“And I posted India’s photos, which are blowing up in a major way for us both. The sponsorship meeting about the candles went really well too. They’re sending me the contract and samples to review. But the best part? Well . . . the first best part? I met a woman named Myra right here in this very spot. She told me how she spread sunshine and ended up with a new job at a time when she really needed it.”
My smile stretches my cheeks. I’m still so over the moon excited for Myra.
“She’s a Sunshiner?” he clarifies, and I nod. “That’s great. Inspiring the masses, that’s my girl. And the second-best part?” Noah prompts, reminding me.
“Huh? Oh, yeah,” I tell him as we start to walk down the block. “I had lunch with Eli. It sounds like he and Arielle are going to figure stuff out. It’s just going to take some time. She’s skittish, especially of Eli.”
His lips curl in a snarl. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing. My sister and Eli? I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with that.”
“Arielle’s a big girl, and she’s making Eli work for it,” I say as I pat Noah’s chest soothingly. “It sounds like he’s going to stick around through the obstacle course to get Arielle’s heart, though. Gotta give him credit for that.”
“How about if I give him credit after he sticks around and makes her happy? Till then, I’m reserving judgment and protecting Arielle.”
He sounds like every big brother of a little sister, and the idea makes me laugh a little. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate the restraint before you jump into her love life. It’s progress, at least.”
“Is it concerning that my not killing him before he can hurt her is considered progress?” he muses.
I tap my chin like I’m giving it serious thought. He’s not a real risk to Eli and actually does a pretty good job of letting Arielle control her own destiny. Mostly because Arielle would castrate anyone who got into her business without an invitation.
“How about your day? Anything exciting?”
“It was . . . interesting, to say the least. I got called into Lady Elisa’s office.”
“A good call or a bad call?” I ask, holding back the jokes for now because I know how important Elisa is to Noah as the company’s president and also as a role model.
“A good call, I’d say. She started off by asking me about BlindDate and what I’ve learned at Life Corp. It was kind of weird and personal. But then, she brought out the big guns, reminding me why she’s Lady Elisa of Life Corp. Let’s just say it’s no accident.”
I can’t read Noah’s face. He’s not smiling, but he doesn’t look grumpy either. More dazed, I guess.
“What’d she say?” I ask.
“There are always opportunities,” Noah says, sounding like he’s quoting Elisa. “In fact, she offered one to me at the end of the meeting. Well, an opportunity for you, really. She wants to use our story to promote BlindDate.”
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk, feeling shocked by what came out of Noah’s mouth. “She wants to . . . what?”
“She wants to offer you a contract to sponsor and promote BlindDate,” Noah repeats, grinning now. “Well, for us to. We can share what we’ve found together with the world. It’ll draw thousands . . . maybe millions of people to the app and to your brand.”
What? Wait . . .
My brain replays his words, assuming I’d misheard.
No, that’s exactly what he said. So again . . . what?
A sponsorship with BlindDate, with Life Corp? That could be major, much larger than any partnership I have now. But that comes with goods and bads. I should think about it, but my brain and my gut are already shouting the answer at me, and I’ve learned to trust my instincts. They’ve never steered me wrong.
“Noah . . . I don’t want Life Corp to sponsor me,” I tell him, and Noah stops, looking confused.
“You don’t?”
I shake my head, taking a deep breath. “No, Noah. I . . . I don’t want Life Corp using our story at all. I don’t want the world to hear that we met on BlindDate.”
“But it’s the truth,” Noah says tightly. “I was hesitant at first too, but I thought about what Elisa said, and it makes a lot of sense. There are all these people out there looking for a connection. That’s what Riley Sunshine offers them, and in a different way, what BlindDate offers too. We can help each other while helping all those people out there.”
“You think it’d be good for me, for Riley Sunshine, to have Life Corp use my brand for something like this?” I ask, trying to keep calm and not doing a great job of it. “I’ve worked too hard to build my reputation to tie it to another company so directly. Especially when I’m a small fish in a Life Corp-sized pond. I’d be completely swallowed up by it. I don’t want to be used that way.”
