by Didi Oviatt
Autumn recalled it now as she ran, remembering the cold emptiness in Chance’s expression. The excruciating heat of that day hadn't even touched the icy daggers he sent jabbing into her chest. Even his outfit was seared into her memory. He wore a dark gray suit, complementing his tan, and an orange tie.
There was no denying it; Chance was a very attractive man for his age. The stress of the job was surely the culprit of a cluster of wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, although they only added to his enticing façade. Chance was the kind of man that you could take one look at and just know, without a doubt, he could defend himself. His build was strong enough to be noticed, with broad shoulders and a flat stomach, but his eyes were key. They were light gray and deeply piercing, always with a sharp gaze—like an eagle ready to swoop.
The afternoon Maylee’s case was practically declared unsolvable and doomed for a cold shelf life, all hope drained from Autumn. Her car was left in the parking lot, and slow-dragging feet carried her home, she moved in a blurry haze. Amidst the draining three-mile walk to her front porch, the heat transformed into gloom, and before Autumn knew it, she was engulfed in rain. The weather as unforgettably odd.
The door swung open, and she collapsed onto the floor, unable to take in air. Anxiety surged through her body in waves, and salty tears streamed down her face. God only knows how long she lay paralyzed on the floor before she got up and ran out the door. Pushing herself through the stinging oversized drops of rain, she rounded a corner and made her way to the beach. Giant deadly ocean swells had never looked so inviting, but she refused to stop, continuing to run faster. Step after painful step in the sand, she pushed forward.
Oxygen eventually stopped reaching her lungs, and her legs gave out. Several times Autumn collapsed to her knees and stared into the water while she wheezed and struggled for breath. Each time the slosh of wet sand sounded beneath her fallen body, she would pick herself back up and continue to run. By the time she returned home, the sky had turned black, and there were no stars to be found. Autumn was completely surrounded by darkness, a perfect match to the way she felt inside.
A haunting recollection of her own swollen, bloodshot eyes staring back at her from the hallway mirror now left an imprint in Autumn's mind. On that traumatizing day, she became a ghost—an empty shell of her once prominent self. Maylee's absence was officially real; there was a sense of finality, a permanence that made Autumn sick.
That night after her first run, the world went completely black. As soon as her head hit the pillow, exhaustion and grief took over, blocking out whatever was left of her subconscious. For the first time in those five miserable months, her body gave up. She had slept an entire night through, deep and dreamless. It was the first night without nightmares and cold sweats since Maylee went missing.
Since that painful day, Autumn continued to repeat that same beachside run. Slowly over time, she’s made an effort to put her life back together. So far that effort has proven unsuccessful.
This would be the day Autumn was going to take what could possibly be the biggest step of her life. Giving up on Maylee was not an option. This move was bound to uncover something. It had to. The winding road came upon a corner and revealed a small deserted parking lot. She was close to home now, with only a few more blocks to go before the first ‘For Sale’ sign came into view. The signs were pointing in the direction of her striking oceanside condo.
Autumn slowed her stride to a heavy-footed jog until she reached the lawn in front of her newly sold home. No sooner than her sneakers sunk into the freshly cut grass, she bent at the core and clutched her knees tightly, knuckles whitening, to catch her breath. Autumn glanced up to notice the front door had been opened a crack. She squinted over the top of her right shoulder, then abruptly to the left, peering down the road as far as she could see. There were no cars out of the ordinary aside from the large U-Haul sitting a few yards away.
Paranoia was common for Autumn. A constant nagging fear weighed in her chest at all times; she was forever burdened by this. It had taken a full year to convince herself to sell all of her belongings and take this giant leap. She had to be strong, and she had to leave California, for Maylee. With caution in each step, Autumn slowly made her way up to the condo. She peeked into each window, then tilted an ever listening ear toward the crack in the door.
"Oh, for hell’s sake Autumn, you're such a weirdo! You’re going to pack up all of your shit and take off on some ‘save the world trek,’ and you can’t even walk into your own house without panicking!"
The voice was shrill and mocking. It belonged to Candace, Maylee's mother. Autumn exhaled and walked inside. The sight of her sister leaning against the bar that connected the kitchen to the dining room was a lot to take in. Candace was tall and skinny. Too skinny, Autumn noted. One bony leg was crossed over the other, and a thick string of smoke lifted into the air from the cigarette burning between her fingertips. She rolled her eyes at Autumn dramatically and then flicked a long ash onto the floor.
"Candace, do you really need to do that? You know I don’t let anyone smoke in my house. You think it’s okay to just ash all over the place?”
"Who cares? You sold it anyway."
Candace walked over and ran what was left of her smoldering cigarette under water and dropped it into an otherwise spotless ceramic sink. The condo was empty, making it seem even bigger than usual. Autumn looked around her home, holding back the tears that were soon to inevitably flow—it was only a matter of time. The floors transformed from a dark marbled tile to white carpet in the living room. The ceilings were vaulted, and the countertops were black with marbled gray granite.
Autumn had married at a young age and lost her husband in a car accident shortly after. She had only known Keith for seventeen months total. A vow was made to herself when he died, she would never love another, and that was final. It’d been eighteen years since the accident, and so far she’d stuck to her promise. Autumn went back to her maiden name, Brown, in an effort to help herself move on from the trauma of his death. Keith had come from money and left Autumn a rich young woman at the time.
