“Hi, Nana.” He immediately becomes fascinated with her earrings, poking at them as they swing and give off little sparkles of light.
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Nice to see you.” I really want to jump right in with, “Why the hell are you here?” but I suppose that would be rude.
Mom’s attention flicks from place to place in the room, taking everything in—the open boxes, scattered packing materials, things lying about in disorderly piles. I can’t help but read judgment into her examination. I bite my lip to keep from responding, though.
“This is your new place?” she asks, her tone neutral.
“For now. Jesse’s looking into having repairs done to his house, or we might decide on someplace new to live.”
“I see.”
I wait, because I know sooner or later she’ll get to her point.
“Is he here?” she asks.
“No—he’s at work. I have today off, so Christopher and I are just hanging out.” I smile, but the tension is so thick I can feel it pressing on me.
“So you two are okay after the fire?” Dad asks.
“We’re fine. It could have been a lot worse.”
Mom makes a clucking noise with her tongue and sets Christopher down. He holds both arms out straight and makes airplane noises as he runs back to his room. I smile at him. He’s adjusting just fine.
I turn back toward the box I was emptying. “Can I get you guys a drink or something?”
“No, I think we’re fine,” Mom says. She moves toward an armchair and perches on the edge of it, hands folded primly between her knees.
“I could use a glass of water,” Dad announces, heading toward the kitchen. “Don’t worry—I can get it myself.”
I take him at his word and take a seat in the living room, grabbing a box so I can keep going through things while Mom and Dad talk, or whatever they’re here to do. After a bit, Dad returns carrying a glass of ice water and the printed-out copy of my first semester schedule for vet school.
I’m immediately swamped with dread. Why did he bring that in with him?
“This looks like quite a course load,” he says casually.
On guard, I answer, “It’s what the guidance counselor suggested for the first semester, to get as many prerequisites out of the way as possible.”
He shakes his head slowly. “There’s no way you can carry this kind of a schedule and still work and take care of your son. You realize that, don’t you?”
I’m silent a moment, my throat going thick. I was just having the same thoughts when I went over the classes, writing them all into an online calendar and trying to work out what my day-to-day will look like once classes start. How does he always know exactly where to hit where it’ll hurt the most?
“I’ll probably take a lighter load, then just take longer to finish. I’ve waited this long—it’s not like I need to hurry.” I try to laugh it off, but he’s just watching me steadily, with that even, neutral look that tells me he’s about to drop an anvil on my head.
“Has it occurred to you that if you hadn’t been out…doing whatever you were doing, that your boyfriend”—he says the word “boyfriend” like it’s filthy—“might not have lost his home?”
My mouth drops open. Is he even listening to himself? “Are you nuts?” His eyebrows wing up, but I don’t care. “I was on my way home from work. If I’d been there, or if I’d been home fifteen minutes sooner, Christopher and I could be dead right now.”
“You could have called the fire department. They could have been there earlier, instead of having to rely on the alarms in his house.” How Dad knows this much about what happened that night is beyond me. Probably one of his connections at the local paper or the police department.
“It wasn’t just a run-of-the-mill kitchen fire, Dad. It was arson. The man who did it had gasoline tanks in his truck. It moved very fast, and my being home would have just endangered me. And Christopher.”
Mom makes a sniffing sound. “It seems to me that just being around that man endangers you.”
“What?” The conversation isn’t even making sense anymore. “What are you talking about?”
“If you hadn’t been in his house—if you’d been in your own apartment where you belong—you wouldn’t have been almost caught in the fire in the first place.”
“It wasn’t his fault, Mother.”
“He must have done something to have upset that man.”
“That man is certifiably insane,” I snap back. “He’s going to prison. None of that is Jesse’s fault.”
“I just don’t think Jesse is an appropriate choice for you, Madison.” Mom’s tone has gone arch and judgmental, and it’s finally clear to me what’s going on.
I hear the words coming out of my mouth before I realize I’m going to say them. “Who would be an appropriate choice for me?”
“I don’t know.” She makes an offhanded gesture. “Someone else.”
“Someone a bit better off,” Dad offers.
I just stare at them both. “You mean nobody, don’t you? Nobody’s going to be good enough to make you happy.”
“That’s not what’s going on at all, Madison. We just want what’s best for you.”
“As long as you get to decide that.”
“Well, Madison,” Dad says in a matter-of-fact tone, “it is our money.”
My face feels numb. “So you’re not going to cosign on my student loan? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“No, Madison. We’re trying to explain that you need to take more responsibilities for your life choices.”
“But part of that is that you’re not going to sign for the loan. Right?” I know that’s the bottom line. I wish they’d just say it and get it over with.
Mother sighs, as if I’m a recalcitrant child who’s having difficulty understanding plain English. “No, Madison. We’re not.”
I push to my feet. “Then we have nothing else to talk about. Please leave.”
Mom stares at me. “I’m sorry?”
“No, you’re not. You’re not sorry at all. You were just looking for any excuse to keep your money. That’s all this is to you. All that about me finding a good relationship—that was all bullshit, wasn’t it?”
