by A. G. Khaliq
I thought long and hard, and then I decided to make my way to Steve's house. I'd never been to his house before - he'd never invited me over and whenever I asked him he always changed the topic.
He'd never told me where his house was before, but I'd seen him walk into it accidentally when I was on my way to town with Keelan one day.
Steve was exactly the person I wanted to see right now. I just wanted to get everything out, to pour my problems to him and for him to be there to reassure me.
I wanted us to put our differences aside and go back to normal. It didn’t matter how many times he’d let me down in the past… Him and my mother were the only family I had left, and I knew my mum would probably disown me if she found out what I’d been getting up-to behind her back. She didn’t have the slightest idea… and it fucking pained me that I was such a fucking disappointment.
This was why she was always so scared about sending me to a high-school in the neighborhood, why she always stayed up all night, worrying about me. And I couldn’t even prove her wrong. She was right. I was getting influenced by the wrong crowd… I didn’t even take my own mother’s fucking advice.
Nevertheless, I continued to run, one foot in front of the other, until my surroundings went blurry because of how fast I was running. I wasn’t even thinking rationally at this point. The only person that was on my mind now was my step-dad Steve… and I needed to see him.
A man with a hood over his face shoved past me, almost making me trip over. I could hear sirens. I wasn’t sure if this was a safe area for me to be walking in, but I needed to see Steve.
I walked past endless houses, trying to spot which one was his. Then I recognized his car, and it was parked right outside his house. I looked up and smiled. I was here.
As soon as I saw the townhouse where Steve lived, I stopped running. Some of the windows were smashed, and it looked pretty rough… but I didn’t care.
I walked through the front gate and knocked on the front door. I stood there for five minutes just knocking, until I reached for the door handle and realised the door was already open.
I made my way inside, taking a deep breath in. This was it. This was his house. I just hoped he wouldn’t be pissed off at me for turning up unannounced.
When I walked into the living room, I was shocked. There were chandeliers hanging on the walls, white leather sofas and a 70-inch wide-screen plasma TV plastered across the wall.
Why did this place look so flashy on a plumber's measly wage?
“Steve?” I called out. “Steeeeeve?”
There was no response, so I carried on walking further into the house.
I walked into another flashy room, and then my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I saw a man and woman completely naked, fucking each other on the couch. They didn’t seem to notice I was there so I quickly departed from the room and started making my way upstairs, fucking traumatised at what I’d just witnessed. Something didn’t feel right about this.
As I made my way upstairs, I started coughing uncontrollably. The house started to wreak with the stench of cigarettes and alcohol. There were beer cans scattered everywhere, around every room. I walked into a bedroom and saw weed plants in front of me. I was absolutely shocked. What the fuck was going on?!
I gasped, dismayed, as I looked further to see a cabinet full of boxes and needles. There were pills, morphine injections…
I needed to get out of here, fast. I slowly walked backwards, terrified, as I began making my way out of the room… And then I bumped straight into somebody.
Fuck.
I heard the cock of a gun, and felt the feeling of hard metal being pressed against my head. I swallowed, hard, slowly turning around. I was fucking terrified.
A massive man was towering over me, holding a gun against my temple. He was tall, around six foot, and muscular. I swallowed nervously, sweat beading on my forehead, my heart throbbing against my chest, as I watched my life flash before my eyes.
“It looks like we have a trespasser,” he said quietly. “Give me one good reason that I shouldn't put a bullet through your brain right now.”
More men started crowding around… Men who looked just like this one.
I was trapped… with no way out. I might as well wave goodbye to my life right now. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The trinity.
“I - I didn't mean any harm,” I said, trembling and shaking with fear.
“Aw, he's a little yute,” one of them laughed. “He’s gonna go straight to the police, isn’t he?”
“I won't, I s - swear!” I cried out. “Please just let me go!”
The man drew the gun angrily, cocking it and refilling it with bullets.
“NO! No!” I begged. “Please!”
