by DoctorHepa
“Chickadees,” Donut said. “I like those guys. They’re cute.”
“Yes,” Remex said. “Them and their entire families. Everyone else would perish.”
“Ahh,” I said. I looked at Donut. “So everyone would be dead except the flyers. We just stopped a genocide.”
“I guess that makes up for you killing all those baby goblins on the first floor,” said Donut.
“We’re not having this conversation again.”
Quest completed. The Sex Workers Who Fell From the Heavens.
“Hey, we didn’t even have to kill this guy,” said Donut. “And we didn’t have to blow up any more buildings tonight, either.”
Remex laughed. It was a dry, almost airless croak. “That’s it. That’s it. I did it. I did it!” The dry laugh turned to sobs.
“What is he talking about, Carl?” Donut asked.
“I’ll tell you later.” Pity swept over me. Jesus, I thought, watching the undead thing cry empty tears. “Remex. It’s done. You’ve told us the story. Do you want us to kill you or to leave you?”
“Kill me, let me live, it doesn’t matter now. It doesn’t matter. With the sunrise, I will be gone. As you will be, too. Listen, boy. Don’t be sad. You didn’t know. It’s a lucky thing, a mercy to die here.” He pointed toward the ground with his wing. “And not make it down there. It is so much better. Wait with me.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
The announcement wasn’t just in my head. It came over the loudspeaker, like the daily update.
New Quest. The Fools Who Broke the Glass.
THIS IS A GROUP QUEST. All Crawlers currently within the 45 square kilometer blast radius will receive this quest.
Your party has been designated Host of this Group Quest. As hosts, you will not be allowed to opt-out from this quest.
What the hell is going on? Am I glad you asked!
A while back a certain NPC started casting a very powerful spell, a spell so potent, that it had to be completed by a future generation.
Here’s the thing with old spells. They’re like trees. They grow. They get big. Sometimes huge. Bad shit happens when they get screwed up. The bigger the spell, the badder the shit. And boy was this spell big. Not gonna lie. Your favorite AI was looking forward to it going off.
Oh well. This will be almost as good.
Shit is about to go down. For example, you may have noticed every Skyfowl and Chickadee NPC in the area has fallen ill. Most of them have already plunged into a coma, or death. It’s not their fault, but they were tied to the spell, and that’s just the way it is.
Just like it’s not your fault that you happen to be within 45 kilometers of the fallout from this failed spell. Again, not your fault. (Well, unless you’re Crawlers Carl, Princess Donut, or Katia Grim. Then it’s your fault.) That’s just the way it is. Sucks to be you.
There’s going to be an explosion. The epicenter of the blast is marked on your map. Every crawler within the designated blast area is fucked.
The object of this quest is simple. Unfuck yourself. Don’t die.
Warning: This is an event quest. If you do not wish to participate in this quest, you will have sixty seconds from the end of this message to get yourselves into a saferoom. After that, all access to saferooms within the quest zone will be shut off until the event quest is concluded. All NPCs who remain indoors, saferoom or not, will remain safe. All mobs and neighborhood-level boss monsters within the blast radius subject to both physical and magical explosions will be killed.
Reward: All participants who survive will receive a Platinum Quest Box.
Oh, by the way. The explosion is coming in seven minutes.
Run.
“What the fuck? How is that a quest?” I cried.
* * *
Mordecai: Run. Desperado Club. It’s not a saferoom, but the second room is out of the blast radius.
Katia: I don’t have access to the club! I can’t go to a saferoom because I’m a quest host!
Carl: Protective Shell?
Mordecai: Won’t work. Magical blast. Go.
“Fuck!” I cried. “We have to get to the club. Let’s go.”
“What about Katia?” Donut said. “That’s not fair. We promised we’d keep her safe. This is our fault.”
“It’s not,” I said. I didn’t bother going down the ladder. I just jumped all the way, hitting the ground heavily. Behind me, the guards stopped glowing. An entire wall of white dots appeared on the map. I knew in a moment, those dots were going to turn red once the Swordsmen noticed me here. Donut hesitated and leaped to my shoulder. Her ears were flattened against her head.
