‘All right.’ Taking a tissue from her pocket, Wendy Wilson dabbed at her eyes, though there weren’t enough tears to spill over, never mind spoil her make-up. Putting on a bright smile, she turned to her husband. ‘The meat’s all prepped, so if you and Greg want to fire up the barbeque, I’ll bring it out in a moment.’ Jess watched incredulous for a moment as her mum went back to chopping a head of lettuce.
‘Here you go, Alan.’ Isla handed Jess’s dad three bottles of beer. ‘Take one for Steve, he’s just gone to wake the boys.’
He accepted the bottles, glanced at Jess who couldn’t do more than shrug at the question in his eyes. It was like someone had pressed a reset button and the past few hours hadn’t occurred. ‘If everything’s all right here, I’ll give Steve a hand with the boys.’
‘Lovely,’ her mum said. ‘When you’ve done that, we just need to put the salads back in the fridge and we can open a bottle of wine. She glanced at her husband. ‘If you light that patio heater, we can probably all sit outside.’
It wasn’t the most comfortable evening she’d ever spent, Jess thought, but at least her mum and Isla seemed to have got the message. They didn’t say anything when she and Steve chose seats at opposite ends of the outdoor table, choosing to focus instead on the big binder full of activities available within the park and debating which ones would be suitable for Elijah. Jess mostly kept quiet, leaving it to Steve to decide what they should do as he would be the one looking after the boys once she left in the morning. When it came to bedtime, she stayed in the kitchen to do the washing up, listening to the familiar murmur of Steve’s voice as he read a story to Elijah. She was just putting the last glass away in the cupboard when he came and joined her. Opening the fridge, he pulled out a bottle of beer. ‘There’s a bit more wine left if you want some?’
She shook her head, moving to switch on the kettle. ‘I have to drive in the morning, I’ll have a cup of tea. Do you want to see if the olds are ready for a hot drink?’
‘In a minute. There’s something I need to tell you.’
Pausing in the act of getting a mug, she glanced over her shoulder. ‘What’s up?’
‘I think I might have met someone.’
Oh. Jess paused for a moment to check how she felt, and was relieved to find it didn’t bother her in the slightest. It would’ve been hypocritical of her if she had, considering what she’d blurted out to Tristan the other afternoon. But this was the first time she’d had to think about the possibility of Steve being with someone else. Setting down the mug, she turned her back to the kettle and rested against the counter. ‘Only think you might have?’
He shrugged, cheeks colouring a little. ‘Jesus, this is seriously awkward.’
She giggled. ‘It really is, but I’m here if you want to talk to me about it. About her.’
Steve swigged at his bottle. ‘She’s a geologist, a research assistant. Her department’s in the same building as mine. We’ve had coffee a couple of times, that’s all.’
‘But you think that might not be all?’
‘Maybe? Is that all right with you? Even though its over between us, I didn’t want you to think I went rushing out to meet the first woman I could.’ He scrubbed at his hair the way he always did when he was feeling tired or uncomfortable. ‘We got talking one morning, and …’ he shrugged. ‘She’s nice.’
She wondered how long it would take his geologist to learn all his little tells, those secret things only couples knew about each other. How long it might take her to learn all those things about another man, the one she’d told to wait for her even as uncertainty racked her over whether she should’ve done. ‘Thank you for telling me.’
He cast a quick glance at her from under his lashes. ‘You don’t mind.’
‘I don’t want to go on a double-date with the pair of you,’ she said with a laugh. ‘But, yes, of course, it’s all right.’ She sighed. ‘I just wish the government would get on and pass that legislation they promised.’ There’d been an announcement earlier in the year that the government planned to introduce a form of no-fault divorce to make it easier for couples like them who didn’t fit into any of the archaic strictures of the current law.
