by Helen Lacey
She flicked off the night-light, left the door ajar and walked down the hall to her own room. Once she had showered and changed into her warmest pajamas, Abby slipped into bed. Restless, she lay awake, staring out of the window. There was enough light visible through the gossamer curtains to see a few stars. It was cold outside, but the sky was clear. Snow was forecast, but Abby didn’t mind. She enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with her son in the snow. He’d been pleading for a snowboard for months, but she hadn’t overcome her overprotective instincts quite yet.
She knew he’d inherited that adventurous gene from Jake. Her ex-boyfriend had been well-known for his thrill-seeking antics when he was young. From skiing in the winter months to riding his motorbike up the winding roads along Kegg’s Mountain, Jake Culhane had always had adventure in his blood. Which was probably why the army had called to him so strongly. Of course, she knew part of it was to get away from the memory of his violent father. But she believed a part of it was the idea of being overseas and seeing the world. Where Abby was the complete opposite—even when she was in Paris with Tom, the call of home always beckoned.
Abby closed her eyes, willing herself to go to sleep. But, as always of late, her dreams made her uneasy, and she awoke feeling lethargic and edgy. She rolled over as the sun peeked through the curtains and opened her eyes, smiling when she spotted T.J. sitting on the edge of her bed, his concentration solely on the book he held in his hands. It was a Sunday morning ritual when she didn’t have to work—he would bring a book into her room, and they would read together for a while, then head into town to have breakfast.
“Good morning, Mommy!” he announced when he saw she was awake. “I brought my favorite one today,” he said and waved the book. “The one about the dinosaurs.”
Abby laughed and hugged him, ruffling his hair, inhaling the little-boy scent she loved so much. They read for a while and then got dressed, heading out around eight thirty.
“So, what do you feel like for breakfast?” she asked as they headed into town.
“Pancakes,” he replied quickly. “Or waffles.”
Abby chuckled. “You say that every time.”
“’Cause they’re my favorite, Mommy,” he said and grinned.
She nodded. “I know. So, where would you like to go? The bakery or O’Sullivan’s?”
“Great-Grandma’s,” he said and giggled. “She makes the bestest pancakes. Except for yours, Mommy.”
That was true. Patience was a wonderful cook. It was from her grandmother that Abby had developed her own passion for cooking.
“You know that when I’m not working that Sunday is our special day together. And Grandma has plans this morning, so it’s just us.”
T.J. nodded and giggled again. “You pick, Mommy.”
Thinking she would give O’Sullivan’s a wide berth because of a certain hotel guest, Abby drove through town and scored a parking space outside the bakery, pulling up beside a shiny hog. They served both pancakes and waffles at the bakery, and she knew the place was child friendly. She got out and opened the back door to help her son from his seat, locked the car and headed inside.
As soon as she entered the bakery, she spotted a friend, Annie Jamison, sitting alone at one of the tables. The other woman looked up and waved, beckoning them over. Annie was a nanny who worked for David McCall, a widower who happened to be Jake Culhane’s cousin. And Annie’s stepsister was Tess Culhane. Cedar River certainly was a close-knit community and Abby marveled over the fact that no one had worked out who T.J.’s father actually was. Particularly since T.J. looked nothing like Tom—who’d had auburn hair and freckles and pale skin. T.J. had inherited Jake’s coloring and his green eyes.
And the lightning-bolt birthmark on his shoulder.
“You look tired,” Annie said to her and grinned as T.J. scrambled into a seat.
“It’s been a long week. What about you? Taking the day off?”
Annie shrugged. “David’s taking the kids to Rapid City, so I thought I would take some much needed me time.”
Abby nodded. She knew her friend had her own troubles. “Are you still thinking about quitting?”
Annie half nodded. “Thinking, yes. Deciding...no.”
“Mommy.” T.J.’s voice broke in between them. “I’m starving.”
