by Louise Hay
If we take the same little child and tell him how much we love him, how much we care, that we love the way he looks and love how bright and clever he is, that we love the way he does things, and that it’s okay for him to make mistakes as he learns—and that we will always be there for him no matter what—then the potential that comes out of that child will blow your mind!
Each one of us has a three-year-old child within us, and we often spend most of our time yelling at that kid in ourselves. Then we wonder why our lives don’t work.
If you had a friend who was always criticizing you, would you want to be around that person? Perhaps you were treated this way as a child, and that is sad. However, that was a long time ago, and if you are now choosing to treat yourself in the same way, then it is sadder still.
So now, here in front of us, we have a list of the negative messages we heard as a child. How does this list correspond with what you believe to be wrong with you? Are they almost the same? Probably yes.
We base our life script on our early messages. We are all good little children and obediently accept what “they” tell us as truth. It would be very easy just to blame our parents and be victims for the rest of our lives. But that wouldn’t be much fun, and it certainly wouldn’t get us out of our stuck position.
Blaming Your Family
Blame is one of the surest ways to stay in a problem. In blaming another, we give away our power. Understanding enables us to rise above the issue and take control of our future.
The past cannot be changed. The future is shaped by our current thinking. It is imperative for our freedom to understand that our parents were doing the best they could with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge they had. Whenever we blame someone else, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves.
Those people who did all those terrible things to us were just as frightened and scared as you are. They felt just the same helplessness as you do. The only things they could possibly teach you are what they had been taught.
How much do you know about your parents’ childhoods, especially before the age of ten? If it’s still possible for you to find out, ask them. If you’re able to find out about your parents’ childhoods, you will more easily understand why they did what they did. Understanding will bring you compassion.
If you don’t know and can’t find out, try to imagine what it must have been like for them. What kind of childhood would create an adult like that?
You need this knowledge for your own freedom. You can’t free yourself until you free them. You can’t forgive yourself until you forgive them. If you demand perfection from them, you will demand perfection from yourself, and you will be miserable all your life.
Choosing Our Parents
I agree with the theory that we choose our parents. The lessons that we learn seem perfectly matched to the “weaknesses” of the parents we have.
I believe we are all on an endless journey through eternity. We come to this planet to learn particular lessons that are necessary for our spiritual evolution. We choose our sex, our color, our country; and then we look around for the perfect set of parents who will “mirror” our patterns.
Our visits to this planet are like going to school. If you want to become a beautician, you go to beauty school. If you want to become a mechanic, you go to mechanics school. If you want to become a lawyer, you to go law school. The parents you picked this time around are the perfect couple who are “experts” in what you have chosen to learn.
When we grow up, we have a tendency to point our fingers accusingly at our parents and say, “You did it to me!” But I believe we chose them.
Listening to Others
Our older brothers and sisters are gods to us when we are little. If they were unhappy, they probably took it out on us physically or verbally. They might have said things like:
“I’ll tell on you for…” (instilling guilt)
“You’re just a baby, you can’t do that.”
“You’re too stupid to play with us.”
Teachers at school often influence us greatly. In the fifth grade, a teacher told me emphatically I was too tall to be a dancer. I believed her and put away my dancing ambitions until I was too old to make dancing a career.
Did you understand that tests and grades were only to see how much knowledge you had at a given time, or were you a child who allowed tests and grades to measure self-worth?
Our early friends share their own misinformation about life with us. The other kids at school can tease us and leave lasting hurts. When I was a child, my last name was Lunney and the kids used to call me “lunatic.”
Neighbors also have an influence, not only because of their remarks but also because we’re asked, “What will the neighbors think?”
Think back to the other authority figures who were influential in your childhood.
And, of course, there are the strong and very persuasive statements made by advertisements in periodicals and on television. All too many products are sold by making us feel we are unworthy or wrong if we don’t use them.
* * *
We are all here to transcend our early limitations, whatever they were. We’re here to recognize our own magnificence and divinity no matter what they told us. You have your negative beliefs to overcome, and I have my negative beliefs to overcome.
In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole, and complete.
The past has no power over me
because I am willing to learn and to change.
I see the past as necessary to bring me to where I am today.
I am willing to begin where I am right now
to clean the rooms of my mental house.
I know it does not matter where I start,
so I now begin with the smallest and the easiest rooms,
and in that way I will see results quickly.
I am thrilled to be in the middle of this adventure,
for I know I will never go through
this particular experience again.
I am willing to set myself free.
All is well in my world.
Chapter Four
IS IT TRUE?
“Truth is the unchangeable part of me.”
