She shot over her shoulder, “Besides, men bounce back from these things. If the situation were reversed, you would never.”
She had a point. Society was prejudiced, and Lord Cameron would come around well enough. He had not lacked for partners that evening, and he certainly did not seem put out by the rumors—if he knew of them. He was going to be fine.
I took a deep breath. I was going to be fine.
Chapter Thirty-Four
My carriage rolled to a stop and I sidled up to the window. We were not directly in front of Aunt Georgina’s house. My coachman hopped down and helped me step from the carriage. I walked the length of the street, halting before the empty carriage that sat unmoving before Aunt Georgina’s door. Perhaps this was not the best time to call if she had a visitor already. Indecision halted me on the steps when her front door opened and Freya stepped out. Her gaze trained on the ground, she did not notice me until I stepped in her path.
“Oh!” she said, jumping back in surprise.
“What are you doing here?” I hated my accusatory tone, yet I couldn't help but feel hurt that she would visit my aunt, whom she hardly knew, but refused my visits to her home.
Guilt pulled her eyebrows together. She glanced away. “I came to see Coco.”
I waited for more but her lips remained in a tight line. I stepped closer. “Freya, what is happening?”
“Nothing,” she said, too quickly, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. She was lying.
Her fingers fidgeted as she toyed with her reticule, her gaze refusing to meet mine.
I moved out of her path and hurt sliced through me when she dipped a curtsey and sidestepped me, climbing into her carriage with unladylike speed. Since when had our relationship stooped to such a level?
Her carriage rolled away as I mounted the steps. I was led into a drawing room bustling with chatter and felt minimal joy at the delight on Aunt Georgina’s face when I was announced. I tried on a smile and approached her, glad to see Coco comfortably dozing near her feet.
“What a treat,” she said while I leaned forward to kiss her cheek. A few women I recognized faintly were chatting on the sofa, their caps bouncing along with nodding heads as they gossiped. I was an outsider. Taking a seat opposite them I allowed Aunt Georgina to introduce us and then spent the better part of a quarter hour listening to them discuss their daughters and nieces and rank them in terms of success in the marriage market. I held my tongue, wondering briefly if Aunt Georgina would have jumped in and spoken about me had I not been present.
When the women took their leave, I moved closer to Aunt Georgina’s chair and settled in at the end of the sofa. Coco awoke in the bustle of goodbyes and her ears instantly perked up when she saw me, trotting over to climb onto my lap.
“Are you being a good girl?” I asked, scratching behind her ears. She tilted her head softly and my heart ached. I had really been missing her superb ability to warm my feet at night.
Aunt Georgina settled back in her chair, arranging her skirts around her toes. “She’s splendid. I hadn’t thought I’d enjoy a dog.”
“She makes for a nice companion.”
“Aye.” Aunt Georgina had a decided twinkle in her eye. “But companionship is not something I lack.”
“Clearly,” I said through a grin. Nonetheless, I was grateful she had a bond with Coco. We discussed the article from this morning’s paper which described my popularity at Almack’s and the brawl fought at the door when Lord Fischer tried to force his way in.
“It is not too terrible,” Aunt Georgina said thoughtfully. “Though it almost feels as though they are trying to make you sound like a tart, and not simply a highly desired dance partner.”
“I believe that is absolutely what they are intending,” I said with feeling. This was the very reason I had chosen to come to Aunt Georgina’s today. I needed sound advice. “Mother believes I must ignore the gossip and prove my good character through my actions.”
“Your mother wouldn’t know the right side of a social situation if it hit her in the face.”
My eyebrows shot up. I had no idea Aunt Georgina felt so strongly. Apparently, the disdain between the women was mutual.
“When gossip turns hostile there is not much that can be done to undo the damage. Regardless of the truth, people believe what they want to believe. And they cannot unhear the nasty things people say” —she pointed to the basket of newspapers in the corner— “or write.”
I slumped, my face falling into my hands. “How do these people live with themselves?”
“Easily.”
I peeked between my fingers. Aunt Georgina looked smug. She would, I suppose. She was a gossiping old biddy herself.
“What should I do then?”
She speared me with a glare. “Your name is not so muddied, yet. You will recover. Do not give credence to the naysayers and stay clear from trouble. I have a feeling the papers will change their tunes soon enough.”
“Oh?” I asked, my eyebrow raised in question.
Her smile was cat-like. “I cannot give away my secrets, dear. Now run along. I do not want your mother coming after you.”
THE FOOTMAN ANNOUNCED my carriage and maid awaiting me outside and I kissed Aunt Georgina farewell, watching Coco crawl back to her place at my aunt’s feet. I walked away from her with a healthy measure of contentment. Coco was going to be fine. She was finding her place here.
A man at the foot of the stairs moved aside as I began to descend, and I halted in the face of Lord Cameron and his calculating gaze.
“Miss Cox,” he said with a stiff bow.
I returned the curtsey in kind. “Lord Cameron.”
We faced off like two opponents, my heart beating rapidly within my chest. I wanted to ask what was bothering him, but it was not within my place. An even better question would have been what he was doing at my aunt’s house, but I found I could not ask it. I did not want to seem as though I cared.