Shit, shit, shit! I pulled up my map, looking for the fastest route. The Desperado Club was three blocks away. We could make it if we ran.
“Look,” I said. “This was going to happen one way or another. That’s why they tried to get that Bautista guy to kill Miss Quill too. They wanted this explosion quest to trigger.”
I had a weird chat notification. I pulled it up, and the window said Quest Chat.
This was different than regular chat. This was like a Discord chatroom, with a whole group of crawler names on the list. There were about 80 names there.
Quan Ch: Thanks a lot Carl and Donut you fucking assholes.
That was the only message. Oh fuck off, I thought. I clicked it away. But that list of names, all crawlers who were likely about to die, stunned me. Eighty people.
I moved to also close the map, but I paused, seeing something unexpected. A tiny, round star appeared where the explosion’s epicenter would be. I zoomed in tight.
“Carl?” Donut said. “The guards are waking up!”
Carl: Mordecai, the soul gem is the epicenter. Not Remex. If I break the gem, will that cancel the explosion?
Mordecai: I don’t know. I don’t think it will stop it. Probably make it blow early. The quest is called The Fools Who Broke the Glass for a reason. They want you to do that. Get the hell out of there.
Donut: WE CAN’T ABANDON KATIA!
Katia: It’s okay. Thank you, Donut. I understand. I’m getting the NPCs back into their homes. Run, guys. Go.
Donut: WHAT ABOUT YOU, MORDECAI?
Mordecai: I’m in my room. I’m safe. Hurry the hell up!
“Fuck,” I muttered, looking up at the hole in the ceiling.
“Carl?” Donut asked.
“Donut, we have a choice. Save ourselves. Or we try to save Katia and those other 80 people. I have an idea, but it probably won’t work. We need to decide. Quick.”
“I, uh, I don’t know,” Donut said, looking about. She seemed to deflate on my shoulder. “We should try to save the others. It’s the right thing to do.”
I didn’t answer. I just reached up and scratched her. And then I ascended the ladder.
We returned to the room. Remex remained in the corner, his eyes closed. He appeared to be fading.
“You returned,” he said. He didn’t open his eyes. “Welcome to the end of days.”
The soul gem hovered in the room. The entire crystal vibrated. The tendrils of light had stopped shooting from it, including the large river down into the room below and the golden strand leading into Remex.
A red timer counted down over the gem. It was at four minutes and thirty seconds.
I pulled Miss Quill’s beanie baby from my inventory. It wasn’t hard to find. Kimaris, the stuffed horse-riding soldier was the very top item when I sorted my current inventory by value.
The second item on the list was the protective carrier it was stored in. The door to the small, glass case wasn’t locked. It was a small, hinged flap held closed by a cheap-looking hook and eyebolt. I opened the little door and pulled the stuffed animal back into my inventory.
I gave the glass case a quick examination.
Sheol Glass Reaper Case.
Forged in the fires of Sheol, the mysterious 15th level of the World Dungeon, these protective, expensive artifacts are built and sold by traveling Spider Re
aper Minions. They also sell lollipops, which are said to be out of this world.
When you absolutely, positively want to keep something safe, put it in this box. It will protect against most—but not all—forms of abuse.
Warning: Every time you open this case, there is a 1.5% chance you will be blasted with the Sheol Fire spell. That’s not a good thing. The item within the case will remain protected.
I swallowed. I probably should have read that description before I’d opened it to pull the beanie out. I kept the door open now.
I remembered that moment we’d jumped from the civic building and landed in the debris. There’d been a flash of light. Looking back now, I realized it’d been deliberate. The system had brought my attention to the case. It was just like any regular game. Seemingly random objects were sometimes placed there intentionally, just to keep the game fair. That’s what this was.
