They stepped towards each other, and Elizabeth’s stomach clenched tight. Suddenly shy, she could not keep looking at him and her eyes fell to the floor.
She heard Darcy’s hoarse, passionate whisper, “Elizabeth!”
She knew.
The smile that beamed towards the floor grew so wide it hurt.
He took her hands in both of his own. “Elizabeth, I—”
She looked up at him again, silently urging him to continue.
Darcy seemed startled by her gaze, and he stared back at her with his own widening smile. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. The grip on her hands firmed. “Elizabeth. Elizabeth, would you — that is, Elizabeth—” A confused expression came over Darcy’s face. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.
The look in his eyes was wild, delightful.
Every fear that had haunted her disappeared. He was here because he loved her.
Elizabeth giggled. She felt so happy and buoyant it was as though she could leap over the house. “Fitzwilliam, I believe I have struck you speechless.”
She giggled again at his embarrassed, yet very pleased expression.
“You have, my love.”
She threw her arms about his neck and kissed him tight. Her smile was so wide it kept them from kissing quite right, so they embraced and Darcy squeezed her so tightly, and she wanted to scream with glee. Elizabeth smiled into the fabric of his cravat, enjoying the smell of Darcy, his cologne, and his laundered shirts.
They drew back a little and smiled into each other’s eyes. They kissed again.
Elizabeth drew back and asked, with yet another delighted laugh, “You were trying to say something — did you perhaps have a question?”
Darcy’s eyes sparkled. “I was. Let me see if I can find the proper words this time.”
He showed that delightful smile which brought out his dimples and made his eyes light up. Before he could speak, Elizabeth kissed him again. She felt as though she was swooning; she felt light. Their tongues touched, and Elizabeth moaned softly with happiness.
Darcy released her lips, and before she could protest, he began to kiss her neck.
Suddenly remembering that her uncle was seated outside the door Elizabeth bit her lip to keep from moaning.
Darcy moved his mouth up to her ear, and flicked his tongue against it. “Words are overrated, my love.”
His rolling whisper sent shivers through Elizabeth, and his words made it hard for her to keep standing as her knees turned loose and weak and she melted inside. Looking into his blue eyes she said, “Say it again.”
Darcy grinned — that lovable, loving grin. “Words are overrated.”
Elizabeth’s arms were around his back, so she pinched him through his coat. “Not that part.”
“My love. My love. My love.”
Elizabeth replied, “I am yours, and you are mine.”
Darcy pulled her close against his tall body and kissed her passionately.
Elizabeth said breathlessly after a minute, “See, you do like words.”
“Kisses are even better.”
Elizabeth laughed and they kissed again.
There was a sharp knock on the door. Elizabeth and Darcy jumped apart, straightening their clothes, grinning and blushing.
Thirty seconds later there was another knock, and Mr. Gardiner opened the door and entered, followed by Mrs. Gardiner and Kitty.
Elizabeth and Darcy blushed and grinned at everyone, and Mr. Gardiner said, “From your smiles, I can see it is settled.”
“I am not certain,” Elizabeth spoke brightly. “Mr. Darcy tried to ask me a question, however he allowed himself to become distracted from the task repeatedly. Just what had you planned to ask when I entered the room?”
“I can hardly remember — you distracted me very thoroughly.” Though he did not laugh, Elizabeth could see complete satisfaction in Darcy’s eyes.
Mr. Gardiner spoke to Darcy with a laugh, “The subject you said you would speak on was not one I can imagine a man forgetting easily. Lizzy, what did you do to him?"
Elizabeth blushed at her uncle’s tease, delighted to see that he now at least provisionally accepted Mr. Darcy. She was delighted that Darcy would marry her, and she was simply delighted.
Mr. Darcy shook Kitty’s hand and begged her to consider him a brother, and she asked if he might let her attend a ball. After how she had treated him that morning, Mr. Darcy was more cautious in his approach to Mrs. Gardiner, but she laughed and begged him to consider her family as well.