Neither, though, did he show any sign of moving.
“Are you well?” I said, searching for a way into conversation. I had the lucky convenience of being at eye level with the man for the first time ever and it was both bizarre and powerful.
He nodded. Well, that did not work.
His gaze bore into mine and he stepped closer, my hand tightening on the banister beside me. “Your little spill has caused quite a stir.”
The blood slowly slipped from my face. He was actually referencing the incident with the lemonade? How utterly mortifying.
I swallowed. “I was hit in the back. It was unintentional.”
“I know,” he said simply. “I saw it happen.”
“But you said nothing.”
He shrugged. “I did not realize it would develop into such a scandal.”
I fell into his chocolate eyes and hated how soft my voice sounded, how small I felt. Where was my strength? My standards? Wasn’t melting into his gaze in some form handing my power over to this man? Besides, he had yet to apologize for treating me so callously. “My mother has told me to stay away from you until the rumors have ceased.”
Amusement glittered his eyes. “And will you?”
My mouth was dry; there was nothing for it, I cared for him. The way he stepped forward slightly, his face inches from mine while his hands stayed so concretely out of reach clasped behind his back, the smell of his shaving soap wafting to my senses and sending me back to our embrace. He was blocking my way but did not seem the least inclined to move. I glanced over his shoulder at the hallway that would lead me to the front door. He seemed to follow my train of thought and chuckled softly.
“I find that I do not like your mother’s advice. Will you go for a drive with me tomorrow?”
I needed to be strong. Feelings aside, he hurt me and had yet to apologize. Regardless of the time apart between the kiss and now, he did not appear the least bit remorseful. “I’m not sure I will be able to get away.”
His hand came up, halting me. “Was that a
denial, Miss Cox? Surely you would not say ‘no.’”
I had forgotten that he knew about my bargain with Mother. In truth, I had not even recalled the bargain at that moment. But he was correct to remind me. I was not allowed to deny a gentleman’s request. Yet, I was also instructed to steer clear of Lord Cameron. Either choice I made would be going against my mother’s wishes.
I found myself saying, “I would be delighted, sir,” before stepping forward and inching around him. I needed to get out of the cramped stairway.
He bowed low while I backed away. “Until tomorrow.”
Hopefully, I thought, grateful for regular, even breathing once again. As long as I could get away with it where Mother was concerned. It was one thing to determine I hadn’t broken the bargain. It was another to convince her of that fact.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“You have who coming to pick you up?” Mother said, eyes bulging, teacup suspended above her knee.
“Lord Cameron,” I repeated. After a few beats of stunned silence, I continued. “What was I to do, say no?” I speared her with a look, my eyebrow raised.
Her eyes flitted to my father, seated on the end of the sofa with his chin resting on his chest, moving up and down in slow, even motions. Whispering now, she set the teacup on the table softly. “You are to stay away from the man. Was I not clear on the matter?”
“And void our agreement? I weighed my options, Mother. I will not do anything that could lose me the bargain.”
She rolled her eyes.
“You may not take it seriously, but I do,” I said in defense. “And when the Season ends and I have completed my side of the bargain then it will be worth it.”
“Your entire side of the bargain,” she said, a small gleam coming to her eyes.
I swallowed. What was she up to now? “Yes, Mother. My entire side of the bargain.”
“You remember all of it?”
“I remember the requirement that I do not feel even a thread of interest for any man.” I swallowed. My disloyal thoughts flicked to Lord Cameron. I shoved him from my mind. Yes, I had interest in him. But it could easily be squashed.
Billington opened the door to announce Lord Cameron and Mother sat up tall, her mouth forming a tight smile. When he entered the room, my heart began to gallop. I caught his gaze briefly before he bowed to Mother, and then a recently awoken Father who tried to pretend he had not been asleep this entire time. A few minutes of polite conversation while I tied on my bonnet, and we were on our way.
He helped me onto the seat of the curricle, my gloved hand tingling long after he walked around the horses and jumped up in a fluid motion to sit beside me. I trained my gaze forward as we took off and I found it difficult to think of a topic of conversation. What had gotten into me? The moment I admitted to myself that I harbored an attraction for Lord Cameron, everything was lost: my ability to speak, to look at him for longer than a moment, to breathe normally in his vicinity.
The silence drew out. With each passing second I worried Lord Cameron would read my hesitancy and know my feelings at once. I hurried to think of something to say.
“It is a lovely day,” I said, squeaking my words out. My face flushed and I bent my head, counting loose stones on the road as we weaved through the midday traffic.
“Not as lovely as my companion,” he replied with no little amusement. “Come now, Miss Cox. When have we been so formal?”
I looked up at him, his familiar smile soothing my nerves. We had known each other distantly for quite some time. He was the next sibling older than Rosalynn and had often accompanied her to and from my home in their carriage, though he never remained longer than a quick meal. Our deeper friendship was only recent. But he was correct. Formality between us had long since been abandoned. He could see my nerves, and I hoped above all things that he could not guess the cause of them.
“You are wearing the cameo again,” he said, his gaze darting to my neck and back to the road. “You favor it.”
