by Gwyn McNamee
When I come back up, he’s still grinning. “I know what you're thinking but she really wasn't that bad.”
He scoffs and grabs his bottle of water. “I find that hard to believe, knowing what I do about your sister.”
I can't say I blame him. Dani is not the easiest person in the world to get along with. “I know what you mean. My sister can be…well…a handful.”
His chest rumbles behind me. “A handful? More like five or six handfuls from what I've seen of her. She pretty expressly forbade me from pursuing you when she barely knew me.”
What the heck?
That’s certainly news to me.
I turn between his legs until I’m halfway facing him. “What do you mean?”
“When I got to town before the rehearsal dinner, I saw her at my mother’s house. We had only met once before that, and we really didn't talk much that time, so it kind of floored me when she walked right up to me and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to keep my hands off you at the wedding.”
I release an annoyed sigh and return to reclining against his hard chest. “That does sound like Dani. She can be a little overprotective. I mean, that's how she met Savage in the first place.”
“I know, and I laugh to myself every time I imagine what that meeting must've been like. My brother doesn't usually take well to people telling him what to do, and something tells me Dani didn't go in there being very diplomatic.”
“Oh, I know she didn't. I spoke with Savage right after, and he was very clearly shaken by his meeting with my sister. Although, I didn't notice it at that time that apparently it was more than just the way she confronted him. He clearly had a thing for her from the beginning.”
Stone’s hands slide slowly up and down my arms. “Apparently.”
A comfortable silence descends between us. This is pretty much perfect. Who would have thought Stone could be sweet?
“Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't listen to her about keeping your hands off me.”
His lips press against the back of my neck, and I feel the smile on them. “Oh yeah, why is that?”
He's clearly fishing for compliments, and as much as I'd like to deny him one to prevent that big head from getting even bigger, he deserves it.
“You're pretty damn good with those hands. And everything you put in them.”
I can practically feel his pride swelling around us in the tub as his cock hardens behind me. Slowly, I try to slip my hand between us but he catches my wrist and halts my progress.
“No. Don't. Just relax for a while.”
Is he serious?
He's got another raging hard-on pressed into my back and I'm supposed to just leave it?
This guy really does love to torture me…in the best way possible.
I’m a fucking idiot.
Instead of relishing in the peaceful after effects of my time with Nora once she left to head home this morning, I had to flip on the fucking television. Images of police tape and blood splattered restaurant windows flood the screen.
“Good morning, I’m Edmond Ewing. Today’s top story…three unknown gunmen entered the El Torro Blanco restaurant on Oretha Castle Haley Boulevard at midnight last evening and opened fire, killing all fifteen men inside. The police have no suspects at this time but are searching for a black SUV seen in the area immediately prior to the shooting…”
That’s Castillo’s place.
There’s no doubt in my mind this was Dom’s doing, and that it was meant to send a message.
The men he used will have already left town by now, and they probably won’t be back soon, if ever. Dom’s network ensures his goons are well taken care of, especially those who do a good job for him.
This was an excellent job, especially if Castillo was one of the men inside.
But I doubt it. I would have heard something if we had taken him out.
If Castillo had any doubt before about Dom’s willingness to do what needed to be done to ensure the safety of his shipments and turf, I’m sure they’re long gone now. That doesn’t mean Castillo is no longer a threat, though. This could be the start of a very bloody, very dangerous war.
One I will be in the middle of as Dom’s consigliere. One I will be dragging Nora into by getting involved with her.
And seeing the aftermath of crossing Dom only reminds me of what I’ve so desperately been trying to forget for the last thirty-six hours. He tried to kill my sister-in-law and threatened to kill Savage and Gabe.
No matter how many times I go over what they told me, I can’t wrap my head around Dom’s reaction. It’s just not like him to do something so reckless, especially where family is involved. That’s what concerns me. Maybe he’s losing his grip. If that’s true, and he’s unpredictable, there’s nothing stopping him from going after them again.
I’ll never let that happen.
My alarm on my phone sounds.
Shit. Lunch with Mom.
I almost forgot I’m meeting her today.
But maybe it will be good. Perhaps she can offer some insight on the Dom situation. Although, I’ll have to walk a fine line. There’s no way she knows what’s really going on. As much as she cares for him, I don’t think she would willingly let him get away with the kind of stuff he’s doing if she knew the full extent of his business and actions. And certainly not if she knew what went down with Savage and Dani. Dom may be almost family, but we are family. And Mom is one fierce momma bear when someone or something threatens one of us.
By the time I drag my ass to the restaurant where we’re meeting, I have a pretty good idea how to broach the topic with her delicately. At least, I hope I do.
“Stone!” Mom waves me over to a small table in the corner. “I was getting worried. I’m so glad you made it.” She stands and embraces me, giving me a kiss on the cheek and then wiping off the lipstick she left there.
“Hi Mom, sorry I’m late. I got tied up.”
With a wave of the hand, she dismisses my apology and takes her seat. “No problem, honey. I’ve just so been looking forward to this. I feel like we haven’t had any time alone since you got back.”
