by Skye Horn
“Please, just call me Thea.”
“Only if you will call me Ismara,” the queen agreed, smiling back as she let Thea go.
Thea nodded, relaxing as the formalities melted away. Even her great-godfather wasn’t so informal with her. In fact, she often shocked him with hugs, rather than the other way around.
“Now.” Ismara clapped her hands together, motioning Thea toward a table of refreshments and two comfy chairs that someone had brought in before her arrival. “Let’s talk! It’s been far too long since I’ve had company in my court, but thanks to your defeat of Malachi, there are many fresh faces in my kingdom now.”
Thea’s mouth watered at the smell of the coffee on the table.
“I’m still careful, of course,” she continued, not noticing Thea’s diverted attention as they sat down. Thea took a cup of hot caffeine, hoping it would dull some of her exhaustion. Coffee in Faerie was not the same as coffee where she’d grown up. In fact, it was far superior. The bold flavors danced across her tongue, causing each individual taste bud to explode after every sip. Thea savored it as her body relaxed into the chair. “With Morrigan free, I worry about the safety of my people.”
This brought Thea’s eyes back, registering the concern in the queen’s gaze. Ismara had been watching her with interest, but now it was Thea’s turn as she set the coffee down and stared across the table at the Queen of Gimmerwich. If nothing else in this trip went as planned, Thea hoped this blossoming alliance would, because more than anything, she needed to learn what it meant to be a queen in Faerie.
“I’m sorry,” Thea responded through tight lips, but the apology rang true. She hated herself for being the reason Morrigan walked free. She hated herself for being too weak to stop the Goddess of Death, but hating herself changed nothing. Thea would do it all over again if it meant saving Kieran’s life, even knowing he would leave her. That was how weak love made her, as Morrigan had put it.
Ismara continued to smile, despite the flood of emotions that flashed across Thea’s face.
“You’re going to be a queen, Thea,” she said, reaching out to place her hand on top of Thea’s. “Lesson one is you need to stop apologizing for your actions.”
“I don’t know how,” Thea admitted. It felt as if she’d been apologizing non-stop for months now. She’d apologized to the council for not behaving the way they wanted her to. Her apologies had extended to Iris and Ethel for being the reason that Kieran had left. She’d even apologized to her kingdom, albeit not out loud, for being the reason for Morrigan’s return to Faerie. It seemed like every word she spoke anymore was an apology for her behavior or an apology for who she was.
“You stopped King Malachi, even though he was your father.” Ismara leaned back in her chair, and Thea noticed the fine lines of wrinkles beneath her makeup for the first time.
“But—”
“That is something to be proud of.”
Thea wanted to argue that stopping Malachi hadn’t solved the problem, but Ismara wasn’t wrong. She had stopped her father, which meant her people could return home for the first time in fifteen years. It also meant humans were no longer enslaved in Ivandor. No matter what else had happened, those changes had occurred because of her.
She leaned back in her own chair, folding her hands into her lap with a thoughtful look at the smiling queen across from her. It was as if she’d known what Thea needed to hear to lessen the weight of guilt she carried.
“Love can make our hearts do unimaginable things,” Ismara said.
Thea’s wings tensed on her back as she met the queen’s eyes once more. No one had mentioned love having anything to do with this, and yet, Thea saw the knowing look in the older woman’s eyes.
“You didn’t think I wouldn’t find out everything I could about you before offering my nephew, did you?” she asked with a musical laugh. “I spoke with King Aragon many weeks ago.”
Thea tried to hide the surprise and betrayal she felt over her great-godfather talking about her behind her back, and especially of him telling anyone about Kieran. Of course he knew, but the fact that he’d told Ismara made the muscles in her chest tighten.
“Don’t be angry with him,” Ismara said, reading her expression. “I would never blame you for saving your soulmate. Anyone with a soul bond would understand.”
“You?” Thea asked, but Ismara was already shaking her head.
“No, but my brother.”
Declan’s parents, Thea thought, remembering the story Ethel had told her.
