by Kay Hooper
No, Hailey being the killer just didn’t track.
As for this birth record ...
Making up his mind abruptly, Ethan folded the report and tucked it into a pocket, then got his gun out of the desk drawer and clipped it to his belt. He shrugged into his jacket and went out into the bullpen.
With several patrols out, there were only a couple of deputies in the big room, and one of them was on the phone. Ethan stopped beside the other one, who was sitting on the corner of a desk and contemplating a dartboard hanging on the wall nearby.
“Hey, Kyle. Where’s Lauren?”
“Went home to take a shower. We aren’t officially on the clock, but—”
“Yeah, I know.” Ethan looked over to see that Steve Critcher was still on the phone, then said to Kyle, “Interested in taking a little ride with me?”
“Sure. Where we going?”
“Out to Matt Thorton’s place. There’s something I need to ask him about.”
“You were afraid,” Max said. “That was part of it, wasn’t it? Part of why you kept the door closed as much as you possibly could all these years. Part of why you shut me out so fiercely when you came back here. I could hardly get through at all.”
“I was afraid,” Nell admitted, the lamplit peace of the bedroom allowing her to say what she might have resisted saying anywhere else.
“Because of how I reacted the first time.”
She hesitated, then sighed. “I didn’t blame you for that. What happened shocked me, so I knew it would be hard for you to deal with it. You were ... a little freaked.”
“A lot freaked. But fascinated too, Nell, you had to know that.”
“I knew. I also knew it made you wary. Made you wonder if you would lose all your privacy. People need a quiet place inside them where they can be alone, and you were afraid you wouldn’t have that anymore.”
“That’s why you shut the door so quickly, almost as soon as ... as soon as we could both think again.”
“It wasn’t just your reaction I was afraid of, Max. The ... power of it scared me. I’d never been close to anyone, really, and then to so suddenly find myself that close to you ...”
Max shifted his weight so he could look down at her. “And now? The door is almost closed again. Not slammed this time, just eased to during the last few minutes.”
Nell didn’t have to share his thoughts to know he was disturbed by that. “Max ...” She shook her head. “I’m not a telepath, and neither are you. This connection we have, this doorway—I don’t think it’s supposed to be wide open all the time.”
“Is that a rule?”
“Don’t get angry. I’m not trying to shut you out because I don’t want you. You know better than that, we both do. But I ... there are things I don’t want to share with you, things I don’t want you to see.”
“The nightmares. The visions.”
She managed a smile. “No reason why both of us should risk a short-circuited brain.”
“So I can share the pleasure, the joy, but never the pain or fear?”
Nell reached up to touch his face, her fingertips tracing the straight line of his grim mouth, trying vainly to soften it. “Would that be so bad?”
Max caught her hand and held it. “I love you, Nell. I’ve loved you since you were sixteen years old. And in all the years after you ran away, the only thing that made being without you even bearable was that tiny, distant connection with you. Sometimes I couldn’t sense anything for months on end, but then out of nowhere I’d know how you were feeling, if you were upset or happy or worried—or afraid. I’d catch a glimpse of a nightmare or wake from one of my own dreams certain I had felt you lying beside me, heard you breathing.”
“I know,” she murmured. “I felt that too.”
“And you felt it whenever I’d start thinking about trying to find you. Because almost as soon as I’d think about it, I’d know you didn’t want me to. That’s all, just that strong negative, that refusal. Stay away. Sometimes I thought I was just imagining it, yet part of me knew I wasn’t.”
“Max—”
“You could warn me off, deliberately, but you couldn’t tell me why you’d run away, or where you were, or even if you were building a happy life for yourself. And I couldn’t tell, not from the little that got through. But I knew there were hurts and worries and fears. And I knew you were alone.”
“Sometimes it’s best to be alone.”
Max nodded as if he’d expected the answer. “That’s really it, isn’t it, Nell? You have to be alone, have to keep that door between us closed as much as you can, because you’re convinced the Gallagher curse really is a curse, something unnatural, dark, even evil. You’re convinced that sooner or later it will drive you insane.”
Nell drew a breath and released it on a little laugh that held no amusement whatsoever. “Why should I be the exception? It drove the rest of them mad, so why not me?”
Quietly, Max said, “I know the stories. After you left, I did a little research. So I know most of the Gallaghers who claimed psychic abilities ended up ... under medical supervision.”
“You mean ended up in padded cells screaming their guts out,” she corrected. “All of them did, as a matter of fact. Sooner or later. Some, like my grandmother, lived to old age with their wits reasonably intact, so they were only called eccentric by their families and neighbors. I understand she was fairly rational right up until the last few months of her life. By then she had to be restrained.”
“Nell—”
“She was a Gallagher cousin, you know, as well as marrying my grandfather. Her father died in a lunatic asylum. Going back two hundred years, long before they settled in Silence, the Gallaghers lost at least one in every generation to stark raving insanity. And they all had the curse. Of course, they didn’t call it that back then. They actually called it a gift. Even a blessing. In whispers. ‘She has a gift.’ ‘He has the sight.’ And it drove every one of them out of their minds.”
