by Eva Haining
When the door opens and Belle emerges with tears streaming down her face, I instinctively go to her.
“Are you okay? Is he okay?”
She wraps her arms around my waist, burying her head in my chest.
“I don’t know.”
Six
BELLE
“Talk to me. What can I do?”
Why is he still here? I’m a train wreck, and yet Knox is still here. I half expected him to run the second I went in to see Johnny, but as I breathe him in, I let the warmth of his embrace soothe my broken heart.
“You’re already doing it.”
“Is Johnny okay?”
“For now. He looks like he went ten rounds with Mike Tyson, but he’s agreed to go to rehab. I can’t tell if he’s just trying to appease me or if he actually wants to get clean. Time will tell.”
“All you can do is support him. He has to do the heavy lifting if he wants to get his life back on track.” I pull back, suddenly aware of how much I’ve relied on Knox in the last twenty-four hours. It’s strange how comfortable I am with him after such a short space of time.
“I just keep playing last night over and over in my mind. If it had happened when he was alone, or if you hadn’t been there to help me get to him.” He runs his hand over my cheek in such a gentle caress.
“Don’t torture yourself with things that didn’t happen. He’s here and getting help. I was here, even though I didn’t really do much.”
“I wish I could convey to you just how much you helped. Thank you, you’re a good friend.” Even as I say it, I know I want him to be more than a friend, but the timing right now is all wrong.
“I guess I better hit the road and leave you guys to it. If you’re ever back in Kingsbury Falls, I’d love to see you. My door is always open.” The melancholy in his voice gives me some small comfort. This isn’t easy for him either.
“Honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen now. Our manager called today to say the record company has pushed our start date to give Johnny time to go to rehab. The next month, I actually don’t know where I’ll be. I gave up my apartment, and I don’t have the keys to my new place in LA yet. Funny how life just changes on a dime. If he doesn’t get clean, there may not be an album, and at this point, I don’t even give a shit about it. Without him, I don’t want the rest of it. We’ve worked toward this our entire adult lives.”
“Dang, I’m so sorry, Belle.” He runs his hand through his messy hair before he continues. “If you need a place to stay, you can come back to Kingsbury Fall for a few weeks.”
“I…” I don’t know what to say. My body screams yes, but my heart needs to walk away. I know this guy could shatter me if I let him in.
“Forget I said anything… dumb idea. I’m sure you have other friends you’d rather stay with. I actually have two houses right now. One I’m building that’s just about livable, and the place I’ve been staying while I build it. Anyway, enough of my inane ramblings. You have my number. Call me if you need anything, and let me know how Johnny’s doing.” He hesitates before shoving his hands in his front pockets. “Goodbye, Belle.”
He turns on his heels and heads off down the hallway. That old saying, I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave, definitely applies to Thomas Knox. Even the gait of his walk is sexy. My stomach is in knots as I watch him go, and the moment he stops, hope blooms in my chest. I’ve felt so many emotions in the last few days, I barely know which way is up. I don’t even know what I think is going to happen right now. He strides toward me, literally sweeping me off my feet as he fists his hands in my hair and pulls me in for a panty-melting, forget-your-own-name, fantastic kiss. He doesn’t say anything, leaving me breathless as he turns around and walks out of my life.
“Goodbye, Knox.” I feel guilty for wanting him to stay—for being so turned on while my friend is lying in a hospital bed staring down the barrel of addiction, withdrawals, and rehab. It takes me a few minutes to compose myself before I head back into Johnny’s room.
“You look worse than I feel, Blue Bell.” My foster brother has always been able to read my face, and even in his current state, he’s trying to make me smile.
“You gave me the fright of my life last night. Don’t ever do that to me again. I can’t lose you. You’re the only family I’ve got.” I sit at his side, my eyes welling with tears. I reach out and take his hand in mine. “You and me, remember?”
Tony slinks out of the room, leaving us to talk.
“I’m sorry, Blue Bell. I knew it was happening, but I just couldn’t stop. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“I don’t care about me, you jackass! I’m worried about you. We finally got what we’ve been working toward, and you seem hell-bent on setting your life on fire and burning it to the ground. None of this matters without you.”
I’ve only seen Johnny cry once in all the years I’ve known him—the day he found me bloodied and bruised in my bedroom at the girls’ group home I was in at the time. Those girls were brutal, and that was the day he packed my bag, and we went out on our own. Us against the world.
“I’m going to get clean. I’ll go to rehab. I’ll make it right. I won’t let the deal tank because of my mistakes. I won’t let you down.” He squeezes my hand so tight it hurts, but I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s alive to squeeze the crap out of me.
“Forget about the deal. Focus on getting yourself clean. It’ll all be here when you’re ready.”
“So what else is on your mind? If it’s not the deal.”
“Will you stop worrying about me? I’m fine.”
“Is it the guy?”
“What?” How the hell does he know about Knox? He wasn’t conscious at any point last night.
“Tony is worse than an old biddy when it comes to gossip. He said that guy, Knox, rode in on his Texas big white mustang horse and saved you from the crowd.”
