Elizabeth forced her eyes away and looked out the window at the passing streets of London.
He was now engaged, and it was even more wrong to fantasize about him than before. Elizabeth’s teeth began to grind.
It was right and just for her to be angry. It didn’t matter if Georgiana was right, and he did not like Lady Margaret much.
They drove away from the most fashionable district into one of the broad districts of houses for the merely well-to-do. Elizabeth blinked and rubbed at her eyes. The movement of the carriage was lulling her. She needed to be alert.
Would she at last find Jane, or was this another dead end? Elizabeth’s anxiety returned and gripped her belly, driving away the sleepiness.
She asked Darcy, “Where are we headed?”
“It is the house where Bingley kept his previous mistress. He owns the building direct, and it has only been empty a few months. I doubt he rented it.”
“Oh. How do you think he shall react — might Bingley become violent?”
Darcy looked at her as though she were being stupid again. He was humoring her, and she wished to push that into the open. “You’ll see. Jane doesn’t want to be with him. She wouldn’t sell herself — she would not agree to anything but the most honorable offer.”
Darcy looked at her, his clear blue eyes bore into hers. They were tight around the edges, as though he was on the edge of crying for her.
“You don’t know her. Not like I do. You were raised to be cynical, to not believe in people. I believe in Jane. You will too. You’ll see.”
“Elizabeth, I do believe in people.”
“Damn you! Two months. How could you possibly forget everything we meant to each other? I told you everything, I believed in you, I believed you loved me underneath your words, and that you were just frightened of what you felt.”
“Elizabeth, I—”
“Don’t use my name. The entire time you planned to marry some great lady for her money. No wonder you thought I’d be your whore. You’ll do anything for money.”
He didn’t respond. His shoulders curled inwards and he stared at his lap.
“Say something. Don’t sit there like a beaten dog. I thought you had some decency left in your soul. Don’t you think marriage means something? Does she know you do not love her? That you keep mistresses, that you— Damn you, say something.”
He said, without lifting his head, “I have wronged you greatly.”
“I don’t care about that. But what is wrong with you? How could you speak so sweetly to me and then offer for another woman? “
“Because I am the stupidest man in Great Britain. I made a terrible, selfish, stupid mistake when I engaged myself to Lady Margaret, and I am trapped, and there is nothing I can do to undo my mistake.”
Darcy looked wretched. His eyes were wild and his cheeks pale.
Elizabeth breathed out, “Oh.”
He slumped again and turned away from her.
He knew he’d made a mistake. A stupid smile tried to force its way onto Elizabeth’s face. She laid her hand on Darcy’s wrist. When he looked at her, Elizabeth softly said, “I forgive you.”
He looked at her as though he wished to speak, but then nodded his head.
They were silent for the rest of the trip.
It was a fair sized house on the edge of town. There was a modest garden with rose bushes surrounding it. Smoke rose from two of the chimneys, showing that it was currently occupied.
Jane wouldn’t be here. Maybe…maybe she had resisted so fiercely that Bingley hurt her? What if—
Darcy slammed the knocker down hard. Crack. Crack. Crack.
Was it wise for them to announce their presence? They should sneak around and enter from the back so that Bingley could not hide anything.
The door was opened by a respectable enough looking middle-aged woman. “Mr. Darcy! Whatever are you doing here, I doubt that Mr. Bingley shall appreciate an interruption.”
“He is here then?”
“Yes, sir. He is with the new mistress in the drawing room.”
The woman pointed to a door on one side of the hallway.
For the second time that day Elizabeth rushed past a servant to throw herself into a drawing room without announcement.
Jane sat next to Mr. Bingley on a deep red sofa. The lines of their bodies molded against each other, and they were kissing before the shock of her entrance caused them to jerk away from each other and look at the door.
