by Bobbi Smith
Tears glittered in her eyes; she couldn't go back and she didn't want to stay with him—not if she was to be despised. "Very well. If I am to play the part of your wife, I shall expect the consideration due my position."
"Meaning?" he derided.
"Meaning, I won't tolerate such treatment at your hands."
"My dear," he said icily, "I apologize for my thoughtlessness in trying to protect your virtue, and I bid you to enjoy the freedom of the deck whenever you feel so disposed. Don't let it bother you that every jack-tar aboard will lustfully watch your every move and think how pleasant it would be to spread your thighs and mount you."
Espri blanched and then flushed at his crudity. Mitch noted her distress, but continued.
"They know you are my wife and under my protection, but that could be conveniently forgotten should the opportunity arise for them to take their pleasure of you. And that, my love, is why I bade you to remain in our cabin until such time as I could escort you on deck."
"I'm sorry," she murmured.
"You should be." He did not intend to let her off that easily. "From now on, trust my judgment as to what's best for you. There is usually a very sound reason behind everything I ask you to do."
"Yes, Mitch."
"As the voyage lengthens, no doubt the strain upon the men will increase. A pretty woman is always a temptation on board a ship, but after months at sea their needs will be strong. I advise you now, plan your excursions on deck when either Tommy or I can accompany you."
"Yes, Mitch."
"I need to speak with Tommy." He started to leave, but turned back. "By the way, we've been invited to dine with the captain and Mildred tonight." Her expression brightened considerably at the news, and Mitch, very aware of her beauty, quickly left.
Espri listened to his retreating footsteps as she stared at the closed portal. The prospect of spending most of her time during the next long months within this confining space unnerved her, but she understood Mitch's reasoning now and could more easily accept her lot. She had just stretched out across the bed when a soft knock came at the door.
"Yes?" she called, sitting up quickly.
"Espri, it's Mildred."
"Oh." Espri hastened to admit the gentle woman. "Come in."
"I'm not disturbing you?"
"No, not at all. Mitch left to speak with Tommy, and I was just going to rest for a while."
"If you'd rather I came back later—"
"No. I really would appreciate your company now."
"Good." She came bustling into the room, her arms filled with what looked to Espri like a jumble of multicolored cloth. "I thought we could take this time to talk and get better acquainted."
"I'd like that." Espri's smile was open and genuine.
"Your husband mentioned to the captain that you were in need of clothing, so I've brought a few things along to see if we can fashion you something suitable."
"Suitable?" Espri's knowledge of clothing was severely limited.
"Yes, my dear. As much as your sarong is comfortable, it just won't do when we reach the cooler climes," Mildred told her thoughtfully.
"Is it very cold in San Francisco?" Espri asked a bit timidly.
"Compared to what you're used to, yes, but don't you worry. We've several months before we reach your new home, and by then, we'll have you well outfitted. Stand up for me now and let's see what we can do here."
The rest of the afternoon passed in a whirl of activity, for Mildred introduced Espri to the fundamentals of women's fashion.
"Why must we wear all this?" Espri gestured in wide-eyed wonder at the various garments Mildred had spread out on the bed.
"Why?" Mildred looked perplexed for a moment and then laughed in genuine amusement. "I've never considered the 'whys' of it before; in fact, I don't know. I just know that no lady of substance can be properly dressed without the correct underthings and over-things and in-between things."
They laughed in easy camaraderie. Though Espri thought the clothing looked confining and more than a little ridiculous, a part of her looked forward to dressing up for Mitch. Maybe, she thought, if I look more like the kind of woman he's used to, he might change in his feelings toward me. With that in mind, she wholeheartedly participated in Mildred's attempts to instruct her in the proper apparel, and she was excited when the older woman promised her an altered gown by late the following day.
"You can do it that quickly?"
"Maybe sooner," Mildred told her, studying her trim figure. "I've got your measurements and hopefully enough extra length in the hem to make up for our differences in height."
"Thank you, Mildred." Espri was overwhelmed by her generosity and patience.
