Chapter XIII. Of Sir Gervas Jerome, Knight Banneret of the County ofSurrey
The inn was very full of company, being occupied not only by manyGovernment agents and couriers on their way to and from the seat ofthe rising, but also by all the local gossips, who gathered there toexchange news and consume Dame Hobson the landlady's home-brewed. Inspite, however, of this stress of custom and the consequent uproar, thehostess conducted us into her own private room, where we could consumeher excellent cheer in peace and quietness. This favour was due, Ithink, to a little sly manoeuvring and a few whispered words from Saxon,who amongst other accomplishments which he had picked up during hischequered career had a pleasing knack of establishing friendly relationswith the fair sex, irrespective of age, size, or character. Gentleand simple, Church and Dissent, Whig and Tory, if they did but wear apetticoat our comrade never failed, in spite of his fifty years, to makehis way into their good graces by the help of his voluble tongue midassured manner.
'We are your grateful servants, mistress,' said he, when the smokingjoint and the batter pudding had been placed upon the table. 'We haverobbed you of your room. Will you not honour us so far as to sit downwith us and share our repast?'
'Nay, kind sir,' said the portly dame, much flattered by the proposal;'it is not for me to sit with gentles like yourselves.'
'Beauty has a claim which persons of quality, and above all cavalierosof the sword, are the first to acknowledge,' cried Saxon, with hislittle twinkling eyes fixed in admiration upon her buxom countenance.'Nay, by my troth, you shall not leave us. I shall lock the door first.If you will not eat, you shall at least drink a cup of Alicant with me.'
'Nay, sir, it is too much honour,' cried Dame Hobson, with a simper. 'Ishall go down into the cellars and bring a flask of the best.'
'Nay, by my manhood, you shall not,' said Saxon, springing up from hisseat. 'What are all these infernal lazy drawers here for if you are todescend to menial offices?' Handing the widow to a chair he clanked awayinto the tap-room, where we heard him swearing at the men-servants, andcursing them for a droning set of rascals who had taken advantage ofthe angelic goodness of their mistress and her incomparable sweetness oftemper.
'Here is the wine, fair mistress,' said he, returning presently with abottle in either hand. 'Let me fill your glass. Ha! it flows clear andyellow like a prime vintage. These rogues can stir their limbs when theyfind that there is a man to command them.'
'Would that there were ever such,' said the widow meaningly, with alanguishing look at our companion. 'Here is to you, sir--and to ye, too,young sirs,' she added, sipping at her wine. 'May there be a speedy endto the insurrection, for I judge, from your gallant equipment, that yebe serving the King.'
'His business takes us to the West,' said Reuben, 'and we have everyreason to hope that there will be a speedy end to the insurrection.'
'Aye, aye, though blood will be shed first,' she said, shaking her head.'They tell me that the rebels are as many as seven thousand, and thatthey swear to give an' take no quarter, the murderous villains! Alas!how any gentleman can fall to such bloody work when he might have aclean honourable occupation, such as innkeeping or the like, is morethan my poor mind can understand. There is a sad difference betwixt theman who lieth on the cold ground, not knowing how long it may be beforehe is three feet deep in it, and he who passeth his nights upon a warmfeather bed, with mayhap a cellar beneath it stocked with even suchwines as we are now drinking.' She again looked hard at Saxon as shespoke, while Reuben and I nudged each other beneath the table.
'This business hath doubtless increased your trade, fair mistress,'quoth Saxon.
'Aye, and in the way that payeth best,' said she. 'The few kilderkins ofbeer which are drunk by the common folk make little difference one wayor the other. But now, when we have lieutenants of counties, officers,mayors, and gentry spurring it for very life down the highways, I havesold more of my rare old wines in three days than ever I did before ina calendar month. It is not ale, or strong waters, I promise you, thatthose gentles drink, but Priniac, Languedoc, Tent, Muscadine, Chiante,and Tokay--never a flask under the half-guinea.'