“It won’t happen to you.”
“No? How do you know that, Max, when nobody else can offer me a guarantee? I told you once that not even the doctors can be sure what’s going on inside my brain, but most of them agree that all that electrical energy they can see on their various tests doesn’t really bode well.”
“I know it won’t happen to you because I’ve been inside that brain of yours, Nell.” His hands slid underneath her shoulders, holding her as if he feared she would try to escape him. “I’ve felt the strength and power of it, and I’ve felt that cool, confident reason at the center of your mind. Christ, you’re the sanest person I know.”
“Maybe now. But what happens later? Do you realize that there isn’t even a name for what I can do? I see into time. Literally into time.”
“Places have memories, that’s what you said.”
“Yes. And tapping into those memories at least has a rational explanation, one I partly understand and can accept as reasonable. But I can’t explain how I can see something that hasn’t happened yet. And I can’t explain how I could find myself in Ethan’s home watching him have an argument with Hailey that took place more than a year ago. And I sure as hell can’t explain how I was able to be there, actually there in the past. She saw me, Max. Hailey turned around and saw me there.”
His arms tightened around her. “You’re sure?”
“Positive. I was there, physically there in the past.” She forced a laugh. “Still think I’m not losing my mind?”
“Is that why you said ... When you came out of that vision, the first word you said was evil. Was that why? Because your abilities worked in a way they never had before and you were convinced it was something evil?”
“I don’t remember saying that, but probably. It’s what I feel. What I’ve always felt. And it’s stronger now, so much stronger. Max ... you can’t deny you’ve felt it too. That darkness in me. The blackouts coming more often and more suddenly. I think ... I’m afraid it’s just the beginning of the end.”
“I don’t accept that.” He was tempted to repeat what Galen had told him about Bishop’s private concerns, that Nell’s blackouts could be at least partly due to something she was unconsciously repressing, but he was afraid it would do more harm than good. The human brain tended to repress information or experiences only for very good reasons, and the only thing he was sure of was that forcing her to face anything like that before she was ready to was a very bad idea.
“I know you don’t accept it.” Nell smiled faintly. “Hey, I hope you’re right.”
“But just in case I’m not, the door stays closed.”
“Most of the time.” Her arms slipped up around his neck. “But not all the time. You asked me earlier today if I could have settled for something ordinary, something that wasn’t half of what we had together. I couldn’t. Max, this is the one good thing that ever came of the Gallagher curse. And whatever the price is, I’ll pay it.”
“Jesus, Nell—”
She kissed him, inviting him closer. Closer. Opening the door.
Galen had long ago perfected the knack of napping like a cat, all his senses alert, at least half his mind completely aware of his surroundings even as the other half rested. A twenty-minute nap now and then, and he could function at top efficiency for weeks. He could also respond instantly to a threat or any summons.
Which is why when a call came though his cell phone, set to vibrate rather than ring, he was answering it while his eyes were still opening.
“Yeah.”
“Anything to report?”
“Nothing to speak of. I told you what went on at the powwow after it broke up. Byers and Shelby Theriot are long gone, probably back at her place.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. They had that look.”
“What about Nell and Max Tanner?”
“Well, he hasn’t left yet.” Galen checked his watch. “After midnight. I’d say he’s there for the duration. There are still lights on downstairs, but the lamp in Nell’s bedroom went out a few minutes ago.”
“You don’t see or hear anything that troubles you?”
“Looks and sounds like a peaceful night. I hear bull-frogs and crickets, even an owl. Not a thing suspicious stirring out here in these woods. And since our killer struck so recently, I’d say it would take something seriously threatening to set him off again so soon.”
“So you’re feeling unnecessary as a watchdog?”
“Pretty much. Tanner’s hardly let her out of his sight, and I’d back him no matter what the fight was about, so she’s in good hands.”
“Then maybe this would be a good time for us to meet.”
“Isn’t that taking a chance?”
“Yeah, but I’ve got a few things I want to show you, and I can’t stay out of touch too long. Better if we meet up closer to town.”
“And we’re less visible in the middle of the night. Okay. Say where.”
SUNDAY, MARCH 26
Doing his meditation thing was a bit harder than usual, not because he was particularly tired but because he was keyed up. So he had to calm himself first, really meditate and get centered and balanced.
That was all bullshit, of course.
What he really had to do was take that leap of faith that was required whenever one left one’s body. He had wondered idly more than once what would happen if somebody found his body while he was out of it. He’d used a camcorder to tape himself once, curious to see what his body looked like when he was gone, and had been disappointed to find that he’d merely looked like he was dozing.
But what if somebody tried to wake him? Would that jerk him back into his body? Or would touching him at all break the fragile connection that kept him tied to that husk of muscle and bone?
He hadn’t yet put it to the test, choosing his meditation times carefully to make very sure no one would disturb his body in any way. That had limited him severely, and he hadn’t been able to visit Nell as often as he’d wanted to.
