by A. G. Khaliq
I couldn't do this out in the open. "Yo Thomas," I smiled, waving at him as I strolled over, and then spudded him. "How you doing bro?"
He looked ecstatic that I’d come over to talk to him, because he looked pretty fucking lonely before. I could feel my heart throbbing, my emotions overwhelming me.
"I'm good thanks, been ages since I've spoken to you properly man," he grinned. "What you getting up to these days fam?"
"Just the usual," I said vaguely. I didn’t want to prolong the conversation with him, because it would mean that the guilt would eat me up, and I would back out of killing him… And then be in for a shit-storm with Steve. "Do you fancy coming upstairs away from the music where we can talk and catch up properly bro? It's bare cold outside as well."
"Yeah no worries man," he replied, and we made our way inside. I gulped, unable to process what I was about to do.
We made our way upstairs and into an empty room, where there was nobody having sex, thank fuck.
"So how's things with your mum and stuff?" Thomas asked, intrigued.
"She's good man, surviving well without dad," I said. He was making such an effort with me… but I needed to get this over with.
"Ah," Thomas said in response. "That's good man. How's school going though? How you coping with GCSE stress?"
"I don't revise to be honest with you bro," I said. "It's just too much effort."
He laughed. "Yeah man, I understand. Same here to be honest. Can't wait for high school to get out the way man. Looking to go sports college next year."
"Smashed it g," I said, but I was going paler and paler.
There was a long silence between us. I folded my arms; the sweat on my forehead was probably enough to fill a swimming pool right now. Thomas coughed awkwardly.
"So..." said Thomas, breaking the silence. "How's your stepdad?" A smirk fell on his lips.
"Which stepdad?" I asked nervously. I immediately felt fucking stupid… because I only had one step-dad. But I wasn’t even thinking before speaking anymore. I was just so damn nervous.
"You know, the one you saw as a father figure... even though he lives in the dodgiest estate around and sells crack… and has prostitutes living in his house..."
I threw my jacket to the floor, kicked Thomas to the ground and got the knife out in full focus. I’d wasted enough time. "I'm sorry, Thomas."
"What the fuck!" he shouted. "Louis, what are you doing?"
I clapped my hand over his mouth, holding the knife against his neck. "I'm sorry," I repeated, but my eyes were bloodshot and watering. I started sweating everywhere.
I swallowed long and hard, finding it increasingly difficult to block Thomas' muffled noises from below my hand. I needed to get this over and done with.
I couldn't believe I was betraying Thomas. The very boy I grew up with, who I'd spent my childhood with. Our memories wouldn’t stop flashing in my head, it was such bad fucking timing. I began to raise the knife from my hand into the air, ready to push it into him with full force. The quicker I did this, the quicker I could get the fuck out of here. My patience was wearing too thin.
Just as I was about to lower it to his body, I heard the door creek. I felt a flood of paranoia wash over my body as I froze to the spot. If there were any witnesses… I’d be in big trouble. I’d probably have to kill the person at the door too…
I started to panic, because this wasn’t how I had been expecting things to play out. I wanted this to be quick and painless… Somebody standing at the door made things ten times more fucking complicated.
I slowly, slowly steered my head to the left, to look behind me to see if anybody was there… But before I could, Thomas was able to wriggle free from my grasp. He doubled over and threw me to the floor, snatching the knife from my hands and clambering on top of me.
Everything was falling apart. I’d failed miserably. This was going to backfire on me…
And now, I would be a dead man.
"I thought we were mates, Louis," he said softly. His tone was like poison to my ears. "A mate that wants to kill me just because I dissed his bastard of a stepdad?" He got up slowly, standing up properly, and kicked me hard in the abdomen, four times in repeat succession.
"Please stop!" I cried. "Please." The pain was overwhelming. I could barely breathe.
“But if you were my friend, you wouldn’t even think to double-cross me,” he said bitterly, his chest heaving upwards and downwards.
I was in agony. He punched me and kicked me, kicked me and punched me, punched me and kicked me… Until I was blue in the face. And then he kept speaking to me while he did it, reminding me of what I’d done to him, reminding me of what I’d planned. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t bear it…
Oh Father, forgive me… For I have sinned.
“I can’t believe it… After everything we’ve been through. You were going to kill me?!” Thomas roared. “You bastard!”
He kicked me again, right in the crotch, one time, two times, three times… to the point I was wailing and I couldn’t hold back my sobs anymore.
“P – please s – stop…” I begged, rocking back and forth as he continued to beat me. “I’m s – sorry… I d – didn’t mean to… I h – had orders…”
I could barely compose a sentence because by now, I was coughing out blood.
He scoffed. "You’re a fucking traitor. It's nothing more than you deserve. You're a dirty little bastard and your family will face the consequences of what you did. I'll never forget how you betrayed me."
There was a brief moment of regret on his face, but it was short-lived. He flipped me around, punching me again, before bringing the knife out in front of his face. I was shaking. This was the end. I was going to die.
At least I would join Ellie.
But did a better place exist for a bastard like me? Did a better place exist, for scum like me? Who betrayed their own friends?