I roll my eyes, trying not to grin at his ridiculous summation of Knox. “Don’t you mean a white knight?”
“Not when he’s from the boondocks.”
“We’re from the boondocks, idiot.”
“There’s the smile I love to see so much. You’re into him, I can tell when you’re smitten.”
“It really doesn’t matter. He lives in Kingsbury Falls, and we’re about to live in LA. Long-distance never works.”
“You’re about to have at least a month to be anywhere you want to be. Why not there? I’ll be cooped up at rehab, and there’s nothing to be gained by you hovering around at the nearest motel waiting on me.”
“What if you need me?”
“Then I’ll call, and you’ll come running, Blue Bell. Don’t let an opportunity pass you by on my account.”
“I can’t. It’s crazy. We had a one-night stand and a second night, or whatever last night was. Probably a pity fuck on his part. I was a wreck.”
He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand like he used to do when we were kids. It always soothed me when I was scared. “Answer me this, do you believe he wouldn’t be happy to see you?”
“He offered to let me stay with him for the next few weeks. I didn’t say anything, it caught me off guard.”
“Then what the hell are you waiting for? Get out of here and stop giving me those puppy-dog eyes.”
“I’m not leaving, so just drop it.”
“You can’t do anything for me right now. I have to do this myself. Please, go and get your freak on with the cowboy. It’ll be good to know that you’re not sitting around navel-gazing, waiting for me.”
“I’m going with you to the front door of the rehab center. What I do after that doesn’t matter. It’s not up for debate, and I’m not going to argue with you about it.”
“Fine. But when I get out, I better hear that you’ve been living it up in that little one-horse town.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“I love you, Blue Bell. I’m really sorry I scared you.”
“I love you, too, Johnn
y.”
I’ve written and rewritten so many text messages the past few days. Knox said we’re friends, and he wanted me to let him know that Johnny is okay, but all I want to tell him is that I miss him. It’s so strange to me. I’ve never let a guy get under my skin like this before.
This is crazy.
I shouldn’t even be contemplating it, but I rented a car this morning to drive Johnny to the rehab center, and I have a full tank of gas that could get me to Kingsbury Falls. I’m not this girl—the one who chases after a guy. He left three days ago, and we haven’t spoken. And yet, there’s this small voice in the back of my mind that replays his offer to stay in Kingsbury Falls while Johnny is in rehab.
When my dearest friend hugs me goodbye, we hold onto each other for an extra beat. I have to believe that this is the start of his life without drugs.
“Remember to call me if you need anything.”
“Yes, mom.” As I stand and watch him head inside, my heart swells with pride. What he’s doing isn’t easy, and I know how he feels about any kind of institution or place that inhibits his freedom to do whatever he wants. This is the first step, and it takes courage—a lot of it—and for that, I’m proud of him.
What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?
This might be the craziest plan I’ve ever had. I should have text Knox before driving down here. Maybe he said what he did to be nice. He didn’t exactly give me time to think it over. Retracting his statement, the second he said it should’ve been a red flag for this hair-brained idea. But then that kiss—that amazing kiss—it felt like he wanted me.
I’m not usually insecure, but being in a car alone with my thoughts for the past few hours has turned me into a basket case. I pull into a gas station to grab some snacks and stare at my phone for an inordinate amount of time, going back and forth about whether or not to give Knox a heads up that I’m coming. In the end, I may as well commit to the surprise moment.
When I see the first road sign for Kingsbury Falls, my resolve falters, and I decide to make a pit stop at the diner in the town square. It’s too early in the day for some dutch courage, so a short stack of pancakes will have to do. Maybe they’ll settle my stomach.
There’s something so nice about this town. It’s exactly what you think of when you imagine small-town America. People are chatting and waving to each other in the town square. The stores are little mom-and-pop-owned establishments. There’s one bar that everyone goes to congregate in the evenings. I can see why Knox likes it.
Having been here a few times now, some of the other customers recognize me as I walk in. “Well, hello. Are you back for another concert?” The woman at the register has such a sweet disposition.
“No, ma’am. Just visiting…”
“Young Thomas?”
“Umm…” I’m not sure what to say at this point. I wasn’t expecting anyone to know that Knox is the person I’m here to see.
“Don’t worry, dear, every woman in this town would understand driving across state lines for that boy.”
“I’m sure they would.”
“He comes in here every day at the same time.”
“Really?”
“Yes, like clockwork. That man has a hearty appetite. He’ll be here in about twenty minutes if you want to wait.” She gives me a genuine smile.
“Can I have a short stack of pancakes with bacon on the side?”
“Sure thing. Sit wherever you like, and I’ll bring it over when it’s ready.”
“Thank you.”
I pick a booth in the far corner. I don’t want to freak Knox out when he comes in. He might think I’m a creepy stalker just sitting around his local diner waiting for him to show up. To be fair, that’s exactly what I’m doing, so he’d be well within his rights to think that. I just hope he’s happy to see me.
I must rip up ten napkins while I wait for my food to arrive. I have too much nervous energy. It looks like a toddler has gone to town on the napkin dispenser by the time my pancakes arrive.