Abby chuckled at his dramatic tone and dug into her bag for her wallet. When she didn’t find it, she remembered she’d left it in the console in the car. “Can you watch him for a minute?” she asked her friend and explained.
She was just locking the car door, having grabbed her wallet and stuck it into her bag, when she heard her name being spoken from behind. Turning quickly, she saw Jake standing on the sidewalk, dressed in jeans, cowboy boots, a white shirt and leather jacket, a motorcycle helmet in his hand.
“Oh, hi there,” she said nervously, spotting T.J. through the window and wishing she’d gone to O’Sullivan’s instead per their usual habit. She glanced at the motorbike parked nearby. “Yours?”
He nodded. “You look nice.”
Abby glanced down at her beige cargo pants, long-sleeve red T-shirt, scarf and woolen jacket and remembered how she’d thrown the outfit together without much thought. She managed a tight smile and nodded. “Thanks. Well, I should get going.”
“Me, too,” he said quietly. “I only stopped here for coffee.”
He was going into the bakery.
No. Abby’s heart nearly stopped.
Not yet... I’m not ready for this yet.
“You know the coffee at the hotel is good.”
“I know,” he replied. “I had some with breakfast.”
“Oh...okay. Well, the café down the block also does a great brew.”
His mouth twisted, and he jerked a thumb in the direction of the bakery. “Something wrong with the coffee here?”
Abby’s heart thundered in her chest. “Ah...no... I just...”
“After you,” he said and waved his arm in an arc, indicating for her to walk ahead.
Abby took a long breath, galvanized her knees into action and headed for the door. By the time she crossed the threshold, she was shaking so badly she clenched her fingers into her palms to garner some control. She spotted T.J. immediately, and as he quickly left the table and raced toward her, fear and dread snaked up her spine and she knew the moment had arrived.
Jake Culhane was about to come face-to-face with his son!
Chapter Four
Jake wasn’t sure what he thought as the small boy raced toward Abby and grabbed her hand. He was a nice-looking kid. Dark haired, like his mother. He stared at the child for a moment, searching for something of his friend in the boy’s features, and didn’t find anything of Tom in the child’s expression. Obviously the child took after Abby.
“Mommy, Mommy,” he chanted and tugged her hand. “I’m hungry.”
“Okay,” she said breathlessly. “What would you like? Pancakes? Waffles?”
The child bit his lip, tilted his head and then looked directly at Jake. “Who’s that?”
Jake heard Abby suck in a sharp breath and then waved her hand. “This is a...friend. His name is Jake.”
The boy held out his hand in a grown-up manner and introduced himself. “I’m T.J.”
Jake took the child’s hand and shook it gently. Strange, he thought as he held on, how meeting Abby’s son made something uncurl in his chest. An odd feeling of familiarity that was warm and welcoming. Because he’s Abby and Tom’s child. He shook the feeling off, let go of the boy’s hand and spoke.
“It’s nice to meet you. T.J. So, you said you were hungry. Do you come here a lot? What’s the best thing you’ve had here?”
“Muffins,” the kid said swiftly and laughed. “And waffles. And pancakes. And cinnamon rolls. Except I don’t really like cinnamon.”
“Me, either,” Jake ad
mitted and smiled, thinking that the child was smart and articulate for his age.
“I just like the sugar on top,” T.J. said and grinned, exposing one missing tooth at the front.
“Me, too,” Jake replied.
“Mommy, can I have pancakes?” the child asked politely.
Jake glanced at Abby and realized that she looked ghostly white, almost unwell. Her eyes were as large as saucers, and she inhaled sharply. He met her gaze, surprised by her sudden paleness.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded. “Fine...just fine. It’s been a long week at work.”
“Temperamental chefs?” he queried and grinned.
“Something like that.”
“Mommy,” her son said again and tugged on her hand. “Pancakes?”
“Of course,” she said quietly. “Pancakes.”
