“You’re still wearing more than I am,” Serenity replied with a smile, her eyes darting toward the water for just an instant as a hint.
Raina rolled her eyes. What did it matter? She had already bared the worst part of herself: her twisted, tangled psyche. What did a little piece of cloth and a few more inches of bare skin matter? She reached under the water, slipped off the thong, and tossed it aside to the concrete edge of the pool.
“All right, then. There you have it,” she said with a sigh. “You’ve succeeded in getting the Grand Duchess naked in your pool. Now you can tell the whole world about it.”
“The world does not need to know. This is our time, remember? We are alone here.”
“Alone, until someone decides to walk in on us.”
“No such thing will happen. The doors to this building are locked, and I have given strict instructions to my consorts not to allow anyone to enter without our permission. They respect my wishes, and so they will respect our privacy,” Serenity informed her. “As I’ve said, the world outside is of no consequence to us here and now.”
“So … in other words, we should be doing it right now?” Raina asked with a raised eyebrow.
Again, there was that beautiful, velvety laugh from Serenity as she shook her head. “You do seem to be quite focused upon that angle, don’t you?”
“Well, unless I’m reading you wrong, that’s what I’m sensing from you right now.”
“No, dear,” Serenity told her, “I’m sorry to say, but that’s not what I had in mind. I’m no stranger to other women, of course, but I prefer men much, much more.” She paused. “Please do not take offense, but … I believe you are confusing my feelings with your own.”
“I’m not gay,” Raina said immediately.
“And I believe you,” she said with a nod and a smirk. “I know that you desire men as much as I do. I have seen how you are with your consort. I have watched the way you react to Thomas. And I dare say you may have fantasized a bit, even in passing, about being with my own consorts, as well. There is no shame in that, nor is there any shame for appreciating your own gender. Love is what love wants to be, and it will take whatever form it wishes. Whether or not you’re willing to accept it is another matter.”
“So … what does that mean in my case?”
Serenity placed her other hand upon Raina’s other shoulder and drew close to her. Their bodies finally began to touch, and the feeling of that contact was both strange and wonderful at once in that underwater setting. Raina wasn’t quite sure what else to do but to place her hands upon Serenity’s shapely hips, if for no other reason than to balance herself. Serenity was very near now, close enough to feel her knees brushing against hers and her breasts barely contacting her own. That smallest measure of remaining distance was both reassuring and frustrating at once. Raina simply didn’t know which she preferred more in that moment – closing the last of that gap and sealing the deal, or pushing away and ending the moment.
“Well, dear,” Serenity said after a moment, meeting her gaze squarely, “it could mean a lot of things. But you still haven’t quite answered my first question.”
Raina found herself again and again instinctively trying to glance away, but with Serenity’s hands upon her shoulders, standing so very close, and with her stare so directly focused, it was hard not to feel obligated to make unbroken eye contact. She anxiously squirmed around a bit, rubbing her own shin for a moment with her other foot to satisfy an imagined itch.
“What do you truly want, Raina?” she asked her very softly. “Say it. Say anything. If you desire it, then say it.”
“I … I just … I’m sorry, I don’t know,” Raina stammered. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“I think you know, but you’re afraid to say it.”
Raina closed her eyes, waiting for it. “Maybe.”
“You’ve already expressed some of your desires. You seemed to reluctantly agree with what I suggested earlier.”
“I did?”
“You struggle against your desires because of your inhibitions. Your inhibitions are limitations and rules which have been imposed upon you by others’ beliefs and by your own feelings of guilt,” Serenity told her. “You must let go of these inhibitions if you are ever to be free. Remember, you must let go. You must let go of everything that was before so that you may take hold of what is now and what will be. Forget how you may have felt about certain things in your human time. Those feelings were the feelings of another person.”
“Raina Delgado is dead,” Raina said with a nod, keeping her eyes closed. “I know. I’ve already told myself that a thousand times before.”