“You.” She threw an accusing finger towards Bingley. “What have you done to my sister? Did you blackmail her — have you used force against her — what have you done — how dare you—”
Bingley blinked at her, his curly hair awry. “Miss Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth stalked towards him, her hand raised to strike.
Jane jumped up and grabbed her arm. The two girls struggled together, then Elizabeth ripped her hand free and went to attack Bingley again, but Jane pushed her back. “I am the one you should be angry at. I sought Bingley out — he did not seek me out. I offered to go under his protection.”
“Don’t lie to protect him—”
“Lizzy, I am not so perfect as you. I made this choice. And I have never been so happy. Every hour since I’ve left Meryton has made me more sure I chose rightly. I am glad I am here with Charles instead of with Mama and Phillips and you.”
“I know you don’t mean that. You are just trying to protect him.”
“I want this. I chose it. Are you really so blind? I am not who you insist on pretending I am.”
“Jane, you like him and your heart is tender and generous. But in such a matter, you should not try to hide Mr. Bingley’s sin. We just wish to rescue you and—”
“Damn you! Lizzy, damn you! I am so damned tired of you thinking I am perfect and that I never have a wrong thought about anything. I am done! I wanted to be with Bingley, and I seized the opportunity.”
Elizabeth stared at her sister in horror. Her dress was new and showed a deep cleavage. She didn’t wear a corset. Her eyes burned with anger. Jane had willingly done this.
The sisters silently stared at each other. Elizabeth wondered if she had always known and only refused to think it.
Bingley spoke in a strangely cheerful voice. “Darcy, my dear fellow, what are you doing here. I understand Miss Elizabeth, of course.”
“I was the hackney cab.”
“Right, well—”
“Bingley.”
Elizabeth did not remove her eyes from Jane, but she knew Darcy had gestured for him to exit the room when Bingley stood and said, “Yes, best leave them to it.”
The door shut leaving Elizabeth alone with Jane. “How could you — you know it is wrong.”
“You will hate me now. You can’t love me now that you know I’m not your perfect Jane — you will never accept that I could make such choice.”
“Please, why?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I am tired of being poor. I hate being poor. You thought I didn’t care, but I cared. And he likes me. Charles likes me so much, but with Lydia… No gentleman will ever offer for me. And he will take care of me. I am tired of how they despise me for things I did not choose. Now they can despise me for who I am and for what I choose. Damn them all. I hate every person in Meryton.”
“It is wrong, to live with him… I thought you would never… You never do the wrong thing. Jane…you don’t need to do this. I’ll do twice as much, so you don’t need to help with chores ever. I really don’t need your help. I’m faster than you anyways. Don’t do this, Jane. Don’t be this. And…we can live together somewhere in London. Darcy will make Bingley give you little for destroying your reputation, and then no one will know that you—”
“Listen for once! I want this. It is not a choice of desperation; it is my chance to be happy and to choose my own life.”
“But, Jane. We can still be happy. I forgive you for this, it was a moment of weakness and I know you’ve been desperate, but you do not reall
y wish to give up friends and family and… Jane, just come back to Darcy’s house with me, and we will decide what to do next. Please.”
Jane clenched and unclenched her fists. “Stop! Stop! Stop! I am never going back.”
“You do not mean that. Think about us. Think about your family, you will shame us and…”
“Family?” Jane laughed bitterly. “This is what I was taught to do. I am just being an obedient daughter, unlike you. Mama taught us to sell our beauty at the best rate, and she will not be displeased at how I have done.”
Elizabeth’s emotions spun into a sudden wild anger, like what she’d felt towards Darcy. "Mama! She is your excuse. You sell yourself, as a whore; you’ll become the whore of Meryton to please Mama?"
Elizabeth made a fist and beat it against the palm of her other hand until it hurt.
“I choose to act for myself."
“Whore.”
“I knew you would despise me as soon as you realized I was not perfect.”
“Of course I despise you. Whore. You are selling your body to the best bidder. Whore.”