"Don't be silly. This has been fun for me. It's exciting to introduce you to a whole new world."
"I just hope I'll be able to adapt to it." This was the first indication she'd given Mildred of her insecurity, and the older woman understood.
"I don't think you have a thing to worry about. Just stay as sweet as you are and hold your head up proudly. You're a very lovely woman. Changing the way you dress will never change that," she declared with almost motherly affection. "Now, I'll see you at dinner tonight with your handsome husband."
Espri nodded. "I'll look forward to that."
Since the ship's stores had been restocked during their stopover at the islands, dinner aboard the Providence was particularly sumptuous that night, and the Clarks ate heartily, enjoying the variety of island fruits now added to their diet. When the cabin boy had taken away the dirty dishes, Captain Clark brought forth a bottle of fine brandy and poured a snifter for each of them.
"Brandy?" He held out the globular glass to Espri.
She glanced quickly at Mitch, and at his encouraging nod, she accepted the delicate-looking snifter, holding it in both hands.
"It's called an after-dinner drink," Mildred offered. "But you mustn't drink it quickly for it's quite potent. Just sip at it, so." She demonstrated, smiling at the other woman's very natural grace as she mimicked her. "Wonderful. Espri is a very quick learner, Mitch."
His dark eyes upon his wife, he responded, "Yes, I know."
Espri felt the heat rise to her cheeks at his unspoken meaning, and she was grateful that neither Mildred nor Captain Clark sensed the undercurrent of his words. She studied her husband, feeling for a moment as if she really didn't know him. Since he'd donned the white shirt, dark trousers, and boots that the captain had sent down to their cabin, Mitch seemed a different man, his manner having somehow subtly changed.
"I understand you two ladies were discussing fashion this afternoon," the captain said with interest.
"Yes, and while I was aware that it wouldn't be acceptable to wear my island clothing in San Francisco, I had no idea how much was involved. Mildred's going to help me sew a few things so I have something to wear when we reach your home." Espri glanced at Mitch.
"Your home too, now," he told her, his gaze meeting hers over the rim of his snifter.
"We have some silks from the Orient and some other material, so I think we should fare quite well," Mildred informed them.
"Good," the captain said approvingly. "I'd invited O'Ryan to join us this evening, but he declined. He seems like a personable young man, but is something bothering him?"
Mitch answered. "The last few days have been rough for Tommy. It was painful for him to end some associations he'd made on Malika, but I'm sure he'll come around soon."
Clark nodded. "With luck and favorable winds, I estimate we should make landfall within four months."
"Sounds good to me." Mitch smiled broadly. "I've traveled before, but this is one homecoming I am really anticipating."
Growing more and more aware of his love for his home, Espri made up her mind that by the time they reached San Francisco, she was going to know everything Mildred could teach her about being a "lady of substance."
It was much later when they returned to their own cabin. The fiery liquor had sharpened
Espri's senses, and she'd become acutely conscious of Mitch as he'd sat so close to her during their dinner with the Clarks. Painfully acknowledging to herself that he did not feel the same way toward her anymore, she was careful not to have any physical contact with him. It was going to be difficult enough to share the bed with him, but if he openly rejected her again, she didn't know what she'd do.
Mitch followed Espri into the cabin, his emotions in turmoil. Sitting next to her all evening and knowing that they would soon be sharing the single bed in their stateroom had left him unsettled. There was nothing he wanted more than to spend the night making love to her, but if he took her, he knew she would only hate him more. All evening, she had seemed to go out of her way to avoid touching him, and the remembrance of her earlier shiver of distaste when he'd helped her aboard only served to reaffirm what he believed to be the truth.
Espri felt his eyes upon her, and she glanced back over her shoulder at him as she untied the sarong and let it drop. He had seen her unclothed so often that she had no idea her natural gesture had taken on a new meaning under these different circumstances.