“But you must believe that, dear,” she insisted, squeezing her shoulders lightly but being careful not to touch Raina’s wound. “Without belief, those are only empty words. And words without belief are lies. You need truth. You must seek truth in order to find and embrace your true self. Do you understand?”
“I … I think so.”
“If your heart says that you seek another consort, then by all means, follow it,” she said. “The opinions of others are meaningless with regard to you what your heart desires. You cannot love someone simply because you are expected to do so.”
“So, you’re saying I should just go around screwing whomever I please?” Raina asked. “Isn’t that being a bit … well … slutty?”
“A ‘slut’ is an ugly term people have used to describe women with a free will,” Serenity said with a visible distaste for the word.
“By ‘free will’ you mean…?”
“Women of free will act no differently than men when it comes to sex,” she explained. “A man is expected to be with many women in his lifetime before he finds one that best suits him. And even then, sometimes that is not enough. People change, and so do their interests. That is understandable. We are people, too. Our gender does not erase the fact that we change with time as well, and that our hearts will wander in search of that which pleases us. With vampires, this is especially true, for we are immortal and we have far more time in this world.”
“We’re immortal in theory, but not in reality.”
Serenity ignored that remark, saying, “We cannot be expected to adhere only to one lover. It’s simply not practical, nor do I feel that it is ethical. Duvessa realized this very early on, and she was the first to explicitly authorize the taking of multiple consorts. She realized that it would be far worse to be committed to one while desiring another than it would be to be committed to no one at all.”
Raina finally opened her eyes. Apparently, that kiss wasn’t ever going to come. Or, if it was, neither of them were willing to initiate it. That was fine. Raina wasn’t sure that she was up to making out in a pool, anyhow. The logistics of it simply seemed awkward to begin with, and she was still so pained that she wasn’t keen on the idea of really getting it on with anyone, anywhere, anyhow.
“So then, why have a consort at all?” Raina asked. “I mean, if you’re not committed to your consort, then … what’s the point?”
“Because, dear,” she said with a smile, “they are committing themselves to you. This is not marriage. Loyalty and love aren’t always one and the same. A consort is simply someone that has taken an oath of loyalty to you, someone whom you trust completely … well, presumably, at least.”
Raina looked away again, although not in shyness this time. “So, I was wrong on both counts with Loki.”
“Take another consort. Take two. Take as many as you please,” Serenity told her. “If you wish to be happy, then you should surround yourself with love instead of obligations. Duvessa made this mistake herself. By and large, she chose lovers only for political reasons. She honestly loved only one of them … your Maker, Duke Sebastian. To her, love was simply a tool, and she abused it, just as she abused everyone around her.”
Serenity both looked and felt truly sad as she said that, glancing away for the first time in awhile. Raina wanted to ask more, but she could f
ill in the blanks herself. She knew that Serenity and Duvessa had been together more than once. As far as she knew, there wasn’t an Elder in the IVC whom Duvessa hadn’t bedded, and in fact a great number of the IVC had known her carnally. Her libido had made the Fallamhain name, if not the High Court race, practically synonymous with the word “insatiable.” But sex had not been Duvessa’s only passion, and her lust for sadism had affected almost as many people, if not more. The more she learned of her ancestor, the more she realized that all she had known of her before barely even scratched the surface of Duvessa’s depravity.
Instead, Raina asked a more relevant question that sprang to mind: “What about this mystery woman that I’m supposed to be taking as my consort? Isn’t that political?”
“If you wish for it to be so, then yes, it is. But I feel that you would do well with her. I feel that she will be very much to your liking,” Serenity said. “After all, the two of you had a mutual friend.”