'So indeed!' quoth Saxon thoughtfully. 'A snug home and a steadyincome.'
'Would that my poor Peter had lived to share it with me,' said DameHobson, laying down her glass, and rubbing her eyes with a corner ofher kerchief. 'He was a good man, poor soul, though in very truth andbetween friends he did at last become as broad and as thick as one ofhis own puncheons. All well, the heart is the thing! Marry come up! if awoman were ever to wait until her own fancy came her way, there would bemore maids than mothers in the land.'
'Prythee, good dame, how runs your own fancy?' asked Reubenmischievously.
'Not in the direction of fat, young man,' she answered smartly, with amerry glance at our plump companion.
'She has hit you there, Reuben,' said I.
'I would have no pert young springald,' she continued, 'but one who hathknowledge of the world, and ripe experience. Tall he should be, and ofsinewy build, free of speech that he might lighten the weary hours, andhelp entertain the gentles when they crack a flagon of wine. Of businesshabits he must be, too, forsooth, for is there not a busy hostel and twohundred good pounds a year to pass through his fingers? If Jane Hobsonis to be led to the altar again it must be by such a man as this.'
Saxon had listened with much attention to the widow's words, and hadjust opened his mouth to make some reply to her when a clattering andbustle outside announced the arrival of some traveller. Ourhostess drank off her wine and pricked up her ears, but when a loudauthoritative voice was heard in the passage, demanding a private roomand a draught of sack, her call to duty overcame her private concerns,and she bustled off with a few words of apology to take the measure ofthe new-comer.
'Body o' me, lads!' quoth Decimus Saxon the moment that she disappeared,'ye can see how the land lies. I have half a mind to let Monmouth carvehis own road, and to pitch my tent in this quiet English township.'
'Your tent, indeed!' cried Reuben; 'it is a brave tent that is furnishedwith cellars of such wine as we are drinking. And as to the quiet, myillustrious, if you take up your residence here I'll warrant that thequiet soon comes to an end.'
'You have seen the woman,' said Saxon, with his brow all in a wrinklewith thought. 'She hath much to commend her. A man must look to himself.Two hundred pounds a year are not to be picked off the roadside everyJune morning. It is not princely, but it is something for an old soldierof fortune who hath been in the wars for five-and-thirty years, andforesees the time when his limbs will grow stiff in his harness. Whatsayeth our learned Fleming--"an mulier--" but what in the name of thedevil have we here?'
Our companion's ejaculation was called forth by a noise as of a slightscuffle outside the door, with a smothered 'Oh, sir!' and 'What will themaids think?' The contest was terminated by the door being opened, andDame Hobson re-entering the room with her face in a glow, and a slimyoung man dressed in the height of fashion at her heels.
'I am sure, good gentlemen,' said she, 'that ye will not object to thisyoung nobleman drinking his wine in the same room with ye, since all theothers are filled with the townsfolk and commonalty.'
'Faith! I must needs be mine own usher,' said the stranger, sticking hisgold-laced cap under his left arm and laying his hand upon his heart,while he bowed until his forehead nearly struck the edge of the table.'Your very humble servant, gentlemen, Sir Gervas Jerome, knight banneretof his Majesty's county of Surrey, and at one time custos rotulorum ofthe district of Beacham Ford.'
'Welcome, sir,' quoth Reuben, with a merry twinkle in his eye. 'You havebefore you Don Decimo Saxon of the Spanish nobility, together with SirMicah Clarke and Sir Reuben Lockarby, both of his Majesty's county ofHampshire.'
'Proud and glad to meet ye, gentlemen!' cried the newcomer, with aflourish. 'But what is this upon the table? Alicant? Fie, fie, it is adrink for boys. Let us have some good sack with plenty of body in it.Claret for youth, say I, sack fo
r maturity, and strong waters in oldage. Fly, my sweetest, move those dainty feet of thine, for egad! mythroat is like leather. Od's 'oons, I drank deep last night, and yetit is clear that I could not have drunk enough, for I was as dry as aconcordance when I awoke.'