‘It would make it clear to everyone we’re serious about this,’ Steve agreed. He took another mouthful of beer, his expression telling her he had something else on his mind. ‘What about you, Jess? Do you think you might have met someone? Elijah’s got a serious case of hero worship for this Tristan guy. You’ve known each other for a long time now …’
‘I don’t … we’re not … it’s not that easy.’ She couldn’t give him a straight answer, because she didn’t know herself. Yes, she told Tristan to wait for her, but she still wasn’t sure when she’d be ready to explore things with him – or if she ever would. It had been a long time since she’d been with Steve, not since before Isaac was born, and she’d got used to going without those intimacies. Her body wasn’t what it had been, not that she was embarrassed by the scars and stretch marks carrying and birthing two healthy babies had left behind, but it was one thing to be comfortable with them herself, and an entirely different one letting someone else see them. It seemed crazy at twenty-nine to be able to write herself off the market when it came to sex, but she felt like the past couple of years had settled over her like ancient tree sap oozing and trapping a fly. She hadn’t quite ossified into amber, but there was a temptation to allow it. To ignore herself and focus on giving the boys a healthy, happy life.
‘That’s the thing about living your best life, Jess. I don’t think it’s meant to be easy.’ Putting down his beer, Steve closed the space between them, brushed a kiss on her cheek then walked off in the direction of the boys’ bedroom. It wasn’t a romantic kiss in any way, more an acknowledgement of their past.
And though they’d said it a hundred times before, it felt like their final goodbye.
Chapter 12
Jess hadn’t said much when she’d returned from dropping the children off for half-term, and even less when she went to pick them up. Though it had killed Tristan to give her space, he’d thrown himself into his work, the word ‘wait’ echoing around his head until he was sure he was muttering it to himself in his sleep. They’d had several questionnaires back from the guests who’d booked for the house party, so he’d forwarded them to Jess to deal with and focused on the final preparations for the winter festival. With Iggy feeling a bit delicate in the early stages of her pregnancy, and things slowing down with Will’s gardening business for the year, they’d decided to extend their visit home, and Tristan was taking full advantage of them.
Will had happily taken over supervision of the installation of the lights display in the woods, happy to get out from under Iggy’s feet, Tristan suspected, because she wasn’t one of those women who embraced being pregnant like a glowing, beatific Madonna. Always a bit spiky, she’d morphed into a hormonal timebomb and there was no accounting for what might light her fuse. Deciding to sacrifice himself for the well-being of the rest of the family, Tristan roped her into helping him with the festival. Many of the vendors they’d attracted for the summer fete were already booked to come back, and as Iggy knew them already, they were delighted to have her as a point of contact. When she got too irritated at being cooped up, or started to look a bit green, Tristan took her out to the showground area and they walked the plot endlessly, planning and re-planning the layout of the various stalls as people dropped out, and latecomers came on board.
‘Are you sure about not having a Santa’s grotto?’ She asked, as he scribbled a couple of notes on the latest version of their plan. ‘Won’t people be expecting it?’
‘That’s why I’m marketing it as a winter festival, rather than calling it anything connected to Christmas. I looked into it, but it would cost a fortune to build a really decent one, and then there’s all the health and safety hassles around what you can and can’t give as presents.’
‘Have you spoken to the wildlife park over at Skelton? I’m
sure they’ve got some reindeer there. They might be willing to bring a couple over and do an educational thing for the kids in return for a free advertising display.’
It was certainly an option to investigate. ‘I’ll give them a call.’
‘See, you’re useless without your big sister around to help you out.’ Iggy stretched her arms over her head, jaw cracking in a huge yawn. ‘God, I’m so tired all the time. If I’m like this now, what will I be like when I’m the size of a whale and waddling about the place?’
Tristan laughed at the ridiculous image. His sister had always been fit and active, and he couldn’t imagine that changing much even when she inevitably gained the extra weight that came with having a baby. ‘Why don’t you go and have a nap? It does the world of good for Isaac when he’s feeling grumpy.’
‘I’m not grumpy.’ She swatted at him, a blow he easily ducked.