“I love Bingley! I’d not let another man touch me.” Jane’s shriek pierced Elizabeth’s ears. “I am no whore. You do not hate me for coming to Bingley — you hate me for not being the perfect person you have always demanded I acted like. The details don’t matter.”
“Selfish whore.” Part of Elizabeth was shocked that she was saying such things, but she had no control over her mouth now.
“I am helping the family — I am not selfish. I will give Mama something, and Bingley will provide a small dowry for Kitty and Mary.”
“I don’t want your miserable money.”
“I knew you wouldn’t. You are perfect — a saint — you live in that imaginary world of yours, and don’t care whether you are poor. You always say” — Jane adopted a high-pitched mocking tone — “so long as we have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a place to sleep, there is no reason to be unhappy. And you meant it, but I care. I don’t want to live like that. You don’t need any money because you can just be happy in your fantastical imagination.”
“I live in the real world. I just refused to let it make me unhappy. I refused to let it make me a whore.”
“You are always so sure of yourself. You always said some stupid handsome fool would marry me if I waited. But that is a lie.”
Tears streamed down Elizabeth’s face. She was so stupid. Why had she been certain Jane would never do this?
The hardness in Jane’s face suddenly left, and she said in a pleading tone, “Lizzy, please don’t hate me.”
“You are not my sister. My sister is a good woman. My sister does the right thing. My sister would never act as you have.”
“Well go love her. You’ve never loved me.”
Chapter 21
After Darcy called Bingley out of the drawing room the two stood in the entrance hall. Darcy’s mind was entirely with Elizabeth.
She had believed completely in Jane.
How could he help her? It may take her much time to accept the situation. How might he be her friend? Any other thought about her must be absolutely banished — he wished her happiness, he had always wished her happiness, far more than any selfish desire to take his own pleasures.
He now had nothing to offer her but friendship.
Bingley fiddled awkwardly, and as he wasn’t wearing his coat he slapped at his side several times, reaching for something in a pocket which was not there. Giving up, he pulled the bell to call a servant. When the housekeeper appeared, he said, “Bring me a cigar and a bottle of something good — perhaps the scotch.”
The woman bowed and hurried off. Bingley turned to Darcy. “Damn it all, Darcy. I swear I did not—”
“I know.” Darcy’s reply was curt. His mind was filled with Elizabeth, and Bingley’s role in her unhappiness left him irrationally annoyed with his friend.
“Dash it. I’ve done nothing amiss — she approached me. It was her suggestion. Jane was born a gentlewoman. I would never have considered seducing her, no matter how much I liked her. But she approached me.”
“I know.” Darcy’s voice was softer. It was odd his friend was the one who would never consider a seduction.
“You know I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Bingley.” Darcy closed his eyes and exhaled with pain. “I do not think you acted wrongly.”
His friend nodded and smiled. “I’m glad.”
“I apologize for bringing Miss Elizabeth here in such a manner, it was rude. But she was distraught.”
The sisters’ voices had been muffled by the heavy oak door of the drawing room. An uncharacteristic shout from Jane was loud enough to be clear, “I love Bingley!”
Bingley’s cigar had arrived at last, and he had a silly grin. Bingley took a long pull and exhaled the astringent smoke.
It was impossible for Darcy not to smile at how his friend enjoyed the unschooled statement of Jane’s preference.
The two were silent as the conversation went on more quietly behind the door. The words could not be caught, but Darcy could tell Elizabeth’s tone was far sharper than Jane’s. He heard the word whore several times.
Embarrassed, Darcy spoke to Bingley, “You shall treat her well?”
A little embarrassed himself, Bingley replied, “Of course I shall. You know I shall. She is a sweet girl who has placed herself under my protection. I would be the worst sort of creature if I did not treat her with the strongest affection and concern. Besides, I’ve always liked my Jane enormously. From the first time I saw her.”