Darcy stayed in the house for several hours, and for half the time it was a group affair. The Gardiners’ children came down, and Darcy and they were mutually charmed. Elizabeth watched with satisfaction how Mr. Gardiner gradually grew impressed with Darcy’s conversation. For her part, now that she knew the match was settled, Mrs. Gardiner held no ill will towards Darcy.
Over the following hour, Elizabeth began to nervously wonder how the end of Darcy’s engagement had come about. Seeing her turn pensive, Darcy begged a chance to just talk to her, though of course they would be watched. Darcy took her to sit right next to the window in the drawing room. The sky was turning red as the sun set. Elizabeth nervously shifted on the firm cushion of her chair.
He held her hand and squeezed it. “What is the matter, Lizzy?”
“What happened? It was my fault that I broke up your engagement, Lady Margaret saw me kiss you. And she must have been brokenhearted and angry since she ended it.”
“No. I broke it off. I do not know what she would have said. I think she would have ended it if I did not speak first, but I am very glad I took it on myself, and I would have done so if she had remained in the drawing room and seen nothing of the matter. When I said I had a private matter to discuss with her, I planned to tell her.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth smiled up at him. She felt bubbly as she realized that when he saw them in the same room together he immediately chose her. Then she sighed. “And to think I was terribly jealous of the thought that poor Lady Margaret would be alone with you. How brokenhearted is she? I can’t help feeling guilty, and people shall think very ill of me.”
“She is relieved.”
“Relieved!”
Darcy brought one of his hands away from her, and he rubbed frustratedly at his head. “Yes, she was.”
“That makes no sense, I cannot understand why any woman would—”
“When I said I was the stupidest man in England, no in all of His Majesty’s domains it was no exaggeration.”
Elizabeth smiled at Darcy’s anger at himself. It also relieved her guilt; somehow he was really convinced any injury Lady Margaret had received solely belonged to him. “That seems unlikely. There must be a great many stupid fellows in such a large mass of men.”
“Yes, yes. And I am so self-absorbed that I only consider my incredible selfishness and stupidity, without making any allowance for theirs. Perhaps I am merely one of the stupidest men in the United Kingdom. Perhaps.”
Elizabeth squeezed his hand. She loved that she had the right to touch him familiarly, even though she was in full view of her aunt and sister. She laid a hand on Darcy’s knee to comfort him. “You are neither stupid nor selfish. I know you to be the most generous of men.”
“I used Lady Margaret abominably, and what I did is not made better because my actions were exceptional for me. The sole reason I offered for her was that I had realized I loved you, and I wished to make it impossible to marry you. But because my mind was always on you, I never could show her more than a poor semblance of affection — I hurt her, and she has spent the last month wondering what I discovered that was so wrong with her that I recoiled if she even tried to touch my arm.”
“You couldn’t bear to touch her? Do you mean you never kissed her, not once?” Elizabeth blushed at her sudden exclamation.
“I did not.” He grinned at her, the smile effacing his earlier frustration with himself. “You like that I did not.”
“Well, yes.”
Darcy’s eyes glanced towards Mrs. Gardiner, then he leaned forward to speak intently to her. “Having kissed you, it would be impossible for me to kiss any other woman. For the honey taste of your lips on mine would make a mockery of any others, the feel of your velvet tongue sweeter than ambrosia sliding ‘gainst mine, and…”
Elizabeth pushed him, blushing at his intense voice. Her insides curled.
Darcy said, “I was always thinking of you. I long since realized that I should have asked you to marry me, but it is dishonorable to break an engagement, and I will rightly be shamed before many of my friends for doing so. It took some extreme emotion to make me realize I had no other choice. However, I am quite sure I would not have been able to marry her, even if you did not stride into my drawing room to slap me yesterday. The dishonorable act was not when I broke the engagement. My offer of marriage was dishonorable. I never should have asked a sweet girl who I did not care for in the slightest to marry me. In effect I lied to her. And I never shall act so again.”
