by Skye Horn
Everything about her called to him, but the look in her eyes made him want to run and hide from the tidal wave of anger, betrayal, and pain she was about to unleash on him. He understood the emotions that bubbled beneath the surface, but could he face them? He could hardly bear looking at her, but he forced himself to see what his actions had caused. No matter how many times he’d told himself he’d done the right thing, seeing her now made it hard to believe it.
The entire room appeared to move in slow motion as he stood, following the line that connected their souls together. They couldn’t have this conversation here, so he motioned for her to follow him out the side door, grateful that Amara had disappeared for a while so that they could have this conversation in semi-privacy. He didn’t want the listening ears of the tavern customers to spread any unnecessary rumors. They’d already begun noticing her, despite her attempts to blend in.
An unfamiliar silence settled between them as they walked into the side alley of the tavern. It was secluded enough that they could speak, but Kieran didn’t know what to say. A million words flowed to the tip of his tongue, but there was no way he could say what he actually felt. He’d been thinking about it for hours, trying to decide what the best thing for them would be, but how could he know? How could any of this be right if they both looked and felt so miserable? Because he saw her misery as clearly as he felt his own. She’d built walls, sure. Those walls left her eyes guarded and her face masked, but that didn’t keep him from seeing the stranger she’d become. It broke his heart to see the shallowness of her cheeks and the shadows beneath her eyes. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in days, no matter how much she’d attempted to conceal it from the world. He hated himself for being the reason for her pain, but more than that, he hated that they’d ever been put into this position to begin with. Why had Ainé chosen him? Why had she given them this unforgivable need for one another?
Kieran realized the silence was stretching far too long. He let his eyes drift to their surroundings, making sure no one was watching them, and felt that her lack of guards confirmed his suspicions. She was being reckless—again—because of him.
“You look well, Princess Thea,” he said, trying to hide the tremble beneath his voice. Well was the wrong word, though. After not seeing her in months, he’d almost forgotten the way her hair slinked around her shoulders and framed her face. The wings only made her more beautiful, as if she’d been born for them. They curved around her, their burnt-umber feathers twitching with every emotion she felt, more so than even her facial features gave away. While she’d learned to control those, she hadn’t mastered the way her wings would react—if she even knew it was happening. Kieran took in every inch of her that he could, because he hadn’t allowed himself to remember the line of sun-kissed freckles that dotted her nose, or the single-dimpled smile she often wore.
She wasn’t smiling now, though. She stared at him as if a stranger had just spoken. Kieran thought about forcing himself to look away from the woman who could make him shake at the knees, but he couldn’t. Even with all the pain she held on the surface, there was something different about Thea. She didn’t have to force herself to hold her chin high anymore, and the untamed power behind her eyes was almost frightening. He saw the specks of gold against her gray irises and wondered just how much power she’d left untouched—just how much magic did she keep hidden beneath the surface?
“That’s all you have to say to me?” she responded in a tight voice that made his heart clench. He’d dreamt of her for months—her touch, her scent, and her voice had been all that kept him sane as he convinced himself he couldn’t go back to Ivandor—but hearing her speak had the opposite effect. Her voice trembled and her lips pursed into an angry straight line that he wanted to kiss apart. He wanted to soften the look she was giving him by admitting he should have never left, but how could he do that after what Queen Ismara had told him? “And Princess Thea?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, and the anger within him returned. The queen had said that Thea was here to meet her future husband. She hadn’t come here for him, but fate had brought them to the same place at the same time. What did that mean for them? How could she even be considering marrying some stranger if she felt even close to the agony he was feeling right now? And how could he be so selfish as to not want her to be happy?
He wanted to tear his own thoughts out of his head. They spun webs of insecurities and pain through him that he couldn’t untangle himself from, forcing him to look away from her assessing gaze.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Kieran said, staring at the ground beneath them. Rage boiled within him, threatening to tear the painful trap of his mind apart from the seams, but he tried to control it, clenching his hands into fists. He couldn’t lose control. Not in front of her—but even as he thought the words he felt the darkness unfolding within him, suffocating any sense of right or wrong as he thought of his princess marrying another man.
How could she do that to you? a sinister voice taunted. He wanted to tell himself Morrigan was doing this to him, but perhaps it was his own self that couldn’t handle the truth. Perhaps this was what he deserved for the oath he’d broken.
Thea watched the emotions play out on Kieran’s face, taking a step toward him. She wanted to see the glimmer of hope she’d seen when she walked into the tavern, the glimmer of love she’d prayed she hadn’t imagined behind his eyes, but all she saw was endless fury. It startled her almost as much as seeing him again had.
Until this point, seeing Kieran again had only been a fantasy. She’d imagined a million different scenarios where she stood and told him what an epic jerk he was for leaving her like that, but none of them had ever played out like this. In none of her fantasies had she ever seen the darkness unfolding like she did now.
“How about we start with why you left,” Thea demanded, but her voice cracked on the last word. For a moment, she thought she saw regret, but the emotion disappeared before she could be sure.