“If you know about Kieran,” Thea’s mouth dried up in trying to form his name, “then why are you asking me to marry your nephew?”
Ismara looked nervous for the first time as she studied Thea’s face. Thea lifted her mug back to her lips and took a sip of the hot coffee, just for something to do. If Ismara knew about Kieran, then it was likely so did her High Council.
Was that why they were pressuring her to marry someone? Because they knew she wanted to be with a non-royal Fae? The thought made her stomach churn. She hated the outdated laws almost as much as she hated discovering once more that her council was hiding things from her. The laws and the men in charge of them seemed to be there only to make the world an unhappy place.
“My nephew isn’t particularly fond of marriage either,” Ismara intoned.
“Then why force him?” Thea couldn’t help herself from saying. She wondered if her bold question would offend Ismara, but the queen’s smile only broadened.
“There is that Ivandor enthusiasm I’ve been missing so much,” she laughed, and Thea got the impression that her mother may not have been the typical queen type either. It comforted her to know that they had that in common.
“You’ll find that ruling over a kingdom is not a simple job, especially as a woman,” Ismara continued, looking serious again. “Your council will often second-guess your decisions, but you will need to be steadfast and show them that you are the leader, not them.”
Thea had already experienced this with her council, but she didn’t feel any better knowing that Ismara had faced those experiences as well. She’d been hoping that there was a secret fix to that problem.
“So, you think I need a man to rule with me as well,” Thea said, not even bothering to try hiding the defeat in her voice.
“No.” Ismara reached out and took her hand again, squeezing it. “I think Declan needs a lesson in how the world outside treats royal Fae, and I think you need a partner who will not walk over you as your father did your mother.”
Loneliness resurfaced at the mention of her deceased parents, so Thea pretended to be more interested in the way her coffee swirled around her cup.
“Your mother should have been the one to teach you all of this,” Ismara said. Thea’s eyes stung, but she fought against the tears. “Women don’t survive well alone in this world, but that doesn’t mean we can’t thrive on the system laid out before us. It just means we have to work harder. My late husband was a kind man who knew nothing of running a kingdom, but his bloodline made him acceptable to the council. We grew to love each other over time, but more importantly, he grew to respect my decisions, and I respected his. That is all you can ask for in the situation they have placed us in.”
Thea looked up to meet Ismara’s eyes, noticing the guard that had dropped between them. She was being honest, which was what Thea wanted, but the queen’s words foreshadowed an end to her and Kieran’s relationship. Thea didn’t want to rule beside a man she didn’t love. She didn’t think she or Declan deserved that, and she hadn’t even met him yet. But she also couldn’t say that to Ismara, who had been kind enough to share her truth.
Would that be her life now, though? Settling for the sake of peace with her High Council?
“I know how difficult this is to hear,” Ismara continued. “And I know my nephew doesn’t want to hear it either, but maybe you will find commonality because neither of you likes the position we have placed you in. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that th
e Goddess gave you a soulmate you could not have.”
Her words were kind, but they still sliced through Thea. The answers weren’t new to her, but hearing them out loud hurt worse than telling them to herself.
Why had Ainé done this to her? Why had she toyed with Thea’s emotions just to snatch away the one thing that made sense? Thea wanted to ask her herself, but with the runes—
“Is your castle warded?” Thea asked, noting the look of surprise on Ismara’s face. It took her a moment to understand what Thea meant by the question, but then she nodded her head.
“Of course; it has been since the start of the Dark War.”
Thea let out a relieved breath. The wards meant she couldn’t try to contact Ainé, but at least she could sleep in peace tonight. The queen’s gaze grew more concerned.
“Did something happen on your journey here?”
Thea hesitated a moment. She hadn’t meant to share this information outside of her circle of companions, but the queen’s worry made her feel guilty. Ismara had been honest with her. The least Thea could do was do the same.
“Morrigan contacted me,” Thea whispered, not wanting the guards to hear her from their posts at the doorway.