“You should not feel so guilty.”
“I certainly should, but as you have nothing to feel guilty about, it is no matter.”
“I hurt when you do.”
“I learned a lesson and matters could have turned out far worse. I do not think any permanent harm of note has been done to anyone. I beg you not to hurt for me in this case, because I am determined to imprint the lesson as deeply on my mind as I can, and my shame helps that.”
“I imagine matters will be very bad. The scandal.” Elizabeth’s voice cracked and was small. She hated to think of him as shamed before his friends.
“It will not be so bad. As I said, Lady Margaret was glad to learn that I was such a cold lover because I’d been in love with a different woman the entire time. She is a great fan of Pamela and is charmed by the similarity.”
“It is entirely different! In every respect.”
Darcy laughed. “Georgiana was present when Lady Margaret said that, and replied in exactly the same manner.”
“I simply adore your sister. Though you know, someone ought to see to her morals. I am not one with a right to judge, but she was encouraging me to, ah, live in sin with you.”
“Yes, I rather suspected that. And that you were not completely averse to the idea.”
Elizabeth blushed. And then she felt a little shamed. “Why are you marrying me? I did offer…and I do not like that you shall be speculated about, and…”
“I love you. That is why I wish to marry you. And you wish to marry me because you love me, and we shall be happy together long after the entire scandal fades. We shall grow old together talking and holding hands every day.”
That sort of sentimental nonsense was just like him. Elizabeth melted.
“I hope,” Elizabeth replied impishly, “that we shall not just talk and hold hands.”
“That is not a very maidenly suggestion.” Darcy laughed. “But I do think there are other things we shall do once married. But” — Darcy looked at Mrs. Gardiner who sat on the opposite side of the drawing room knitting — “Your aunt frightens me a little, so we shall wait until we out of her presence to discuss those things in detail.”
“Mrs. Gardiner, frightening? No! Though she was quite rude this morning.”
Darcy said, “When we were apart, I ached for your presence. I missed your laughter and our conversations so much. There was not a single day I did not think of you repeatedly.”
“And I thought of you every day.” Elizabeth giggled. “I kept expecting you would realize you loved me and then return and ask me to marry you. I was right, except that your stubbornness was profounder than I expected.”
Darcy sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head. “I also was exceedingly foxed the night before. It is not at all his fault, the guilt is mine, but my cousin Richard made me drink a great deal and was very insistent I marry Lady Margaret.”
“You asked her to marry you as a drunken impulse? My jealousy will not survive these revelations. Also, dear, once we are married, I shall insist you avoid so much heavy drink unless I am the one pushing suggestions on you.”
He shook his head. “I haven’t been able to smell whiskey for the last month without feeling sick. Richard claimed he knew my tolerance when he made me drink glass after glass. I think he did not account for how little I’ve drunk compared to him since university.”
“He made you drink so much? My poor Fitzwilliam! All this time I expected to like your cousins, but these revelations will not encourage good feelings.”
Darcy laughed. “Yes, I am an adult and ought to choose how much I drink on my own. If it gives you fonder feelings towards Richard, he pushed me to realize I loved you. Though his method is not one I suspect you would approve of.”
“Oh. How did he do that?”
Darcy reddened and coughed in embarrassment.
Elizabeth bit her lip happily, loving this close conversation, when just so recently it seemed like everything would be horrible. “Do say.”
“I think I shall claim the right of manly confidences being private and hide the exact suggestion he made. But…” He paused. When he continued it was in a low intense voice that made Elizabeth’s stomach quiver, “You have this light in your eyes, it is there right now. And there is something special in your voice, and in the way you laugh, and in how you tease me. You are unique. Nobody else could do what you do to me.”
Chapter 24
Early the next morning Darcy called on Elizabeth. They walked hand in hand to the parish church to ask the curate to have the banns read for them on Sunday.