Saxon sat silently at the table, looking so viciously at the strangerout of his half-closed glittering eyes that I feared that we shouldhave another such brawl as occurred at Salisbury, with perhaps a moreunpleasant ending. Finally, however, his ill-humour at the gallant'sfree and easy attention to our hostess spent itself in a few mutteredoaths, and he lit his long pipe, the never-failing remedy of a ruffledspirit. As to Reuben and myself, we watched our new companion half inwonder and half in amusement, for his appearance and manners were novelenough to raise the interest of inexperienced youngsters like ourselves.
I have said that he was dressed in the height of fashion, and suchindeed was the impression which a glance would give. His face was thinand aristocratic, with a well-marked nose, delicate features, and gaycareless expression. Some little paleness of the cheeks and darknessunder the eyes, the result of hard travel or dissipation, did but add achastening grace to his appearance. His white periwig, velvet and silverriding coat, lavender vest and red satin knee-breeches were all of thebest style and cut, but when looked at closely, each and all of thesearticles of attire bore evidence of having seen better days. Beside thedust and stains of travel, there was a shininess or a fading of colourhere and there which scarce accorded with the costliness of theirmaterial or the bearing of their wearer. His long riding-boots had agaping seam in the side of one of them, whilst his toe was pushingits way through the end of the other. For the rest, he wore a handsomesilver-hilted rapier at his side, and had a frilled cambric shirtsomewhat the worse for wear and open at the front, as was the mode withthe gallants of those days. All the time he was speaking he mumbled atoothpick, which together with his constant habit of pronouncing hiso's as a's made his conversation sound strange to our ears. (Note DAppendix) Whilst we were noting these peculiarities he was recliningupon Dame Hobson's best taffatta-covered settee, tranquilly combing hiswig with a delicate ivory comb which he had taken from a small satin bagwhich hung upon the right of his sword-belt.
'Lard preserve us from country inns!' he remarked. 'What with the boorsthat swarm in every chamber, and the want of mirrors, and jasmine water,and other necessaries, blister me if one has not to do one's toiletin the common room. 'Oons! I'd as soon travel in the land of the GreatMogul!'
'When you shall come to be my age, young sir,' Saxon answered, 'you mayknow better than to decry a comfortable country hostel.'
'Very like, sir, very like!' the gallant answered, with a carelesslaugh. 'For all that, being mine own age, I feel the wilds of Wiltshireand the inns of Bruton to be a sorry change after the Mall, and the fareof Pontack's or the Coca Tree. Ah, Lud! here comes the sack! Open it, mypretty Hebe, and send a drawer with fresh glasses, for these gentlemenmust do me the honour of drinking with me. A pinch of snuff, sirs? Aye,ye may well look hard at the box. A pretty little thing, sirs, from acertain lady of title, who shall be nameless; though, if I were to saythat her title begins with a D and her name with a C, a gentleman of theCourt might hazard a guess.'
Our hostess, having brought fresh glasses, withdrew, and DecimusSaxon soon found an opportunity for following her. Sir Gervas Jeromecontinued, however, to chatter freely to Reuben and myself overthe wine, rattling along as gaily and airily as though we were oldacquaintances.
'Sink me, if I have not frighted your comrade away!' he remarked, 'Or isit possible that he hath gone on the slot of the plump widow? Methoughthe looked in no very good temper when I kissed her at the door. Yet itis a civility which I seldom refuse to anything which wears a cap. Yourfriend's appearance smacked more of Mars than of Venus, though, indeed,those who worship the god are wont to be on good terms with the goddess.A hardy old soldier, I should judge, from his feature and attire.'
'One who hath seen much service abroad,' I answered.
'Ha! ye are lucky to ride to the wars in the company of so accomplisheda cavalier. For I presume that it is to the wars that ye are riding,since ye are all so armed and accoutred.'
'We are indeed bound for the West,' I replied, with some reserve, for inSaxon's absence I did not care to be too loose-tongued.
