Little rabbit Fufu
Hopping through the forest
Sneaking up on field mice and
Batting them over the head
(spoken) Along came the Good Fairy, who said…
By the second verse, Brenna’s eyes had adjusted to the firelight, and faces took shape across the campfire. Her heart skipped a beat. Head down, helping her son with the song’s motions, Cassidy was singing softly. Brenna’s awareness shrank down to the other woman’s voice. It was very different with the folk song than it had been
during her role aa a lounge singer In their last episode. She thought she heard a rawŹness that suggested Cassidy had been crying. She rubbed her own throat as it tightŹened. Scared about what that meant, Brenna returned to the song:
Little rabbit Fufu,
I don’t want to see you …
There were middle verses, but Brenna had not heard them in years. Falling silent, she listened as, amazingly, about a dozen others did keep singing. Cassidy was among them. Brenna shook her head and joined in the ending of the song:
Along came the Good Fairy Who turned him into a goon. Which just goes to show you: ‘Hare today and goon tomorrow.’
Groans echoed all around. Brenna watched Cassidy move off the log, lean back against it with Ryan in her lap, and gaze up at the sky. She wondered what the younger woman was thinking. She was torn from her thoughts when a collection of sticks appeared before her. With a smile, she pushed a marshmallow onto each one. “When you finish toasting those, I’ll show you what to do with them.”
Cassidy assembled a pair of graham crackers, the melted marshmallow from Ryan’s stick, and a square of chocolate. Ryan gleefully ate her demonstration model as she passed out ingredients and watched several children near her make the s’more treat.
Kissing Ryan’s head, she leaned back and studied the canopy full of stars. “How about Twinkle, Twinkle7.” she suggested aloud. She heard a murmur of agreement and joined in the opening lines.
Across the fire she saw Brenna sitting alone, her mouth moving over the song extremely softly. She’s unsure of her voice, Cassidy realized. Listening carefully, she filtered out the other voices until only Brenna’s remained. Not sounding particularly trained, Brenna’s voice was nevertheless entrancing, suggesting the romance of a bygone era, smooth whiskey, and hazy smoke. Where’s there’s smoke, Cassidy thought, Brenna could certainly be the fire.
Dropping her chin, she admired the way the firelight caught the lighter browns in Brenna’s hair, making them appear more red. When she had held Brenna’s cheeks as they had kissed, her fingers had drifted through the soft strands for the very first time. Even now her fingertips tingled at the memory.
She remembered the first time she had touched Brenna’s skin, too, though she was just brushing away tears with the back of her knuckles. Brenna had been crying while talking with someone on the phone.
Her husband, her memory supplied helpfully.
For God’s sake, she scolded herself. The woman is married. She put a hand over her eyes. How in the hell could I lose sight of that? Uncovering her eyes, she looked at Brenna again. The refrain trailed off: Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are.
Cassidy had been certain that Brenna had invited their kiss. The escalation in their relationship had been Brenna’s idea, too, hadn’t it? She had given Cassidy the
slippers. There was the physical comfort when Ryan was lost. The invitation to camping had come even before that. She paused.
Is it possible that Brenna didn’t mean those things the way I took them? Her face heated at the possibility. / need to explain.
Just how do you plan to do that?
I have to let her know I didn’t mean it.
But you did mean it.
The sounds of giggling children faded as Brennas gaze met hers across the fire. Cassidy’s heart hammered in her ears.
The gathering broke up as happy, stuffed youngsters started to fall asleep in soft laps. Brenna saw Ryan curling into his mother’s body and suddenly imagined herself doing the same. You’re nuts. She blushed.
“Mom?”
Brenna turned to find James behind her. “Going to bed?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Yeah, you?”
She nodded. “After a bit.” She put her arm around his shoulder and squeezed, briefly tucking her head against his. “Did you have fun today?”
He nodded, catching her right hand lightly. “I saw you getting this wrapped up. What happened?”
“Burn from the lunch fire,” she said. “Doesn’t hurt anymore, though.”
“You should be more careful.”
