by K. M. Scott
I didn’t know how to answer that, so she did it for me. “Your children are nine years old. They aren’t babies anymore. They understand things. Ethan asks all the time why you’re never here with us. Your one daughter thinks you only show up when she’s sick, and the other one secretly wishes her sister would get sick again so you’d come home sometimes. As for me, you know why I think you don’t bother to make time for us.”
“There’s no one else, Nina. I love you. Fuck, I haven’t been able to live without you since we met. You and the kids are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night. Now you’re telling me none of you think I give a damn about you?”
She stopped pushing me away as tears began to roll down her cheeks. Looking up at me, she sobbed, “I just told you that your entire family loves you and misses you, and all you hear is we don’t give a damn about you. What’s wrong with you?”
Nina hung her head as I tried to think of an answer. I didn’t know anymore. Whenever I’d gotten too involved in work before, I’d caught myself before things got out of hand. This time, I’d genuinely gotten lost and now everyone I loved was suffering. Even worse, I hadn’t seen it because I’d been focused on all the wrong things.
I wrapped my arms around Nina and pulled her to me, happy this time she didn’t fight me. There, with her against me crying, I thought about all the excuses I’d made up over the past year for why I had to choose work over everything else. The company needed a strong leader. Competition had gotten much tougher. Diversifying meant being on the ball like never before.
But none of them compared to the big lie I’d let myself believe. That I didn’t need to take care of my family because they wanted for nothing. They had a beautiful home, vacations other kids could only dream of, and every material item they could ever want. I made money to add to all the money I’d always had, and at some point, I’d let myself be convinced that was enough for me to do.
“I’m sorry, Nina. Sorry that you ever thought I’d want anyone but you. Sorry that I’ve let myself become a stranger to the most important people in the world to me. But you can’t leave me. Give me a chance to prove myself to you. I can fix this.”
She looked up at me, her beautiful blue eyes all watery from tears. With my thumbs, I dried her cheeks and waited for her to say something. I couldn’t lose her. I didn’t how to live without her, even if I hadn’t realized how true that was until that moment.
“You said that last time, Tristan, and here we are again. For God’s sake, I’ve been convinced that you’ve been cheating on me for months. We’re broken.”
“I can fix this. I’ll figure it out. Stone Worldwide can live with a little less of me. I need to spend more time with my wife and my family. Please don’t leave. I can’t live without you, Nina.”
For the first time in what felt like weeks, I kissed her long and deep like I used to before I got lost. My lips lingered on hers, and I savored the feel of their softness against mine.
I opened my eyes as our kiss ended and whispered against her lips, “I love you. I would never betray you, Nina. I need you to believe that.”
She looked up at me and sniffled. “I couldn’t believe that you would ever choose work over me and the kids like you have been. So I decided it must be another woman, even though that hurt more than thinking you wanted to be at work instead of with us.”
Cradling her face, I pressed my forehead to hers. “That won’t ever happen again. You’ll never wonder if I care about you and our kids again. I swear that to you.”
I opened my eyes and looked at Nina in that hospital bed. “I hope you always knew there was never anyone but you. And I hope you felt I kept my word, baby.”
We never talked about that night again. I always sensed Nina just wanted to put it past us. I thought about it all the time, though. Whenever I felt myself get too comfortable with choosing work over her and our kids, I remembered how it felt to look into her eyes and see the hurt and doubt I’d put in them. I never again wanted to be the reason she cried.
“Daddy, did you hear what Ethan said?”
Quickly, I shook my head as my memories faded into the back of my mind. “No, honey. I guess I was off there for a bit.”
Diana came around the bed and hugged me. “You look exhausted, Daddy. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”
“I’ve never been able to sleep in hospitals. Even when I was the patient. I couldn’t sleep when you were here either. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”
“Maybe someone should go to the house and get some of Mom’s things,” Tressa suggested. “You know when she wakes up she’s going to want to be comfortable. Maybe get her something she can wear instead of that hospital gown they have her in and her brush so she can do her hair. You know, stuff like that?”
That was a good idea. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it.
“I’ll do it,” I said as I stood from the chair. “If the doctor comes in, I want to know what he says. I won’t be long.”
Smiling, I looked down at Nina and touched her finger where her wedding band usually sat. “I won’t be long, honey.”
As I walked out past the nurses’ station, Tressa came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. When I turned around to look at her, she said, “Dad, your car isn’t here. How are you planning to get to the house?”
Suddenly, I stood there feeling foolish. I hadn’t thought of how I’d gotten to the hospital. “I don’t know. I guess that didn’t occur to me yet,” I said with a chuckle, hoping she didn’t see how lost I truly was.
But she was Tressa, so of course she did. “You can take my car, but Dad, are you okay? I’m worried about you.”
My daughter stared into my eyes like she hoped to find the true answer to her question in them. Always the one most like me, she’d worked with me for so long that she could see past my game face at the office. It seemed I wasn’t fooling her now either.
“I’m fine, sweetheart. Everything will be okay. Your mother will be fine,” I said with a forced smile.