'And in what capacity?' he persisted. 'Will ye risk your crowns indefence of King James's one, or will ye strike in, hit or miss, withthese rogues of Devon and Somerset? Stop my vital breath, if I would notas soon side with the clown as with the crown, with all due respect toyour own principles!'
'You are a daring man,' said I, 'if you air your opinions thus in everyinn parlour. Dost not know that a word of what you have said, whisperedto the nearest justice of the peace, might mean your liberty, if notyour life?'
'I don't care the rind of a rotten orange for life or liberty either,'cried our acquaintance, snapping his finger and thumb. 'Burn me ifit wouldn't be a new sensation to bandy words with some heavy-choppedcountry justice, with the Popish plot still stuck in his gizzard, andbe thereafter consigned to a dungeon, like the hero in John Dryden'slatest. I have been round-housed many a time by the watch in the oldHawkubite days; but this would be a more dramatic matter, with hightreason, block, and axe all looming in the background.'
'And rack and pincers for a prologue,' said Reuben. 'This ambition isthe strangest that I have ever heard tell of.'
'Anything for a change,' cried Sir Gervas, filling up a bumper. 'Here'sto the maid that's next our heart, and here's to the heart that lovesthe maids! War, wine, and women, 'twould be a dull world without them.But you have not answered my question.'
'Why truly, sir,' said I, 'frank as you have been with us, I can scarcebe equally so with you, without the permission of the gentleman who hasjust left the room. He is the leader of our party. Pleasant as our shortintercourse has been, these are parlous times, and hasty confidences areapt to lead to repentance.'
'A Daniel come to judgment!' cried our new acquaintance. 'What ancient,ancient words from so young a head! You are, I'll warrant, five yearsyounger than a scatterbrain like myself, and yet you talk like the sevenwise men of Greece. Wilt take me as a valet?'
'A valet!' I exclaimed.
'Aye, a valet, a man-servant. I have been waited upon so long that it ismy turn to wait now, and I would not wish a more likely master. By theLard! I must, in applying for a place, give an account of my characterand a list of my accomplishments. So my rascals ever did with me, thoughin good truth I seldom listened to their recital. Honesty--there Iscore a trick. Sober--Ananias himself could scarce say that I amthat. Trustworthy--indifferently so. Steady--hum! about as much soas Garraway's weathercock. Hang it, man, I am choke full of goodresolutions, but a sparkling glass or a roguish eye will deflect me, asthe mariners say of the compass. So much for my weaknesses. Now let mesee what qualifications I can produce. A steady nerve, save only when Ihave my morning qualms, and a cheerful heart; I score two on that. Ican dance saraband, minuet, or corranto; fence, ride, and sing Frenchchansons. Good Lard! who ever heard a valet urge such accomplishments? Ican play the best game of piquet in London. So said Sir George Etheregewhen I won a cool thousand off him at the Groom Parter. But that won'tadvance me much, either. What is there, then, to commend me? Why, marry,I can brew a bowl of punch, and I can broil a devilled fowl. It is notmuch, but I can do it well.'
'Truly, good sir,' I said, with a smile, 'neither of theseaccomplishments is like to prove of much use to us on our presenterrand. You do, however, but jest, no doubt, when you talk of descendingto such a position.'
'Not a whit! not a whit!' he replied earnestly. '"To such base uses dowe come," as Will Shakespeare has it. If you would be able to say thatyou have in your service Sir Gervas Jerome, knight banneret, and soleowner of Beacham Ford Park, with a rent-roll of four thousand goodpounds a year, he is now up for sale, and will be knocked down to thebidder who pleases him best. Say but the word, and we'll have anotherflagon of sack t
o clinch the bargain.'
'But,' said I, 'if you are indeed owner of this fair property, whyshould you descend to so menial an occupation?'
'The Jews, the Jews, oh most astute and yet most slow-witted master! Theten tribes have been upon me, and I have been harried and wasted, bound,ravished, and despoiled. Never was Agag, king of Amalek, more completelyin the hands of the chosen, and the sole difference is that they havehewed into pieces mine estate instead of myself.'