The question, “Is it true or real?” has two answers: “Yes” and “No.” It is true if you believe it to be true. It is not true if you believe it isn’t true. The glass is both half full and half empty, depending on how you look at it. There are literally billions of thoughts we can choose to think.
Most of us choose to think the same kinds of thoughts our parents used to think, but we don’t have to continue to do this. There is no law written that says we can only think in one way.
Whatever I choose to believe becomes true for me. Whatever you choose to believe becomes true for you. Our thoughts can be totally different. Our lives and experiences are totally different.
Examine Your Thoughts
Whatever we believe becomes true for us. If you have a sudden financial disaster, then on some level you may believe you are unworthy of being comfortable with money, or you believe in burdens and debt. Or if you believe that nothing good ever lasts, maybe you believe that life is out to get you, or, as I hear so often, “I just can’t win.”
If you seem unable to attract a relationship, you may believe “Nobody loves me,” or “I am unlovable.” Perhaps you fear being dominated as your mother was, or maybe you think, “People just hurt me.”
If you have poor health, you may believe, “Illness runs in our family.” Or that you are a victim of the weather. Or perhaps it’s: “I was born to suffer,” or “It’s just one thing after another.”
Or you may have a different belief. Perhaps you’re not even aware of your belief. Most people really aren’t. They just see the outer circumstances as being the way the cookie crumbles. Until someone can show you the connection between the outer experiences and the inner thoughts, you remain a victim in life.
PROBLEM BELIEF
No friends Nobody loves me.
Problems with work I’m not good enough.
Always pleasing others I never get my way.
Whatever the problem is, it comes from a thought pattern, and thought patterns can be changed!
It may feel true, it may seem true — all these problems we’re wrestling with and juggling in our lives. However, no matter how difficult an issue we are dealing with, it is only an outer result or the effect of an inner thought pattern.
If you don’t know what thoughts are creating your problems, you’re in the right place now, because this book is designed to help you find out. Look at the problems in your life. Ask yourself, “What kinds of thoughts am I having that create this?”
If you allow yourself to sit quietly and ask this question, your inner intelligence will show you the answer.
It’s Only a Belief You Learned as a Child
Some of the things we believe are positive and nourishing. These thoughts serve us well all of our lives, such as: “Look both ways before you cross the street.”
Other thoughts are very useful at the beginning, but as we grow older they are no longer appropriate. “Don’t trust strangers” may be good advice for a small child, but for an adult, to continue this belief will only create isolation and loneliness.
Why do we so seldom sit down and ask ourselves, “Is that really true?” For instance, why do I believe things like, “It’s difficult for me to learn”?
Better questions to ask are: “Is it true for me now?” “Where did that belief come from?” “Do I still believe it because a first grade teacher told me that over and over?” “Would I be better off if I dropped that belief?”
Beliefs that “Boys don’t cry,” and “Girls don’t climb trees,” create men who hide their feelings and women who are afraid to be physical.
If we were taught as a child that the world is a frightening place, then everything we hear that fits that belief we will accept as true for us. The same is true for “Don’t trust strangers,” “Don’t go out at night,” or “People cheat you.”
On the other hand, if we were taught early in life that the world is a safe place, then we would hold other beliefs. We could easily accept that love is everywhere, and people are so friendly, and I always have whatever I need.
If you were taught as a child that, “It’s all my fault,” then you will walk around always feeling guilt no matter what happens. Your belief will turn you into someone who’s always saying, “I’m sorry.”
If you learned to believe as a child, “I don’t count,” then this belief will always keep you at the end of the line wherever you are. Like my childhood experience about not getting any cake (see My Story, Chapter 16). Sometimes you will feel you’re invisible when others fail to notice you.
Did your childhood circumstances teach you to believe, “Nobody loves me”? Then you are sure to be lonely. Even when you bring a friend or relationship into your life, it will be short-lived.
Did your family teach you, “There is not enough”? Then I am sure you often feel as though the cupboard is bare, or you find you just get by or are always in debt.
I had a client who had been brought up in a household where they believed everything was wrong and could only get worse. His main joy in life was playing tennis, and then he hurt his knee. He went to every doctor he could find, and it only got worse. Finally, he could not play at all.
Another person had been brought up as a preacher’s son, and as a child he was taught that everybody else came first. The preacher’s family always came last. Today he is wonderful at helping his clients get the best deal, yet he’s usually in debt, with little pocket money. His belief still makes him last in line.
If You Believe It, It Seems True
How often have we said, “That’s the way I am,” or “That’s the way it is”? Those specific words are really saying that that’s what we believe to be true for us. Usually, what we believe is only someone else’s opinion we have incorporated into our belief systems. No doubt it fits right in with all the other things we believe.