‘Of course, you’re not. It’s lucky for all of us that God gifted you with such a sunny personality.’
Iggy stuck out her tongue. ‘I’m the best sister in the world, and you love me.’
‘I love you even more when you’re asleep.’ Tristan hooked his arm through hers. ‘Come on, enough work for one day.’
‘Okay.’ She rested her head against his shoulder for a moment. ‘I know I’m being unbearable, thank you for trying to distract me. Poor Will, it’ll be a miracle if he doesn’t leave me.’
‘He tried that once before, remember? Face it, Iggle-Piggle, the bloke’s madly in love with you, and the bean.’
She grinned up at him. ‘He is, isn’t he?’
Dinner that evening was a quiet affair. Iggy hadn’t felt like coming down so she and Will had stayed in their room with a tray. Mrs W popped into the family room just before they were due to go into the dining room to say Elijah had a temperature and a sore throat, so Jess would keep him up in the nursery in case he was contagious. As soon as he’d finished eating, Tristan excused himself to head back to his office and finish updating the changes he and Iggy had made that day to the layout for the festival. He’d made that call to the wildlife park, and they’d promised to get back to him in a few days to confirm one way or the other whether the reindeer idea was a goer. He marked off a corner of the showground for it just in case. There was plenty of parkland beyond, so if the animals became restless, or unsettled they could set up a temporary pen out of the way where the reindeer could be transferred if necessary. If it didn’t come off, it would be easy enough to spread out a couple of stands to cover the gap.
With the plan completed, he would be ready in the morning to begin allocating the plots to specific vendors. He had a list of requests from those who’d been at the summer fete so would do his best to accommodate those where possible. Checking his watch, he was surprised to find it was almost ten-thirty. Definitely time to call it a day. He entered the great hall to see Jess coming down the stairs with a bundle of sheets under her arm. ‘I heard about Elijah, how is he?’
Jess wrinkled her nose. ‘A bit better. He was sick earlier, poor thing, but he managed to fall asleep and he’s been down for the past hour. I’m just going to put these in the wash.’ She scrunched the sheets into a tighter ball.
‘I’ll walk with you. I’m heading to the kitchen to rustle up a hot drink.’ They cut through the empty family room and entered the backstairs area via the servant’s door. As he held the door to let her through, Tristan found himself yawning. ‘Sorry. I got caught up in work after dinner and didn’t realise how late it was until just now. I should’ve probably headed straight for bed, but I can never seem to settle without a cup of tea.’
‘A cup of tea sounds like my idea of heaven,’ Jess said with a tired sigh as they drew level with the laundry room.
He held that door open for her, too. ‘I’ll make a pot. Come and find me in the kitchen when you’re ready.’
The kitchen blind had been left up, and Tristan found himself staring out at the blanket of stairs across the velvet night sky. Nights like this were what made him want to stay in Derbyshire. Crisp and clear, without the ever-present orange glow from light pollution. On a whim, he dug around in the cupboards until he uncovered a thermal flask. The tea was steeping in the pot when Jess came to stand beside him so she could wash her hands at the sink. ‘I’ll pop down in the morning and run the sheets through the dryer. They won’t do any harm being left in the machine overnight.’ Having dried her hands, she pressed them into the small of her back and stretched. ‘I’m more than ready for that tea.’
‘It’s ready. I’ll pour you a mug, or …’ He held up the flask to show her. ‘I can put enough in here for two and you can join me for a walk. I could do with a bit of fresh air before bed.’
‘I can’t really leave the boys …’ He could tell from the way she nibbled at her bottom lip she was sorely tempted, though.
‘We can stick to the immediate area around the castle. You’ve got that monitoring system hooked up to your phone, haven’t you?’
She nodded. ‘That’s true.’ She pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked the screen. ‘It all seems pretty quiet, so go on then.’