So he had made every visit count.
It was really late by the time he visited her on Saturday night. Actually, it was Sunday morning, well after midnight. He got to her quickly, as usual, going straight to her bedroom.
She wasn’t alone.
They were lying close together, almost tangled together, under the covers but obviously naked, and it caused him the most profound shock to see them that way.
To see her that way.
Ruined.
Ruined just like Hailey.
He wanted to cry, to scream and destroy things in his grief. How could she do this to him? How could she give herself to this ... this cowboy with cow shit under his fingernails?
And this was just the beginning, he knew that. There’d be another man and another and another, all of them using her, dumping their seed in her and then moving on to the next broken spirit, the next spoiled angel....
“Nell,” he whispered, agonized. “How could you? I didn’t want to have to punish you. I never wanted that. Never.” He drifted closer, knowing that tears would have been flowing down his face if he’d had his body with him.
“Look what you’re making me do....”
It wasn’t exactly a nightmare, but Nell didn’t like this dream.
She dreamed she was in a very dark place, and someone was whispering to her, telling her to do something. She wanted to move closer to Max, to feel his arms tighten around her even in sleep, holding her safely, but the whisper nagged at her.
And worried her. An instinct deeper than thought told her that Max was in danger, that she had to keep the door between their minds and souls firmly closed and needed to move away from him physically.
She hated that. Hated leaving him. But she had to.
She dreamed that she gently eased away from him and slipped from the bed. There was moonlight now, streaming in the windows, so she could easily see to find her clothes.
The whisper urged her on, and she obeyed it, dressing warmly, finding shoes and a jacket. In utter silence, she got ready to go out, and then left the bedroom.
There were lights on downstairs, which vaguely surprised her. Why hadn’t anyone turned them off? Not that it really mattered, but still.
She unlocked the front door and opened it, went outside onto the porch. Keys. She didn’t have her car keys. No matter. The voice wanted her to walk. It wasn’t very far, through the woods, that’s what the whisper said.
Nell dreamed it was a cold night for March, but the moon was almost full, and it was easy for her to see her way. As she walked, the whisper explained carefully where she was to go, made her repeat it, then urged her a final time to hurry.
She walked faster.
Not far, that’s what he’d said. Not far at all, and when she got there she’d be happy because an old friend would be waiting for her.
An old friend.
For the first time, her steps faltered. An old friend. But—
Nell.
But she didn’t have any old friends in Silence, not really. Did she? She’d run away from them all a long time ago.
Nell, snap out of it.
She was even less happy about the dream now, because her feet were cold and this voice wasn’t a soothing whisper, it was sharp and insistent and somehow grated on her nerves.
Nell!
She was about to yell back at the voice to leave her the hell alone when a disconcertingly solid slap literally stopped her in her tracks.
And woke her up.
She stood there, bewildered, finding herself in a moonlit clearing in the woods with no idea how she had gotten there. Her hand lifted to her stinging cheek automatically, and a second shock went through her when she saw who had delivered the slap.
“The traditional remedies,” Hailey said rather grimly, “always work best.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jesus, did you have to hit me so hard?” Nell demanded, rubbing her still-stinging cheek.
“You’re lucky I didn’t knock you on your ass. Yelling at
you sure as hell wasn’t working. Boy, when you’re out, you’re out.”
“Well, you still didn’t have to—” Nell cut herself off and stared at her sister. “What are you doing here? Have you been in Silence the whole time?”
“Just since you got back.”
“So—you didn’t kill those men?”
“Of course I didn’t kill them. Why on earth would I have done that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because they treated you like shit?”
Hailey laughed. “I know it’s not everybody’s cup of tea, baby sister, but I liked the way they treated me.”
“Yuck.”
“That’s not the best word for it.”
“Hailey—”
“Look, we don’t have a lot of time for talking here. Come on.”
Nell followed as Hailey led the way through the woods, realizing only belatedly that they were continuing to move away from Gallagher land. “Wait a minute, where are we going? For that matter, what the hell am I doing out in the woods in the middle of the night?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Well ... there was a dream. I thought it was a dream. You mean I walked in my sleep?”
“In a manner of speaking. Think about it. Try to remember the dream.”
Nell tried, still automatically following her sister. Her mind was oddly fuzzy, and it felt sort of like pushing her way through a thick fog looking for something. But something in Hailey’s voice had been too urgent to ignore, so Nell pushed her way through the fog.
She remembered ... being in bed with Max, both of them falling asleep after incredible lovemaking. So much still unsettled between them, yet so much more understood and accepted. She remembered ... peaceful sleep that had gradually filled with an uncomfortable, frightening darkness. And then ... had there been a whisper?
An oddly familiar whisper, telling her to do something?
Her head throbbed suddenly, and she reached up to rub her temple. “Oh, hell. Not another blackout, not now.”
“He doesn’t want you to think about him when you’re awake. Thinking about him gets you closer to what he doesn’t want you to remember.”