“What did she say?” Ismara’s face darkened into a frightening seriousness as she leaned toward Thea.
“She wanted me to join her,” Thea said. The top of her mouth was dry and her tongue felt too large. It seemed to stick to the back of her teeth as she spoke, mumbling her words. “I said no, of course.”
“Did she threaten you?” Ismara asked, a mask settling over her face that made Thea uncomfortable. Unable to speak, Thea nodded, reaching for the untouched glass of water on the table.
Ismara watched her as silence unfolded between them, and Thea wondered what she thought of her now. Did she see her as weak because she could not keep Morrigan out of her head? Did she see her as incapable to rule her kingdom because the Goddess of Death tainted her? Thea could no longer meet her eyes, so she stared at the ripples in her water glass instead as she set it back on the table.
Thea didn’t know why she cared so much what Ismara thought of her. Perhaps it was the same reason she’d cared what Aragon thought. She didn’t have any parents left to look out for her, and despite being an adult, she still sought the parental approval in everything she did. She wished she’d stop, but it was a tough habit to break.
“You are a risk to your kingdom if she can get into your head,” Ismara said, breaking the silence and bringing a wave of shame over Thea’s entire body. She’d thought as much. “But we will teach you how to control that.”
This surprised Thea. The queen hadn’t dismissed her as a poor leader or a flight risk, but told her she could succeed. She didn’t dare mention the fact that she’d been up all night trying to master the magic they now discussed. Nor did she mention the strange connection she had with Morrigan. No matter how much she trusted Ismara, some secrets needed to remain hidden.
“I’ll do whatever is necessary to stop her,” Thea said, meeting the queen’s gaze. “It’s my fault she is here. I will stop her.”
This seemed to satisfy Ismara. She reached out to pat Thea’s hand again and then stood, showing their time together was ending. Thea couldn’t help being thankful for that. She liked Ismara, but keeping up the pretense of someone who deserved to be sitting where she sat was exhausting. She didn’t yet feel that she had earned the title of princess.
“You’ll come to dinner tonight,” Ismara said as Thea joined her by standing. It was not a question or an invitation, but a fact. Thea nodded, regardless. “My nephew should be back by then. I realize this is difficult for both of you, but I ask that you keep an open mind for the good of our kingdoms.”
Thea swallowed her argument. Now wasn’t the time to tell the queen she didn’t think the good of their kingdoms relied on a marriage, but on a friendship. She understood that marriage tied the kingdoms together, but couldn’t they just agree to take care of one another? She tried not to frown as she pictured herself in a wedding dress. She wasn’t ready for that, especially not alongside a man she didn’t know.
“I’ll see you at dinner,” was all Thea said in response.
She turned to leave, but Ismara caught her attention once more.
“He’s in the village,” she said, and it was how she said the word “he” that made Thea pause mid-step. “And he knows you are here.”
Thea’s breath caught. If Kieran knew she was here, he could leave before she had time to say a word to him.
“Why are you telling me this?” she asked, looking at Ismara with wide eyes.
“You came here to find him, did you not?” she said with a knowing smile. “I don’t want you to be late for dinner. Perhaps you should start your search with the tavern. It is easy enough to find.”
It was such a simple answer, and yet, it was filled with so much that Thea didn’t understand.
Technically, Ismara hoped to one day be part of Thea’s family. The queen hoped that Thea would marry her nephew and unite the two kingdoms. And yet, she’d just told Thea where to find her one true love, so that she wouldn’t be late for dinner with her future husband? The entire situation made her head spin as she tried to figure out what it was the queen wished to accomplish, but by the look on Ismara’s face, she knew she’d get no further information.
“Thank you,” was all Thea said. She then turned, feeling more confused than when she’d entered the throne room, to join Derek and Jami by the door. Ismara’s guards moved out of their way and the three of them exited the room without looking back.
Thea wondered if Derek or Jami had overheard what they’d been discussing as they left, but if they did, they didn’t speak about it.
