He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Thea didn’t feel that way about him.
Still, first Blake needed to sort things out with Doe.
“Thank you both for talking to me about this,” Blake said.
“It’s no problem at all,” Ashley promised. “I hope things clear up, I really do. But if you do end up all sad-like for a while, I’m sure Connor will watch all the hockey with you,” she teased.
Connor nodded energetically. “Oh yeah,” he agreed. “I’ll watch all the hockey, and we’ll set new PRs at the gym. I’ll let you win at Mario Kart.” He briefly frowned, as if considering this last point. “Well, I’ll let you win sometimes .” It was such a Connor thing to say. Blake knew that Connor would be there for him if things went badly.
“Shit!” Connor exclaimed, shooting up from the table. “I was going to cook.” He glanced around, but no fully-formed dishes appeared from nowhere. “Are you both okay with stir-fry? It’ll be quick.”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” Blake nodded, deciding to put his relationship problems to one side for the evening. It didn’t feel fair to Ashley and Connor for Blake to keep moping. “How’s work going?” he asked Ashley instead. “I heard there was some sort of an emergency?” It gave them something to chat about while Connor cooked. Ashley was very engaging. Blake could avoid thinking about Doe and Thea, and what he would do next.
Ashley began telling him about what had been going on while Connor got them both to chop things for the stir-fry. It was a nice, friendly lull to fall into. Blake would worry about everything else... not right now.
Chapter Nine
Blake being too busy to see Doe meant that Thea hadn’t seen much of him, either. She should be relieved. If they didn’t see each other, all the confusing feelings that had been swirling through Thea’s mind since their kiss would have time to fade away.
Except, Thea didn’t want them to fade away. Not completely. She’d never liked anyone as much as she liked Blake. No boyfriend she’d ever had, not even her high school crushes had been as all-consuming. She thought about Blake all the time . She’d started reading the sports pages just in case they mentioned what the Howlers might be up to. Thea held firm in her resolution not to text Blake, but she couldn’t help getting in touch with Ricky from time to time, just to get the gossip that the team wouldn’t tell the press.
The longer she waited for her feelings to diminish, the worse Thea felt. Blake could be Doe’s soulmate . Thea had always liked the idea of the one person you were meant to be with, even if she wasn’t convinced she’d ever find hers. How could she be the person to ruin that for her best friend in all the world? Doe deserved so much better.
On the other hand, Blake wasn’t a rare name. There were at least two in the company Thea worked for. There must be loads more in Madison.
Thea missed Blake. Not seeing him for so long had taken some of the color out of her world. She had no one to tell jokes to. At least, no one she could hope to bring out dimples in. She’d suggested to Doe that they go to a game, feeling pathetic for wanting just a glimpse of Blake on the ice. Doe had been too busy.
That made Thea think. Surely, if Blake and Doe were soulmates, they wouldn’t be able to stand being too busy to see one another? Thea knew Blake wasn’t her soulmate, and even so, she’d have canceled pretty much any other plans if it meant getting to spend an evening with him.
What sucked the most was not having anyone to talk through her feelings with. Usually, Thea would have gone to Doe if she was having trouble with her love life.
Not that she loved Blake.
Thea hated that she had to keep her feelings a secret from Doe. If only Doe and Blake weren’t meant to be together, then maybe Doe would understand…
It took Thea several more days to screw up her courage enough to make a decision. She was going to tell Doe the truth. Doe deserved that much. Thea’s feelings, too, deserved that she at least try .
It didn’t stop her palms from sweating as she knocked at Doe’s bedroom door.
“Hey,” she greeted. Doe was sitting at her dressing table, her make-up laid out in front of her. Thea had a sudden awful fear that maybe she’d made plans to see Blake.
“Date tonight?” she asked, aiming for a teasing tone, but not quite making it.
“Um, no,” Doe said shaking her head. Thea could swear there was a tint of blush on her cheeks. “I’m just meeting up with a friend from work to give them a book I borrowed back,” she explained, before lifting the book in question. It was some historical non-fictional account, something Thea definitely would not be interested in reading.
She was going to ask Doe if she knew whoever this friend was but Doe spoke again, distracting Thea, “Actually, I’m glad you’re home. I wanted to talk to you if you have time?”