“You need to watch your language, Madison.” Dad’s offense is so haughty as to be laughable.
“Fuck that,” I snap back. “Go. Both of you, just go.” It’s all I can do to hold back the tears.
They both rise to their feet and move stiffly toward the door. Without another word, they leave, closing the door behind them with a snick.
The tears finally come. I sag back into a chair at the table and let them. The schedule is still there, but I can’t read it anymore through the blur. It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to happen, anyway. I can’t afford it, and obviously my parents don’t care enough to make it possible.
There’s a soft rustle, then Thor leaps into my lap. He rubs his head under one hand, purring, and I stroke him as he curls up against me.
I meet Jesse later for dinner, Christopher in tow. I’m frazzled—I’ve spent the afternoon unpacking and fuming, then brooding, about the conversation with my parents.
By the time we get to the restaurant, I’m exhausted. Not so much from unpacking and moving furniture, but from the fuming and brooding. It’s a different kind of exhausted.
Christopher is holding my hand, and Jesse bends to pick him up as soon as he spots us outside. “Hey, little dude,” he says, and Christopher grins. He loves being called “little dude.” I don’t know why. Maybe just because he likes Jesse. It makes me smile to see the two of them together. They genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Jesse glances at me, a frown dancing across his forehead. “You okay, Mads?” He leans over to kiss me.
“I’m fine.”
“You look tired.”
I nod. I should have known I couldn’t hide it from him. He knows me too well by now. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Okay.
”
We chat about other things while we wait for a table. This dinner is meant to be a celebration of sorts—that we’ve moved in together, and that I’ll be starting school in the spring semester. I’m still trying to figure out how to tell Jesse that second part isn’t going to happen.
Finally, when we have our food and Christopher is focused on making his dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets fight with each other, Jesse asks the question.
“So. What’s up?”
I’m silent a moment, pushing steak fries around in a puddle of ketchup. “My parents dropped by earlier.”
He lays his fork down. Even he knows an unexpected visit from my parents can’t possibly be good news.
“They’re not going to cosign on the loan for me.”
His eyebrows go up. “You’re kidding me.”
“Sadly, no, I’m not.” I pause for a second as the tears try to crawl up my nose again. “Because of the thing with the fire, they think it’s too dangerous for me to be involved with you, so apparently you’re not an appropriate boyfriend after all. So no money.”
“That is the biggest piece of bullsh—” He breaks off mid-word, glancing sidelong at Christopher. Christopher’s T. rex has shredded his stegosaurus, and Christopher himself is making loud, enthusiastic growling-dinosaur noises as he eats the stego-bits. Dipped in honey mustard, of course.
“I know.” I take a long, steadying breath, setting down my fork and letting my hands fall into my lap. I feel so helpless. Broken, even. I can’t believe I actually thought this was all going to work out. “I don’t think they ever had any intention of helping me.” My voice is all kinds of bitter. “They were just looking for an excuse, and you losing your house proved convenient.”
“Well, I’m glad it was convenient for somebody.”
“I didn’t mean—”
He waves off my apology at the way I phrased that. “No, I know you didn’t. I just don’t get any of it. Your parents are jerks.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “There was no point to any of it. None of what I did was going to make any difference to them. So I dragged you into this thing for no reason.”
He leans forward suddenly, his expression as sincere as I’ve ever seen it. “No reason? Honey…if they hadn’t pulled that bullshit, we wouldn’t be together right now.”
“Booshit,” says Christopher, and bites the head off a triceratops. I just roll my eyes. Jesse has something to say, and I don’t want to interrupt him by reminding him to watch his language.
“Sorry,” Jesse says, but it doesn’t sidetrack him long. “Look. I know this started out as a playact thing to mess with your parents, but it’s not that anymore. I love you, Madison. And if going through all that nonsense was what it took to find you, then, damn it, it was worth it.”
Tears are pricking at my eyes again, but for different reasons this time. Good reasons. I lay my hands on the table, and he tangles his fingers in mine.
“I love you, too, Jesse.”
“So we’ll get through this together.” He squeezes my hands. “I’ll cosign for you.”
My mouth drops open. I can’t speak for a few seconds, then finally I manage, “Jesse, are you sure?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Of course. I was your fake boyfriend, and now I’m your real boyfriend, and I figure the least a real boyfriend can do is help the woman he loves achieve her lifelong dream. Am I right?”
I nod, still gob smacked. He really means it.
“Jesse, I don’t know what to say.”
He grins. “Just say, ‘Thank you very much, best boyfriend ever in the history of boyfriends.’ Then say, ‘I’m calling my sister to see if she can watch the kid so we can make a lot of noise in the apartment tonight.’”
This time I look sidelong at Christopher, but he’s still involved in his dinner. This time he’s building fences out of fries to corral his nuggets. He only has four left, but apparently it’s important that they be confined to one side of the plate for the safety of humanity.
I lean toward Jesse. “Thank you very much, best boyfriend ever in the history of boyfriends. I’m calling my sister to see if she can watch the kid so we can make a lot of noise in the apartment tonight.” Then I push up from my seat a little so I can reach over the table to kiss him.