“Stop!” A booming, authoritative voice came from behind the men.
The man walked into the room, and everybody looked at him thoughtfully, like he was powerful, like he was their master. His face came into full focus…
It was Steve.
The men shuffled backwards uncomfortably.
“I'm his stepdad. Leave him be,” said Steve. The men sighed, agitated.
“I said fucking stop it, didn’t I Abid?!” Steve rolled his eyes. “Get the fuck outta here. You and Trex have shipments to take care of.”
Steve folded his arms angrily.
“Our bad, boss,” Abid apologized.
My chest kept heaving upwards and downwards in shock after what had just happened. I couldn’t come to terms with it. I couldn’t comprehend it.
Steve.
He was part of a drug organisation?
Blood rushed to my cheeks as silent tears fell out of my eyes. It felt like I was frozen to the spot, and I couldn’t move. It felt like I was suffocating. I was struggling to breathe.
Steve took steps towards me and put his arm around me, leading me away from the men, downstairs to the lounge. I couldn’t even open my mouth to protest. It felt like somebody was holding my tongue down, like I didn’t even know how to fucking speak anymore. The arms that I once felt so safe in, so secure in, so comfortable and cared in…
Steve’s arms…
Now fucking disgusted me. I felt disgusted that I was even near him. I felt disgusted that this was the man that I looked up to.
I felt disgusted that this was the man I saw as a father figure.
“Louis, what the fuck are you doing here?!” Steve shouted at me. “I've always told you not to come near my house!”
I’d never seen this side to him before. He’d never been angry at me like this… He’d never lashed out at me like this.
Had I been living my whole life as a lie?
I started crying. I couldn’t help it. I completely broke down, unable to hold back my sobs anymore. I was tired of trying to act strong, when deep down I was weak, broken and timid. I was tired of putting up a front. I’d had enough.
“Louis, hey, hey,” Steve said calmly. “It's alright. Come on, talk to me.”
“Talk to you?” I sniffed. “You've been lying to me all these years, and you want me to talk to you?!”
“There's no need to talk to me like that,” he remarked bitterly. “You're only fourteen, for God's sake. How am I meant to tell you about these kinds of things?”
I remained silent. He gave me a long and hard sigh. “Look Louis, I don't want you getting caught up in my life. Do us a favour and don't mention this to your mum, yeah? We'll say no more about it, and we’ll forget this ever happened.”
I shook my head angrily, balling my hand into a fist. I was fucking fuming. “So that's how you bought me all that stuff. You sold drugs. You always told Mum that you were a plumber!” I shouted, and then drew in a deep breath. “I saw this woman and man sleeping together in one room. Don't tell me you have prostitutes in this house as well-”
Steve slapped me, hard, cutting me off my sentence before I even got a chance to finish it. I jolted back in shock, unable to believe my eyes.
“Sh
ut up, you nosy bastard. This is none of your business. If you dare go to the police about this…” Steve balled his hand into a fist.
I was taken aback. How did Steve have the audacity to hit me? The man who I saw as a second father, who I'd spent my life with, who'd taken care of me and helped Mum cope.
He hit me?
I drew in a deep breath. What the hell did I expect? All of Steve’s true colours were starting to show now. Everything was suddenly making sense to me. Why he always let me down, why he always acted shadily whenever I asked him where he lived, why he’d always go to another room to take a call, why he’d always behave pissed off with Mum whenever he came round.
This man was a stone-cold fucking bastard. He sold drugs, he murdered people, his men fucked prostitutes, he destroyed people’s lives.
He was the kingpin of a mafia, a drug cartel, and my whole life, I had no fucking idea.
“Don't you ever fucking come near me and my mum again,” I said bitterly. “Or I'll tell her everything. Stay away from us, you lying, cheating bastard.”
Steve laughed, not taking me seriously. “Come on Louis, there's no need to be like that.”