“I always have time for you,” Thea promised. It earned her such a sincere smile from Doe. Thea's stomach squirmed with guilt. She wasn't lying, she did always have time for Doe. It didn't make her feel any less like a bad friend for secretly hoping Doe hadn't found her soulmate in Blake.
When Doe gestured for Thea to come in, she took a seat on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them in her best listening pose. “What's up?” she asked.
Doe hesitated before answering. Thea wasn’t sure what to make of it. Doe did turn to face Thea but then looked down almost instantly. It seemed like it took Doe a moment to work up her nerve. While Doe was shy, she hadn’t looked nervous to say something to Thea for years . Thea waited patiently, knowing that Doe would speak when she was ready.
“It’s about Blake,” she finally admitted. Thea could feel her stomach flip suddenly. Doe, of course, didn’t know that as she carried on, “I know we haven’t seen much of each other these past few weeks what with being quite busy.” She shrugged there slightly. “I guess I’m just a bit nervous about needing to tell him...” There her voice dropped off. Despite giving it a moment, Thea didn’t hear an ending to that sentence.
With how nervous Doe obviously was, it wasn't hard for Thea to guess what she wanted to say. She needed to tell Blake how she felt about him - which could mean only one thing. Doe loved Blake. Maybe she even wanted to tell him about her soulmark.
A wave of cold washed over Thea. She hugged her knees even tighter, staring down at Doe's carefully chosen rug. If that was how Doe felt, Thea needed to step back.
But what about Blake? Should Thea tell Doe how he'd kissed her back, or about the time he'd almost kissed her first? With a sinking heart, Thea realized she hadn't heard from Blake at all since Christmas. If those moments had meant anything to him, he'd have got in touch.
Maybe Thea had even imagined that Blake had wanted to kiss her as much as she'd wanted to kiss him.
Doe was watching her. Thea had to shake herself free from her thoughts. “Are you nervous he'll feel differently?” Thea forced herself to ask.
“I am a little, yeah,” Doe answered almost straight away. She brought a hand down to the hem of the sweater she was wearing, playing with it nervously. “I’ve never really had to have this conversation with someone, you know?” she said with a small shrug. “Blake’s so lovely, I just... I hope he feels the same way I do.”
Thea sucked her lower lip, teeth gnawing at it nervously. She had no idea what she should say. Like Doe, she'd never been in this situation before. The one thing she did know for sure, was that Blake and Doe were both good people.
“You should just be honest with him,” Thea advised. If Blake didn't feel the same way, Thea trusted he would let Doe down gently. Maybe it was cowardly, but Thea would be a little relieved not to have to be the one to tell her.
And if Blake did love Doe… Thea didn't let herself think too hard about that.
“But you're not seeing him tonight?” she checked. “Have you thought about when …”
“I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow? I’d like to do it soon, you know? It’s been playing on my mind a lot.” Doe seemed so earnest. It made Thea
feel worse. If Blake did turn her down, tell her he didn’t feel the same way as Doe did, then... well, what if he told Doe why ? Thea couldn’t let Blake tell Doe he’d kissed her if Doe was in love with him, even if he was going to break her heart.
If. Because there was still a chance he did feel the same way. That Doe was his soulmate. And... God, Thea didn’t know what she wanted. Looking at Doe, thinking about how gentle her best friend was, Thea knew she didn’t want her hurt.
“That makes sense,” Thea agreed, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in her stomach. Tomorrow didn't give her much time. Not to mention it felt weird to go behind Doe's back to arrange a time to see Blake. This whole situation was a mess. Part of Thea wished they'd never even met Blake Ashbury. If he was Doe's soulmate, Thea ought to be glad for her sake. She had to try to keep that in mind.
She had to try not to think about how much sadder her own life would feel without Blake's dimples and his sharp sense of humor.
“I hope it all goes well, Doe,” she blurted. She genuinely meant it, but the words almost stuck in her throat.
That earned her a smile from Doe that Thea didn’t really feel like she deserved. “Thanks, Thea,” Doe said, before getting up to come and hug Thea. She hugged back, of course. That, too, felt undeserved. Thea wanted Doe to be happy , she truly did. If that was with Blake then that’s what it would be.
If Doe was going to tell Blake she loved him tomorrow , Thea didn’t have time to waste. She waited until Doe had gone out to meet her friend, then texted Blake to ask if she could come over.
