by Hope Ford
I shrug. “That’s why you didn’t want to go out with me. You know I’m having issues and you know what, I don’t blame you. It’s fucked up.”
She doesn’t say anything for a minute, and finally I raise my eyes to hers. What I see is a surprise, though. I never dreamed she’d be mad. “Really, Evan McCarthy? Do I seem like a shallow, arrogant woman that wouldn’t go out with a man because he has vertigo?” She shakes her head, and she doesn’t even try to hide her disgust. “You don’t know me at all.”
“Sierra, I’m—”
But she don’t even let me finish. “No, come on, I’m going to help you across the street and then I have to get to work.”
I bristle and tell her between clenched teeth, “I don’t need help across the street.”
“Fine,” she says, waving her hand, gesturing me to leave. If my head wasn’t pounding, I’d stay, but I can’t even think straight right now.
“Fine,” I tell her as I walk past her with as much dignity as I can muster. I know her gaze follows me all the way across the street, down the block, and she doesn’t look away until I walk into McCarthy Security.
“Damn, what’s happened to you?” Sam asks as soon as I walk into the door.
I’m holding my head. “Nothing. I just need a few minutes. I had to take a pill. I should be good in fifteen to twenty minutes.”
He doesn’t question me, just nods his head, and I walk into the break room and sit back on the couch. I take deep, cleansing breaths and try to let my mind free.
After thirty minutes of sitting there, I finally feel like I can function again. I work the rest of the morning helping Sam prepare for the city office installations, scheduling out the rest of the week. I’m sitting at the conference table where I have a perfect view of the library. At lunch time, Sierra walks out and locks the door. She only gets a few steps from the door when a man walks up to her.
My jaw clenches. It looks innocent enough, but I don’t like it. The man seems as if he’s leaning into her. “Sam, who is that?”
Sam walks over and peeks out the window. “That’s Jake. He and Sierra must have made up.”
Made up? I stand up and crowd the window to watch where they go. I think I’m about to lose sight of them until they stop and hug, and she walks into Red’s Diner. Fury is building inside me. I pace the room, ignoring the smirks I keep getting from my brother. I need to just lock this down. I know I can’t force her to go out with me, but I need a plan.
5
Sierra
I barely let Violet pull up a chair before I start blabbing. All morning after Evan left, I fought with myself on whether I should have followed him over to his office or not. He walked just fine, but maybe his ego was dented. And should I be pissed that he thought I cared about his vertigo – as if that would be a reason not to date someone. But just the fact he said it tells me a lot more about Evan than I already knew. He’s hurting. There’s no doubt about it. And then I find a letter in the night box at the library, and so I have that to worry about too.
“He asked me out.”
Violet smirks. “Who did?”
I roll my eyes. She knows exactly who I’m talking about. Besides books, Evan McCarthy is the only subject I ever talk about. “Evan.”
She practically starts bouncing in her seat. “That’s so exciting! When are you going? Where are you going?”
I want to revel in her excitement. I want to be able to let myself go and be excited as she is, but I’m not. I can’t let myself. “I told him no.”
As soon as I say it, I sit back and wait for the wrath from Violet. I know it’s coming. She sputters and stutters before finally getting it out. “But why? Why would you tell him no?”
I shrug, not wanting to get into it, but I know that won’t fly with Violet. She sets her cup of coffee down on the table in front of her and leans toward me. “Sierra, you have been in love with Evan since high school.”
I’m shaking my head. “I wouldn’t call it love.” I look up at the ceiling to avoid her all-knowing look. “A crush. I had a crush on him.”
She snort-laughs, and I reach over to grab her hand because everyone in the restaurant is staring at us. “What? That’s all it was. I’m over it.”
Violet just continues to shake her head. “You can’t just throw this away. A crush, love, whatever you want to call it, you don’t just say no because you’re scared.”
I jut my chin out at her. “I’m not scared.”
She nods her head, her eyes big. “Yes, you are. He’s a good guy, Sierra. You know he is, I know he is. I know you, and you think it’s pity or whatever, but it’s not. You didn’t see his face when he found out you were the one that sent him all the care packages. That meant a lot to him.”
I’m quiet for so long I finally decide to change the subject. “So, when are you going to talk to me about your secret?”
She leans back in her chair. “I don’t have any secrets.”
It’s my turn to snort. “Really? You mean the marriage certificate I found with your name on it... that’s not a secret?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says, and before I can ask her anything else about it, she changes the subject. “So what about you? You still feel like someone’s watching you?”
Shoot. I almost let myself forget about it. For the past few months, weird things have been happening. I’ve felt like I’ve been watched a few times I swear that things have been moved around my house. But as soon as I get freaked out about it, days will go by with nothing, and I’ll convince myself that everything is fine.
I dig into my purse and pull out an envelope and lay it on the table between us. “I found this in the night drop.”
She reaches out and picks it up gingerly, as if she’s waiting for a bomb to go off. Slowly, she opens it and unfolds the paper and reads it. I already have the message committed to memory and say it word for word with her. “Sierra, I’ve been out of town but don’t worry I’m back. I missed you and I can’t wait for the day that we are finally able to be together. I’ll be seeing you soon my sweetheart. With love, X.”