I held the case in my hand, and I approached the pulsing gem. Careful not to touch it with my hands, I closed the case around the floating gem, like I was catching a firefly with my two hands. I shut the door, and I gingerly hooked it closed.
I tried to pull the whole thing into my inventory, and I received an error.
Yeah. Nice try, asshole.
“Oh, fuck off,” I said. I hadn’t expected that to work. After taking a deep breath, I let go. I cringed as the case fell a couple inches, clinking to a stop as it fell against the gem floating within. But it remained there, floating. The gem itself was starting to vibrate faster and faster, with little cracks forming along the edge. The glass case’s description, that it protected against “most” forms of abuse, did not give me confidence. A magical explosion that was going to flatten 45 square kilometers of dungeon seemed like it would probably be pretty high on the shortlist of attack types that would break this thing.
We still had two and a half minutes on the countdown. Not even close to the amount of time we’d need to get to safety.
“Oh my god, Carl. Is that going to work?” Donut asked.
“I don’t know. I doubt it. But it’s worth a try.” I paused. “I’m sorry, Donut. I should have told you my idea before forcing you to choose.”
She made a grunting noise. “You always pretend like I’m the stubborn one, but once your mind is made up, Carl, it’s impossible to change it. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
I sat on the ground, exhausted. Donut jumped into my lap, and we stared at the floating glass case.
Remex rocked back and forth in the corner, muttering, “I’m coming, son. Any minute now. I’m coming. I missed you so much. I’m coming.”
“What is he talking about?” Donut asked.
“He was a crawler,” I said. “He called himself a tenner. I reckon that means someone who got out on the tenth floor. I think he might’ve been famous once. It explains the views.”
“Carl, I don’t want to become an NPC,” Donut said. “I guess it won’t matter if we die.”
I reached up and scratched her head. Forty-five seconds. “I’m proud of you, you know that?”
“Why?”
“You’ve grown. You being worried about Katia? You don’t even know her, but you’d promised to keep her safe. My first instinct was to abandon her.”
She laughed. “I just don’t want Hekla mad at us. We already have that Lucia Mar after us. And Maggie My. And the Maestro’s dad.”
I chuckled. Fifteen seconds. “Can’t say we didn’t try, that’s for sure.”
“Carl?” she asked.
I looked down into her large, glowing eyes. “Yeah?”
“I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be. I know she’s dead.”
“I know.” I wrapped myself around her. We both closed our eyes and braced for the end.
Chapter 72
Remex screamed. The sudden, terrifying noise jolted my eyes open. I took in the room.
“Fuck,” I said, scrambling up. I jumped for the case, which had fallen to the ground.
We hadn’t died. Obviously. Light streamed from the container like a miniature, caged sun. The explosion had been completely silent. Lance-like rays burst from the glass, one of them streaming directly into Remex’s chest, who was now on the floor, screaming and convulsing. Whatever had happened to him, it had bestowed upon him the ability to roar with supernatural volume.
The case itself glowed red hot. The floor was on fire, the wooden floorboards bubbling and bowing under the extreme heat. I feared the whole thing was about to fall through, taking us with it. The glass case and gem had transformed itself. I didn’t have time to read the full description, but my eyes focused on the Status: Explosion Imminent in the two seconds before I grabbed it. Please, please, I thought. My fingers burned as I pulled it into my inventory. I cried out as the caged explosion disappeared.
“Holy shit,” I said as I cast Heal on myself. My skin had burned off, so thoroughly and quickly it barely even hurt for the initial two seconds. That changed as it started to heal itself. I gasped in pain.
A page of notifications appeared. I waved them away for now. I examined the newest item in my inventory.
Carl’s Doomsday Scenario
Type: Unstable custom explosive
Effect: An explosion large enough to rattle the teeth of a god.
Status: Explosion Imminent (3/1x107)
Created by a man who murders babies and steals rare collectibles from his elders, this device is powerful enough to level an entire city and all the suburbs around it. It is created by combining a massively overloaded soul crystal and a Sheol Glass Reaper Case.
Warning: This item can no longer be stabilized.
