I take a last sweeping look around and leave the room so I can get things out that need saying, locking the door behind me. Don’t trust anyone, he said, not even him. The thought makes me chuckle as I walk the corridors, unsure what the hell that meant but damn sure I don’t believe it. If there’s one person in this world I’ll always trust, it’s Quinn Cane. And if he thinks Fia’s right for me, if he protected her, having accepted me being with her, then that means I need to haul ass and give her more of me than I’ve given so far.
Hard work. That’s what Nate said earlier, that love was hard work. It isn’t. Nothing about the way I feel for her is hard work. She’s everything happy in my life. Or will be when I do what I should have done the second I tasted that strawberry milkshake. Her smile, her laughter, her hope for a clean life, a decent one. The hard work is just letting myself be part of it, letting myself accept it as a new version of what life can be if I give it a chance. A bit like this family I'm part of.
The door clicks, and I stride into the boardroom with every intention of talking this through like adults and expressing all the fucking emotion I’ve either buried or never owned, but the sight of her floors me into stretching silence instead. She turns to look at me across the table, a soft, lilac summer dress clinging to curves and breasts that no one should be able to see but me. Her heels make her seem too fucking sexy for words. She looks all grown up, like she owns this room and me with it. For the first time in a week, she smiles as she pulls her hair over her shoulder to trail down her chest. It’s coy. Not the same giggly, excited vision I got over dinner. Or the slutty, lazy one who comes after fucking, but it’s just as beautiful in its own way. Everything about her is, enough so that every intention I had of rational conversation evaporates into thin air.
“Hey,” she says. “Uncle Quinn thought we should talk. He's probably right now I've had time to think and ..."
“I love you.” Her eyes widen, the smile wiped from her face by surprise. I don’t care. There isn’t anything to talk about but those words as far as I’m concerned. “I love you, Fia Vico, and I want you and I’m an asshole for not telling you sooner.”
"Right."
"That clear enough for you? I don't know if that's enough because I've never done this before, and I don't know how to do relationships either, but damn, anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?" A small smile crosses her lips. It's returned, as I start closing the distance down, my fingers itching for her. "That's all I want. You and me. Together. All in."
She takes a step back.
"Me and you, and your life."
"What?"
"Your life, Carter," she says, walking along past the bank of windows to get to me. I watch her hands drag over the mahogany, nails scraping. "Cane life. Not necessarily legitimate Cane life."
My eyes narrow, wondering where this is going. She seems aloof, like something's changed about her. "Yes, my life is part of me. It's not changing any time soon, Fia.” Especially not now.
"And what makes you think I'd want to be part of that life? My father is that life. Illegal deals. Corrupt handlings. He’s dirty and that’s not me.” Her body turns from looking at me to stare out the window instead, arms folded rather than grabbing for me like I'd assumed they would. She cocks her hip, foot tapping the floor for some goddamn reason. "What is it that you think your version of love can offer me, Carter?"
Well fuck, seems like we're negotiating.
My lips curve, eyes looking at that ass.
Game on.
Thirty-Two
My heart hammers in my chest.
He said the words.
The three words I’ve been holding out to hear, but refused to admit quite how much I wanted, or needed, to hear them from him. Uncle Quinn was right. Carter just needed some time, some perspective to figure it out. That’s how Uncle Quinn put it when he cornered me in the garden a few days ago. A chat, he said. It was time to think clearly, like a Cane would do.
And now, surely, it’s me who should be all over the place. I’m the young, never been in love girl who’s had her life turned upside down, but after a few days of looking at my options, I’m rather calm. Another result of Quinn’s talk, perhaps. He’s never been much of a talker, and I’m positive that his actions and behaviour over the years have skirted the line of right and wrong, but it was his pep talk that finally got me seeing sense and reason.
“Being young doesn’t mean you don’t know what you want. I’ve had to work since I was much younger than you. And Carter. Age shouldn’t dictate or influence how you feel or act,” he said.
And of course, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear because if he'd told me that I was young and would get over everything that’s happened to me in the last few weeks, I would have screamed at him.
“Carter has never had to fight for anything. Not since he’s been with me, anyway, and before that he wouldn’t remember. I consider him a son, and as such, I’ve taught him everything I know, but he’s not had to dig his way out of the dirt and grime, never had to work at getting something he wants because he’s Carter Wade. And although it’s not Cane at the end of his name, my influence goes a long way. He’s not used to having to fight other than for business, Fia. Until you. He stood up for you, took everything he knew was coming just as I’d taught him. But there’s no fucking way I’ve prepared him for being in love. Hell, I’m still figuring that shit out. It took Emily to knock my head together and I still think it’s a fucking miracle she’s mine.”
“What are you trying to say?” I asked, unsure. As soon as Quinn mentioned love, my heart took off and turned my stomach into a pool of dread.
“That the boy doesn’t know his own fucking feelings. And that you’ve got to make him work for you.”