I nodded. I had taken to wearing it most days. I could not explain why, but I felt a connection to the necklace as though I could siphon strength and support from the woman pictured there. It was a reminder of the sacrifices and strength of my grandmother, but also of women in general.
“Would you care to share what has gotten into you today? You are quieter than a mouse.”
“It is fortunate that you can put uncomfortable experiences behind you so thoroughly, but I find I cannot so easily forget.” The words were out of my mouth before I could control them and I clamped my mouth shut.
He stiffened on the seat. “I suppose it would be better to discuss it, but I had hoped we might just put it behind us.”
“Ignore it, you mean?” I corrected. “I am not worthy of an apology?”
His head whipped toward me so fast I heard a slight crack in his neck. His hand came behind to rub it and he winced. “I suppose I deserved that. Have I not apologized?”
I gave him a wry smile and our carriage pulled into Hyde Park. “No, sir. Surely you would remember such a thing.”
He looked thoughtful as he continued to rub the back of his neck. “I apologize for taking advantage of the situation and taking liberties that question my standing as a gentleman. I intended only to show you the folly of your agreement. I hadn’t expected to become so carried away. To say that I’ve regretted using you so abominably would not be doing it justice. Indeed, I am ashamed.”
Silence sat between us. His implication caused my breath to hitch, and I did my utmost to appear unaffected.
We waved at passing carriages, nodded at lone riders and walkers beside the path. But Lord Cameron did not so much as slow down to greet acquaintances. He merely drove the length of the park and then turned to repeat the process.
I swallowed, carefully weighing my words. “You are not sorry for your harsh words, though?”
“I am not sorry,” he said swiftly, “that I brought to light a danger you may not have considered.”
“Well, I had certainly not considered you dangerous before, Lord Cameron.”
“And you do now?”
“Certainly. I have discovered far more than perhaps I should have.” Like how pleasant it was to share a kiss.
He looked thoughtful, stopping the curricle momentarily to swap greetings with a man he knew from his gentlemen's club. He begrudgingly introduced us and I felt the unhappy sensation of leering eyes upon my back as we went our separate ways, pricking my skin like an abundance of tiny needles.
Lord Cameron must have sensed my discomfort. “Not all men are honorable.”
“But you are?” I could not help but add.
“I would never hurt you,” he said severely.
I swallowed. Had he not already? I changed tack. “You saw who pushed me into you at my Aunt Georgina’s card party. Was it an accident?”
“No,” he said. “But I shall not tell you who. It was perhaps not their brightest moment, but I know they meant no harm.”
“However could you know that?”
“Just trust me.”
That was not something which came easily to me. I settled my gaze straight ahead. The ride was not going at all as I had imagined it would. I noticed, for the first time, the many fingers pointing our way, and mouths moving in conjunction. I swallowed a lump of sand. Perhaps this was not my brightest idea. But what choice did I have?
“It appears that we are the center of attention.”
“Is that terrible?” he asked.
“If you should like to regain your good name. I fear we are only adding to the ridiculous gossip.”
“Perhaps,” he said, avoiding my gaze. He seemed suddenly unsure of himself and I feared for his next words. “Unless we put those rumors to rest.”
I sighed. “That is what my mother would like. For me to have nothing to do with you until they have dissipated.”
“I am referring to the opposite.”
My mind tried to wrap around his words, but I found it
didn’t matter which way I spun them, I could not make any sense of his meaning.
He continued, “If I were to call on you, and court you, then surely they will see what is between us is authentic.”
“You would court me to prove rumors false?”
He grinned. “No, but it would be a satisfying benefit to be sure.”
I connected his implications instantly, though I did not find an easy way to believe them. If my ears had not misconstrued his words, then Lord Cameron had professed his interest in me. And he did so in a way that I was at liberty to accept or deny him.
Indecision warred within me. If I accepted, would I be going against my very beliefs, or would denying him on the basis that I made a pact six years prior be even more foolish and dishonest? Was not my bargain with Mother a very reason to accept, so I may give love a chance, as she intended?
I failed to notice that our carriage had come to a stop until a sweet voice called attention to my absent thoughts.
“We know one another,” Cecily was saying. Had Lord Cameron tried to introduce us? I waited for her to explain how, but her lips were shut. Her father beside her on the barouche seat was now discussing a decent horse he had recently purchased. Cecily gave me a perfunctory smile and looked away. Whatever had I done to earn her distaste? True, we had not gotten on splendidly at school, but I had stuck up for her when no one else would. That should have gained me some favor, surely.
Our farewells were not delivered quickly enough for my taste. Once we had gone out of earshot I said, “We roomed together at school.”
“Oh?” Lord Cameron looked surprised. I did not blame him.
“Yes. She was not my closest friend, obviously, but I feel something must have occurred between us which I have no knowledge of. She plainly dislikes me.”
His confused expression only grew.
“I defended her,” I explained. “There were rumors...well, suffice it to say, I stood up for her when no one else bothered.” Not even your sister, I thought. I sighed. “She repays me by listening to horrid rumors about me and refraining from saying anything in my defense.”
Love in the Bargain: A Sweet Regency Romance (Women of Worth Book 1) Page 17