“You had no problem using me for your gain,” he snaps. “I’m no social media savant, but I knew going on your page—picture after picture, like after like, comment after comment—was a risk. I mean, I was with you when you got recognized at the park. But I still did it. It’s your life, and you share it, all of it, with your Sunshiners. And I want to be something you share, not something you hide.”
He’s pacing back and forth as he speaks, his eyes tracking from me to his shoes to the sky as though he doesn’t know where to focus.
“I do want to share you. I mean . . . with the followers. But only if you want to. We don’t have to do that.”
“That ship has already sailed. How many likes, how many comments did you get on the reveal pictures of us, Riley?”
It sounds like an accusation, like I’ve already been found guilty of something in his eyes, but I don’t know of what. We decided to do that together—the pictures, the words, the post. I thought it was special, but it feels tainted now.
“A lot,” I mumble.
“How many?” Noah barks, finally locking his eyes on me.
“Almost one hundred thousand likes, and around eighteen thousand comments,” I answer quietly.
“So you’re not ashamed to use me, to be seen with me. I guess that’s good. Is it just the BlindDate then?” Bitterness does not sound good on him.
Use him? I’m not using him. In fact, I literally told him I didn’t want to do that.
I’m happy because of him, and that’s worth sharing. With my followers, with the world. But not . . . how we met. That’s . . . embarrassing.
“Noah, I have this image as Riley Sunshine.” I hiss the name quietly because people are starting to look at us arguing on the sidewalk. “One I’ve worked really hard to build. But if I tell everyone that I was so lonely I had to use a dating app, so scared of being recognized by people and judged a loser that I didn’t want my face out there, what does that make me?”
“I don’t know . . . human? Imperfect? Isn’t that the authentic self you’re always preaching about?” The dig is way below the belt, deep into my soul.
“And that dating app? It’s my heart and soul, something I poured every bit of myself into to create,” he confesses, beating on his chest with every word. “But I guess that’s not good enough for Riley Sunshine, is it? Maybe I’m not good enough for Riley Watson either.”
Noah turns, walking away from me, and I want to run after him.
I don’t understand how our walk turned into this, but I want to fix it. But I also don’t want to be plastered on billboards as some lonely, desperate woman who had to use an app to get a date.
“Noah!” I call to him, my voice cracking and tears threatening to fall. “Don’t you get it?”
Fifty yards away, Noah turns, his face still filled with pain and anger. “I got it!” he yells back. “I get that you only want to share the sunshine. But that’s not real, Riley.”
He turns and starts walking again, and this time, I don’t try to stop him. Because my sunshine’s gone, replaced with the gray, gloomy rain of tears down my cheeks.
Chapter 24
Noah
The knock at my door doesn’t surprise me.
&nb
sp; Neither does who’s on the other side of it when I open up.
I’ve been waiting for this. For him.
I take a steadying breath, focusing my mind. And then I clench my jaw and tighten my abs before I open the door just in case he throws a cheap sucker punch with no warning.
River is standing in the hallway, his arms crossed over his chest and feet spread wide, bouncer style. His eyes are ice, and there’s a muscle popping in his jaw. He’s wearing workout clothes, so either he changed into things he doesn’t mind getting stained with my blood or he was at the gym when Riley called him.
He’s trying to make himself look as big and scary as possible.
I’m scared of a lot of things. But I’m not scared of him.
“You going to hit me?” I ask River.
“Maybe.” He shrugs like he hasn’t quite decided what to do, but he’s here, and I know how this goes. We’ve done this before, twice now, over Riley. When we were not much more than kids, at dinner recently, and now tonight. Maybe the third time’s the charm and I’ll finally quit fucking up.
Doubt it.