Jake wasn’t entirely convinced that she was okay, but he nodded agreeably and waited while she ordered food for her son and tea for herself.
“Is Jake sitting with us?” her son asked cheerfully.
Jake saw her expression immediately flatten. “Ah... I don’t—”
“Sure,” he said and nodded. “If your mom doesn’t mind?”
“Can he, Mommy? Please.”
She hesitated a second and then waved a hand. “Of course.”
He quickly ordered coffee and passed the shop clerk a couple of bills, paying for both orders.
Jake waited for Abby to protest, to tell him she could certainly pay for her own meal...but she didn’t. She muttered a barely audible thank-you and turned.
“That’s our seat,” T.J. said and pointed across the room to a table in the corner.
Jake spotted a woman he recognized already sitting at the table. Annie Jamison. He waved absently, and she smiled in recognition. Moments later, they were all seated at the table.
“How’s everything with you, Jake?” Annie asked, both brows up.
“Good. You?”
“The same.”
It was harmless small talk, but Jake was aware of how tense Abby was sitting to his left as Annie and T.J. chatted intermittently. Her hands were clenched tightly in her lap, and her mouth was pressed into a thin line. She looked as though she longed to be somewhere else. And Jake knew he was the cause of her discomfort. Despite their fragile truce, he wasn’t fooled. Abby wanted nothing to do with him.
“How’s Mitch doing?” Annie asked and smiled.
“Better,” he replied and nodded. “But he’s a terrible patient. Very grumpy.”
T.J. giggled and was then instantly distracted when the waitress brought his juice and their drinks to the table. The woman, who was in her midtwenties, was very pretty and had bright blue eyes, and she passed Jake a look he recognized instantly. In another time, and another place, he might have looked in return. He might had offered her a welcoming smile and maybe asked for her number. But he wasn’t in Cedar River to hook up or get laid. He’d come back to be with his family, to support Mitch while he recuperated. And maybe to make amends with Abby. He wasn’t sure why it was important. They weren’t friends. They weren’t anything to each other. But over the past few years, he’d realized that he’d never truly have peace of mind until he’d doused the flames on the bridges he’d burned. And Abby was at the top of the list.
“How long are you planning on staying in town?” Annie asked.
Jake flicked his gaze toward Abby for a moment. “I’m not sure.” He noticed how Abby’s hands were still twisting in her lap and her mouth remained tight around the edges. “A few weeks, I guess, until Mitch is back on his feet. Your sister is doing a great job helping him recuperate.”
Annie smiled. “We’re all very happy that Mitch and Tess have found their way back to one another.”
“It’s been a long time coming,” he said quietly. “It’s good they’re making it work, for the baby’s sake.”
“They love each other,” she said and shrugged lightly. “They just needed to remember that.”
Jake didn’t disagree. Mitch and Tess certainly were deeply in love. In a way, he envied them. Despite every obstacle, they had worked through their past differences and the hurt and managed to find a way to be together. It almost made Jake believe that happily-ever-afters were possible.
Annie nodded, grabbed her coffee and then got to her feet. “Well, I have to run, I promised Tess I’d catch up with her this morning. Good seeing you, Jake.” She said farewell to Abby and T.J. and left the café.
Once she was gone, Jake sipped his coffee and tried to ignore the uncomfortable silence. Well, the silence from Abby—her son was chatting nonstop about school and snowboarding and his favorite Marvel hero. He seemed like a smart kid, and quite social for his age, Jake realized. It made him think how proud Tom would have been to know his child was happy and healthy. Tom would have made a great dad. He was the kind of man who was incredibly likable—considerate and sincere, loyal and trusting and the best kind of friend.
Not like me...
Jake had been filled with his own kind of self-disgust for years.
And guilt.
Which, he figured, Abby was feeling, too, right about now.
“Mommy won’t let me get a snowboard,” T.J. announced and then looked sulky.
Jake bit back a grin. “She won’t?”
