by L. B. Dunbar
“It says we had a rough time.”
“For better or worse, James. That was the vow.” Evie huffs, knowing it was more than a rough patch. It was a devasting blow to our foundation, and it was my fault. Now, she’s standing before me again, and I’m asking for a second chance.
“Fuck,” I groan. “What do you want from me?” I’m suddenly bone-tired. “I just don’t know what to do for you or how to be what you need. I don’t know that I’m that rock anymore.”
“You never had to be the only thing we stood on, James. I just wanted you to need me,” she says and walks to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
26
Home. Sweet. New Home
[Evie]
I just did not know what I wanted from him. I wanted him to love me, and I was certain he did on some elemental level, but I wanted something bigger than that. I wanted James to need me, and he hadn’t. He’d pushed me away. Then there was the fact I had needed him, and I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t shove me aside again.
His proposal to date me was sweet once I took a few minutes to wrap my head around it. However, a night at the movies or watching a ball game on the couch wasn’t going to cure anything. Even with sex as our communicator, it wasn’t enough. We needed big conversations and grand gestures. Physical attraction had brought us together nineteen years ago, but we needed an emotional connection to keep us in place.
In some ways, I might have been overreacting. Maybe it was the fog brain of incredible sex over the last forty-eight hours and the reality of bad decisions. I’d given in to James so easily before we talked, and we needed to discuss things. We needed to come to an understanding about our guilt and blame, both of which we suffered. We needed to accept transgressions, which wasn’t easy, and then there was the real fear. What if we didn’t like the new person we’d become?
I go to the guest room for the remainder of the night, and James is gone the next morning when I wake. The light of a new day doesn’t bring much new perspective other than I know living in the house, but separately, is worse than living hundreds of miles apart from each other.
In need of coffee, I find myself at the diner. It should have been the last place I went, but I need out of the house . . . and coffee. I also need someone to talk to, so I called Letty on my way here. I sit at the newly renovated counter, swiveling on a vinyl stool, and place an order for coffee while I wait with a blonde in her late twenties.
“Evelyn Sue, right?” she says to me, surprising me after she takes my order, and my brows arch.
“I’m Hollilyn Abernathy. I’m engaged to your nephew Jaxson Rathstone, Mati’s son,” she informs as if I don’t recall Mati or one of her twin boys. “We met at the wedding, but it was kind of a crazy event.” Her smile is warm and encouraging of conversation, but I don’t know what to say to her. I didn’t get to speak with Mati much at the ceremony, but I’m certain everyone was curious about my attendance.
Thankfully, Letty walks in carrying Finn.
“Hi, Evie. Hey, Hollilyn. How’re you feeling, honey?” Letty asks her as she waves at me.
“Are you sick?” I ask.
“I’m pregnant again.” I stare, and she explains. “That Jaxson just can’t keep it in his pants, and even though I had CJ last November, I’m pregnant again.”
Letty beams at Hollilyn. “I think it’s very exciting. As Finn’s adopted, I never had the experience. I’m going to be all over you, wanting all the details.”
I’m a little worried Letty means it.
“Let’s grab a booth,” Letty says and walks to one near the back.
“I can’t thank you enough for meeting me,” I say. “I don’t have many friends here.” I sound like a pathetic teenager, but I never got around to making plans with Presley or Hetty. There’d just been too much going on.
“Of course. Look, my best friend in Chicago was a gay man, and my sister and I did not get along. I’m taking applications for new friends and sisters.”
I love this woman already.
“Plus, it’s nice to get out of the cabin for a bit.” Letty turns to offer Finn a container with dried cereal, and we place orders for breakfast with Hollilyn.
“He’s so cute,” I say, watching his chubby little fingers lift the perfect O-shaped treats.
“I love him, but some days, I need a break. A little not so much mommy time.” She stops talking and looks up at me. “Was that insensitive? I’m sorry. I’m going to be awkward. I’m just so excited to get out of the house for a few hours without it being a necessity like a grocery store run.”
“Please, don’t make it awkward. I understand and remember. When children are little, you love all the new experiences, but sometimes, it’s difficult to remember to be an adult.”
“Exactly,” Letty stresses. “I have a million questions about motherhood, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to give it a rest for a little bit. I want to know about you. I’m new here. What do I need to know about these Harringtons?”
I laugh. “I’ve been gone for six years. I think you might know more than I do.”
“So, tell me about James. He’s the mysterious one. When I first learned about the Harringtons, I had to keep them straight by assigning their profession to them. We had bar owning brother, mayor brother, volleyball coach sister, and then the black sheep.” It appears Letty isn’t going to hold anything back in her inquiry.
“I guess you could say he’s always been the rabble-rouser of the family. He wasn’t so much a player like Billy turned into, although James had plenty of sexual encounters that got him in trouble as a teen.” Dolores Chance immediately comes to mind again. “But he just didn’t care what others thought. He was a risk-taker, and he pushed back on his parents' rules and discipline. When Giant went off to the military, James wanted to be doing something he considered equally valiant but closer to home. He never saw himself running the brewery, so he entered wilderness tactical training and became search and rescue certified.”