That’s pretty good advice for more than just fires, she thought ruefully. She kissed his cheek and watched him walk away. She stood alone, an island in the sea of people moving toward their tents.
Another island emerged nearby. Thomas and Cassidy talked quietly, Ryan between them. The five-year-old did not seem happy to be spending the night in the boys’ tent. Brenna listened but resisted stepping in.
“I’ve got cookies,” Thomas offered, finally hitting on Ryan’s weakness. The boy’s eyes lit up; he looked less upset and more intrigued. “Cookies? For Fred, too?”
Brenna could see that Cassidy, also quiet, was grinning, too.
“Who?” Thomas looked at Cassidy, then back at Ryan.
“My monster, Fred,” the boy explained with an air of “you should know that”.
Brenna chuckled softly as Thomas recovered admirably. He stood, held out a hand, and assured Ryan seriously, “I have cookies for Fred, too. Come on.”
Ryan trailed after Thomas. Soon Brenna and Cassidy were the only ones not inside their tent. Brenna fidgeted with her bandaged hand. The taller woman strode toward her, blue eyes soft and full lips beckoning. Brenna lifted her hand. Whether the gesture was to ward off Cassidy or pull her close, she could not decide.
Cassidy decided for her, grasping the bandaged hand carefully. With a quiet, even voice, she said, “I’ll rewrap it for you, if you want.”
Want? Brenna inhaled. Heat from their connection seared her. What do I want? She nodded, unable to break free of the other woman’s gaze. “All right.”
At the tent, Brenna entered first and lit the lantern. They circled on their sleepŹing bags, and Cassidy reached for the first aid kit as Brenna unwrapped her hand.
The silence became oppressive. They both felt the need to fill it.
“I wanted to”
“Could I ask you” Cassidy shook her head. “You go first.” Examining the red
splotches on Brenna’s hand, she applied the cooling cream. She wrapped it loosely lo let the skin breathe.
Brenna swallowed, alternately watching her hand in Cassidy’s and the other woman’s bent head. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have… I misread”
Brenna’s voice was soft, afraid of the admission she was making but unwilling to have a lie between them. “No, you didn’t.”
Cassidy’s motion stopped. Their eyes met, and Brenna read the astonishment clearly. A cool collectedness emerged which Brenna recognized as Hanssen. “Don’t. I need Cassidy here right now,” she begged. “No confusion.”
Cassidy shook herself, and the composure washed away. “I…I’m sorry. 1…just…I don’t know what to say to you.”
“I don’t know what to say either,” Brenna admitted. “I didn’t plan this.”
“I’ll go.”
Brenna shook her head. “No, we just need to slow down.”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t want to lose our friendship.”
Cassidy exhaled sharply. “Thank God. I don’t think I could stand it if you made me leave.”
Brenna acknowledged that admission with a nod, though it was far more impassioned than she wanted to deal with at the moment. “I’ve never done anything like…that,” she said, her voice barely audible.
Brenna was looking down at her hands, fidgeting with them in her lap again. Cassidy recognized the habit from earlier in the day. This time she did not resist reaching out. She wanted to touch this woman. And Brenna wanted it, too. “Would you do it again?” Cassidy asked.
The faint smile on Cassidy’s lips drew Brenna’s gaze like a magnet. Before she could demur, Cassidy had covered her hands with one of her own, pinning them to the sleeping bag between them, and was leaning forward, closing the gap between their bodies. At the same moment gentle fingers caressed Brenna’s left cheek and into her hair, and Cassidy’s full lips touched hers.
The earlier kiss had shocked Brenna, reducing her to a gasping puddle of mixed sensations, but this one rocketed her past shock into a place of hypersensitivŹity. She noted the texture, the scent, and the adoration passing from those lips to hers. She freed her hands from beneath Cassidy’s and gave in to the need to touch in return. She touched the other woman’s pale cheek, brushing her thumb over the satin skin, holding her still, even as they both trembled.
When the kiss broke, Brenna’s head dropped forward. Cassidy’s lips trailed across her forehead. “I didn’t even use to like you,” Brenna admitted on a deep breath, inhaling the delicate lavender again.
