by Leigh Walker
“You haven’t looked at me in days. I thought you’d be relieved to have me out of your sight.”
“You thought wrong. Even if you won’t have me anymore, I will always protect you.”
“I never said I didn’t want you anymore.” I swallowed hard. “That’s your line, I’m afraid.”
“Blake.” He put his hand over mine.
I didn’t want to feel the familiar heat between us. I didn’t want my eyes to well up with tears. Yet both things happened simultaneously.
The driver rolled down the screen. “Your Highness, I just got a call. The king awaits. He’s had word the rebels are marching.”
Austin thanked him, his jaw tight. He turned to me. “I know this will be difficult for you—Gwyneth is here. I haven’t spoken to her yet.”
“Let Eve tell her what’s happened to me. It might be easier coming from her, friend to friend.”
He nodded, not letting go of my hand as we pulled down the long drive that led to the castle. “I meant what I said, you know.”
“Which thing?”
His gaze burned into mine as he gripped my hand. “Everything. All of it.”
Chapter 21
Mercy
I wanted to ask what he meant, but there was no time. Sentinels lined the drive, weapons at the ready. Tariq, the royal emissary and the liaison between the crown and the settlers, stood on the stairs, wearing a slim-fitting dark uniform, his hair stiffly shellacked back.
He motioned for the cars to park. “Quickly!” the royal emissary called as we disembarked from the SUVs. “His Highness awaits!”
We dashed up the stairs. I winced as Tariq came closer.
“Lady Kensington.” He peered at my face then gasped.
“Tariq.” I inhaled the scent of his blood, but it did not tempt me. Tariq had never been a favorite of mine in my human life. His cologne-infused scent was reminiscent of a roast that had been overly seasoned in an attempt to hide the poor quality of the meat. I suspected he would give me reflux.
“You’ve been changed.” Tariq’s hand fluttered to his throat.
“This is not your news to tell,” Austin growled in his face. “Where is my father?”
“The throne room.” Tariq’s bright gaze raked over me. “I didn’t know,” he said under his breath. He sounded thrilled to have the latest gossip before anyone else.
I arched my eyebrow. “Not too much has changed since I’ve left, I see.”
“Except for you. I never suspected. I must say, you’re quite improved.” Tariq sounded shocked and almost impressed.
“You know, you’ve always been a lubbering wumpkin.” Austin grabbed him by the tunic and hissed, baring his fangs. “I’d turn you, but then I’d have to deal with your sniveling face for all of eternity. Now, get away from her, stop gossiping, and make yourself useful!” Austin released him and stomped past, clutching my hand and dragging me up the stairs.
“Sorry about that.” The prince shrugged sheepishly at the top of the stairs. “But he’s such a prat. I never.”
“He’ll be running off at the mouth at any moment. Please make sure Eve tells Gwyneth that I’ve been turned, and not Tariq. I would hate to do that to her.” I wrung my hands together.
“I promise.” He turned when two maids—human, by the smell of them—rounded the corner. “We’ve got to get you to a safe place. Eve said her old chambers were secure and out of the way. Would that be acceptable for now?”
I nodded. I had no wish to be alone, locked in a room, without knowing what was happening with the rebels. But I couldn’t risk attacking the humans, which seemed like a good idea all of the sudden. I sniffed in the direction the maids had gone.
This fact was not lost on Austin. “I’ll send sentinels with you. They’ll bring you plenty of supplies, so you won’t be hungry. I will come and see you when I can.”
I curtsied. “Thank you.”
His gaze burned into mine when I rose. He opened his mouth to say something, but another sentinel appeared at his side. “Your Highness, it’s urgent. The rebels are on their way.”
“Yes, of course.” With a final nod in my direction, he was gone.
I paced the length of Eve’s old room then had another sip from my cup. I was riled up and anxious. But I saw nothing from the windows. The palace grounds were empty and perfectly manicured, just the way I remembered them.
The quiet made me antsy. I turned on my heel and paced some more. Where was everyone? I wondered what the king was telling them and if Gwyneth and Dallas were in the meeting as well. I closed my eyes and concentrated, but I could only hear the sentinels outside my room talking amongst themselves, complaining that they had to watch me instead of fighting.
I longed to tell them I felt the same, but I didn’t dare open my door. I could also hear the human staff out there, doing their daily ministrations around the castle.
I chugged some more donated blood. I hadn’t thought about coming back to the palace and seeing everyone here—I’d been solely focused on reuniting with Gwyneth and also, getting away from Austin. Bumping into Tariq first thing had been unsettling, to say the least. It was strange to see him through new eyes. But he was the same as he had been before—still gossiping and judging.
The good part of the encounter was Austin. The prince had seemed more like himself when he was about to bash Tariq’s face in.
I mulled over what he’d told me in the car. He said he did not hate me. I wanted to believe that, but his actions since he’d turned me screamed otherwise. And yet, he’d said it was because he hated himself.
It would only be what I deserve to have you turn away from me.
He’d assumed I could no longer love him, or perhaps he was only punishing himself. Perhaps both. It didn’t matter. If the prince still cared for me… I would find a way to convince him that I still cared, too.