“Why maybe?” I feel like pushing my luck. Since storming away from Riley and getting in my car, I’ve been feeling dangerous. Self-destructive. Maybe I want to get hit. Maybe I want to hit River so he doesn’t have a choice. He’ll come back at me, I know he will, and then I can replace all this hurt in my chest with pain in my joints and face. I’ll take bruises and blood over heartache any day.
“Because I want to hear your side of things, and you can’t talk with a broken fucking jaw,” River growls. He pushes past me, not waiting for an invitation, and struts into my apartment.
I can’t fight him now, not when he has his back to me. He sits on my couch, making himself at home. Dammit. I can’t fight him sitting down either.
I’m not going to get the fight I’m spoiling for. At least not yet.
“Sit down. Tell me,” River demands, pointing at the chair.
I want to refuse. If I can’t fight, I want to pace around the room and get this fury and confusion out. At a minimum, I need that.
But I also need to figure out what the hell happened. I didn’t go into that conversation with Riley thinking it was going to turn into some blow-up fight. I expected it to be a good thing for us both. I need to understand, and maybe River can help with that.
River, for better or worse, is my person, the only one who knows the way my head processes and my heart beats. Arielle knows me too, but not like my best friend. I’ve protected her from so much her whole life, and though she’s grown, I can’t start laying my problems at her feet. So River is it for me.
Resigned, I sit in the damn chair. River’s brow lifts in victory.
Running my fingers through my hair, I sigh. “She called you?”
River nods, his eyes tight and his teeth grinding together. “I was working out when she called. Took me fifteen minutes to figure out what the fuck she was trying to say because she was sobbing so hard. Even then, it barely made any sense. Something about her brand, and sponsors, and you and Life Corp? All I got for sure is that you walked away, left her standing on the sidewalk alone.”
It’s like a kick in the balls, and my head drops as I start nodding.
Walking away . . . the one thing I promised I’d never do because it’s all too familiar.
“Natalie! Get in here,” Dad yells as his palm hits the kitchen table. I can’t see him from the living room, but I know that thundering boom of anger in his voice and recognize the hollow sound the cheap table makes as it bounces on the tile floor.
And Mom’s rushing footsteps? All too familiar.
I know what’s coming. We all do—the yelling and screaming, the tears and pleas for understanding.
I gather up Arielle and a couple of toys. “Come on, it’s a pretty day. Let’s go out front and play.”
“I don’t want to go outside. I’m hungry,” Arielle whines.
I look to the kitchen, knowing that there is nothing in this world that could make me go in there right now. I grab a tiny bag of trail mix from my school backpack instead, glad I didn’t eat it yesterday. “Here, you can eat this outside. And if you want, we can sneak the squirrels a few peanuts.” It’s the only hope I have of getting her out happily.
Arielle accepts the snack and dutifully follows me to the yard. I close the door as quietly as I can, blocking the noise of the fight from Arielle and the neighbors. But I listen. I have to so that I can protect Arielle and Mom if it comes to that.
A few minutes later, I hear what I’ve been waiting for.
“I’m out of here,” Dad shouts.
The garage door whirs open, Dad’s car backing out almost before it’s up all the way. With a clank of a shifter and a screech of tires, he roars down the street.
I take a deep breath, knowing we’re safe for the night.
The memory rocks me, and before I know it, hot, bitter tears are trickling down my cheeks.
“Walked away,” I repeat River’s words. “That’s the one thing I said I’d never do. I swore I’d never be like him.”
“Your dad?” River says, catching up with my mental trip down memory lane.
I nod. “When he left, I was glad. I was relieved. He’d been this huge presence, sucking all the life out of our family. It was hard financially after he was gone. We struggled for food, to keep a roof over our heads. But for the first time, I wasn’t scared.”
Admitting the fear I held inside as a child is hard, even all these years later. I let out a shuddering breath, wiping the tears away and willing them to stop. I won’t cry over him. I didn’t then, and I certainly won’t now.
“Are you scared now?” River asks quietly.