“The quest hasn’t ended,” said Donut. “But we’re not dead, either.”
I just sat there on the floor, breathing heavily. My hand ached, my fingers and palm pulsing despite the healing. I couldn’t believe that had worked. I hadn’t been able to put it into my inventory until after it had exploded. But what the hell was I going to do with the thing? The moment I removed it from my inventory, it would explode. I would have less than a second.
At least we were alive.
“Uh, Carl,” Donut said a moment later. “You don’t happen to have any more of those glass cases, do you? Maybe a really big one?”
I looked up to see Remex, still convulsing on the ground.
“Oh mother fuck,” I said.
“You sure have been swearing a lot lately. I’m not sure I like that, Carl.”
Now Remex had a timer over him. Twenty minutes. It hadn’t started counting down yet, but the timer blinked red. I cringed as the new notification came.
Quest Update.
You’ve probably noticed you’re not dead. Everybody say, “Thank you Crawler Carl.” I’ll give you a second to luxuriate in your victory.
That’s the good news. You might want to sit down for this next part.
Remex shrieked, and the world went white for a moment. I suddenly felt heavier, more tired. A massive racket filled the warehouse, like the sound of dozens of pots and pans crashing to the ground.
“What happened?” Donut asked.
“It’s like when we’re in a production trailer. We just lost all of our equipment stat buffs.”
The bad news is there’s still an explosion coming. A bigger bang, actually, but the area of effect will be similar. I won’t bore you guys with the technical details, but what you just felt is called a precursor burst. It’s a foreshock. The first of four before the big show. The one you just felt temporarily removed the magical properties of all your equipped gear. The next one will do something different.
All of this will culminate with a burst of pure, wild magic much more potent than the magically-infused chemical explosion from which you guys were just spared. Less physical damage to the environment. More face melting. I prefer this, if we’re being honest. Have you ever put a marshmallow in a microwave? Imagine your head as the marshmallow. It’ll be kinda like that. Prepare your defenses accordingly.
You now have twenty min
utes to save yourselves.
“Come on,” I said. “We gotta go.” I stood and turned, once again, for the small trap door. I gave one last look at Remex, who remained in the corner, convulsing. Every instinct told me to put him out of his misery, but I knew that would likely be a very Bad Idea.
And that’s when the floor collapsed.
I cried out, landing in a heap in the midst of a room full of sizzling armor pieces and swords. The EMP-like burst from Remex had deactivated all of the swordsmen guards, causing the armor to fall to the ground like junk. I groaned as I pulled a few random pieces of armor, along with a colossal broadsword into my inventory. I yanked myself to my feet and downed a healing potion. At least those still worked.
Remex hadn’t fallen through. A loud, electric hum now emanated from him, still up on the second floor, just beyond the hole in the ceiling. The noise grew louder until it overwhelmed his constant screams.
“Where are we going?” Donut asked. We rushed from the building and turned right, due east. I pulled up the quest chat and started furiously typing instructions, giving people their two options for escape.
Mordecai: Take off every magical item you have and put it in your inventory. Stop whatever you’re doing and do it now. It’ll be safe in your inventory but not on your skin. I don’t know what the hell you just did, but your current situation is only barely better.
Carl: I don’t have any clothes that aren’t magical except my jacket. Even my underwear is magic now.
Mordecai: Goddamnit, Carl. No time to argue. Nobody is going to care about your trunk swinging in the air.
Donut: What about my crown?
Thanks to the tiara’s Fleeting status, it would disappear if she removed it. And then it would be given to another crawler, which would be a very bad thing. Only one of them would be allowed to proceed to the tenth floor. Mordecai paused for an unusually long time.
Mordecai: Better leave it on. But there’s a chance you might lose it. It’s possible one of those bursts is going to have a negative effect on your stats permanently. You might get hit with Sepsis, too. The poison effect will be negated, but it’ll still stagger you. Wild soul magic is unpredictable. It turns your own magical items against you. Keep Mongo locked up.