If both of us still had feelings, we might find a way forward. My pride was strong, but not so strong that I would ruin my life over it. Austin had turned from me when I’d needed him most. But perhaps I needed to give him a little grace. If he loved me as he said he still did, what happened with Chase had been a terrible blow. He’d mourned for me. He hadn’t wanted to change me, because he never wanted me to be hurt like that in the first place. He blamed himself.
I’d feared that, as a vampire, I did not inspire the same sort of feelings in him that I had as a human. My thinking had been misguided and reflexive. I did not fault myself, because I’d only been reacting to how the prince had acted. But maybe what he’d said was true. Maybe he was so upset with himself that he did not believe he still deserved my affection.
But my feelings were mine to give. He didn’t have to accept them—but he needed to know the truth.
I stared out the window. I had tried to steel myself against him, but my heart—however much it had changed—still guided me. My heart was steady in its opinion.
I loved him—and I always would.
“Blake.” Eve burst into the room. “I wanted to see you before we set out. The rebels are headed this way—more of them than we’d anticipated.”
“Have you seen Gwyneth?”
She nodded. “I told her everything that’s happened. She’s quite beside herself, of course.”
“But did you tell her that I’m okay? And that I love her?”
“Yes, yes, of course. She’ll come around. It’s just a bit of a shock at first.”
“I understand.” I took a deep breath. “Is Balkyn fighting with you?”
“Yes. We told him it wasn’t necessary, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Mr. and Mrs. West are here, too, as are Remy and Winnie. Balkyn wants to fight to protect his family.” She raised her chin. “It’s the first time he’s seen them in years, and he’s vowed to keep them safe.”
“He’s a good one, that Balkyn.”
A small smile crept over her face. “I think so.”
“I didn’t see Rose and Robert in the entourage. Are they here?”
&
nbsp; She shook her head. “They stayed behind. With so many sentinels leaving to come here and fight, Austin asked them to help hold down the fort.”
I nodded. I hadn’t even said goodbye to them…
Eve must have read my expression. “You can see them again, you know, if you return to the North someday. How was the car ride with His Highness?”
“It was…long. What did he say about it?”
“He said nothing, as usual. But I daresay his mood seemed improved.”
I shrugged. “He had the opportunity to threaten Tariq. That cheered him.”
“Ah, I see. And I’d thought finally spending time with you—and seeing that you are the same and quite all right—would have done that for him.”
“But I am not the same.” I lifted my chin. “And why should I be?”
“You shouldn’t. Changing is the same thing as growing. It’s hard, but it’s nothing to regret.”
I hugged her. “Thank you for being my friend.”
“Thank you for being mine. You know it’s strange…I never wanted to come to this castle or be in the Pageant. But I made my first real friends here. And when I was a vampire, no less. Funny how life works.” She released me then curtsied. “l must go and fight, my lady. I’ve no wish to harm the humans. But if they persist in their course of action, there is only one way to answer them: with force.”
“Please be careful.”
Eve nodded. “I will return with news as soon as I can. There’s no need to worry. The Black Guard is armed and ready. We will vanquish them.” She turned on the heel of her shiny boot and was gone.
I went to the window. The Black Guard was assembling—lining up on their horses and waving the Black family banners. The colors of purple, black and red streamed high and mighty in the breeze. I shivered. Another battle. Another chance for Austin or others I loved to be taken from me forever.
I listened carefully for the rebels or the wolves, but I didn’t hear either—yet. My door burst open, and I started.
“My lady.” Austin stalked to the middle of the room and knelt before me.
“What’s the matter?”
He didn’t raise his head. “I’ve come to ask for something.”
“Yes?”
“Your forgiveness, my lady.” He looked up at me. His eyes were dark, fathomless. “If for some reason I was unable to return to you, if I were never to see you again… I had to ask, to beg. I need to have a clear conscience, in spite of the wrong I’ve done. I don’t deserve your mercy, but again, my selfishness rules me.” He reached for my hands. “I could not leave for battle unless you understood the dark place I’ve been in.”
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“I have loved you more than anything, more than my own life. Yet I abandoned you just when you needed me most. Love made me a coward, Blake. Love made me fear for the first time in my life because for the first time, something was more important to me than my own existence.” He gripped my hands. “When you were injured, I didn’t know if I could bring you back. I wept over you. All I wanted was for you to wake up and tell me what to do. Do you know what I realized in that moment when I thought you were almost taken from me?”
I shook my head.
“That I am lost without you. I have no higher calling than to love you and do what you think is best. I rely on you the way I imagine humans rely on the air they breathe—I cannot function in your absence. And I had to make a choice. A terrible choice.”
“Austin.” I held his hands. “What happened with Chase wasn’t your fault. And when you turned me, it was no choice at all—it was that or say goodbye.”
“I understand. I’ve told myself that. But still.” He took a deep breath. “I vowed to never harm you, yet I was the one who hurt you the most. I put you into the situation that ended your human life. And then I turned you when I had promised that would never be necessary. My duty, my one duty, was to protect you. Do you understand how that could make me hate myself? I no longer feel worthy of your love. And when you needed me most, I turned from you. You are all that is right with the world, and I’ve failed you in the worst way you can fail another. I have ruined everything.”