Mitch's desire soared as he stared at her. God! How he wanted her. Hungrily, his gaze raked over her slim body, devouring the tempting beauty of her breasts and the rounded curve of her shapely hips. All thoughts of restraint fled and he took a step forward, intent only on tasting of her charms once more.
The sudden tension in the room had made Espri nervous, and when Mitch started to walk toward her, his eyes devoid of expression, she became frightened. The startled look she gave him halted his progress and his passion chilled. Scowling at his own momentary loss of control, he turned and stalked back toward the door.
"I'm going to check on Tommy. I'll be back later." Without even glancing in her direction, he quit the room.
Chapter 19
"Well? What do you think?" Espri faced Captain Clark's wife anxiously. They had spent the entire morning together, fitting the dress Mildred was altering for her, and now the work was done.
The older woman stood back from the younger one and studied her with mock impartiality before breaking into a wide smile. "You look marvelous . . . but I knew you would."
"Do you really think so?" Espri twisted around, trying to get a better view of herself in the small mirror over the washstand.
"Absolutely. Do you want to go show your husband?" Mildred asked.
Espri wanted nothing more than to impress Mitch with her appearance, but she was hesitant about trying to walk in public in the shoes Mildred had given her. Though they were comfortable enough, she found them terribly awkward. "I don't know. Maybe it would be better if I waited here for him."
Mildred clucked like a mother hen and took Espri by the arm, urging her toward the door. "Are you worried about walking?"
Espri gave her a wondering look. "How did you know?"
"I know because you seem to be afraid to move. Come on, now. I'm sure he'll be delighted with your appearance. And don't worry about falling; it'll only take you a minute to get used to the shoes."
"I don't know. They feel so cumbersome . . . barefoot is so much easier. How can you stand wearing these all the time?" Espri laughed ruefully as she took a few steps.
"Necessity, I suppose. You may not appreciate them now, but you will when the weather turns." Mildred opened the door and led Espri from the cabin. "Let's see your brightest smile," Mildred encouraged. "Good girl. The most important lesson you can learn is that a lady must always seem to be enjoying herself, even when she's miserable."
"Really? Why?" Deception was not part of Espri's personality.
"Appearances, my dear, are everything in polite society," the older woman confided. "Things are very different in your husband's world. Very little is as it first appears."
Espri nodded solemnly. "Do you think I'll ever be able to remember everything?"
Mildred laughed easily. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll do just fine when the time comes, and perhaps your honesty will start a new, refreshing trend."
They went up the steps slowly, giving Espri time to accustom herself to the novelty of balancing on the low heels, and then stepped out on deck.
Mildred gave her a reassuring hug as they looked around for their husbands. "Let's see what the menfolk have to say about this," she said.
Strolling the deck slowly, they headed for the helm, where the men were deep in conversation. Mitch had his back to the women as they approached, but when the captain indicated that he should turn around, he glanced over his shoulder and started in surprised fascination. He found it hard to believe that the sophisticated creature walking toward him was his wife. Dressed in a shirtwaist daygown with her hair pinned back in a sedate bun at the nape of her neck, she bore little resemblance to his wild island beauty. Gone was her sweet naïveté. Before him stood a strikingly attractive female who looked worldly and mature—a woman to be reckoned with. And despite its high-necked, long-sleeved conservative style, her dress was amazingly flattering, for the soft cotton material fit snugly across her bosom, hinting subtly at the fullness beneath, while the skirt flowed in graceful lines all the way to the floor. Moving away from the other men without speaking, he went to Espri and kissed her cheek.
"You look marvelous, darling," he told her gruffly as her eyes met his searchingly.
"Thank you." She flushed with pleasure.
"Espri, you're beautiful!" Tommy, too, was surprised by the transition.
"Mildred, you've done a wonderful job of advising her," Mitch declared.
"It's been a pleasure." Mildred read the men's expressions correctly, and she knew that Espri had impressed them. "We still have a few other things to put together, but I think she's going to do very well in San Francisco."
"I do too," Mitch agreed wholeheartedly.