“And now, he’s joined the riding club. I heard that’s a new development.”
“I still can’t make out what that means for him. Are they trouble? He tells me no. Are they honest? I’m not convinced they aren’t.”
“Giant tells me they used to be trouble, back in the day, whatever that means, but apparently, Justice has taken the effort to disband the old regime and regroup more as a riding club. I don’t know if that means everything they do is legal, but they aren’t selling women into slavery or moving drugs if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” I mutter.
“You know, I know you don’t know me, but you can talk to me. I had Marcus back in Chicago. You met him at the wedding, and he was my sounding board as well as the voice of reason at times.”
I appreciate this offer, and as Giant and James still aren’t close, I don’t feel like I’m betraying anything by talking to Letty. Still, I don’t know what to say.
“I think I’m just struggling with what to think.” I laugh at myself.
“Just talk. Giant says I’m good at it, but I listen, too.”
“You know James and I are separated.” I’m looking down at my coffee.
“But not legally,” she interjects, and I pause to glance up at her.
“I came here to ask for a divorce.”
Letty nods. “I did not know this. But the cabin?”
“James had given me an ultimatum. He’d sign the papers if I slept with him. Sleep-slept with him.”
Letty covers her mouth. “That’s so romantic.”
“Is it? I was angry. I’d been psyching myself up, thinking he wanted to have sex with me.”
“Did you want to have sex with him?”
I huff.
“Okay, silly question,” Letty interjects. “Of course, you did. I mean, have you seen James? He’s got that whole edgy, older vibe to him in his dark clothing. And let’s not forget he’s a bit broody like his big brother.” Letty’s
waving her hands, exaggerating the effect of the oldest two Harrington boys. “But I also understand how confusing it would be. You aren’t together for six years, and then bam. Chemistry.”
“James and I have always been like that.” I laugh. “A rock and flint. Sparks everywhere.” James was supposed to be that rock, but as I said to him, that was a lot of pressure on him.
“I don’t understand the issue then.” Letty smirks good-naturedly.
I spend the next half hour explaining to Letty about how James and I met, and then how we’d lost our son and how that affected James. I tell Letty everything for some reason, including how he pushed me away, and now that I’m here, he’s pulling me back.
“He wants to date me.”
“How does that work if you live in Savannah?”
“It doesn’t,” I say. “I’d have to move back here or find a place to rent. I don’t think being in the house together is a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because James is stuck in that house, and I don’t want to be there. I’ve already moved on. Being kicked out has that effect,” I say sarcastically, although I don’t mean it bitterly. I just don’t want to live there anymore.
“Ah. I had the same issue, obviously, living in Chicago. Giant and I did the long-distance thing, which I don’t recommend. I also understand to move your life for someone is not a decision to make lightly. It’s a big commitment.”
Don’t I know it. I’d already done it once for him, and while I don’t resent it, it’s more the fact I followed him here. For once, it’d be nice if James chased me.
“I just don’t know that I can trust him to open up and not push me away again if something else happens. It’s called for better or worse for a reason.”
Letty chuckles. “As we didn’t have traditional vows, I’d like to say I don’t understand, but I do. Again, commitment. Let’s start at a basic question, though. Do you still love him?”
“Of course, I do. He’s Michael’s father.”
“But more than that . . .” Letty prompts.
“I feel alive when he touches me. He’s always saying to me that no other man will make me feel the way he does, and he isn’t wrong. It’s only been James for me, and I didn’t want to ever lose that. I thought we could make it through anything as long as we stuck together.” That’s the promise he’d made me.
“I wish I had answers for you. I really do. All I can say is we’re fallible because we’re human. We don’t always make sound decisions or choices, and we don’t always know what’s best for ourselves. Without knowing James’s thought process, I imagine he thinks he didn’t deserve you after he lost the thing most precious to you in life. Finn is my everything, and I’d put him before everything else. That doesn’t make Giant second best. It just puts him in a different column.”
What Letty is saying makes sense. I’d already thought of these things myself about James.
“The bigger issue is, how do we go back to who we were?”
“I think that’s just it. You don’t. You move forward, and the only way to do that is an old-fashioned process called dating.” Letty gives me a soft smile as I look over at her.
“So I’m supposed to date my husband?”
“Sounds like it.”
“What if we don’t like what we learn?” I ask.
“What if you don’t? You move forward alone. You’ve already done that. You’ve already proven you can do that. But what if . . . you learn you like the new yous? What if you learn you like it better than it was before?”
I consider the sex alone, which has been very different from our previous sex life. We were already good together, but things like countertops and shower stalls hadn’t been our thing. It’s as if we were revamping our old selves into something new already.
“I guess I might be finding a long-term rental,” I say as Hollilyn comes up to bring us our breakfast.
“I can help you with that,” she interjects as if she’d been a part of the conversation.
“Okay,” I exaggerate.