Raina wasn’t sure about that. She had known that Brenna had a lot of friends, more than she could count, but she hadn’t met very many of them in person. Brenna had been an infectious personality, and although she had been too blunt and too direct for some, for the most part she had been quite popular. Raina had seen and read interviews with some of the people with whom Brenna had associated. It was at least part of some of the negative publicity that both she and Raina had received in the past few months, as the media had been putting their lives under a microscope and scavenging for whatever news tidbits they could find. Some of Brenna’s friends were drug addicts, some were ex-convicts, some had connections to organized crime, and some were just downright unpleasant people. Serenity may have claimed to know the soul of this mysterious bloodspawn-to-be, but could she really know her well enough to presume that she could play matchmaker for Raina? Even Brenna hadn’t been good at that … hence the infamous Halloween Incident…
Anyway, it wasn’t just about the other party. Even if Serenity did know this person through and through, there were no guarantees that Raina’s moody tendencies and her identity crisis wouldn’t ruin it all. In fact, she was almost counting on that being the case. It was the reason Raina had been hopelessly single as a human, and the reason she would probably be just as lonely forever as a vampire: she was just too damned neurotic to date a sane person.
Raina gave Serenity a subtle push and leaned away from her, moving around her. She made her way over to the concrete steps leading out of the pool and ascended them carefully, pausing halfway up to wring out her hair as she stood with her back to Serenity. She carefully observed the emotions swirling about inside of herself. There was disappointment, very clearly, and a bit of worry. Serenity hadn’t lied, but she hadn’t been entirely honest about her intentions. Raina wanted her, she could admit it, but Serenity wanted her more and she was afraid that she’d failed in her efforts to seduce her. She’d been trying hard, perhaps a bit too hard, and Raina felt that the time for it had passed. Giving in at that point would have just felt awkward and weird. And anyway, now she was thinking about Brenna again, and so thinking about a girl-girl situation just brought up more feelings of guilt than she could stand – that never failed to kill the mood.
“I’m sorry, Raina. Was it something I said?” Serenity asked, confirming Raina’s suspicions.
Raina padded around the perimeter of the pool to where her towel and robe lay. She toweled off briefly and carefully, wincing as she touched her wounds. She then slipped on the robe and cinched its belt tightly around her waist.
“Your grace, please,” Serenity pleaded softly, “if I said or did something to offend you…”
“Relax. You’re fine. I’m not upset with you.”
Serenity ascended the steps, pausing to lean back against the chrome handrail in the center of the steps. Again, she seemed to be posing herself as she wrung out her own hair, although now it didn’t entirely seem to be an intentional act. She was just that beautiful, and Raina was just that attracted to her.
“Have I made you uncomfortable?”
Raina shook her head as she knelt and picked up her golden ankh, slipping it on as she answered, “I’ve made too many mistakes lately, as it is. I don’t want to do anything else tonight that I might also regret.”
“But … we were only talking.”
“We were on the verge of getting freaky, Serenity,” Raina replied bluntly, “and I’m sorry, but I don’t think that I’m up for that tonight. It’s nothing against you at all.” She hesitated. “Honestly … you’ve got me thinking about things right now. I need some time to sort things out in my head. And quite frankly, I can’t think straight when I’ve got someone else’s naked boobs rubbing against mine.”
Serenity smiled and nodded understandingly. “Another time, perhaps?”
“Perhaps.” Raina walked closer to Serenity to stoop and pick up the thong she had earlier tossed aside, squeezed a bit of water from it, and offered her a genuine smile. “Nice try, though.”
* * * *
Chapter Fourteen
Raina finished drying off in the restroom, combed her hair out with a like-new brush she found in there, and dressed herself in her prior clothes, albeit sans thong – it barely qualified as an undergarment, anyhow. She emerged from the restroom to find Serenity wrapped in a robe and sitting at the edge of the pool with her feet in the water. She was stirring the ice about in a tumbler of amber-colored liqueur, staring out at the silently rippling water of the pool in thought. Raina began to walk toward the door through which they had previously entered, hoping to slip out unnoticed to avoid any further awkward conversation.
“Are you retiring for the evening?” Serenity asked without turning to look.
Raina stopped and turned toward her, holding her shoes in one hand and her wadded-up thong in the other. “I, ah … I figure that would probably be best. I’ve already been up for almost twenty-four hours.”