“Ew,” says Christopher, and makes gross kissing noises. “Ew, nasty.”
I laugh. “Eat your dinosaurs,” I tell him, and he eats his dinosaurs, grinning.
Mel tells me she’s happy to take Christopher for the night. Actually, what she says is, “Ooooh, you need to tie that hot-ass fireman boyfriend of yours to a chair and have your nasty, filthy way with him? I’m happy to do my part.” I don’t tell Jesse that, though. He doesn’t need to know my sister thinks he’s a hot-ass. Also, I probably won’t be tying him to a chair, though the thought has its appeal.
We drop Christopher off on the way home from dinner. Jesse has gone quiet, and I wonder what’s bugging him. When we walk in the front door, he finally says, “I’m thinking since we’re probably going to be looking for a new place to live, anyway, what about going closer in toward the college?”
I blink. Is that what he’s been thinking about for the whole time in the car? “It’s not that bad a commute from here.”
“I know, but it would save you a lot of time, and if there’s one thing you’re going to need once you start school, it’s time.”
He has a point. However… “What about your work?”
He shrugs. “It shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, I’ll work something out. I can find another job—people always need firefighters.”
“But you’re set to be the fire chief.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll win the election or I won’t. If I do, then if we need to move, like I said—we’ll work something out. That’ll be up to me to sort out with the department.”
I still can’t quite get my head around what he’s saying. “I can’t ask you to do that, Jesse.”
“You didn’t ask me,” he says. “I offered.” He reaches out, drawing me against him. “We’re in this together, okay?”
I can’t help but think how much of a change this is. From how Christopher’s father treated me. From how my parents treat me. It’s almost more than I can get my head around.
Jesse seems to understand. “Maddy—this is how it’s supposed to be, all right? We support each other. This is important to you, so I make sacrifices.”
“And then someday I help you out.”
“Sure. If it comes up. If not, then it’s just something I did for you. Because I love you.” Again, slowly and firmly, he says, “That’s the way it’s supposed to work.”
He kisses me. At first it feels like encouragement, or reassurance. Then the kiss goes deeper, and he opens my mouth with his. When he draws back, he strokes my hair back from my face. “I love you,” he says again. His lips brush softly over mine.
“I love you, too.” I tip my head up for another kiss, and then suddenly he dips and lifts me into his arms. I laugh. “What are you doing?”
His grin is wicked. “I’m taking us back where all this started.” And he heads for the bathroom.
“Oh my God.” I wiggle in his arms, not really trying to get away, but acting like I am. His grip tightens.
“Hold still, woman. I am being a Neanderthal and hauling you into your shower.”
“You were hauling me out of the shower, if you’ll remember.”
“That’s okay. We’re doing a backward flashback.”
“All right. I’m not sure how that works. Shouldn’t you be walking backward?”
He abruptly swings around and starts doing exactly that, walking backward into the bathroom. I grab reflexively at him, looping my arms around his neck. “Look out for the”—his ass hits the door—“door,” I finish.
“Ow,” he says. “I didn’t really want to start this off with a doorknob up my ass.”
I reach around him and open the door so he can carry me through. He
sets me on my feet and starts kissing me again before I can add any additional commentary. He’s pretty focused, his tongue sliding into my mouth to explore everything it can reach. I go up onto my tiptoes, trying to get as close to him as I can. I still can’t believe this man wants me. Loves me. How lucky am I that he was the one to come haul me naked out of my shower that night?
The thought makes me laugh again. “What?” Jesse asks, but I shake my head.
“Nothing. I’m just thinking how crazy it is you want to see me naked again.”
“I want to see you naked every day. Maybe I’ll just ban clothes from the house completely. What do you think of that?”
“I think that would make it hard to go grocery shopping.”
“This is a fair point.” He makes a show of mulling it over. “Maybe just no clothes on Sundays.” His hands slide under the edge of my shirt, and he pulls it up and off me. Bending, he kisses the tops of both my breasts where they plump out over my bra. “You are the softest thing in the world.”
I just hum in response; he’s quickly taking me to that place where I can’t really make words. It’s the best place. My favorite place.
Abruptly, though, he steps back. “Now,” he says, and turns toward the bathtub. “To make this authentic, we need to get the shower going.”
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am. I’m a reenactor at heart. Except instead of reenacting the Civil War, I focus on my sexual conquests.”
“I see.” I cross my arms over my chest, giving him a look, but I can’t even keep up a pretense of annoyance for very long. I’m too wound up, too ready for him to take me into that shower and fuck me silly.
That neediness doesn’t abate as he bends to turn on the water. Damn, his ass looks good in those jeans. Bitable, really. I just watch, wondering what he’d do if I took a step over there and smacked that taut curve. When he looks up, I can tell my thoughts must be showing on my face.
“You look like you’re up to something evil,” he says. “I think you should tell me all about it.”
“I was just thinking about slapping your ass.”
“Oh, I see.” He sets his hands on my waist. “I think you should give in to those impulses when they pop up.”
Hot as Sin (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 40