“Fucking terrified. I don’t want to be like him, walking out when things get hard. And I damn sure don’t want people—don’t want Riley—to be glad when I walk away.”
River gets up, coming over to sit on the coffee table in front of me. With his knees spread wide and his elbows resting on his thighs, he looks me directly in the eyes.
“The last fucking thing Riley felt when you walked away was glad, or relief, or any of that shit. You’re not him. I don’t even know the fucker and I know that.” River’s reassurance seals over a fracture in my soul. If the person who has known me the longest and knows me best thinks I’m redeemable, there must be some shred of truth to it.
“Thanks, man,” I say, swallowing thickly.
River dips his chin. “Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, how about you tell me what the fight was about? Because I still don’t know, and I need to decide whether I’m going to kick your ass or not.” Even as he threatens me, I can see the hint of a smile ghosting across his lips.
I lean back in the chair, staring at the ceiling and replaying everything in my mind. “Honestly, I have no idea,” I say, resigned that whatever it is, it’s my fault.
“Start at the beginning.”
I look at him directly. “I love her. That’s the most important part. And loving Riley comes with . . . sunshine and Sunshine, if you know what I mean.” I do Riley’s cute little salute with my fingers below my chin, and River nods in understanding. “We went public on her page, which I get is a big fucking deal for her. It’s a big fucking deal to me too. People see that stuff, lots of people. People I didn’t even think about . . .”
“Like who?” River prompts, rolling his hand at the wrist in a ‘come on, out with it’ move.
“Elisa. She called me to her office today. It was a weird conversation, but basically, she knows that Riley and I met through BlindDate. And she had a proposal. Elisa wants to sponsor Riley, have her promote BlindDate using our story. We’d all benefit—Riley from the sponsorship, which would make things easier financially, BlindDate from the exposure and proof of concept, and even our members because they’d have hope,” I explain.
“And you agreed to it?” River asks. “Without talking to Riley?”
“Of course not!” I exclaim.
“I know I’ve got a reputation for being an asshole, but I’m not stupid. I told Lady Elisa I’d make the offer to Riley. That’s it.”
River looks a little relieved that his best friend isn’t a complete moron. “Okay . . . and then what?”
I shrug. This is where it gets confusing. “I told Riley about it.” I pause, still trying to figure out how things went so wrong. I sit forward, hoping River can tell me. “Okay, so I tell her Elisa wants to be a sponsor, have Riley Sunshine share how we met. The way she shares everything. And at first, Riley said she didn’t want to partner with Life Corp, that she’d be a little fish in a big pond and her whole reputation would be based on BlindDate. She said she didn’t want to be used that way.”
River winces, shaking his head. “Ouch.”
“I know, but then I said that she used me for her Riley Sunshine page.”
River’s eyes go wide, and he laughs bitterly. “Damn, man. When you fuck shit up, you do it right.”
“Yeah, and then things got worse,” I say wryly. “What it boils down to is . . . she doesn’t want to be seen as some lonely, desperate loser who has to use a dating app. You know, like the app I poured my heart into designing. I told her that if BlindDate’s not good enough for Riley Sunshine, maybe I’m not good enough for Riley Watson.”
River punches me in the shoulder and growls, but it’s not the fight I was looking for. “Cut that woe-is-me shit out. You’re better than that. Where’s my cocky as hell, arrogant asshole friend? You need to bring a bit of him back.”
I’m surprised. I feel like a complete asshole, though not cocky or arrogant for sure. More like unsure, unworthy.
“I love her, River. And I fucked up. I don’t know how to fix it.”
He rolls his eyes and sighs, not making me feel any better. Hell, maybe making me feel worse. “Look, you offered Riley an opportunity, plain and simple. One you thought she might want, one that might be good for her. All she had to do was say no. Where it went wrong was her putting her feelings of insecurity about her dating life on you, and you walked off. You both fucked up, and you both need to fix it.”
The Blind Date Page 29