I don’t want to go back to Tolya? Do you kidnap me?’
‘Of course not. There would be no point in any of it if you didn’t want to go back to him.’
‘Why do I matter to him so much?’
‘He told me once that the only good and happy part of his life was his time with you.’
‘You know about Bubi?’
‘Just that you live with him.’
‘I have a good life with him.’
‘Do you love him?’
‘No. But I care about him. I should miss him. And he’s been very good to me.’
‘Did you love Tolya?’
‘Of course. But I was just a girl then.’
‘Why did you love him?’
‘Who can really say why they love someone? He was a very alive man. Enthusiastic. We just got on well together from the start. I was impressed, of course, that he was a major in KGB, and had so many privileges. But he wasn’t pompous like other men. He just laughed about it. And of course I liked that he so obviously loved me.’
‘What would make you want to stay here?’
‘Obligations. Responsibilities. Habit. The things that are my life now.’
‘Will you see him, talk to him?’
She looked away from him again, towards the garden. It seemed a long time before she looked back at him.
‘Would it be dangerous for him if they caught him in East Berlin?’
‘Yes. And for you too. They would kill him if they knew who he was. We’ve changed his appearance of course.’
‘In what way?’
‘He’s had surgery to his face.’
‘And why do you and your people go to so much trouble for a defecting Russian?’
Lawler looked back at her face, suddenly aware of how like Siobhan’s eyes were the big hazel eyes that looked back at him. For a moment he closed his eyes before he spoke.
‘Tolya has been telling us about the KGB networks in Britain. It takes a long time to do this. Months. We came to a halt at 1968 because he believed he was in danger from us once he had brought us completely up to date. Our trying to help you come back was a kind of proof to him that we were concerned about his future. It isn’t really logical, but it is to him.’
‘You’re very honest, aren’t you?’
‘It’s important to both of you tha
t I’m honest.’
‘So tell me why you closed your eyes before you said all that?’
He smiled. ‘It wasn’t to give me time to make up a lie if that’s what you think.’
‘That sounds like Major Petrov KGB at his most cynical. I didn’t think that at all.’
‘It was a personal thing.’
‘So tell me.’
Lawler sighed. ‘I closed my eyes because your eyes are exactly like the eyes of the girl who used to be Tolya’s girl-friend.’
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘So why do her eyes matter?’
He said softly, ‘Because I love her.’
She smiled. ‘Does she love you?’
‘Yes. We’re going to be married when this is all over.’
‘Does that depend on me coming back?’
‘No. But it would be especially nice if Tolya were happy too.’
‘You seem to like him.’
‘I do.’
‘You’re a bit like him, you know.’ She paused. ‘Why do you look so surprised?’
‘Other people have said I was like him. Then they list our mutual bad points. In what way do you think we’re alike?’
She smiled. ‘It’s like talking with him to talk to you. Both of you an odd mixture of innocence and ruthlessness. I feel as if I’ve known you for a long time.’
‘I’m glad.’
She laughed softly. ‘That’s because my eyes are like her eyes.’ She sighed and looked again at her watch. ‘I have to make a telephone call. I won’t be long.’
‘Would you prefer me to come back some other time?’
‘No. I can cancel what I was going to do.’
When she left the room he knew he was taking a risk. She could be phoning the police or SSD. But he didn’t dwell on it. Out of the score of reactions he had rehearsed in his mind he had done better than he expected. She was still interested in Petrov. That was obvious. It could have been an outright refusal. Anger, derision, fear for her own safety if they found out that she had been contacted. But except for the one outburst it had been like she said, as if they had known one another for years. He had expected to have to be an advocate. To make a case. To lay out what she had to gain. It would have been a mistake. Nothing like that would impress or persuade her.
He looked around the spacious room. It was elegantly furnished and the decorations were modern, the paintings on the wall were modem too. There were indoor plants everywhere, and small signs of her life in an open book turned face down on the settee. And patience cards already laid out on a card table. He wondered if perhaps she was lonely.
It was almost fifteen minutes before she came back and she was carrying a tray with glasses and a jug of orange juice which she placed on a stool between them.
She smiled. ‘Help yourself.’
‘Will you have some?’
‘Yes. Why not?’
He poured them both a glass and as she went to sip he held up his glass.
‘Na zdrowie. ’
She smiled again. ‘Na zdrowie. Do you speak Polish as well as German?’
‘I’m afraid not. Just Russian.’
‘What’s your name?’
For a moment he hesitated. ‘James Lawler. But that’s not the name on my passport.’
‘So what do we do now, James Lawler?’
‘Would you like to see him and talk with him?’
‘That wouldn’t be fair to Tolya.’
‘Why not?’
‘I would be sitting here in my pleasant house and my secure life and he would come here to persuade me. I know how he would be. He would beg if it were necessary. Plead. He would be risking his life to come. He has no security. Maybe he’s not your prisoner, but it is something very near to that. A man shouldn’t have to go through that.’
‘Maybe he would want to remind you of good times that you had.’
She smiled. ‘James Lawler, I’m a woman, I haven’t forgotten the good times we had.’ She laughed softly. ‘Maybe I can remember more of them than he can.’