“I told you why I left, Thea.” Hearing her name on his lips was another thing Thea hadn’t been prepared for. Sure, she’d thought about the way he’d speak to her for months, but that didn’t encompass the way it actually felt to be here with him again.
“Tell me in person.”
She didn’t like the way Kieran watched her. He read her just like he’d done so many times before, but this time, she wanted to control what he saw and when he saw it. However, Thea wasn’t as well practiced in hiding her emotions and knew he would see right through the walls she’d built up.
“You didn’t read the letter,” he said without question, but his lips pulled down at the corners.
Thea didn’t reply, but that was answer enough. She could feel the tension growing between them. Kieran didn’t step away from her, but his eyes narrowed and his lips parted into silent communication. She smelled the ale on his breath and knew if she leaned forward she would taste it on his lips. In her imagination, that kiss made the anger and hurt melt away. It would ignite the fire blazing between their connected souls before the flames died out.
She didn’t move, though.
Instead, she searched his gaze for any sense of the old Kieran, the one she’d grown to love during their time together. This Kieran kept the man she loved well-guarded, if he even existed anymore.
“Why didn’t you read my letter?” he asked. The wind surrounded them, ruffling their feathers, and Thea shuddered beneath the familiar tickle of magic across her skin. She’d dreamt of that touch, but it was not delicate or caring; it was a sign of the falter in his control. She’d felt that same loss of control with her own magic.
“Because I deserved better,” Thea said, lifting her chin. Her voice no longer trembled, but she felt like one wrong answer from him might send her over the edge. “I deserved this.”
Her indication that this conversation was any better than the letter made Kieran laugh, but it lacked any humor. His wings twitched as he rolled his eyes at h
er, a habit Thea imagined he’d picked up from Amara. It made her blood boil with annoyance.
“Okay,” she said, her voice sinking into the monotone she’d been practicing as the future-queen of Ivandor. “I didn’t deserve it. You’ve made that clear.”
Her hands clenched into fists as she felt the magic bubbling beneath the surface, fiery within her veins. The ground beneath them trembled, but she prayed Kieran wouldn’t notice because of his own loss of control.
That wasn’t the case. His eyes immediately zeroed in on her clenched fingers, and for a second, she thought he might reach out to her.
He didn’t.
“Tell me why you left,” she said through clenched teeth. They ached from the impact, making Thea wonder if it was possible to break your teeth through forceful jaw clenching.
“I told you in the letter.” He glared back, his own magic stirring the surrounding air. Thea had to toss her head to the side to avoid her own hair whipping her in the face as the wind picked up.
If they didn’t both calm down quickly, there would be more to worry about than a stupid letter, Thea thought. Her voice dropped on the next word she spoke, though, anger overtaking logic.
“Coward.”
Kieran’s eyes narrowed and within seconds he had her pressed against the outer wall of the tavern. Her mouth fell open in surprise as he slammed his hand into the building beside her with a low growl. He was close enough for her to see the gold specks in his irises and the stubble of a beard shadowing his square jaw. Despite his anger, his proximity made her heart race.
Thea didn’t cower, because she didn’t fear him. Even angry, Thea knew Kieran would never hurt her—not physically, at least. Instead, she pressed her palms against his chest, tilting her head up to meet his gaze.
“Prove me wrong,” she challenged, feeling the trembling of his body beneath her touch. It was enough to remind her that he was still in there somewhere. Her Kieran still existed behind this hard shell he’d been developing around himself.
If only she knew how to reach him.
“I left because of this,” he snapped. His words dripped with defeat and agony, but his eyes were still furious. She saw the hurt behind that anger and wanted to take every bit away. “Because when we are together we are reckless. We make decisions based on the other’s wellbeing above all else.”
Thea understood what Kieran referred to with no need for elaboration. So instead of arguing, she asked, “Would you have let me die?”
“No,” he replied, extinguishing any question Thea had about how he felt about her. “And that is why this is an issue. We let the Goddess of Death out. After everything your mother did to stop it from happening, we are the reason Morrigan is free, Thea.”
He said her name like his words might shatter her, but she’d already been shattered. He’d already taken every piece of her and left her to repair the pieces with her bare hands.
“I would have done the same thing if it were Ethel lying there in danger, though—or Iris. Believe it or not, Kieran, I would do that for anyone I love.”
She’d thought about this argument for months, because Kieran wasn’t the only one she’d have let the Goddess of Death free for. He was just the one fate had chosen, and now he couldn’t handle the guilt of it. She understood that—the guilt was suffocating—but the truth was she’d have made that same choice for any of her family. If that decision made her weak, then she would accept weakness, because it would never change the fact that she’d do anything to protect those she loved.
“You have a kind heart.” Kieran took a step away from her. “But regardless of whether you’d have saved them, it was me you saved.”