True. And I feel bad about it, but between unpacking, putting out fires for Dom, and trying to feed my addiction for Nora, I haven’t exactly been thinking about spending time with my mother.
“I’ve been busy.”
She smiles at me over the menu. “Dom is keeping you on your toes, huh?”
To say the least.
Now is the time to be diplomatic. “He has a lot going on, hands in a lot of pies. My help is definitely needed.”
“Oh, I’m sure. He’s always so busy. Sometimes, I don’t hear from him for a week or two, and I start to worry. He actually just called the other night.”
“Oh yeah, what did he want?”
The menu drops again. “Oh, you know, just to chat. He was asking about how everyone was, Dani and Savage in particular. And of course, Gabe, because he was so worried when he was in the hospital.”
It takes every ounce of will-power not to roll my eyes. Of course, Dom was worried when Gabe was in the hospital. He wants him gone. I’m sure Dom would have thrown some sort of party if Gabe hadn’t made it. And his interest in Savage and Dani may seem innocuous to Mom, but I know better. He was feeling her out to see if they’ve mentioned anything to her about what he did and trying to learn anything that would benefit him and give him the upper hand.
“What’d you tell him?”
She narrows her eyes briefly and considers me. “I told him everyone was good, and we are happy to have you back and working for him.”
I toss her a wry chuckle. “Well, not everyone is happy I’m working for him, Mom.”
With a heavy sigh, she sets down her menu and clasps her hands together on the edge of the table. “I just don’t understand why Savage is so hostile toward Dom, after everything he did for him, for us.”
“Mom, come on, you know what Dom does for a living, what his business is. Savage
doesn’t want to be associated with him in any way, and he doesn’t want anyone else being dragged into it either.”
That’s as close to telling her the truth as I can get. If I unloaded on her about what really happened, it would only stir up more shit…for everyone.
Life threatening shit.
Her mouth presses in a thin line, and she grabs her napkin off the plate and twists it between her fingers. “Dom may not be an angel, Stone, but he’s a good man. Even as a child, he was always looking out for me and his sister, and he was a great friend to your father. You were too young to really understand, but when he died…” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “Dom was the only comfort I had. I was overwhelmed with you five, and I don’t think I could have made it through without him. So, I let some things slide that I may not be totally okay with where his business dealings are involved. I won’t apologize for that.”
The strong defense of Dom doesn’t surprise me. It’s almost word for word what I would have said to someone questioning why I could work for the man. But that’s before I knew what he did to my family. He may be basically family, but they are my flesh and blood.
I reach across the table and still her nervous hands. “Mom, I get it. I really do.”
Unfortunately.
It’s really all I can say. I would give anything to be able to spill about everything that’s gone on, to make her see him. But I can’t. Even if I didn’t give a shit about my law license and breaking client confidentiality, there’s the very real issue of the threat to Savage, Dani, and Gabe. And Skye for that matter, if Dom finds out she knows everything.
He has to suspect. Given how well he knows us, and the Hawke dynamics, he can’t believe Gabe wouldn’t have told Skye once they got together. The fact that he probably knows and hasn’t done anything yet is concerning, to say the least. He’s either lying in wait for his chance to strike, or something is already in motion.
I don’t believe his love for Mom or the Hawkes in general will be enough to stop him considering everything he’s already done.
The waiter arrives, and I release her hands and offer her a reassuring smile. She hasn’t told me much, but it’s enough to have the acid in my stomach churning with dread.
Dom isn’t a man you want to mess with.
But neither are the Hawkes.
I just need a plan.
I’m not fully prepared when I take Stone’s advice and Google “Dear Mistress.”
Good God!
It’s not that I don’t know this kind of stuff goes on. I mean, I’ve seen Stone’s room and toys, and it’s impossible not to have at least heard of some of this stuff in popular culture. But the things discussed in this column…
I’m in a state of permanent blush! I’ll probably need to break out BOB before I head over to work tonight. Especially since I won’t see Stone. I’m working a double, and there’s no way I’m going to have the energy for him tonight. Saturdays are always insane.
I scroll through the questions and answers on the site until one particular post catches my attention.
Common BDSM Misconceptions (and yes, these piss me off)
1. BDSM must include sex.
Wrong. BDSM is not about sex. It is about pushing limits, psychological control, relinquishing control, and self-expression. It’s a true power exchange.
2. Submissives are weak.
Wrong. Submissives are the definition of strength. It takes brass balls to willingly hand yourself over. If you don’t think so, try it.
3. There is ONE TRUE WAY.
Wrong. Your kink lifestyle is what you make it. You mold it to fit your needs. Yes, there are guidelines, but it’s up to you to make it your own.
4. Dominants are the only ones in control.
Wrong. A Dominant’s job is to fulfill their submissive’s needs, and in turn, satisfy their own needs. A Dominant must respect the submissive’s needs, even when the submissive calls all activity to a halt. In terms of control, the Dominant must have extreme self-control, which allows them to not only take their submissive on a journey, but to also be able to make responsible decisions and judgment calls when necessary.