“Sorry about the mess.” The waitress gives me a knowing look. I can’t hide my nerves.
“Not a problem. Eat up, it’ll help.”
I dig in, wolfing down a huge mouthful of pancakes just as the cowbell above the diner door chimes. I just know it’s Knox. It has to be. I look like a pig right now, and I can’t even say hello until I swallow.
I chew as quickly as possible, peeking around the side of the booth, and there he is, impossibly handsome with his freshly-fucked messy hair. Hell, I really hope he hasn’t been freshly fucked, although he’s not going to be waiting around on me to sate him. Shit. This was a bad idea.
As if he can sense me, he turns to where I’m peeking from the booth, and the second his eyes find mine, his brow furrows. I don’t know if it’s just the shock of seeing me or that he’s not happy about it.
“Belle?” I’m cursing myself for taking such a big bite of these damn pancakes. I must look like a chipmunk right now. Not exactly a sex kitten, that’s for sure.
I give him a little wave and a smile as I fight to swallow my food before he walks over here. The way he strides over to where I’m sitting just oozes sex appeal. He has an effortless confidence about him, and the moment I catch a whiff of his cologne as he looms over me, butterflies take flight in my stomach.
“You’re here.”
“I’m here,” I say, spraying pancake crumbs his way. “I am so sorry. You caught me shoveling food in my face. Not very ladylike.”
“Have at it, girl. You’re in the south. Besides, I like a girl who isn’t afraid to eat. Do you know how annoying it is when you take a girl to dinner, and she eats nothing but stares at your plate like a dog eyeing a ribeye?”
“Technically, you haven’t taken me to dinner.” A wry smile tugs at the corner of his lip as he drinks me in. “Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to sit down?”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“Why you’re here.” He runs his hand over the stubble on his jaw, his gaze firmly fixed on my lips.
“You invited me.”
“And you said no.”
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t say anything because you make me one of two things. Stupid dumb to where I can’t string a sentence together, or I have an overabundance of words like is happening right now. Please sit down before I say anything else to embarrass myself.”
“Not yet, there’s something I need to do first.” My heart sinks, but only for a split second. He cups my face in his hands and leans down to kiss me, and I know driving here was worthwhile. Even if he walked away now, this kiss is worth it. The waitress was right—I’d drive across state lines ten times over for one earth-shattering kiss from Thomas Knox.
“Hi.” I sound like a lovesick fool, but at this moment, I don’t care.
“Hey, girl.” That southern drawl of his has my panties melting right off. I just want to jump him—now. He slides into the booth across from me, his hands brushing against my knee under the table. It’s such a sweet caress with a dark promise of what I know is inevitable. “I didn’t think I was going to see you again.”
“Is it a good surprise?”
He rolls his eyes, running his hand further up my leg. “If that kiss didn’t tell you how happy I am to see you, then I was doing it all wrong.”
“Trust me, you do… everything right.”
“Then why didn’t you come back with me?”
“Because I wanted to make sure Johnny went to rehab. And because I like you.”
“I get the first part, but that last part makes no sense. You didn’t come because you like me?”
“Okay, when you say it like that, it sounds stupid.”
“Well, you’re here now, so tell me, Belle, what do you want?” His question is dripping with desire.
“I…”
“You can say it, girl. There’s no judgment or expectation here.”
“I have a month off and nowhere to be. If the off
er is still there, I’d like to spend some time with you. We have good chemistry. Would a month of hot sex be the worst thing in the world?”
“What you’re saying is you want to be friends with benefits? To ride my cock for a month before you go off and become a big star?” I don’t know how to answer that. If I say yes, I sound like a horndog, and if I say no, I’m putting myself out there for way more than friendship. I don’t get the impression that he’s up for a relationship, especially when all I have to offer is a long-distance, ever-changing schedule.
“Yes, that’s what I want.” I wonder if my voice betrays me.
He stands from the booth, holding his hand out to me. “Then I guess we better go. If I’ve only got a month to ruin you for any future boyfriends, I’m eager to get started.”
The second I take his hand, an electric current runs through me, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, Thomas Knox is going to wreck me.
Seven
KNOX
Friends with benefits. Not what I had in mind when I blurted out my invitation to Belle back at the hospital in Houston. To be honest, there wasn’t much thought behind it at all, other than I knew I didn’t want to leave her. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
The past few days, I’ve been drowning my sorrows in tequila, propping up the bar at Cardinals. Kirby has been giving me flack for chasing the one girl I can’t have. He’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. Now she’s here, and if I don’t set some boundaries, I’m going to lose myself in Belle, and when she leaves, I’ll be back in the same position I found myself last year.
Belle and I stroll through town, heading toward my place—not the farm—and you could cut through the tension between us with a knife. I’m still rocking a slight hangover from last night, but the knowledge that I’m about to strip Belle naked and bury myself inside her has a sobering effect.
“Is it okay that I came?” I want to tell her that I’m fucking jumping for joy inside right now, but I’m attempting to play it cool. My brain is literally short-circuiting. “I can go, Knox. You don’t have to spare my feelings or anything. I should’ve called and asked instead of just showing up.”