A couple of minutes later, they were wrapped up in coats and a couple of scarves they’d appropriated from the tangle of accessories in the boot room. The heavy front door creaked as Tristan swung it open, tempting a couple of the dogs away from the fireplace to investigate. And so they found themselves at the head of a small furry contingent as they crunched across the gravel of the driveway. The moon hung low and full just above the treeline, its light enough to guide their feet to the edge of the grass. Tristan had stuck a torch in his pocket which he flicked on to show Jess the path he wanted to take. ‘Mind the step here.’ He held out his hand to guide her over the low rise.
When he would’ve let go, she kept hold of his hand, her fingers threading though his until they rested palm to palm. He tried not to let his delight show, choosing instead to raise the beam of the torch to show her a wide expanse of hedge up ahead. ‘If we stand behind that, it should block most of the light coming from the castle and give you the best view of the stars.’
Jess tilted her head back to stare overhead. ‘It’s already incredible. I can’t believe how clear it is here.’
‘Big skies. That’s what my dad always used to say.’ He wasn’t interested in the view overhead because he was enjoying watching Jess as she craned her neck further back. The messy bun she’d secured her hair in caught in her collar, and he used his free hand to lift it out of the way. The scrunchy came loose sending a waterfall of hair spilling almost halfway down her back. ‘Sorry.’ Tristan untangled his hand to sheepishly offer her the fabric-covered ring of elastic.
Laughing she held up her hands, one still enmeshed with his, the other carrying the tea flask. ‘Don’t worry about it. It feels good to have it down when it’s been up all day.’
Shoving the scrunchy in his coat pocket, he led Jess along the path until he could show her the gap in the hedge which wouldn’t have been visible until they were almost on top of it, even in broad daylight. ‘I thought it was solid all the way along.’ Jess sounded surprised when he waved the torch in a slow arc to reveal the hidden section of the garden.
‘Whoever originally designed the formal gardens had a sense of fun, I think, because there are lots of little quirks like this.’ He tugged her over to where a pair of benches bracketed a miniature spring. Though it looked as though the water bubbled from a natural fissure in the moss-covered rocks, he knew from the extensive repair works Iggy had overseen that it was an entirely man-made structure. A tiny folly created to delight the senses. Leaning down, he tested the wooden planks on one of the seats with the back of his hand. ‘A bit chilly, perhaps, but I don’t think it’s damp if you want to sit for a bit.’
Sitting involved surrendering his hold on her hand, but she sat close enough for their bodies to touch from hip to thigh so he found he didn’t mind the loss of her warm fingers too much. The dark enveloped them, the air st
ill and silent apart from the gentle burble of the spring and the odd sniffle or whine from the dogs who’d wandered off to explore.
‘Gosh, it really is dark away from the castle lights,’ she murmured, as though not wanting to break the night’s spell. ‘Have you got the torch handy?’
While he held the torch so she could see, Jess removed the cup which acted as a lid, unscrewed the seal of the flask and poured a steaming mug of tea. Tristan propped the torch between their thighs, casting enough light for them to share the tea without ruining their night vision. When they’d finished, he shook out the dregs on the grass, resealed the flask and set it on the floor at his feet. He clicked off the torch once more, and the darkness swallowed them in its midnight embrace.
He felt Jess shifting against him in the dark, the brush of her shoulder, a whisper of her soft hair against his cheek as she twisted and turned her head to study the stars. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she whispered. ‘I just wish it didn’t make my neck ache looking back all the time.’
‘Hold on.’ Tristan shuffled to his left until he was seated in the far corner of the bench then patted his lap. ‘Why don’t you lie down, so you’ve got a better view.’
She was silent for a long moment. ‘Perhaps we should go back in.’
Realising he’d spooked her, Tristan fumbled for the torch and switched it back on. ‘Jess. You’ve asked me to wait for you, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Any steps we may or may not take forwards in our relationship lie entirely in your hands. I just thought you’d be more comfortable.’
‘Sorry. I’m overreacting, aren’t I? It’s just …’ she trailed off into silence.
The Bluebell Castle Collection Page 61