“You were like a dad to me. You really were. I looked up to you, I was always so excited to see you, I always raved to Mum about you…” I broke off my sentence, overwhelmed with sadness.
“We can still be who we were Louis, nothing's changed. I just don't want you involved in this type of thing, especially at your age,” Steve said, frowning as he realised I wasn’t messing around with him.
“Just leave me alone!” I wept.
I bolted out of the room, only to see another naked woman sitting by the door. I covered my eyes with my sleeve and walked out of the house, ignoring Steve constantly shouting and calling out my name, begging for me to come back and let him explain himself.
I was ashamed to have ever treated this man as something special to me.
CHAPTER 6
HIDDEN TRUTHS
LOUIS
I made my way to Subway, where I always went to get my fix of a tuna footlong sandwich. It’d been weeks since I saw Steve at his house now. Deep down, I knew I would never be able to get over what I’d fucking witnessed, and what I’d found out about who my stepdad really was… but I had to at least try to take my mind off it.
When I arrived at Subway, I saw Keelan standing outside of it, eating a pizza, looking like he was about to murder the poor fucking food. As soon as he saw me, he coughed awkwardly, putting the pizza back into the box, embarrassed. I rolled my eyes at him, doing my best to ignore him and just go into the shop to buy my food. I was fucking starving.
“Hey Louis…” Keelan began, rubbing his neck sheepishly, like it had taken him all the courage he had in him to come up to me and speak to me.
“Why are you there everywhere I go?” I scolded angrily. “I came here to buy a bagel, not to see your ugly face lurking around here.”
I rolled my eyes again, annoyed.
“I was wondering if we could put our differences aside,” Keelan admitted.
“And why would I do that?” I snapped, folding my arms angrily.
“I’m worried about Ellie,” Keelan sighed. “She hasn't been at school for ages.” He took a deep breath in, scratching his arm awkwardly. “I was wondering if we could go round to hers and check if she's okay.”
I rolled my eyes. “Who cares about her, she's probably crying cos of a broken nail.”
“Come on man,” Keelan begged. “I had an argument with her and she seems to like you. She'll probably let us in if you're there.”
I really couldn’t be arsed with this. I had enough of my own shit to deal with, without having to add other people’s problems to my fucking plate. But I knew Keelan would never stop begging until he got what he wanted. In my years and years of knowing him, that was one thing that was fucking certain.
“Fine,” I sighed, taking my head into my hands as Keelan smiled at me victoriously.
We made our way to Ellie’s house. There were no cars parked up outside, so it looked like her parents weren’t home. We tried knocking on the door, but nobody answered. Keelan started slamming against it, and then realised that it was already open.
We walked into the main living room, which was also empty.
“Ellie?” I called out.
“ELLIEEEEE?!” Keelan shouted.
We walked further into the house. Maybe there was a logical explanation to this… Maybe she had gone to visit some family, or she was out with her friends.
Come to think of it, Ellie didn’t have any fucking friends. I was starting to get a little bit nervous now, feeling guilty that I’d shit-talked her earlier. I really hoped that she was okay.
“Let’s check her room,” Keelan suggested, as we carefully trod through the floorboards, doing our best not to make a sound. We were trespassing, after all.
We figured her room was the pink one, full of teddy bears and fairy pillows. We walked inside, and saw Ellie sitting on her bed, sobbing. She looked like she hadn’t eaten or slept in weeks; her face was so pale, her hair was untidy, and she’d lost so much weight, you could visibly make out the bones in her arms.
“Ellie, what's wrong?!” Keelan shouted, running up to her and putting his arms around her. She leaned into his chest, sobbing against it and soaking it with her tears.
“I don't want to live anymore,” Ellie sniffed.
I felt a huge wave of guilt washing over me as I watched her cry. It seemed like she was really going through something… I had no idea what, though. I had to make amends with her, after how badly I’d been treating her lately.
“What happened?” I asked, concerned. “Why haven't you been coming to school?”