Bingley stood smiling, the smoldering cigar held easily in his hand, and his usual genial good nature shone out. Darcy could see easily the appeal his friend had for Miss Bennet.
Darcy nodded, and not wishing to overhear any more of the conversation on the other side of the door, looked about quickly for a topic. “You will forgive me, I am sure — it is an uncomfortable—”
The door to the drawing room was flung open, this time from the inside. Elizabeth stood there in her woolen traveling dress and blue pelisse. Her eyes darted between them. Tears had started their way down Elizabeth’s reddened cheeks, and she sniffled piteously. She hiccupped and ran past the two gentlemen and out the front door.
With a quick glance at Bingley, who went to speak with Miss Bennet, Darcy started after Elizabeth. When he reached the street, he saw no sign of her, but glancing down the road saw her running, already near hundred feet away. She headed towards what Darcy knew to be a nearby shopping district. He jogged after her and sighed with relief when she stopped running and settled against the steps up to a small detached house. He could see her chest heaving as she gasped for air.
Darcy slowed, to give her time for herself before she must face another person, and because he was out of breath in the cold January air.
When Darcy arrived, Elizabeth had ceased panting. She sat on one step with her arms wrapped around her legs. Her face was blotchy with tears.
She had been seated a little like this the first time he saw her. She had been sad then — sad about her Jane being treated unfairly — but she had controlled her feelings, and brought herself to smile.
He sat next to her and took one of Elizabeth’s hands and tightly gripped it, hoping his presence would comfort her a little.
“I can’t — I can’t pretend.”
Darcy cradled her hand with both of his.
“I cannot pretend Jane is still virtuous. This was her choice. I cannot pretend she would never… It is real. I need to cease lying to myself. Nothing can ever be good. Nothing ever is good.”
“Oh, Lizzy.”
Elizabeth threw her arms around Darcy and wept into his shoulder.
Darcy pulled her trembling form against him, and he rubbed her back, letting his fingers brush over her spine and rub into the knots of her shoulders. He needed to somehow see Elizabeth happy again. It was a more powerful feeling than any he had known before.
Darcy kissed her
forehead and hair. He hoped that the more pain he felt for her, the better she might feel for herself. It was such a cold grey day.
A carriage rumbled down the street, and someone walked along the sidewalk the other direction, glancing at her and Darcy, but hurrying on in embarrassment when he realized Darcy saw him as well.
He loved her so dearly.
Elizabeth pulled away, but her eyes lingered on his. “I should not have grabbed you so — I still can barely believe that Jane would — I should not have imposed upon you, and—”
Darcy shook his head and laid his finger on Elizabeth’s lips. It was instinctive, and even though the material of his glove separated their skin, he was aware of the intimacy of the gesture. “It is natural to ache when you see how flawed one you love is. I am glad you turned to me.”
Elizabeth blushed and turned her face away, but immediately she looked back at Darcy. Her face was wet, and her nose dripped with tears, and he handed her his handkerchief. She brushed at her face, and then blew her nose. An awareness of their position and how vulnerable she was came to Darcy. He wanted to wipe her tears off himself, but would not abuse their friendship by pushing more intimacy upon her when she was so injured.
Darcy stood and waved for his carriage, which stood on the nearest street corner, to pull up close so they could enter it. He helped Elizabeth to her feet and instinctively brushed his lips against her forehead again.
It was not wrong. It was almost a brotherly gesture.
Darcy handed her into the carriage. He sat on the opposite side from her, but Elizabeth shifted, and rested her boot against his. Darcy ached for her unhappiness, and there was no conversation. It seemed impossible to talk.
He did not let himself stare at her, but she unapologetically watched him.
A thought rose in Darcy’s mind. Now was when he could convince her to live with him. She was hurt and had accepted him again as a friend. She had turned to him for comfort. Before it had been the thought of Jane which kept her from agreeing, but now that thought would point in a different direction.
He would never take advantage of her.
A Dishonorable Offer Page 25