“Care to have a nightcap with me first?” she asked, holding out her drink.
“I’d better not. My stomach’s a little messed up right now.”
Serenity turned upon her rear and drew her legs out of the water, standing up in a graceful movement that didn’t even require the use of her hands. The ice in her glass barely even clinked with the movement.
“Allow me to show you to your room,” she said with a rather blank expression as she approached.
As she drew closer, Raina could sense the regret and worry that filled Serenity. As she began to walk past her toward the door leading outside, Raina held out an arm to halt her. Serenity’s beautiful hazel eyes looked to Raina with silent inquiry.
“It’s okay. Really,” Raina told her. “You didn’t offend me.”
“You think less of me. My words must seem hollow to you,” she said sadly, looking down and away. “I only wanted to help you, but … I just … I can’t help myself. I am just so drawn to you. Your aura acts like a magnet to my own…”
“Serenity,” Raina said, touching her chin to bring her eyes back toward her, “don’t be silly. You know what I feel, and you probably sense it better than I can sense your feelings. You know it’s mutual. That’s not the issue. I just don’t think I’m up to it tonight … emotionally, or even physically. Until I heal up, I’m just too sore to want to do much of anything…”
Some flash of excitement suddenly flared within Serenity and her eyes brightened. “But you wouldn’t need to do a thing. I would do everything for you. I would be more than happy to serve you.” She dropped to one knee before Raina and placed a hand upon her right thigh. “I could please you now, right where you stand. Or you could lie back upon the table…?”
“Please … Duchess,” Raina said with careful firmness, “not tonight. I appreciate your hospitality. Really, I do. But I just don’t want to be served by anyone right now. I just want to get some rest. I’m tired, I’m sore, and I need to heal up.”
Serenity stood and pulled back the collar of her robe to expose her left shoulder, tilting
her head aside. “Then drink from me, your grace. Please … let me do this much for you.”
“Serenity…”
“I am sorry, your grace, but I must insist,” she said, moving very close. “With you as my guest, I am personally responsible for your care. You cannot deny that you are in need of blood, as I can sense how close you are to bloodlust. I am not offering the blood of my consorts or my servants. I am offering my own blood to you. You know what this offer means.” She looked to be on the verge of tears in her desperation. “I’m begging you, your grace. Please … grant me this honor. I will bear your mark with pride.”
Raina looked down upon Serenity with a heavy sigh. She knew all too well what this meant. In fact, she was surprised that it had taken this long for Serenity to spring this upon her. It was more a tradition than a written law among the High Court. Hospitality towards the Grand Duchess when she visited their residence or their business establishment was expected by default, regardless of whether or not the hosting party was personally inclined towards her. Essentially, people were expected to kiss her ass and wait upon her hand and foot. So, for Serenity to have offered her consorts to donate a measure of blood (or for other purposes) would have been a common gesture.
However, it would have been a rather grave insult for Raina to decline Serenity’s blood. The blood of a High Court, particularly the blood of an Elder, was considered to be sacred. A High Court did not offer their blood freely, only to those whom they deemed worthy – usually their bloodspawn and/or consorts. Declining her offer would have been a virtual slap in the face, automatically implying that Serenity’s blood simply was not good enough for her.
Raina’s reluctance to accept was not simply because of Serenity’s efforts to seduce her. She still wasn’t a fan of biting. Raina hadn’t afforded herself enough practice with the act to avoid making it terribly painful for the donating party, and she was particularly uneasy about the idea of safely biting someone’s neck. She hadn’t bitten anyone there since … well … since she’d killed Countess Wilhelmina. She knew only that terrible flood of hot liquid, and as utterly erotic and fulfilling as that sinful pleasure had been, she did not want to indulge in that again at Serenity’s expense. Serenity was too kind to have her life put at risk like that. And besides, how would Raina ever manage to explain to the world that she, the Grand Duchess, had accidentally killed an Elder by biting her? It would have been both laughable and tragic at once.
The Darkest Colors- Exsanguinations Page 29