Cassidy’s laugh, soft and lilting, washed over Brenna in absolution. The long fingers in Brenna’s hair caressed the nape of her neck, spreading a delicious tingling. Brenna lifted her head. Mesmerized by her own hand lifting to Cassidy’s cheek, she stroked the smooth planes. A woman’s face. This woman.
“You are…” She couldn’t find words. Cassidy turned her face into the touch and closed her eyes. A lump welled up in Brenna’s throat. “It scares me that I don’t understand where this is all coming from,” she managed.
“You snuck inside me, too.” Cassidy’s hand dragged slowly from the back of Brenna’s neck onto her cheek, over the arch of her nose and down over her lips, where the other woman’s breath warmed them.
Brenna leaned forward to seek another kiss from the soft mouth. Cassidy’s arms went around her shoulders, hugging her close. Gradually their bodies bore them down to the sleeping bags together, breasts pillowing against one another. When Cassidy’s knee unexpectedly slipped between Brenna’s thighs and made her groin clench, Brenna broke their kiss. “I…I can’t…”
One arm instantly moved away, though Cassidy’s other hand remained gentle on Brenna’s lower back. Soft fingertips covered Brenna’s lips. “Then I won’t.”
Brenna started to ease away, aware of her body’s reluctance to part. Cassidy did not force her, but the gentle strokes on her back convinced her to remain partially on the leaner, longer body. She rested her head in the curve of Cassidy’s shoulder, watching the pulse tick in her throat, lulled by the gradually slowing tempo of Cassidy’s heart under her ear.
She felt the body under her shift. Cassidy reached above their heads and lowŹered the lantern’s flame until they were enveloped in the night’s shadows.
Gingerly, Brenna moved her hand against Cassidy’s stomach, nearly jumping away when the muscles clenched in response. Cassidy’s arms held her in place, tightŹening briefly around her back. “I promise I won’t.” The whispered words sifted through the hair on top of Brenna’s head. The tension took some time to melt away, and Brenna was unsure what the morning would bring, but her eyes could stay open no longer. She slept.
Arms wrapped around Brenna, Cassidy stirred between wakefulness and sleep in a hazy, half-dream state. She heard a commotion outside. A glance at Brenna’s face made her pause. She brushed her fingers against the woman’s tousled hair, noticing up close the light freckles across Brenna’s cheeks. God, she is beautiful.
Reaching over her head, Cassidy turned up the lantern flame, their conversaŹtion echoing in her mind. She sat up and wrapped her arms around her bent knees, considering everything.
Okay. So the kiss was consensual. She sighed, rubbing her face briskly. What do we do now?
The noises outside came closer, and, as only a mother could, she recognized the plaintive voice of her own son whispering anxiously to someone else. With a sigh she set aside her own problems for the time being, opened the tent flap, and looked outŹside.
The filtered lantern light provided just enough illumination to identify her son being led along by James. “What’s up?” Looking up at the teen, she found herself suddenly transfixed by how much he looked like his mother from the shape of his chin to the slope of his nose.
“He won’t go to sleep.” James’ voice clearly displayed his agitation and his exhaustion.
“All right.” Cassidy held out a hand to her son. “Come on, buddy. You can sleep in here.”
“Thanks,” James said in relief.
She held her son still with one hand and stood, exiting the tent. She could see James was uncomfortable. “I’m really sorry he bothered you.”
“Well…I… It…” He stumbled to a halt. “When I couldn’t wake Thomas to deal with it, I figured I better get you.”
“Come to me anytime, all right?” she said. She accepted then that her feelings for Brenna were more than lust. Apparently they included insuring that her boys
were all right, too,
James frowned und shrugged. “Yeah. Whatever.”
Cassidy watched him walk back the way he had come. Turning to Ryan, she was startled to see Brenna leaning out of the tent. “I’m sorry I woke you,” she whispered.
“I…wasn’t really sleeping,” Brenna admitted. She didn’t elaborate, instead lookŹing in the general direction where her son had disappeared. “Trouble?” she asked, pulling the flap aside and gesturing both Cassidy and Ryan inside.