“What if he doesn’t, you know, realise?” That question should have told me everything I needed to know about my own feelings for Carter. I was petrified that he wasn’t in love with me. He hadn’t said it and certainly hadn’t shown it, and his actions gave me a very blurry picture of his feelings.
“He’s wrapped up about you just as I was about Emily. Trust me. Just don’t make it easy on him. He should understand the importance and feel the risk of losing you.”
“You want me to play hard to get?” I wasn’t sure where I stood with Carter at the time. Jeopardising anything we could have seemed to go against everything I should have been doing.
“No. But don’t allow him just to click his fingers and have everything fall into place. He’ll do the work, but have you thought about your own terms? You’re the one holding the power. Never forget that.”
“Power?” I muttered the words, still unsure.
“Yes, power. It’s all yours. You just need to hold your nerve and take it.”
“Uncle Quinn, I have no idea what you’re saying I should do.” I looked at him, completely lost as to what he was telling me to do.
“Take some time and figure out what you want your next move to be. You know you have a home here. Emily’s told you that, and now I am as well. Don’t you ever forget that. Remember who you came to at the start of all this. There's a reason for that.
“I want to be with Carter. Or at least try.”
“Think bigger than that. Carter isn’t your life. He’ll be part of it, and he'll love you, no doubt, but don’t fall into the trap of not having anything for you.”
Those last words still echo in my ear as I stare out the window. Part one is done.
Now comes the hard part.
What can he offer me?
“Do you really need an answer to that?” Carter’s voice is quieter, less sure.
“Yes. You know what I think of my father’s world. An 'I love you' won’t make that disappear. Otherwise, I’d be back at home with my mom and dad, pretending again.” I turn around to look at him, knees weakening at the sight now I'm within touching distance again, but I can’t relax. I owe it to myself to see this through.
“What do you need from me? I won’t leav
e the business if that's what you're suggesting. Quinn and Nate have just signed it over to me.”
“I would never ask that of you.”
“Then what are you asking me for?”
“What are your intentions for me?” I keep my nerve and look him in the eye. “Apart from screwing me whatever way you can when I let you into my bedroom.”
His lips quirk up, and the heat in his eyes roars to life at my comment, but this needs to be about more than just lust.
“Honestly, I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I love you. I’ve never felt like this for another woman. And I don’t care if I’m spouting cliché shit. It’s the truth. So, help me out here.”
“I want to continue what I started in university. It’s important to me, now more than ever.”
“That’s in New York.” Carter’s tone is flat, and the spark in his eyes from a moment ago dies instantly.
“Yes. I told you, I won’t just go along with a life that is built on misery. If you don’t understand that, if you can’t see why this is important to me, then perhaps you’re in love with the wrong girl.” His eyes drift over me, a small smirk coming as he rakes me up and down.
“Damn sure I'm in love with exactly the right woman, especially with this attitude coming at me.”
I'd like to get involved in that statement, especially with the way he's looking at me, but I shake my head and try to keep this on track.
“But you now run the Cane empire. Chicago and New York aren’t that far away, I guess, but I am going back to my work, Carter. I won't give it up. Maybe we can split time between…”
He turns away, looking ready to smash up the glasses glistening on the conference table. That's not a solution, though, and right now I really do hope there’s a solution because I can’t see a way out of this that means we’re together. Everything Uncle Quinn said is true, but it still might not be enough. I’ve already seen that love isn’t enough in this world. Who’s to say it will be now?
Could I stay here—at the Cane house—and not be with Carter? Even as I think that scenario through, doubt creeps over me like a morning mist. I wouldn’t. It would cost me a part of my soul I’m not prepared to give up to struggle through that pain. To see him and be near him but not be with him.
He comes towards me after a few minutes brooding, and I wait for something that will make sense and fix this situation. “Sit down," he says, pulling a chair out for me and then heading to the one opposite. "And tell me why you need to be in New York to do the work you want to do.”
I sit, suddenly feeling nervous because his face has turned to stone, showing the man I first saw in Quinn's office. I giggle to myself, glancing around the room and then landing my eyes back on him again. He might still be that man, but I know him better than that now.
“Because that’s where the university is, Carter. I take up my master’s in the fall.” I’ve already considered transferring, but it won’t be easy, and will make all I've done so far much harder to achieve.
“No, I mean why do you have to do the work at the university itself? Is it to get the degree or is it to further your work on addiction and synthesising it?”
I pause, not sure if I’ve ever considered one without the other. It isn’t something I've needed to consider in the past and now it really makes me think. “I guess it’s the work that’s the most important. I’ve already got a degree. Depending on what I want to do next, I may need a master’s, but I don’t know that yet.”
“You won’t need it. Your work could directly impact our business. So, let's say I set up a research facility. A start-up of sorts. You can run it. Employ people you need and build a team with the sole goal of your work. Nothing else. No New York.”