“We will escort you to your bedroom,” Jami said as the door shut behind them with an echoing click. Thea noticed the way he averted his eyes and took that as confirmation that he’d heard at least a little of the conversation.
“And then we can escort you to the village,” Derek said, his tone formal but nervous.
Yes, they had most definitely heard. She felt a blush creeping up over her cheeks.
“That won’t be necessary,” Thea said, staring down at her feet as they walked. She couldn’t make herself look at them to see whatever judgment they had. “I can go to the village on my own.”
“I don’t think that’s—”
“Jami,” Thea warned, her eyes daring to meet his.
“We just want to keep you safe, Princess,” Derek pleaded. They turned down another hall.
How her two guards knew where to go was beyond her, but she figured they had been given instructions while she’d been preoccupied with Ismara.
“I appreciate that, but I need to draw less attention in the village. Having you two by my side will definitely not let me walk through unnoticed.”
They considered this as they reached the door to what Thea assumed was her bedroom.
“Also, I know you two are exhausted. I need you well rested for our journey home.”
The two guards glanced at each other, but Thea knew she was winning the discussion. It made her happy that even with her impending exhaustion she could convince them that they were the ones who needed to rest.
However, before either of them could argue any further, which Thea assumed they were about to do, the bedroom door opened and Ethel stood grinning at the three of them.
“I thought I heard you out here,” she said. “LOOK at this room!”
Thea threw an apologetic smile at her two guards, laughing as Ethel tugged her inside a bedroom the size of a small house.
“Go get some sleep!” she called out to their worried, defeated faces as the door clanged shut on its own.
Chapter 11
“Ethel, you’re bruising my arm,” Thea said as Ethel led her into the room. There was a circular bed big enough for at least six people in the middle of the neutral-colored bedroom, with a maroon bedspread over it.
“Who could need
that many pillows?” Thea asked, eyeing what must have been a dozen pillows decorating the bed. An antique wardrobe stood against the wall, nearly touching the ceiling. It was engraved with olive branches—a design that matched the vanity on the other side of the room with its crystal mirror and array of perfumes and powders. Thea traced her fingers over the delicate artwork of the vanity and paused at a small jar of sparkling white powder.
“What did you find?” Ethel asked as she examined a large, porcelain-footed tub in the corner of the room. All thoughts of marriage and the Goddesses faded away as Thea examined each of the makeup-filled drawers, her eyes lighting up with pleasant surprise.
“The only thing that could make today good,” Thea mused.
Sure, none of this makeup was like anything she’d ever used before, but she didn’t care. It was still makeup, which she missed.
Ethel came over to look at what Thea was examining. “I didn’t think you liked anything girly.”
“Just because I don’t like wearing itchy lace dresses, it doesn’t mean I don’t like to feel pretty,” Thea said with mock scolding in her tone. She saw Ethel’s face light up with delight at this new information and wondered what she’d just gotten herself into.
“What did you do while I was gone?” Thea asked, glancing at Ethel in the mirror.
“Organized your dresses in that.” Ethel pointed to the wardrobe. “I’m not sure whose room this used to be, but it’s full of more elegant gowns than I’ve ever seen!” Thea only rolled her eyes, laughing.
“You had this entire room to yourself, and you organized my stuff,” she said in disbelief. “You amaze me, Ethel.”
“What can I say? I love to help.” She shrugged. “Mica also looked tired, so I didn’t want to bother him.”
Thea cast a curious glance toward Ethel, noticing the rosy pink burn of her cheeks. The schoolgirl crush that Ethel had on Mica was adorable, but it also worried Thea because of their age difference. She didn’t know what things were like in Faerie, but Mica was nearly sixteen, and Ethel had only just turned fourteen a few months ago. That age difference mattered a lot more right now than it would later on. Thea felt a protectiveness over the younger girl, wanting to keep her from the heartache and pain that love could bring, but she also didn’t want to crush Ethel’s hopes of a future with Mica. It was all a little too complicated, and Thea wondered how parents did it.