“Denton, Dolores’s brother, has been buying up homes. It’s a long story, but he’s rehabbed a few smaller places just outside of town and rents them out. I can check with him to find you one.”
“Okay. Thanks,” I say. “Now all I need are my supplies and equipment. I need to get back to work.”
“Silver jewelry, right? You know, when we renovated the place last winter, we got all new silverware, but Dolores still has the old stuff. I could ask her if she wants to sell it to you.”
“Well, aren’t you just the little businesswoman,” Letty teases, but Hollilyn beams with pride.
“I’ll make a few calls and be right back.”
As she walks away, Letty chuckles. “This diner knows everything, I swear.”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “So you think this is a good idea? Living separately and dating again. We’ve never really dated.”
“Definitely. You still need space to step away from him and give yourself perspective as you date. It sounds like your relationship might have been instant Harrington fog, and it’s never given you the time you need for yourself. You don’t need to rush back together unless I’m missing something.”
We don’t need to rush. I don’t need to live with him to work at us. We have all the time in the world.
+ + +
When I get back to James’s place, his motorcycle is in the drive. I don’t want to fight with him, but I’m mad that he might be right, and I’m doing what he asked. I’m here to get my things and move into town for the next two weeks, so we can date each other.
As I enter the house, I see James sitting on the couch. The television isn’t on. In fact, there’s no sound in the house.
“Where have you been?” he growls, and I’m taken aback by his tone.
“Excuse me?” I blink, placing my hands on my hips. James shifts his head, craning his neck to look up at me with a powerful glare.
“I said, where have you been?”
“I went out.” I don’t know why I don’t expound, but I don’t like his attitude. “What’s going on here?”
James has returned to staring at the blank television while I spoke, but he looks up again.
“I thought you left.” His growly tone contradicts the fact he wants me to leave again. He wants us to live separately, and that’s what I intend to do.
“I only went to the diner,” I acquiesce. “And it’s not like I knew where you were.”
“I left you a note.” His gruff voice groans as he speaks to me. His fingers fist on his thighs. I don’t understand why he’s so worked up.
“I didn’t see it.”
“I thought you left,” he repeats, and it slowly seeps in. He thought I’d walked and ran away again. Is it running away if someone tells you to leave? I step toward the couch at the same time James stands, filling my space so quickly I step back with one foot to catch myself. His hands catch my upper arms to steady me.
“Where was the note?”
“On the bedside table.” I hadn’t even noticed it. I just rolled from the bed and went to take a shower. Taking a deep breath, I try to hold his eyes.
“I’m sorry I didn’t see it. And I’m sorry if I made you worry.” His hold on my biceps loosens a little, and he strokes up and down my arms. He closes his eyes for a second, and I take another breath for what comes next. “I’m doing what you asked.” Again. “And I’ve found a house in town to rent for a few weeks.”
“Evie, I—”
“You were right,” I say, covering his lips to stop him from speaking as I interrupt him. “We should date. We should get to know one another as we are now, and see if . . . if we even like each other. I’m willing to stay in town for a few weeks to see how we do. I agree with you. Let’s date.”
“Peach.” James shakes his head, lowering his forehead for mine. “I don’t want you to go.”
“This will be good for us. We’ve never really dated, right? We’ve just been wham
-bam-thank-you-ma’am, so this time, we can take it slow.”
James’s head releases from mine. “You’ve never been wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am to me.” I chuckle because he knows what I mean. We were hot and heavy from the moment we met. If we want a second chance, this time, we might need to take it slow.
“I know,” I whisper, sliding a hand down his chest. “But we’ll try it this way, this time.”
James exhales heavily. “Okay.” He doesn’t sound confident, but this really will be a good thing.
“Where are you staying?”
When I tell him the address, he glares at me before repeating it back to me.
“What’s the problem?” I ask, and James bitterly chuckles.
“That’s Dolores Chance’s old place.”
My heart drops. This cannot be happening, and how does he know exactly which home was hers?
“Don’t go there,” James says, returning his grip to my arms.
“I’ve already agreed to meet Denton there at ten.”
“Fuck Denton,” James hisses.
“Nope. This is what you wanted.” James steps back from me, giving me space as he narrows his eyes.
“I can’t believe this shit.” He swipes a hand down his face, and I find the strength to say what I say next.
“And I think this is a good time for us to part. I’m getting my things, and you need to cool off. Take your dog for a walk or something.”
James doesn’t even spare me a response. He stalks off for the laundry room where no doubt his pup has been hiding, and I move back out of the house. Again.
And find myself moving into Dolores’s old place.
+ + +
Once I meet Denton, and I’m settled with keys and information about utilities, he is the one to tell me Dolores is willing to sell the old silverware to me. I just need to return to the diner for it. A new concept has hit me, and I’m thinking of making an entire line from the old dinnerware, calling it the Magnolia Spread maybe. I miss my studio, and I need to make plans to drive to Savannah and back with materials and a few belongings. I can’t believe I’m staying a few more weeks in this town, and I’m caught between giddy and disgruntled.