Tressa shook her head. “I’m talking about you, Dad. Mom has doctors working hard to figure out how to make her better. You don’t have anyone. Do you need me to do anything? I can go to the house and get Mom’s things. I’ll be able to pick up just what she needs so you don’t have to do it.”
I held out my hand for her to give me her keys. “I’ll be fine. I won’t be long, honey. Make sure to call me if the doctor comes back in. I’m just going to the house and then coming back here.”
That answer didn’t erase the concern in my daughter’s dark eyes. “I can come with you. Would you like that?”
“I love you, sweetheart, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’m going to fine, like always. I’ll be back soon. You stay here with your brother and sister and tell more stories for your mother.”
“Mom’s going to need you when she comes out of it, Dad. I just want you to remember you need care too,” she said in that sweet way that told me she knew what her mother’s illness was truly doing to me.
I leaned in toward her and kissed her on the cheek, thankful for how wonderful she was. On the outside, she was the tough Stone child. Always had been. But just under the surface existed a soul like her mother.
“I promise if this gets to be too much, I’ll let you know, okay?”
My answer seemed to satisfy her, and she gave me a smile. “She’s going to be fine, Dad. We all are.”
“We are. Call me if the doctor comes back or if you think of anything I should bring your mother, okay? I love you, honey. Thanks for letting me use your car.”
“I love you, too, Dad. Be careful. You’ve been up all day and half the night.”
As I walked to Tressa’s car, I thought about how little I wanted sleep. I didn’t want anything, except for Nina to wake up so we could go back to living our life together. We had too many things left to do together for this to be the end.
I slid behind the wheel and starte
d the car, but the real fear that no matter what I said to make the kids feel better this might not end the way I wanted it to settled into my brain. What if our time had ended? What if we never had another day together?
What if I never got the chance to see her look up at me with her beautiful blue eyes or hear her speak to me again?
Overcome by the mere possibility that I’d never get to experience any of that not even once more, I lowered my head and for the first time let my emotions out. I’d only let myself cry a few times in my life. When I lost my parents and brother. When I heard Ethan and Diana had been in a car accident and she was clinging to life in a coma.
And now, as the reality of what may have been our last hours together filtered through my mind, I didn’t hold the tears back. There, in that hospital parking garage alone in Tressa’s car, I let them come and silently prayed to God I’d have that chance to tell her how much I loved her and hear her say those three words that never failed to make me happier than any other man on earth.
God, don’t let this be the end. Please take care of her and bring her back to me. I’m lost without her.
Chapter Thirteen
Tristan
A half hour later after taking a shower, I stood in front of Nina’s dresser ready to return to the hospital but unable to find a nightgown she might want to wear once she woke up. I didn’t remember ever seeing her in a nightgown. At least not one she’d want doctors and nurses to see her in.
I lifted a very sexy negligee out of the second drawer and smiled. No, she wouldn’t want strangers to see her in that. She’d definitely give me one of her scowls if I brought that to the hospital. Folding it, I put it back into the drawer and rummaged around for something she could wear. I felt something soft in the back behind the silky things and pulled it out.
Whatever the blue and white thing was, it looked like an oversized T-shirt. Unsure it would be right for what she needed, I stuffed it back into the drawer and continued on to the next drawer.
How often had I seen her take things out of the dresser and still after living with her for so many years I had no idea where to find something she could wear? The third drawer held items I didn’t even recognize. Looking through the folded clothes, I wondered how long it had been since she’d worn anything in this drawer.
I moved on to the bottom drawer, hoping to find something since I had no idea where else she might keep a nightgown appropriate for the hospital. As soon as I opened it, I knew I wouldn’t find it there. All she had in that drawer were mementos from when the kids were growing up. School pictures, things we’d picked up on family trips, and each of the kids’ report cards filled this drawer.
Maybe I’d have more success in her closet.
One look in at her clothes hanging from the rod and all I could think of was when I last saw her in them. I ran my finger over the hanger holding her favorite long, black dress and remembered how beautiful she looked at that dinner party we attended in March. I’d dragged my feet about going because I hated those things, but she insisted, reminding me that part of being the CEO of Stone Worldwide included attending events I didn’t want to.
Next to it was a pink sweater she worried was too young for a woman her age. I had no idea why she thought that particular item of clothing was only for someone in their twenties and told her that when she walked into the kitchen complaining that she should have never bought it because of that.
“I don’t know why you women do that to yourselves. The clothes I wear today are the same I’ve worn for all my adult life,” I said and then rolled my eyes.
Nina tugged at the bottom of the sweater and frowned. “I just worry that it’s a little too short. You know, like a younger girl would wear.”
Sliding my arms around her, I kissed her shoulder through that pink sweater giving her so much trouble and whispered, “Then just wear it around the house for me because I think you look great in it.”
“You have to say that. You’re my husband,” she said, giving me a look that said she didn’t fully believe my compliment.
But as I ran my hand over the sleeve, I smiled. I meant every word of what I said to her about it, and even what I didn’t tell her about how I thought it highlighted the blue in her eyes.