“I told you that had I been able to speak, I would’ve asked you to turn me. I was not ready to leave you, Your Highness.”
“I know.” His eyes shone. “But I have made a few mistakes since then.”
“That is true. And I will not lie to save your feelings: the way you treated me has hurt deeply.”
Austin nodded. “I know it has. I am so sorry, my lady. My feelings have ruled me. It is no excuse, but I will tell you that this has never happened to me before. It’s as Eve said: I’ve quite gone off the deep end.”
I lifted my chin. “Grief will do that to you.”
“It does not matter. There is no excuse for not being the man that you need.”
“Austin, you are the man that I need. You aren’t perfect, and neither am I. You hold yourself to a high standard, and that is one of the reasons that I love you. But part of loving another person is recognizing that everyone has limits, including you. If you want me to forgive you, that is the least I can do.” I took a deep, shuddery breath. I felt as though I was letting go of something. “You shall have my forgiveness.”
There was a flash of hope in his eyes.
“I’ve never been much for playing games, my lord. My love for you is as plain as my face. I cannot hide it or forget it, even when I might wish to. So I forgive you, but I must ask for a favor.”
His gaze didn’t waver. “Anything, my lady.”
“I would ask that you are never that cold to me again. I am to live for eternity—I don’t wish to ever feel that way again, not in all my existence.”
He bowed his head. “You have my word. I am so sorry, Blake. If you will have me, I will never leave your side again.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t let go of his hands.
“But will you?” His voice was strained, faltering. “Will you have me again?”
“Austin, I have never stopped loving you. Not for one second—not since I met you. It’s quite like riding a bike or dying.” Now that I had some personal experience with this, I knew it was true. “Once it happens, you can’t take it back. You can’t unlearn it or undo it. It’s forever.”
He knelt before me. “I love you, Blake. In your kindness and love, I am reborn.”
“I love you, too.” I felt a great weight lift off my shoulders.
But it returned with a thud when I remembered he was about to leave me for the battle.
“I have to ask for something else,” he said. “It might surprise you.” He was on one knee before me.
I held my breath, suddenly jittery. “O-Okay.”
His eyes glittered as he raised his gaze. “Come and fight with me.”
Chapter 22
The Siege
I gaped. “I’m sorry?”
“Fight by my side. I made sure you had enough blood on the ride here. You’re feeling stronger, aren’t you?”
I flexed my fingers. I stood up on my tiptoes then swung my arms around. It was true—I no longer felt weak. I felt as though I could… As though I could take on an army.
“But what about the humans who fight with us? Balkyn, the human soldiers—won’t I be tempted?”
“You will stay close to me, and I will protect you from their scent. I will take you to the front lines. And then you will face the human rebels, who are fair game.” He squeezed my hands. “You may drink from as many of them as try to kill you.”
The idea of fighting—and drinking from—the rebels impossibly excited me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Still, the rebels sounded terribly yummy all of a sudden, like Sunday brunch and Thanksgiving all rolled into one. My fangs popped out, and I practically jumped out of my skin. “Bloody hell!”
Austin started laughing so hard his whole body shook. “My darling—have you not felt your fangs before?”
“No,” I said indign
antly. My voice came out funny. “Dear heavens, do I have a lisp?”
To his credit, he coughed instead of laughing. “It’s normal at first. You have to get used to talking with them.”
“Rose didn’t have a lisp!”
“Blake.” He composed his features and held out his hand for me. “We’ll speak of this later. There is much I must teach you. Let’s start today—come with me, and fight by my side. I will never be without you again unless you say otherwise.”
I felt my fangs retract and I reached for his hand. “I will never say otherwise, my lord. I told you—I love you now and forever.”
Even though the sentinels were waiting for him and the Black Guard stood at the ready outside, he stopped. The prince pulled me against him, burying his hands in my hair. “I thank the gods I have an eternity to make up for what I’ve done. I’m looking forward to every second of it. I expect I’ll be quite good at it.” He arched an eyebrow, eyes sparkling.
“It’s good to see your confidence is returning.” I laughed. “And at least you’ll have plenty of time to practice.”
“You have made me very happy, my lady.” The heat was suddenly intense between us. He tentatively bent down, putting his lips to mine. He waited.
I didn’t. I threw my arms around his neck, relishing the feeling of finally being back in his arms, and kissed him. Austin crushed his lips against mine, and I felt everything—his sorrow, his angst, his relief of finally being reconnected to me. He deepened the kiss, and I felt an electric tingle right down to my core. Bloody hell. Why do we need to go and fight? I pulled him closer. If I had my way, I wouldn’t do anything but snog him for the rest of eternity!
He pulled back too soon and brushed the hair from my face. “It doesn’t matter that we’re going to fight. By my stars, I’ve never been so happy in my life.” The joy was clear in his voice. “I love you so much. These last few days have been hell. I could never bear to be away from you again. Not for a moment.”