Taking Mildred's counsel on the manner of a lady seriously, Espri smiled at him in spite of the fact that her feet were aching and the dress was confining. "I'm glad you approve."
"Most assuredly." Unable to help himself, he reached out and touched her cheek with a gentle hand as their gazes met and held.
Excitement trembled through her, and had they been alone, Espri knew she would have thrown herself into his arms, regardless of the consequences. The past night had been a miserable one for her. She had been expecting things to change between them now that they were on the ship, but Mitch had followed the same pattern he'd taken to on the island, staying away from their cabin until long after she'd already fallen asleep. Espri was determined that as soon as she could, she was going to put an end to it. Even though their marriage had been forced, he was now her husband and he had been right—there was no reason why they couldn't share a mutually satisfying physical relationship. Eagerly, she looked forward to the time when they could at least be that close again.
"Well, we have more sewing to do, so we'll leave you gentlemen to your duties." Mildred drew Espri along with her as she started back toward the companionway.
Espri couldn't resist one last backward glance at Mitch, and she was surprised to find his gaze still upon her. Giving him one last fleeting smile, she disappeared with the other woman, out of sight below deck.
Espri had been anticipating going to bed that night, and she was thoroughly disappointed when, after dining with the Clarks, Mitch left her at the stateroom door, saying he was going to speak with Tommy for a few minutes. It took all of her inner strength to play the lady and not let him see her disappointment. Frustrated, she stripped off the uncomfortable "civilized" clothing, pulled the pins from her hair, and lay across the bed, lost in thought.
Mitch knocked briefly at Tommy's door, and when there was no answer he went up on deck to see if he could locate his friend. As he had suspected, Tommy was standing at the rail, staring out across the blackness of the sea.
"You didn't join us for dinner again," he said easily as he went to stand beside him.
Tommy gave him a quick, apologetic look. "I'm afraid I wouldn't be good company right now."
Mitch was quiet for a moment, sympathetically understanding. "You may not think so now, but the pain will lessen with time."
"I should have stayed with her to help protect her."
"Tommy"—Mitch's tone was serious—" as difficult as it was, you made the correct decision."
The younger man slammed his fist down on the rail and faced his friend, his eyes bleak with the knowledge that his love was lost to him. "But I love her, damn it! Could you have gone off and left Espri?" he demanded. Then, remembering their earlier conversation on the island, he said disgustedly, "Oh, never mind. You told me yourself you would have. Probably the only reason you brought her along was because you had to get married. God! I wish Tikiru had been pregnant; then I could have kept her with me."
Mitch had become furious because of Tommy's derisive statement, and he had been about to respond to it when he'd realized that every word his friend had said was true. He had said those things only weeks ago. Funny, he thought, they sounded so cold and callous now. He frowned as he wondered if he had really changed so much.
"You're wrong about that," he said with a calmness that surprised him. "For all that I professed indifference, I couldn't have left Espri behind, child or no child."
"I'm glad," Tommy remarked. "I have to admit that I'd wondered how you could even think of it. Espri is so beautiful, and certainly very much in love with you."
Mitch found Tommy's observation perplexing—Espri, in love with him? Then he remembered that "love and hate are but a wit apart," and he frowned at the thought.
"Do you have time for a drink in my cabin?" Tommy suggested. "Captain Clark gave me a bottle of whiskey, and I could sure use a shot right now."
"Sure. Let's go." Mitch clapped Tommy on the back as they went below. It was strange but he was feeling lighter of spirit.
Espri was angry. She had been waiting hours for Mitch's return, and she would wait no longer. Getting up from the bed, she quickly dressed in the clothes and shoes Mildred had given her. She didn't know why Mitch was so determined not to come to her, but she had had enough. It was time he knew exactly how she felt. If he didn't like it, at least they would know where they stood. Things had been miserable between them since that first night, and she knew the only way to rid their marriage of that painful memory was to replace it with more beautiful ones. Set in her resolve and completely forgetting his warning about being alone on deck, she left the cabin, intent on locating Mitch.