Are you one of the many people who will get up in the morning, see that it’s raining, and say, “Oh, what a lousy day!”?
It is not a lousy day. It is only a wet day. If we wear the appropriate clothing and change our attitude, we can have a lot of rainy day fun. If it is really our belief that rainy days are lousy days, then we will always greet rain with a sinking heart. We will fight the day rather than flow with what is happening in the moment.
If we want a joyous life, we must think joyous thoughts. If we want a prosperous life, we must think prosperous thoughts. If we want a loving life, we must think loving thoughts. Whatever we send out mentally or verbally will come back to us in like form.
Each Moment Is a New Beginning
I repeat, The Point of Power is always in the present moment. You are never stuck. This is where the changes take place, right here and right now in our own minds! It doesn’t matter how long we’ve had a negative pattern or an illness or a poor relationship or lack of finances or self-hatred. We can begin to make a shift today!
Your problem no longer needs to be the truth for you. It can now fade back to the nothingness from whence it came. You can do it.
Remember: you are the only person who thinks in your mind! You are the power and authority in your world!
Your thoughts and beliefs of the past have created this moment, and all the moments up to this moment. What you are now choosing to believe and think and say will create the next moment and the next day and the next month and the next year.
Yes, you, darling! I can give you the most marvelous advice, coming from my years of experience, yet you can continue to choose to think the same old thoughts, you can refuse to change and keep all your problems.
You are the power in your world! You get to have whatever you choose to think!
This moment begins the new process. Each moment is a new beginning, and this moment is a new beginning for you right here and right now! Isn’t that great to know! This moment is the Point of Power! This moment is where the change begins!
Is It True?
Stop for a moment and catch your thought. What are you thinking right now? If it is true that your thoughts shape your life, would you want what you were just thinking right now to become true for you? If it’s a thought of worry or anger or hurt or revenge or fear, how do you think this thought will come back to you?
It is not always easy to catch our thoughts because they move so swiftly. However, we can begin right now to watch and listen to what we say. If you hear yourself expressing negative words of any sort, stop in mid-sentence. Either rephrase the sentence or just drop it. You could even say to it, “Out!”
Imagine yourself in line at a cafeteria, or perhaps at a buffet in a luxurious hotel, where instead of dishes of food, there are dishes of thoughts. You get to choose any and all the thoughts you wish. These thoughts will create your future experiences.
Now, if you choose thoughts that will create problems and pain, that’s rather foolish. It’s like choosing food that always makes you ill. We may do this once or twice, but as soon as we learn which foods upset our bodies, we stay away from them. It’s the same with thoughts. Let us stay away from thoughts that create problems and pain.
One of my early teachers, Dr. Raymond Charles Barker, would repeatedly say, “When there is a problem, there is not something to do, there is something to know.”
Our minds create our future. When we have something in our present that is undesirable, then we must use our minds to change the situation. And we can begin to change it this very second.
It is my deep desire that the topic “How Your Thoughts Work” would be the very first subject taught in school. I have never understood the importance of having children memorize battle dates. It seems like such a waste of mental energy. Instead, we could teach them important subjects such as H
ow the Mind Works, How to Handle Finances, How to Invest Money for Financial Security, How to Be a Parent, How to Create Good Relationships, and How to Create and Maintain Self-Esteem and Self-Worth.
Can you imagine what a whole generation of adults would be like if they had been taught these subjects in school along with their regular curriculum? Think how these truths would manifest. We would have happy people who feel good about themselves. We would have people who are comfortable financially and who enrich the economy by investing their money wisely. They would have good relationships with everyone and would be comfortable with the role of parenthood and then go on to create another generation of children who feel good about themselves. Yet within all this, each person would remain an individual expressing his or her own creativity.
There is no time to waste. Let’s continue with our work.
In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole, and complete.
I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack.
I now choose to begin to see myself
as the Universe sees me—perfect, whole, and complete.
The truth of my Being is that I was created
perfect, whole, and complete.
I will always be perfect, whole, and complete.
I now choose to live my life from this understanding.
I am in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing.
All is well in my world.
Chapter Five
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
“I see my patterns, and I choose to make changes.”
Decide to Change
Throwing up our hands in horror at what we may call the mess of our lives and just giving up are the ways many people react at this point. Others get angry at themselves or at life and also give up.
By giving up, I mean deciding, “It’s all hopeless and impossible to make any changes, so why try?” The rest of it goes, “Just stay the way you are. At least you know how to handle that pain. You don’t like it, but it is familiar, and you hope it won’t get any worse.”