“This argument is ridiculous, Kieran!” Thea crossed her arms, trying to contain the magic that threatened to explode out of her. She wanted to soar into the sky and escape the pain he was bringing her, but she’d asked for this. She’d wanted answers, even if they shattered her fragile heart.
“Fine,” he snapped. “Then what about your High Council never letting us be together? What about the law?”
“Screw the law!” Thea could hardly control the venom in her voice. “I am so sick and tired of other people telling me what I can and cannot do. First you, then the council; who’s next?”
She glared at him, unclenching her fists, and felt the heat of flames beneath her fingertips. Her entire body felt like it might catch fire if he so much as pushed her one more step in that direction.
“I’m sorry being a princess isn’t living up to your expectations.” He glared back.
“I never asked for this, Kieran.” Thea’s voice broke, but if Kieran noticed, he didn’t show it. Instead, his own hands trembled, and his cheeks darkened into crimson wine. Thea thought he might scream, but his next words were worse than screaming. They were calculated and furious.
“Is that why you’re here to meet the queen’s nephew? Because you are so tired of other people deciding how you act that you intend to marry a man who has slept with half the kingdom and doesn’t even know you? Seems like you must have asked for that, Princess.”
The anger in his words was unmistakable, but the hurt shocked Thea the most. Between Thea’s fire magic and his air magic, the surrounding air thickened into a heat that brought a trickle of sweat to her brow.
It was the only way I could see you! her thoughts screamed, but she wouldn’t allow him to have the satisfaction of that response, not anymore. She’d lied to her High Council for him and risked whatever consequences would come from denying a royal proposal for him. He didn’t deserve to know she would have done anything for this moment, though. In fact, right now he didn’t deserve her.
“You have no right,” she snapped, stepping toward him again with a glare. “You’re going to stand there and tell me you don’t want me, but that I’m also not allowed to marry someone else? You are just as much of a selfish prick as the rest of them.”
“I tried to warn you that where we were going would only end in pain, but you wouldn’t listen,” he replied, ignoring the rest of what she’d said. “You never listened to me.”
“Oh, so this is my fault?” Thea felt the tears she’d been fighting burning close to her eyelids now and gave up on holding them back. They stung as they streamed down her cheeks, but they reminded her just how badly he continued to hurt her, and she spat the only words that she knew would hurt him back in his face. “It must have been my fault that you slept with me too, right? I deserved that, too.”
Their faces were inches apart again as the memory of their last night together flashed through her thoughts. She’d once thought that had been the most perfect night of her life, but now, it pained her to think of it. She saw the regret in his eyes as the angry tears made the hair stick to her face and dampened her tunic, but she didn’t stop there.
“Do you regret bringing me home too?” she asked.
Her loss of control was drawing curious eyes from the village beyond the alley, but she didn’t care. The unstable ground beneath them mixed with the blue flames dancing across her fingertips felt like the only power Thea had in this conversation, and she had no intention of giving it up now. She wouldn’t let him break her more than he already had.
Kieran looked like he was about to respond, but a voice behind Thea caught his attention and his eyes darkened into a hatred she’d never seen before.
“Is everything okay here?” the man’s voice asked from the end of the alleyway behind Thea.
“Your future royal highness has arrived to save the day,” Kieran all but growled, and Thea couldn’t help but look over her shoulder to see what could have possibly made him more angry.
The stranger was a tall Fae with wavy blond hair. He was dressed in a half-unbuttoned white tunic with the sleeves rolled halfway up his arms and brown leather pants. He didn’t look muscular, like most of the men Thea had been around, and since he carried no weapons, Thea assumed he definitely wasn’t a soldier.
As he looked at Thea and considered Kieran
’s words, his face transformed from concern to surprise. His mouth fell into a small “oh” as his eyes drifted to Kieran and then back to Thea once more. He was beginning to understand what he’d just walked into, and Thea knew by Kieran’s reaction who had just interrupted their conversation—this was Declan, Queen Ismara’s nephew.
Goddess-above, what did I do to deserve this? Thea thought miserably, glancing between the two men.
“You haven’t met yet?” Kieran asked with mock shock that made Thea’s skin crawl. A moment ago she’d been ready to tear the entire alleyway apart just to make him feel the same hurt she felt, but that anger had passed, and now all she felt was a desperate need to run away. She rubbed her eyes to wipe away the tears and found the black makeup she’d put on smeared across the back of her hand. The fact that it was likely all over her face by now made her want to cry even harder.
“Well,” Kieran continued, ignoring her tear-stained face, all of his anger now focused on Declan. “Let me introduce you to Princess Thea of Ivandor.”
Kieran bowed low to Thea, making her stomach turn.
“She is a dedicated young ruler who will do anything for her kingdom. And, I assure you, she will make a beautiful wife to you, Lord Declan.”
The flames on Thea’s fingers extinguished, and she thought her knees might give out as she stood, mouth half-open, staring at the stranger who looked like the love of her life.
“And,” Kieran continued, “by the looks of you, soon you two will have gorgeous little Fae heirs running around, training for the future!”