Oh Father, forgive me… For I have sinned.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Forgive me, Lord…
Thomas pierced the knife into my flesh, cutting deep inside me. I began to scream. It was then that the sirens started.
As I started losing consciousness I noticed a girl in the background, watching me. She had a look of pure horror on her face.
"Please ... help me," I tried to speak, but it just came out as a mumble. My eyes began to close, and blood was gushing out of my mouth.
I collapsed, as I began to bleed out. My vision went blurry, as I could feel the wind knock out of my lungs…
And then,
Everything went black.
Complete darkness…
And I never saw that girl again.
CHAPTER 11
RECOVERY
LOUIS
I groggily lay down on the hospital bed, rubbing my swollen eyes. A machine was beeping next to me. I didn't know how long I'd been here.
I couldn’t even remember being admitted here. Everything felt like a blur. I vaguely remembered the night of the party…
But after that, everything went black. And I didn’t know what to think.
I thought I was going to die. I’d been praying to the Lord. Praying for redemption. Praying for forgiveness for my sins. I thought I would be six feet under right now…
But it turns out, God had different plans.
I took deep breaths in and out. I was still swollen, and my body still ached. I could barely move. I felt so stiff. This was like torture. It felt like somebody was continuously putting me through pain… Once I got numb, and I thought the pain had stopped, it would kick in all over again.
I blinked several times, to make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating. To make sure that this was real. That I was actually here, alive, in a hospital room, and this wasn’t just God playing tricks on me. It felt like I was here in my fucking spirit.
I could vaguely make out a woman in blue scrubs, running towards me, with a stethoscope around her neck.
“He's conscious,” she said.
I rubbed my eyes again, and suddenly, everything became clear. I saw Mum running to the hospital bed, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Oh my God, Louis,” she sobbed. “You're alive, you're alive, you're alive…”
“He's going to make it,” the doctor reassured. “He's going to survive.”
The doctor made her way out of the room, leaving me and Mum alone. I took deep breaths in and out, slowly removing the mask from my face so that I could talk to her properly.
I lay down exhausted, my whole body in agony.
“I love you son. You're going to be just fine,” Mum sobbed. “I'm never going to let anything like this happen to you again. Ever. I'm going to take care of you properly.”
I opened my mouth to speak. My throat felt so dry, it was hard to get any words out.
“Shhh, don't cry Mum. I'm fine,” I mumbled. “I'll be out of here in no time.”
I slumped backwards, my back searing in pain.
“You bet you will,” Mum sniffed. “As if you got stabbed! On your birthday!”
My heart thumped as I recalled every painful moment of Thomas punching me, kicking me, stabbing me, beating me till I was blue in the face. My mind went into a state of shock. Everything was coming back to me so fast…
And as much as I was in agony right now, the only thing that I could think about…
Was Steve.
I’d let him down. I’d disappointed him. I didn’t kill Thomas… and instead, Thomas nearly killed me. I was lucky to be alive right now.
I didn’t even know how Steve was going to deal with me, after he found out that Thomas was still roaming around free. Steve had warned me that he would come for me if I didn’t do what he said…
I trembled in fear, shaking. What if Steve acted upon his threats? What was I going to do then? I suddenly wished that I’d never fucking woken up. I would rather be dead than live my life constantly in fear.
One thing I did know, was that Thomas and I were no longer friends. That ship had fucking sailed. It sailed the minute my plan backfired on me, and Thomas put me through all of that agony. If he were so damn self-righteous, he wouldn’t have retaliated. When he had me distracted, he would’ve called the cops… But he didn’t. He decided to take justice into his own hands.
But I didn’t know if I could put myself through the same torture I’d put myself through on the night of my sixteenth birthday. I didn’t know if I was capable of seeking revenge.
“Did he get arrested?” I asked, because that was something I needed to know. He’d stabbed me, and left me for dead… Left me drowning in my own pool of blood. Left me in a coma in the hospital for weeks. I needed to know that the cops were dealing with him. It was their fucking job.
“Yeah, he didn't make it out of the house in time, so they caught him,” Mum explained. “They said he could face five years, but I hope the bastard faces a lifetime.”
Mum folded her arms angrily, rage written all over her face. She cared about me so much… and it fucking broke my heart that I kept on being a fucking disappointment.
I blew a long sigh of relief as I heard the news that Thomas was going to be arrested.
But for some reason, something didn't feel right. I had a weird feeling inside of me that I couldn’t shake.
Because there’s two sides to every story…
I just prayed and prayed that Thomas wouldn’t walk free. He would probably come after me again, and to be honest, I wouldn’t blame him. I would do the same if I were in his shoes. I just wish he knew how much pressure I was under.
The Lord saved me once… so I just fucking hoped that he would save me again.
Save me from Thomas, because I knew that he was going to hold a lifelong feud against me… And save me from Steve, my step-father who had threatened me…
“That's great Mum!” I said quickly. “You don't have to worry about me now. The cops will deal with him.”