She trembles, and it’s the exact same way I reacted when I read it.
She holds the paper up. “You have to call the police.”
I nod. She’s been trying to tell me that for a while, but this is the first true account that someone is following me. “I know, you’re right.”
She points at me. “You hesitated. Why did you hesitate?”
I shrug my shoulders. “What if it’s just some harmless situation? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. I mean, he hasn’t done anything wrong.”
Violet grabs my hand. “But it can be. You don’t know, that’s the whole point. You should tell Evan. He’d know what to do.”
I’m already shaking my head when I hear, “Tell me what?”
I gasp and look at the big man looming over us. How in the world he snuck in without either of us knowing is beyond me. “Evan!” I say as if I’ve been caught red-handed.
Evan
I walk in and Violet and Sierra are in deep conversation. When I get close, I hear my name and they both look up in shock at me when I say, “Tell me what?”
Violet slides across the booth and stands up, gesturing for me to sit down. She doesn’t say anything to me; instead she points at the piece of paper on the table and tells Sierra, “You should tell him, Sierra. He can help.”
But Violet is already shaking her head as she reaches for the paper. Luckily, I’m faster than her, grab it up and scan the message while I sit down across from her. When I’m done, I hold it up. “What is this? Who gave this to you?”
She clasps her hands on the table in front of her while I try to contain the fury that is surging through my veins. “I found it in the night return box at the library.”
“Who is it? Who is X?”
She lifts her shoulders and sighs. “I don’t know. Uh, but actually I was going to go and talk to Sam about putting in an alarm system at my
house.”
My fists clench on the table, wadding the paper in my hands. “Has this guy been to your house?”
She flinches. “Uh, well, I’m pretty sure someone has, but I can’t prove it. Just things moved around, things like that. I’m sure it’s nothing; I just thought a security system will make me feel safer, ya know. Is Sam at the office? Maybe I can stop by and talk to him about it before my lunch break is over.”
“I’ll do it,” I tell her.
“Under the circumstances, it’s probably better if I get Sam to do it.”
I lean back in the booth, crossing my arms on my chest. “Because I have vertigo?”
She throws her hands up in the air. “No, God, not because you have vertigo. I don’t care that you have vertigo.” Her face is flushed. “I mean, I care, but not for the reasons you think they are. You are a perfectly capable man. I mean because of my crush...”
I lean in then. “Go ahead. Finish it. Finish what you were going to say.”
She blows a breath out. “Fine. It’s not like you didn’t know anyway. I made a fool of myself enough times because of it. I had a crush on you in high school. I just think it’s better if we stay...”
I stand up and walk around to her side of the table. I put one hand on the table in front of her and one on the booth behind her. I lean over until she’s so close that her sweet scent hits my nose. I inhale deeply, not even caring if she knows I’m smelling her. “I have a crush on you, Sierra. Today. Right now. And I’m pretty sure it could be more. So what we’re going to do is we’re going to take this to the police station and give a report. I’m going to check the security cameras for the library and see who put that in the box last night, and then when you get off work, I’m going to your house to install your alarm.”
She’s looking up at me, her eyes wide. “Then what?”
And fuck if the way she says it doesn’t make my balls clinch. “Then I’m going to kiss you.”
6
Sierra
I can’t believe I agreed to this. I’m driving my little Honda away from downtown toward my house. I keep looking in the rearview mirror, and Evan’s right behind me. He did exactly what he said he’d do: He went with me to the police station and sat with me while I explained all the weird things that have been happening, and then I gave them the letter. They made a report, but unfortunately that’s about all they can do at this point. However, Evan made them promise to patrol my neighborhood more, so there’s that at least. He then walked me to the library and programmed his number into my phone. “I’ll be right across the street. Don’t go anywhere without me.” He was bossy and demanding and normally I’d get upset about being told what to do, but the way he said it had me just nodding my head at him.
And now, here we are, pulling into my driveway and when he parks next to me, I get out to meet him. “Did you check the library cameras? Could you tell who dropped the letter?”
He gathers up equipment from the back of his truck and meets me at my steps. “No, whoever it was had a hat pulled down real low on his face. I made a copy of it and gave it to the police.”
“Okay,” I tell him before leading him inside. I had hoped he would find out who it was and it would be over with, but apparently that’s not going to be the case.
He’s looking around my small but cozy living room. “I like your house.”
I feel pride looking around. I had to save for a long time to get this house, and even though it’s small, it’s mine. “Thank you.” I walk a few feet away. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything. Do you want a soda or water? I may have a beer.”
“No thanks.” He gets to work, and instead of the usual flirting, he seems to be all business. I could curl up on the couch and just watch him work, but I know that would be weird. So instead I go to the kitchen and see what I can fix for dinner. I get lost in cooking when I turn at a noise. Evan is leaning against the doorway, watching me work.
“Hey, are you done already?”