She never had truly understood how beautiful she was, and not only to me as her husband. Whenever we attended events, I walked a little taller with a little more pride because I had her on my arm. Even after all our years together, she was still as beautiful as the night we met.
A few hangers away I found the blue dress she wore to Jordan and Gage’s anniversary party a few years ago. I turned it toward me and saw she hadn’t been successful in removing the stain from the red wine she’d spilled down the front of it when some friend of Gage’s mistakenly turned and walked into her, pushing her arm so the glass dumped onto her. I knew how much she loved that dress, but she never let him know it was a big deal. All she did was laugh it off and tell him he didn’t have to worry.
“None of these will work for the hospital, so you better get going and find something she can wear,” I mumbled to myself as I pushed hanger after hanger holding clothes aside. If I didn’t find her something to wear, she’d wake up and want to know why and Tressa would think I was as lost as I looked earlier.
I moved a white sweater dress that definitely wouldn’t work in the middle of summer and saw a square box unlike the other shoeboxes on the shelf at the back of the closet. Curious, I reached in, lifted it out, and walked over to the bed to open it. A simple cardboard box, it didn’t feel heavy, so I assumed I’d find receipts or warranty information she liked to keep.
Instead, I found things far more valuable than mere pieces of paper. Inside sat a stack of letters tied together with a blue silk ribbon. I instantly recognized the handwriting as mine. These were all the letters I’d ever written her lovingly wrapped in her favorite color ribbon and hidden away safely in her closet.
A smile forced its way onto my lips. That she’d kept every letter was so Nina. I thumbed through them and shook my head at how in love I was with her so early. I didn’t know how to deal with what I felt since I’d never experienced anything like that with another woman before, so I wrote letters and hoped she wouldn’t think I was some old-fashioned weird rich guy.
I read through the letter I wrote after the first time we slept together. I’d never planned on that happening because all I wanted was to make sure I could keep an eye on her by having her out at the house and safe from Karl. But then we slept together and everything changed.
Reading those words now, they sounded so businesslike, but I remembered how much I wanted her to accept my job offer. If she didn’t, I’d have to come up with a plan fast to keep her protected from what Karl wanted to do.
Below that letter sat the one that included me telling her I loved her for the first time. I knew things were moving fast—maybe too fast—so I needed to get away, but I couldn’t stop myself from signing that letter Love, Tristan. I never believed in the idea of love at first sight, but only a week into knowing her, Nina had already captured my heart.
One after another, I sifted through the letters I’d written her in those early days. In some, I sounded much colder than I intended, but those letters were the only way I knew to convey how insanely in love with her I was. If I sounded cold, it was only because I’d never felt that way about anyone before Nina. I didn’t know how to tell her while knowing I had to keep her with me to keep her safe.
Lower in the stack of letters were some that came later after we were married. I knew those by the different paper I used, and instantly I remembered with sadness why I wrote those at another time I didn’t know the right words to say or how to make her understand how much I needed her to know how loved she was.
Nina lay on her side of the bed, curled up in a ball like she had for the past few days. While I dressed for work, I tried to think of the words to say that would help her, but nothing seemed right.
“I’ll be home ear
ly today, okay?” I said as I finished tying the Windsor knot in my tie.
She didn’t answer and remained perfectly still. Crouching down by the side of the bed, I leaned in to kiss her, but she didn’t react. Like she had for days, she simply lay there staring at the wall, her blue eyes sadly fixed on nothing.
“I love you, Nina. When I get home, what if we went for a picnic? I can tell Cara to have the kids ready for the minute I get here. What do you think?”
Her eyelids closed and she took a deep breath. “Not today, Tristan. I don’t feel up to it.”
The same answer she’d given me to every suggestion I’d tried to cheer her up with in the past week.
I kissed her softly on her forehead and stood to leave for work. “Remember, I’m only a phone call away, okay? I love you.”
As she had for days, she didn’t say a word in response.
By the time I got downstairs, Cara had the three kids dressed and ready for their day. Pulling her aside, I whispered, “Nina isn’t feeling up to much again this morning, so keep the kids outside today, Cara.”
She nodded and gave me a sad look. “Okay. It’s going to be hot out, so I’m sure we can swim and then have lunch outside.”
“Thank you, Cara.”
I turned around and saw all three children sitting at the table finishing their breakfast. Too young at just five years old to understand what was happening, they giggled when Ethan blew bubbles in his leftover milk from his cereal and then Diana and Tressa jumped in to make their own bubbles.
Sitting down across from them, I smiled at how happy they were with something so simple. “Hey, my three little bears, I need you to listen to me.”
All of them stopped blowing bubbles and looked at me with curious expressions. Normally, I barely saw them before work, but in the past week, we’d quickly developed a habit of us having a talk before I left for the day.
They waited for what I had to say that morning, Ethan sneaking a glance down at his cereal bowl, itching to get back to playing with the milk. I looked down at my watch and saw I didn’t have much time, so I made my talk short.