“Not unless you count sleeplessness.”
“Mine or yours?”
“Mine causing yours.”
“Ah.” Brenna turned to Ryan, who was curling up quickly against his mother’s right leg. “Too excited to sleep, hmm?”
“Mmm hmm.” He hugged his monster tighter.
“Well, why don’t you lie down right here?” Brenna smoothed open her sleeping bag and patted the interior. “Come on.”
He looked from Brenna up to his mother, who nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll be right here.” He lay down on his back as Brenna pulled the top layer up, covering his face. He laughed and pushed it away.
Brenna chuckled. Cassidy realized it was intentional, the sleeping bag becomŹing the mechanism for an impromptu game of peek-a-boo. Ryan was too old for it, but it clearly it amused him that this woman would play with him. Cassidy realized that’s what Brenna had intended. Brenna was feeling the need to connect with her son just as she had tried to connect with Brenna’s.
“You’re fun,” Ryan finally declared, rolling onto his side, clearly ready to try sleeping again.
“Thank you,” Brenna acknowledged seriously, smoothing her hand over his pajama-covered shoulder. When his eyes had closed, she looked to Cassidy, who disŹplayed an adoring smile. “It’s instinct,” she protested quietly.
“I know. I did the same with yours a minute ago.” Cassidy inhaled slowly. “This just got really complicated, didn’t it?”
Brenna sighed. “Cassidy, I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Uncertain whether or not she should touch Cassidy, she moved away from Ryan, who was already breathing evenly, and closer to Cassidy, who remained stiff. Not wanting to be overheard but unwilling to wait until morning to address what was between them, she whispered, “I can’t stop what I’m feeling. Despite everything against it, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to stop,” she added ruefully.
Her tone set off an alarm in Cassidy’s head. Bluntly she said, “You told me about those fans talking about getting Hanssen and Jakes together, and I could tell it bothered you.”
Brenna sighed. “I’m not against gays or even playing a gay. I never expected to be attracted to you, but I can’t get involved with you.” She swallowed hard as she looked away from the woman beside her. “Will and I… It didn’t work,” she admitted b
luntly with a sigh. “That’s probably part of why he’s such a mess.”
That Brenna had had an affair with Will Chapman surprised Cassidy so much that she almost missed Brenna’s other admission.
“Even then I was at least single, divorced. I’m married now.”
“You said it yourself, these feelings are not going away.” She put her hands over Brenna’s, which were resting on the other woman’s stomach. The muscles quivered at her touch, and Cassidy smiled, knowing she felt the same. “We may not know where exactly they came from, but shouldn’t we see where they go?”
“I’m married.” Brenna bit the inside of her cheek. “I don’t have another answer I can give you.”
“Don’t you?” Cassidy brushed her lips over Brenna’s and felt the brief response from trembling lips before Brenna stopped herself and pulled back. Tears pooled in the corners of blue eyes turning them a sad gray, and Cassidy brushed at them.
“What a mess,” Brenna murmured. Unconsciously she dropped her head to Cassidy’s shoulder nestling closer for comfort, and then suddenly she realized what she was doing and jerked away.
Cassidy lifted Brenna’s chin, guiding the mulberry-shaded lips to hers, offering the solace Brenna had been unwilling to seek.
“I can’t have an affair,” Brenna said in a small voice when they parted.
Exhaling across her lips, Cassidy whispered, “I don’t want an affair either.”
Tears streaming down her cheeks, Brenna accepted the kisses. Cassidy moaned against her mouth, and Brenna gasped as her nipples tightened, her groin pulsed, and her heart pounded hard and fast. She laid her hands against Cassidy’s shoulders, drawing them up along the skin of the other woman’s throat and into the fall of straight blond hair, never once breaking the contact of their lips. Finally they parted, panting softly.
Cassidy pulled Brenna into her body, hugging the other woman securely. “I remember telling myself when I first walked on set that I was going to make you like me.” She nuzzled Brenna’s hair and inhaled. “Honestly, this wasn’t what I had in mind.”
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