Ellie drew in a deep breath, and her eyes looked bloodshot and swollen. It looked like she was trying to say something, but then she just shook her head. “I - I can't say,” she stammered, as she continued to cry.
“You can trust us, Ell',” Keelan whispered.
Ellie took several deep breaths in and out, as Keelan stroked her back and held her close. I made my way to her bed, putting my arm around her as I sat next to her on the opposite side.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “Take your time.”
She took another deep breath in.
“I – I…” she mumbled, and then shook her head. “I got r - raped.”
I felt my blood run cold. I couldn’t believe it. This was why she hadn’t been coming to school… And if it weren’t for Keelan, we would’ve never checked on her.
I didn’t know what to say. I fucking hated myself at this point. Hated myself for all the shit things I said to her, for falling out with Keelan over a petty argument. I hated myself for not doing more to see if she was okay… when it was clear that something was wrong this whole time.
Why did such fucking disgusting men exist in the world? Why would you forcibly have sex with somebody against their will? I couldn’t put my head around how sick some men were. Nobody deserves to be raped… Nobody. I wouldn’t wish rape on my worst enemy.
Ellie must be so fucking depressed right now. Her mental health was probably suffering like crazy. She’d be traumatized for the rest of her fucking life…
I watched Keelan cough up a sob, rocking his head in his hands, with tears sliding down his cheeks. If we were this hurt just finding out about what happened to Ellie… I couldn’t even begin to imagine how she was actually feeling.
“Shit…” I mumbled. “I'm so sorry.”
“Who did this to you?!” Keelan shouted, his blood boiling to the point it almost dried up.
“A creepy old man,” Ellie said, trembling.
I shook my fists angrily, even more pissed off than I was when I heard the news. An old man did this to her… Sick bastard. Should’ve known better than to fuck a minor.
“I should tell my stepdad,” I hissed, folding my arms. “He'll take care of this.”
“You need to go to the police, Ellie,” Keelan said timi
dly, and Ellie broke into fresh sobs.
“I - I can't!” she cried. She looked so terrified; I could feel angry tears prick in my own eyes. “If I do, he'll kill me! He threatened me. He has a video of me naked!”
I drew in a deep breath. Not only did this man forcibly rape her, but he also fucking recorded it?! How fucking twisted was this bastard?!
“Who cares if you're naked?” Keelan denied, taking in a deep breath. “It's like wearing a bikini at the beach. No-one cares. He needs to pay for what he's done. You need to go to the police. If anything, the video is just incriminating evidence. If he released it, he’d just be exposing himself.”
Ellie continued to cry. She knew that Keelan had a point, but she still looked too frightened to do anything. “I'm too scared!” she wept.
I drew in another deep breath. I owed Ellie an apology for the way I’d been behaving towards her in the past. “Ellie, I'm sorry I was so horrible to you.”
“It's okay,” Ellie replied timidly, and then fear suddenly flashed across her face. “Fuck!” she screamed. “Both of you need to go! My parents will be home soon!”
“So what if they will?” Keelan denied, taken aback. “We're not leaving you like this.”
“You don't understand…” Ellie sniffed. “I'll be in big trouble if they see boys here!”
I sighed. I didn’t want to cause her any more problems than she already had. She had enough on her plate already to deal with, without us adding it and causing shit between her family. I had a feeling she hadn’t even told her mum and dad what had happened to her, yet…
“Okay…” I mumbled, as Keelan’s chest heaved upwards and downwards. “But just remember, you're not alone, Ellie. You know where me and Keelan are if you ever need any help.”
“Please don't tell anyone about this!” Ellie cried. “I'm not ready to go to the police yet!”
“As long as you're ready soon,” Keelan responded sadly.
It pained me that there wasn’t any way that we could fucking help her. There wasn’t anything we could do. Me and Keelan were younger than her. We couldn’t hunt down the man, or take him on ourselves. We’d be dead men walking. And we’d promised her that we wouldn’t tell anybody…