My eyes widen at the thought. It makes sense, enough so that I start to feel excited at the prospect and smile slightly in response to his. Working with a team of people I choose, building my own project with my own aims without having to go through the parameters of a university?
It sounds thrilling.
Perfect.
The smile that creeps up on me breaks into a wide grin as I start going over all the elements in my head. For the first time, the money sitting in my account could go towards something I’m passionate about. Something that will make me happy.
“Okay. I can see that working. It’s a brilliant idea, actually.”
“So, that solves it. You don’t need to go to New York. You’ll stay here with me. Discussion done.” He stands up, ready to cross to me assuming he's won the argument, made everything okay. He hasn't yet. It’s not that easy.
“That’s only half the problem, Carter. You will still run the Cane business, including the type of stuff that happened in Miami. That’s not going anywhere.” He sits slowly again, eyes pinched because of what I'm saying and his fingers tapping the table as he thinks. "I can't be around that. I won’t be involved with that.”
Minutes seem to go by after I speak. He just stares at me, his eyes boring into me as if he thinks he'll change my mind and somehow persuade me that it doesn't matter. It does, and I'm not being involved with someone who trades in the very thing I'm working to obliterate from the market.
“No drugs," he eventually says, still tapping his fingers on the table.
"Absolutely none."
"That's a lot of money lost."
"Yes. I. Don't. Care."
His eyes spark to life again at my tone. I can see it so clearly now, although I doubt anyone else would. Creases form around the corners, the green glinting and flashing amusement at me. I fold my arms, intent on keeping this fight as equal as I can make it given my lack of experience of negotiations.
"Alright," he says. "No drugs."
Wow.
“You’d do that for me?”
“If it means I get to keep you. Yes.”
“Even at the risk of everything you’ve worked for?”
“There’s no risk. I know this business.” He stares still, like business mode is fully in place and he'll never return to smiling. "Having said that, I'll expect you to work that loss off. Tirelessly. All night. However I choose and several times a week. No complaining."
My teeth bite on my lip as I think over the second of Carter’s plans, trying to ignore the innuendo of potential exhaustion or death by sex. Not that it would be too much of a hardship, obviously. Well, not exhaustion but…
“I'm not begging, Fia. This makes sense.”
“Yes, for you. You’ve just—”
“Stop. You told me to tell you what my version of love could offer you. Well, this is it. You don’t want some of the life that I’ve been a part of, then let me change it." He stands and moves around the room to me, pulling me out of the chair to stand with him. "Do we have a deal? Because if we do you need to ask yourself if you’re ready.” My eyes gaze up at him, body pressed into his firm frame by his fingers at my back.
“Ready?” I question breathlessly.
“Yes, because if you say yes then we’re doing this. A team. All in. Together. I love you, Fia. Never said it before, never will to anyone but you.”
“I love you, too.” My eyes fill with tears that, for once, are born from happiness rather than sorrow. “Yes. A team. Our team. I love you. So much.”
His lips crush mine as he grabs my waist and pulls me closer into him. He backs us up through the room until my thighs make contact with something, but he picks me up and sits me on the table before my mind can process it.
“First job as CEO, I’m going to fuck you on the board table. My woman. My board table.”
The giggle that starts erupts into laughter as I wrap my arms around his neck. “That sounds interesting. Did you lock the door?” I whisper, feathering kisses down his throat.
“I don’t fucking care. And neither should you. Tomorrow we start on business. But right now, it’s been too goddamn long since I’ve been inside you. Don’t ever fucking deny me that again.”
“You know, now that I’ll be living in the house�
��”
“Not the house. My fucking house. If you’re here, you’re with me. End of.”
“You're sure?”
His lips and teeth travel over my clavicle, my chest, biting at the fabric keeping my skin from his touch.
“Stop talking stupid and get naked. We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, but for now…" He backs away from me, slamming and then locking the door. "Clothes. Off.”
Epilogue
Two Years Later
“Do you have to go back?” I sound like a whiny child, and I suppose I am. These visits are all too short for my liking.
“I’m sorry, darling. Our time is always so short.”
“There’s an easy way to solve that, Mom.”
“And I’ve told you many times before, that’s not my life. My life is with your father in New York. You have your life here, with Carter,” she says, stroking my cheek.
She’s right, of course, but it doesn’t stop me pouting.
It’s taken a long time to finally feel settled here in Chicago, even with Carter doing everything he could to make me feel at home. For me, home was with my family, and a big part of that was my mother. Still is. I’ve had to learn that just because I don’t see her every day, it doesn’t mean she’s not a huge part of my life. She is, but just speaking to her on the phone doesn’t seem to cut it.
“When are you next going to visit?” I ask, hopeful that it won’t be more than a couple of months.
“Well, that depends on your father. He’s sick, Fia. You know this. He’s been in and out of the hospital these last few months. Maybe this time you could come and visit us?”
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