They strolled arm in arm about the nearby park, followed by Mrs. Gardiner and Kitty at a modest distance. Given the sharpness of argument with Darcy the previous day, it did not surprise Darcy that Mr. Gardiner wished to ensure the engaged couple was supervised.
While for some minutes they laughed and teased each other, Elizabeth eventually sighed and said, “My mind keeps returning to Jane. I am a hypocrite. I spoke so horribly to her. And then offered myself to you. I am not better than her; I do not wish to be better. And I hurt her terribly with what I said."
Darcy squeezed Elizabeth’s arm and pulled her a bit closer to him. He did not think she really wanted him to say anything, but he knew his presence and touch comforted her.
“I was so angry. As if it was a crime against me and not herself. As though… It still seems incredible that Jane would go to Bingley under such circumstances. She was scared to let me see that her thoughts were different than what I wanted them to be, and then I completely rejected her.”
“She cares for you as much as you do her. I think very well of her, not solely because she is your sister.”
“I pushed her towards Bingley thinking matters would somehow work out if they could just fall in love — might it be my fault?”
“If so—” Darcy felt uncomfortable expressing an opinion he thought Elizabeth still found objectionable. “If so, was it a bad thing?”
Elizabeth laughed. “You would think in that manner. You are right. From the material standpoint it is a good situation, and she loves Bingley. Yet, I cannot…I cannot forget what I was taught."
She slumped after saying that and brushed at her right cheek.
“Lizzy, we are to be one. You are mine, and I am yours. When I would not take what you offered because I knew some part of you would be hurt if I did, it was as though you stopped yourself."
She looked up at him. “Oh. You are right. I cannot even express how much I love you.”
Darcy pulled up Elizabeth’s hand and kissed it. Even though they were in public, and Mrs. Gardiner and Kitty were behind them, the tenderness he felt demanded physical expression.
Elizabeth’s eyes shined. “I am so happy. I am too happy."
“You always believed that your virtue would be rewarded.”
“That is not the moral of the tale at all! For it was when I abandoned the virtuous stance that you offered to marry me."
“Do not concern yourself about that. I would have in any case. If you’d not interrupted me with that kiss, I’d have asked you to marry me in front of Lady Margaret and your aunt.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth thought about that and smiled.
A cold gust of air blew past, and despite his heavy coat, Darcy nearly shivered. Darcy glanced back at Mrs. Gardiner, who looked cold herself, and then with a grin he put his arm around Elizabeth and pulled her close. She blushed but leaned against him.
“You appear cold.”
“I prefer the freedom of the walk to sitting at home.”
“Georgiana plans to call on you later today. She is insistent that we share you, like a treasured toy. I plan to be the spoiled child who does not understand how. Your uncle suggested I act in such a manner.”
Elizabeth laughed. “I doubt that is precisely what he said.”
“It was. In every respect.”
“I would not mind much if I am never shared.”
“Then it is a plan.” Darcy squeezed her against his side again. Then he sighed, “I will need to leave you alone for some time. I must go to my club and start telling acquaintances about matters. Give it the best semblance, and keep the scandal focused on me, not you and Lady Margaret.”
“I understand.” Elizabeth squeezed herself tighter against him.
With his free hand Darcy rubbed at his forehead. “You should go to Jane, apologize to her. You wish to, and you will not be easy until you do.”
“I’m afraid.”
Darcy smiled at her, and she smiled back.
“I will go — oh! You shall not mind if I call on her on occasions? I do hope Jane will forgive me. I shall be discreet, but if I am to be your wife — you must wish me to cut some associations — she is Bingley’s mistress. Do promise me that you will not let your friendship with him be injured over the matter.”
“I will not seek to control who you associate with. I wish you to be happy."
The memory of Lydia and her shirtless husband flashed into his mind. It was impossible to keep his nose from wrinkling with disgust. He would rather tear his own arm off than hurt Elizabeth over such a matter, but it was impossible to not wish that Lydia had not married a little better.
A Dishonorable Offer Page 30