‘What would you like to do?’
‘Perhaps it would be . . .’ She paused, and then as if she had thought of something else she said, ‘So what about Bubi?’
‘I only know who he is, and a bit about his background.’
‘So. Tell me something. Just one thing, that puts him in a bad light. Just one thing to convince me that says he cares less for me than Tolya does.’
The big hazel eyes were on his face, half amused as she waited for his answer.
In the outer pocket of his jacket were the three postcardsized photographs of Bubi and the two young girls. All three of them were naked and what they were doing was definite and unmistakable. No woman who loved a man would be totally unaffected by them. But this woman was worth more than that sort of bait.
Still smiling, she said, ‘Nothing to say, Mr Lawler?’
‘The only thing I can think of at this moment might hurt or offend you.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘So offend me. It’s in a good cause, surely?’
‘Petrov – Tolya – always refers to you as his wife, never his ex-wife.’
She nodded slowly. ‘I take the point, Mr Lawler. I take the point.’
‘I’m sorry I had to say it.’
‘My fault, my friend. Not yours.’
‘Tell me what you were going to say.’
‘Yes. I was going to ask you if you would trust me.’
‘Of course I will.’
‘I can’t go through checkpoints as you can, but I should like to go into West Berlin and see Tolya alone. Not in wherever you are keeping him, however nice it might be. But somewhere where we are both away from our guards.’
‘You wouldn’t mind that people were watching from a distance just for protection?’
‘Oh yes. I should mind that very much. I mean really alone. Taking the risk that we may never be seen again. Taking the risk that I might be betraying him. Taking the risk that he may choose to go back through the checkpoint with me.’
Lawler looked back at her, all his confidence gone. And her face was impassive as she waited for his answer.
‘I don’t think my superiors would allow that.’
‘Why not?’
‘I think you know why not.’
‘So who don’t you trust? Me, or Tolya?’
‘Why do you need to put us to some sort of test?’
‘Because I wonder just how different you are from the KGB.’
‘How will this prove it?’
‘They certainly wouldn’t trust us. Either of us. They don’t trust anybody. Maybe you don’t either.’
‘But what else does it prove?’
‘It could prove something for Tolya, and it could prove something for me.’
Tell me.’
‘If you let Tolya go off to meet me on his own it would prove that you definitely don’t intend to harm him. If you intended to do anything like that you wouldn’t allow him to go unaccompanied anywhere. He might escape.’
‘And for you?’
‘If I went back to Tolya and we lived together in England I would always suspect that we weren’t really free. That we were always under surveillance because we were not really trusted. I shouldn’t want that. I’ve got that now. It was even worse when Tolya and I were in Moscow. If you really are offering us both freedom, I would like it to start here – in Berlin.’
‘Security officials don’t think in those terms. You know that.’
‘So what is the difference then, between your people and the KGB?’
‘I think you know that too.’
‘So what do we do?’
He picked up the glass jug of orange juice and looked at her but she shook her head. He poured himself a glass and reached over for it. He took a few sips before he looked back at her face.
‘If I make the arrangements you ask for, will you answer me one question absolutely truthfully?’
‘Yes.’
/>
‘What are the odds that you will want to be with Tolya?’ She looked down at her feet as if she were examining her shoes. It seemed a long time before she looked back at his face.
‘Let me say the exact truth. If I had received Tolya’s letter through the post, I would have been very moved by it. I think I would have wanted to go to him.’ She paused. ‘But I don’t think I would have gone. I should have needed something more. Some sign. But now we have talked I think that has been almost enough.’
‘So what are the odds?’ he said quietly.
‘I have two tests I want to apply. I have applied one while we were talking, and I was satisfied with the result. If you agree to what I ask, for me to talk with Tolya, then you will have passed my second test. And if that happens, I can say that I would want to be with Tolya once I am sure he really wishes it for the right reasons.’
‘What was the first test?’
She smiled. ‘I’ll tell you some other time. Not now.’
‘When could we do this, if I can arrange it?’
‘That would be up to you.’
‘Tomorrow?’
‘After midday, yes.’
‘Are you scared about going through the checkpoint?’
‘Yes.’
‘Have you got a passport?’
‘You forget. I was thrown out of Moscow. I’m an undesirable. My passport is always with the secret police. In Poland with Z-2, here with SSD.’
‘Have you got a photograph I could take?’
‘Of course.’
‘Can you get it for me now?’
She came back with several and he took two of them, handing the others back.
‘Do you know the Operncafe in Unter den Linden?’
‘Yes.’
‘What time could you meet me there tomorrow?’
‘One o’clock?’
‘Fine. I’ll be there before then. I’ll try and get a table at the back of the room. Can you write down your telephone number for me?’
She reached for her handbag, took out a small leather case, and gave him her visiting card. He looked at it and slid it into his breast pocket, then looked back at her face.
‘If it had to be the day after tomorrow, could you manage that?’
‘Yes. How would I know?’
‘A girl would call you on the phone. She would just say, “Krakow’’ and hang up. That would mean same place, same time on Friday. OK?’