I sighed, taking a deep breath in as I slumped back down on the bed again, feeling groggy. A tear slid down my cheek. I was in the hospital, and I’d just woken up from a coma…
And the only person that was here by my side right now…
Was my mother.
Not Steve, not Keelan, not Likkle T, not Swoop, not Chase, not any of the people who came to my birthday party.
Just my mother.
And it just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how many friends you have in this world… nobody has got your back like you think they do. Nobody cares about you as much as you think they do. Everybody’s out for themselves, it’s like an endless game of Chess…
People are quick to pat you on the back and go to parties with you. They’re quick to laugh at your jokes and crack banter with you in the classroom at school. They’re quick to ask you to come out for food, and have a good time…
But really, it’s those who are there for you when it really matters that count. Your own friends wouldn’t think twice before stabbing you in the back. And I would know… Because that was what I did to Thomas.
“My little boy,” Mum murmured, giving me a glass of water and stroking my hair.
A FEW WEEKS LATER
∆∆∆
I'd been released out of the hospital, my wound stitched up, making a full recovery.
Mum hugged me, and drove me home. It felt good to be home. I’d been in the hospital for two weeks since my birthday, but it felt like forever. Staying indoors for too long can really fuck up your mental health. It felt good to feel fresh air when I'd spent so long in a hospital ward. Mum unlocked the front door and ushered me inside.
“Now I'm just gonna go to the corner shop to go get us some food for tea, yeah?” Mum smiled. “You stay right here.” Her facial expression fell to a more worried one, as if she was afraid that if she left me for even one minute, something would happen to me.
I took a deep breath in. I needed to reassure her that she didn’t need to be with me every hour of the day. I was grown now… sixteen whole years old. I could take care of myself.
“Don't worry Mum, I'll be fine!” I smiled, with my hands on her hips.
She folded her arms, unsure.
“I'm only at home,” I shrugged.
“Good,” she sighed, taking a deep breath in. “You’re right… I’m being overbearing. I’m sorry.”
I chuckled and she gave me a little giggle, before walking out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
I slumped myself down on the sofa, spreading my legs and letting out all the exhaustion. I leaned over to the table to see my phone lying there, and picked it up. All I had were texts from Keelan, asking me how I was.
“I'm good bro. Just got released from the hospital”, I texted him.
I reached for the TV remote and then caught a glimpse of all the PlayStation games that Steve had bought me. I grabbed hold of them angrily, opening them all one by one and snapping the discs, throwing them in the bin. I didn’t give a fuck how expensive they were. I was so angry. My blood was boiling to the point that it almost dried up.
"Stupid bastard," I muttered to myself. "This is all his fault." I wanted to eliminate every trace I ever had of him. It was all Steve’s fault that my life was so fucked up right now. Why couldn’t he just live a normal fucking life? Why did he have to be a criminal?
If he wasn’t a criminal, I would’ve never tried to stab Thomas, and I would have had a great sixteen birthday party. I wouldn’t have been left for dead, drowning in a pool of blood, screaming for help before everything went black.
If he wasn’t a criminal, I would’ve never caught him at his house that day with all the drugs, the guns and the prostitutes, and the hit men in his house.
If he wasn’t a criminal, he would’ve been able to make time for me, and wouldn’t constantly make excuses as to why he couldn’t see me. He would’ve had his priorities straight, and wouldn’t have let his work get in the way of his family.
If he wasn’t a criminal,
maybe me, him and Mum could’ve moved out of the hood, and lived a better life in a better area, and a better town. Where I wouldn’t have got involved in the wrong crowd. Where I would’ve made good friends, who didn’t hold a bad influence over me. Where I wouldn’t have to give into peer pressure.
If I’d got out of the hood, I would’ve never done all of those robberies with Chase, Likkle T and Swoop. I would’ve never had a guilty conscience on me for hurting others. I would’ve been a good boy.
Fuck Steve. Fucking bastard.
I screamed, shaking my fists angrily and punching the wall, trying to let out all of the frustration that had been building up in me ever since I was left for dead. I took deep breaths in and out, trying my best to get myself together, and calm myself down.
Then I heard the door knock. I figured it must have been Mum with the food from the corner shop.
I opened the front door, only to my sheer shock to see Steve there. I slammed the door right back in his face, desperately trying to lock it before he could come inside. I’d just been raging over this bastard, and he had the audacity to turn up to the house unannounced. I wanted to kill him for everything that he’d done. I couldn't manage to hold the door off – Steve was much bigger than me, much more taller, much more muscular, much more heavily built – and he made his way in.
"Louis, Louis, Louis," he said softly, his voice alarmingly soft. He sounded like a psychopath. "You're a brave boy."
"Get the fuck away from me!" I screamed. "I don't want anything to do with you!”
He stared at me angrily. Blood rushed to his face as his eyes watched me with a piercing look, and his veins made their way to the surface of his skin. I could almost see steam coming out of his ears.
“You think this is my fault?!” Steve roared. “You had one job and you couldn't even do it. Stupid bastard gets himself stabbed instead! And Thomas is still roaming around, alive. Do you realise what you've done?!”
"He's not roaming around, he's in prison," I said bitterly.