Initially, she bought the condo along with a dependable used car. Then she placed what was left of the settlement into a steady monthly income that was meant to last 20 years. Since then, the car had been traded in for a newer model, an end of this cash flow was rapidly approaching, and the condo sold. Autumn was trudging unfamiliar ground as her entire life was growing foreign, and that didn’t even include her job.
After the loss of her young love, the years passed and the cost of living grew. Her fixed monthly income was barely enough to pay the bills and keep her fed. Enjoying nights out with her girlfriends, or buying new outfits were rare. A few years after Keith passed, Autumn picked up a job working as a waitress in a small crab shack just down the road from her condo. Surprisingly she absolutely adored it. It didn’t bring in much money, but it was enough for the little extras, and it kept her busy.
As Autumn stood across from Candace in her freshly emptied kitchen, her mind wandered to the saddened look of shock on her boss's face when she’d quit. Autumn walked away from the steady job she loved, just over a week before. Candace cleared the tar blockage from her throat, pulling Autumn back to reality.
"How did you get in here?" Autumn asked. "And did you get me that address? I’m leaving soon. I only have a few more things to pack, so I need it. You promised."
"You always leave that window in the back unlocked,” Candace said with another roll of her glassed over eyes. “And yes, I have your damn address."
Candace dug a small wrinkled piece of damp paper from her pocket, along with a chunk of dirty pocket lint and a couple of pennies. The goods were slapped onto the empty countertop. Candace then shifted restlessly on her feet, her eyes darting from one side of her head to the other. The look of a wild animal had taken over her face as if assessing the possibility of an unexpected dash for the door. Unpredictable and permanently on edge, she finally continued
in her scratchy smoker’s voice.
"I still don't think you should do this. Craig’s not a bad guy; he just gets a bad rep because of his record. Maylee's gone because she never paid attention to anything going on around her. It’s probably her own fault she was taken, I'm sure Craig had nothing to do with it."
Aside from the obvious itch to leave, Candace was without emotion, utterly careless about Maylee. She spoke as if Maylee wasn't her daughter at all, but some strange girl she’d met on the street. It made Autumn’s stomach wrench hearing her sister talk this way about her own child, her flesh and blood. How could she?
The thought of the opened back window was intentionally brushed aside. Autumn didn’t even want to know exactly how her sister was privy to that information. The place would be deserted in a few hours, left for the new owners to deal with. The only thing that mattered now was how clearly strung-out and cold blooded Candace was. A surge of anger flowed through Autumn.
Autumn couldn’t stand Candace for the evil woman she'd grown into. The fact that Candace cared more about herself and getting her next fix than she did about her own daughter was sickening. Autumn stormed over to the bar and snatched up the piece of paper. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary if Candace were to change her mind, steal back the address, and make a crazy dash for the door. Frankly, it came as quite a shock to Autumn that her junkie sister had actually followed through on her promise to retrieve it in the first place. Once the address was safely in hand, Autumn finally spoke her mind.
"Maylee hated that man and the rest of your friends. She was scared of him! She ended up here ninety percent of the time because you were a shitty mom, and your shitty friends are all terrible people. Open your eyes, Candace; when are you going to understand that he was the only real lead the cops ever had? Now get the hell out of my house!"
Candace took a step back, shocked at Autumn’s outburst. Her head tilted forward allowing her eyes to be shaded by the lowering of her brows. The shifty feet that struggled to hold up her stick-like legs for the first time held still. They had gotten in several fights about Maylee over the years. They brawled more since Maylee’s disappearance than ever before. Candace knew she hadn't been the best mom to Maylee, but she would never admit it out loud, and she didn't much care either way. Excuses were constantly shelled out for her behavior as she never even wanted a child in the first place. Candace justified her actions to herself in any way she could.
Autumn wasn’t the only one with resentment, as Candace genuinely returned the disdain. For most of their lives, Candace hated her sister for being the pretty one, the favorite. A prominent loathing of Autumn’s perfection had taken up residence in Candace. There was even slight anger toward Maylee for confiding in Autumn as much as she did. Candace would leave Maylee for weeks at a time, and then get upset when she would find her at Autumn’s house. Maylee was punished whenever her Aunt Autumn was mentioned.
Once Maylee was about twelve years old, Candace finally gave up and no longer asked or showed any concern. Candace couldn’t care less whether Maylee came home or not. Candace knew that Autumn’s was the only phone number Maylee knew by heart, and that’s where she would usually be. There was no point in the chase. Besides, the less Maylee was around, the more freedom there was for her. There were no whiny voices begging for food, or phone calls from teachers complaining about smelly clothes or random bruises.
Candace now stared back at her angry sister contemplating what insult she would throw next. Whether it be about Keith dying, or about their Mom being in a nursing home, she usually thought of the things that would hurt Autumn the most before she spoke.
"You’re not going to find her, Autumn. All you’re going to do out there is waste what little money you have left and abandon Mom. You're leaving her here to rot while you chase a ghost."
Candace watched closely and fully satisfied as Autumn winced. The fact that their mother would be left all alone pulled fluid to the surface of her eyes. Hannah Brown, Autumn and Candace's mother had lived with Autumn for quite some time after her stroke. Once she became too heavy for Autumn to lift, Hannah was checked into the nicest nursing home within a twenty-mile range. Autumn would visit her on a regular basis. Candace, on the other hand, hadn’t seen their mother in years.
Autumn watched her sister strut to the door, then turn to look back as she twisted the door’s handle. "Good luck on your mission, Superwoman." Candace sneered, chuckled lightly, and walked out.