'Have you lost all, then?' Reuben asked, open-eyed.
'Why no--not all--by no means all!' he answered, with a merry laugh; 'Ihave a gold Jacobus and a guinea or two in my purse. 'Twill serve fora flask or so yet. There is my silver-hilted rapier, my rings, my goldsnuff-box, and my watch by Tompion at the sign of the Three Crowns.It was never bought under a hundred, I'll warrant. Then there are suchrelics of grandeur as you see upon my person, though they begin tolook as frail and worn as a waiting-woman's virtue. In this bag, too,I retain the means for preserving that niceness and elegance of personwhich made me, though I say it, as well groomed a man as ever set footin St. James's Park. Here are French scissors, eyebrow brush, toothpickcase, patch-box, powder-bag, comb, puff, and my pair of red-heeledshoes. What could a man wish for more? These, with a dry throat, acheerful heart, and a ready hand, are my whole stock in trade.'
Reuben and I could not forbear from laughing at the curious inventory ofarticles which Sir Gervas had saved from the wreck of his fortunes. Heupon seeing our mirth was so tickled at his own misfortunes, that helaughed in a high treble key until the whole house resounded with hismerriment. 'By the Mass,' he cried at last, 'I have never had so muchhonest amusement out of my prosperity as hath been caused in me by mydownfall. Fill up your glasses!'
'We have still some distance to travel this evening, and must not drinkmore,' I observed, for prudence told me that it was dangerous work fortwo sober country lads to keep pace with an experienced toper.
'So!' said he in surprise. 'I should have thought that would be a"raison de plus," as the French say. But I wish your long-legged friendwould come back, even if he were intent upon slitting my weazand for myattention to the widow. He is not a man to flinch from his liquor, I'llwarrant. Curse this Wiltshire dust that clings to my periwig!'
'Until my comrade returns, Sir Gervas,' said I, 'you might, since thesubject does not appear to be a painful one to you, let us know howthese evil times, which you bear with such philosophy, came upon you.'
'The old story!' he answered, flicking away a few grains of snuff withhis deeply-laced cambric handkerchief. 'The old, old story! My father, agood, easy country baronet, finding the family purse somewhat full, mustneeds carry me up to town to make a man of me. There as a young lad Iwas presented at Court, and being a slim active youngster with a perttongue and assured manner, I caught the notice of the Queen, who mademe one of her pages of honour. This post I held until I grew out ofit, when I withdrew from town, but egad! I found I must get back to itagain, for Beacham Ford Park was as dull as a monastery after the lifewhich I had been living. In town I stayed then with such boon companionsas Tommy Lawson, my Lord Halifax, Sir Jasper Lemarck, little GeordieChichester, aye, and old Sidney Godolphin of the Treasury; for with allhis staid ways and long-winded budgets he could drain a cup with thebest of us, and was as keen on a main of cocks as on a committee of waysand means. Well, it was rare sport while it lasted, and sink me ifI wouldn't do the same again if I had my time once more. It is likesliding down a greased plank though, for at first a man goes slowenough, and thinks he can pull himself up, but presently he goes fasterand faster, until he comes with a crash on to the rocks of ruin at thebottom.'
'And did you run through four thousand pounds a year?' I exclaimed.
'Od's bodikins, man, you speak as if this paltry sum were all thewealth of the Indies. Why, from Ormonde or Buckingham, with their twentythousand, down to ranting Dicky Talbot, there was not one of my set whocould not have bought me out. Yet I must have my coach and four, my townhouse, my liveried servants, and my stable full of horses. To be in themode I must have my poet, and throw him a handful of guineas for hisdedication. Well, poor devil, he is one who will miss me. I warrant hisheart was as heavy as his verses when he found me gone, though perchancehe has turned a few guineas by this time by writing a satire upon me.It would have a ready sale among my friends. Gad's life! I wonder howmy levees get on, and whom all my suitors have fastened on to now. Therethey were morning after morning, the French pimp, the English bully, theneedy man o' letters, the neglected inventor--I never thought to havegot rid of them, but indeed I have shaken them off very effectually now.When the honey-pot is broken it is farewell to the flies.'