He nods. “Something smells good. I missed lunch today.”
I know he’s hinting, and I figure it’s the least I can do. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”
He walks into the room, and I turn back to the stove. He’s hovering over me, and I can feel the heat from his body at my back. “Mmmmmm. Spaghetti. It’s my favorite.”
I plate the food and slide away from him and set it down on the table. “Have a seat.”
He sits down, and I grab drinks and silverware before sitting across from him.
He takes a bite and moans around the mouthful. “This is good.”
My face heats. “Thanks. So I’ve been meaning to ask, you okay after this morning?” I’m worried that I may have brought up a sore subject, but I’ve been worried about him all afternoon.
“Yeah, I’m good actually. I called my doctor, and there’s a new drug that just came out. He said I needed to get on it, so he called it in, and Sam went and picked it up for me. I took it this afternoon and already I feel like a new man. Or well, the same man before I started having vertigo.”
“Oh, Evan. That’s great! I’m so happy for you.”
He stares at me, and his gaze is heated as he tells me thanks.
“So uh, how’s it been being back?”
He shrugs. “I sort of avoided everyone the first month I got back, just trying to get my feet under me. I’m doing good now. I saw a girl I knew in high school, and she’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about lately.”
Jealousy surges until I look up at him and there’s a twinkle in his eyes. He must be able to read my expression. “You, Sierra. I’m talking about you.”
Pleasure hits me in the chest, but I still can’t trust it.
“Go out with me? To a movie and dinner?”
Before he even finishes his sentence, I’m shaking my head. “No.”
He huffs, dropping his fork on his already empty plate. “Do you want more?” I ask him, and when he shakes his head, I grab both of our plates and take them to the kitchen. He follows right behind me. “Why? Why won’t you go out with me?”
I turn on the hot water and start washing dishes. He grabs a towel off the hook and stands next to me, gesturing for me to hand him the clean dish in my hands.
I hand it over and decide I’m going to be honest with him. “Because you’re just going to hurt me.”
“Hurt you? I’d never hurt you,” he says fiercely.
I turn to the side and put one hand on my hip. “Look at you and then look at me. We’re different. Too different. You were the prom king. You dated the head cheerleader. The sooner that I get you out of my head, the better off I’ll be.”
I go to turn back toward the sink, and he stops me. “Sierra, we’re not in high school anymore.”
When I don’t respond, he asks, “Was I mean to you in high school?”
I shake my head. “No. Never.”
“Have I given you any indication that all I want from you is sex?”
My face flushes. “No,” I squeak. “But you’re just back in town. I’m sure you haven’t heard yet, but Jessica and her husband are getting divorced.”
He shakes his head, confused. “Jessica? Who’s Jessica?”
I barely resist rolling my eyes. “Your prom date.”
He laughs. “Are you kidding me right now? I’m not interested in Jessica or anyone else that you want to match me up with. I’m interested in you.”
“I...” I start to tell him I can’t, but he leans down until we’re nose to nose.
“I want to kiss you, Sierra.”
Because I’m weak, I nod my head, and he smiles at me. He leans in, and his lips briefly touch mine before he pulls away. I go up on my tiptoes to follow him, and his smile gets even bigger. His hand goes to the nape of my neck, and I angle my head to the side. His lips cover mine, but instead of a peck this time, he devours me. His tongue mates with mine, and I wish right then for it never to end. My nipples harden, and there’s a pull in my lower belly, an
ache inside me that is building. And just when I’m sure I’m going to beg him to take me to the bedroom, I surprise both of us. “I can’t.”
He pulls back slowly. I don’t know which one of us is more surprised.
“Let me show you the alarm system.”
I follow behind him and stop next to the panel on the wall. He shows me everything and then downloads the app on my phone so I can see the yard and front door from the camera.
“Thank you for this. How much do I owe you?”
He shakes his head. “We’ll send you an invoice.”
I want to argue with him, but maybe that’s how it works. It doesn’t matter, I’ll make sure I pay him. He interrupts my thoughts. “I know you think this isn’t a big deal, but you need to be careful. If you see anything that worries you or is just odd, you call me or the police.”
I’ll call the police. I don’t say it out loud, but that’s my plan. The less time I spend with Evan the better. He may say he’s interested in me, but I don’t believe him.
“Okay.”
He gathers his things and walks toward the door. “Is this because of Jake?”
My forehead creases. “Jake? What about Jake?”
“My brother said you and he must have made up. Are you seeing him?”
I laugh out loud. “Is that what he told you? Did he tell you that I was mad at Jake because he got drunk at the last book club meeting?” He shakes his head.
“Okay. Did Sam tell you that Jake is gay?”
Evan shakes his head. “No, he didn’t tell me that.”
“Yeah, so I’m not dating Jake.”
“Good,” he says, perking up a little.
“Good?” I question him.
“Yeah, because that means there’s not a man in my way.” He leans down and kisses me on the lips before I catch on to what he’s doing. “Not that a man would have mattered, Sierra. Because I’ve already made the decision that you’re going to be mine.”