5. BDSM is only about pain.
Wrong. BDSM is a power exchange between two willing people, which does not necessarily involve pain. Pain can certainly be a part of it, if that is your fetish. Pain gets adrenaline pumping through the veins, which increases sensation, which leads to pleasure.
6. Dominants are male; submissives are female.
WRONG. Your role in this lifestyle is NOT defined by your gender; it’s defined by your personality and your desires. Don’t believe me? Let me show you what this female is capable of.
7. BDSM is dangerous.
Wrong. The lifestyle motto is “Safe, Sane, Consensual,” and it is not a suggestion — it’s a hard rule.
Reading this particular post from Dear Mistress makes me feel like an idiot. Because basically, everything I thought is wrong.
What kind of a judgmental a-hole does that make me?
One night with Stone confirmed a lot of this. It wasn’t about pain. Yes, some of it was a little uncomfortable. The rope marks around my wrists are proof of that. But there wasn’t anything I would call painful. The only thing that came close was the flogger, but even that was…exhilarating. I know Stone said that wasn’t nearly as harsh as some of the other things in his collection, but even so, I don’t think Stone does it to cause me pain.
It’s about the control for him and knowing I’m giving myself over to him. Well, that and seeing the marks and knots on my body.
And I can respect that. He won’t ever make me do anything I don’t want to. I know that implicitly. Stone’s a pusher by nature. Just like he pushed me to talk that day at the coffee shop, he will push and encourage me to do new things, but he will always respect my wishes.
I just need to figure out what they are.
The problem is, I will probably let Stone do just about anything. He has that effect on me. And it’s terrifying. Losing myself to anything…anyone is a mistake I won’t make again. I need to maintain some semblance of control around him, no matter how impossible the task may seem.
Continuing to read this site isn’t helping. I shut down my computer and head to the bathroom to shower before I head to work. Reading all this stuff has made another one very necessary. My phone rings just as I’m about to step in the spray.
When I grab it off the counter, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Crap on a cracker.
How the heck am I going to hide these?
The rope burns around my wrists are even darker and more obvious in the lighting in here. They aren’t horrible, but you can definitely tell something was there.
Continued rings echo in the bathroom. I don’t even look who it is, just answer.
“Hello?”
“Nora! Do you have plans tomorrow night? I need you.”
Dani.
I sigh and wipe at the fog starting to form on the mirror from the running shower. “For what?”
There’s a momentary pause before she replies. “Well, I need you to come to the Hawke dinner with me again.”
Geez, you’ve got to be kidding me.
Last time was awkward enough with Stone flirting with me and making sexual innuendos about everything. There’s no way I can sit at a table with him now that I know what he looks like naked and what he feels like inside me. It will be impossible to keep it a secret.
Then again, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if everyone knew.
This doesn’t feel like a casual thing to me. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, I mean, it’s only been one night. But if this is something that’s going to continue, why hide it? I understand there will be people displeased, to say the least. But we are adults. Who we choose to be with should be of no concern to anyone at that table.
In one night, Stone has made me happier than I’ve been in almost two years. I don’t want to hide that or give that up because ou
r families have ridiculous concerns.
“Nora? You there?”
I shake my head and pinch my eyes shut. “Yeah, sorry. Um, sure I’ll come. You wanna tell me why you need me there so badly.”
There’s a momentary pause followed by a sigh. “Things are just…a little complicated and unsettled between Stone and Savage right now. Having a non-family member there helps because they’re on their best behavior.”
Best behavior?
I can’t contain my chuckle. Stone doesn’t behave.
Ever.
It’s part of his charm.
“Look, I gotta jump in the shower before work. I’ll be there tomorrow, but you owe me.”
“Whatever you want.”
If I said Stone, that might be a little awkward. Instead, I just hang up and clean off the mirror again so I can see my reflection. Tonight will be a long one at work when all I really want to do is see Stone. But tomorrow night is going to be even longer surrounded by the Hawkes with our secret. Maybe it’s time we come clean, regardless of the fallout.
The bracelets I slapped on barely cover the red marks left by Stone’s ropes last night. Not that I mind.
I never, in a million years, would have thought I would be so turned on by being tied up and ridden by an unbroken wild stallion.
There were so many times I was this close to screaming out a word I haven’t uttered since I was five and imitating Dani. But I didn’t want to give Stone the satisfaction of knowing he broke me in that respect. He may break me in other ways, but not that one.
But dang, when he was inside me…it was like being on another plane of existence. Sex has never been like that for me before. He gave me the first orgasm I’ve ever had that I didn’t cause myself. Another thing I won’t ever tell him. I can’t let his head swell with that knowledge, it might explode. It’s dangerous already.
“Cashmere!”
I jerk my head in the direction of Gabe’s voice. He narrows his eyes on me and marches into the changing room, looking around, probably checking to make sure we’re alone. Both he and Savage always make an effort not to show any favoritism or be overly familiar with me in front of any of the other girls. And they always use my stage name unless they know we are alone. “Where the hell were you? That’s the third time I said your name, and you just stared at the mirror like you were lost in Narnia.”