'And your noble friends?' I asked. 'Did none of them stand by you inyour adversity?'
'Well, well, I have nought to complain of!' exclaimed Sir Gervas. 'Theywere brave-hearted boys for the most part. I might have had their nameson my bills as long as their fingers could hold a pen, but slit me if Ilike bleeding my own companions. They might have found a place for me,too, had I consented to play second-fiddle where I had been used to leadthe band. I' faith, I care not what I turn my hand to amongst strangers,but I would fain leave my memory sweet in town.'
'As to what you proposed, of serving us as a valet,' said I, 'it is notto be thought of. We are, in spite of my friend's waggishness, but twoplain blunt countrymen, and have no more need of a valet than one ofthose poets which you have spoken of. On the other hand, if you shouldcare to attach yourself to our party, we shall take you where youwill see service which shall be more to your taste than the curling ofperiwigs or the brushing of eyebrows.'
'Nay, nay, my friend. Speak not with unseemly levity of the mysteriesof the toilet,' he cried. 'Ye would yourselves be none the worse fora touch of mine ivory comb, and a closer acquaintance with the famousskin-purifying wash of Murphy which I am myself in the habit of using.'
'I am beholden to you, sir,' said Reuben, 'but the famous spring waterwash by Providence is quite good enough for the purpose.'
'And Dame Nature hath placed a wig of her own upon me,' I added, 'whichI should be very loth to change.'
'Goths! Perfect Goths!' cried the exquisite, throwing up his whitehands. 'But here comes a heavy tread and the clink of armour in thepassage. 'Tis our friend the knight of the wrathful countenance, if Imistake not.'
It was indeed Saxon, who strode into the room to tell us that our horseswere at the door, and that all was ready for our departure. Takinghim aside I explained to him in a whisper what had passed between thestranger and ourselves, with the circumstances which had led me tosuggest that he should join our party. The old soldier frowned at thenews.
'What have we to do with such a coxcomb?' he said. 'We have hard fareand harder blows before us. He is not fit for the work.'
'You said yourself that Monmouth will be weak in horse,' I answered.'Here is a well-appointed cavalier, who is to all appearance a desperateman and ready for anything. Why should we not enrol him?'
'I fear,' said Saxon, 'that his body may prove to be like the bran ofa fine cushion, of value only for what it has around it. However, it isperhaps for the best. The handle to his name may make him welcome in thecamp, for from what I hear there is some dissatisfaction at the way inwhich the gentry stand aloof from the enterprise.'
'I had feared,' I remarked, still speaking in a whisper, 'that we wereabout to lose one of our party instead of gaining one in this Brutoninn.'
'I have thought better of it,' he answered, with a smile. 'Nay, I'lltell you of it anon. Well, Sir Gervas Jerome,' he added aloud, turningto our new associate, 'I hear that you are coming with us. For a day youmust be content to follow without question or remark. Is that agreed!'
'With all my heart,' cried Sir Gervas.
'Then here's a bumper to our better acquaintance,' cried Saxon, raisinghis glass.
'I pledge ye all,' quoth the gallant. 'Here's to a fair fight, and maythe best men win.'
'Donnerblitz, man!' said Saxon. '
I believe there's mettle in you for allyour gay plumes. I do conceive a liking for you. Give me your hand!'
The soldier of fortune's great brown grip enclosed the delicate handof our new friend in a pledge of comradeship. Then, having paid ourreckoning and bade a cordial adieu to Dame Hobson, who glanced methoughtsomewhat reproachfully or expectantly at Saxon, we sprang on our steedsand continued our journey amidst a crowd of staring villagers, whohuzzaed lustily as we rode out from amongst them.
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