The boy shook his head and frowned. “She says I might perjure myself.”
“Perjure?” he echoed and glanced at Abby.
She made a face. “I said injure. Snowboarding is dangerous.”
“So is walking across the street,” Jake remarked quietly, ensuring her son couldn’t hear him, and then raised a brow.
“That’s the expected response from an adrenaline junkie,” she muttered.
Jake laughed. “Is that a dig?”
She shrugged and passed her son a paper napkin. “An observation.”
Jake drank some coffee. “For the record, I don’t have any dangerous pastimes these days.”
“What about your motorbike outside”
His mouth twitched. “Simply a mode of transport.”
“And the speeding ticket you got the other day?”
He frowned. “You know about that?”
“There are no secrets in a small town.”
Jake held her gaze. “No?”
She shook her head and stirred her tea, clearly not wanting to look in his direction. Jake noticed that T.J. was biting his lower lip, the same habit his mother had. It was cute, and the more he saw them together, the more he realized the boy looked nothing like Tom.
“I’m never getting a snowboard,” T.J. said sulkily.
“That’s not what I said,” Abby replied. “I said one day, when you’re older. It’s not simply a matter of getting a board. There’s also the fact you’ll need lessons and I—”
“I’ll teach him,” Jake said quickly and realized immediately he’d said the wrong thing, because Abby was glaring at him. “I mean, if you want. I know you don’t ski so—”
“I ski,” she said defensively. “I just have a problem with—”
“Balance,” he said and grinned. “I know. Remember when I tried to teach you how to ride a horse?”
She scowled. “I’m scared of horses.”
“I wanna ride a horse!” T.J.’s voice rang out between them. “But Mommy won’t let me do that, either. I never can do anything.”
She made an impatient sound, took a breath, and then her expression softened a little. “Please don’t encourage him to be reckless. I just want him to stay safe.”
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “That’s not what I meant.” He accepted her chastise with a shrug and then spoke directly to her son. “Your mommy’s right—before you do things like snowboarding and horse riding, you need lots of lessons.”
“One day
,” she said, and looked a little relieved he’d made an attempt to defuse her son’s enthusiasm. “I promise.”
The pancakes arrived, and Jake watched as T.J. devoured the food within minutes. The kid certainly had a healthy appetite. Abby was still stirring her tea. Jake observed her out of the corner of his eye. Even on edge—which she clearly was—Abby was still incredibly pretty. He still thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever known. Which made him an idiot. But it was hard to shake off the past. Hard to stop remembering everything they had been to one another. They’d been an item for the last year of high school. Their relationship had been passionate and yet, at times, surprisingly companionable. Back then, he’d been head over heels in love with her. Loving Abby had made hating his father bearable. She made his life better, and naturally Jake had believed their relationship would go the distance. Even if that distance was him joining the army and ending up in a war zone while Abby remained in Cedar River.
But Abby had bailed once he’d made his intentions clear. She didn’t want to be a soldier’s wife. Of course, he knew why. Her mother had been one. Her mother had lost her husband and had had very little time for Abby once the grief set in. And it didn’t matter how many times Jake assured her that he had every intention of surviving deployment—Abby wasn’t swayed. Because, of course, he couldn’t give her guarantees. Rationally, he knew that. As she did. But back then, being so young and determined, he’d imagined they could work through their differences. But he was wrong. She’d given him an ultimatum—the military or their relationship. Jake left for boot camp two months after graduation. Abby married someone else, and he didn’t speak to her again until Tom’s funeral.
That was ages ago now, and best forgotten. There was little point in thinking about the past. The future was what mattered. And Jake’s future was back in Sacramento. With his work and his friends and the life he’d made for himself. Not Cedar River.
And not Abby Perkins—despite how much the memory of her haunted his dreams.
“I gotta go,” he said and swiftly got to his feet. “It was nice to meet you, T.J.,” he said and looked at Abby. “Take care, Abby.”