Even the fact that he agreed made Thea feel guilty. As far as she knew, Blake hadn’t seen Doe in days. Yet here he was, making time for Thea at the drop of a hat. She tried to harden her heart to him, telling herself he wasn’t even treating Doe well - until she remembered she wanted him to treat Doe well.
Thea had never been this confused about a man. She didn’t like it. All the way to Blake’s apartment, she could feel nervous butterflies battering at the walls of her stomach. It made her palms clammy. She had to wipe them on her jeans three times before she nerved herself to actually knock on Blake’s door.
His apartment was lovely . Thea was honestly distracted from her mission just by looking around the place. Even knowing Blake had come from money, Thea wouldn’t necessarily have guessed it. His furniture was of good quality, but there was nothing ostentatious. She knew he had someone in to clean for him, but the place didn’t look sterile. It was spacious and bright.
It felt lived it. It felt like a home in the same way Doe had made the apartment she and Thea shared feel like a home. It only made Thea more acutely aware of how suited the two of them were.
Before now, she hadn’t even considered how pleased her parents would be if they found out she was dating someone who’s family owned ski resorts. If only she could hold on to her teenage spirit of rebellion and let that make Blake less appealing.
“I really love what you’ve done here,” Thea said, the words falling from her lips almost without her thinking about it.
She paused then. She knew she should move straight on to what she’d come to talk about. She didn’t quite know how to. What if she was wrong about Blake kissing her back? What if she’d imagined that he wanted to kiss her in the kitchen? She’d sound like an idiot if she told him they needed to keep their distance if he hadn’t even noticed her.
Maybe part of her didn’t want to bring whatever was happening between them to an end.
Blake looked around as if considering Thea’s point before he smiled. “Thanks. I’m pretty proud of it. I know some guys on the team hire designers to dress their homes, but I wanted to see how much I could do on my own.” At the look Thea gave him, Blake shrugged. “Yeah, I am aware that I just accurately used ‘to dress a home’ in a sentence.” He didn’t even sound particularly ashamed about it, which made Thea grin.
“It’s not quite as nice as your flat, though,” he commented. “I definitely have a lot more mismatched stuff that I think isn’t mismatched.” Blake’s tone was teasing. He waved his hand in the general direction of his living room. There were cushions that definitely didn’t match the curtains and random pictures that seemed almost a bit odd. Somehow, though, it just made the place more Blake .
Thea’s tongue felt too heavy in her mouth. She rarely struggled to talk to people. Right now she couldn’t seem to find the right kind of thing to say. She didn’t want to talk about what she’d come to talk about, but it filled her mind so completely that it was hard to think of anything else.
“A little mismatching is good,” she said. She sounded uncertain. She did believe that when everything matched perfectly, it just made everything look too designed. “My favorite lamp is one I had to convince Doe to buy even though it didn’t match anything else we owned. Every time I look at it, it reminds me how much I loved it when I saw it in the shop. I wanted it so much that I wouldn’t have cared if it was bright purple.”
The smile that Blake gave in response made Thea look away. It reminded her of everything she wasn’t supposed to want. The way his cheeks dimpled took her back to that first encounter they had. How different would have things turned out if Blake hadn’t been named ‘Blake’?
It wasn’t something Thea could let herself dwell on. Blake was Blake. Blake was also dating Doe. It didn’t matter what Thea thought or how she felt. Doe deserved better. Thea was so distracted by her own internal motivational speech that she missed Blake agreeing with her.
“Lamps aren’t my forte,” he commented. “I am very good at picking a mismatching cushion or an unexpectedly useless doorstop.”
It made Thea laugh, in spite of herself. There was something about Blake that was charmingly self-deprecating. It was another thing, like how skilled Blake was at conversation, that made him a good fit for Doe. Thea should want to push them together. She wanted Doe to be happy, to find the match she'd talked about that she could one day show her soulmark to. If that match were Blake, then Thea needed to step aside.
"I didn't really come over to talk about doorstops," she said, forcing the words past her lips. Blake glanced at her, clearly giving her space to carry on. Thea froze like a rabbit in the headlights.
She had to carry on, no matter how much she wanted to do almost anything else. Her stomach knotted with a physical pain that seemed to take root deep in Thea's body.
"I don't know how to start," she admitted. "I came because we need to talk about… us."
Blake’s eyes widened at that. Thea could hardly blame him. If the tables were reversed, she would be surprised to have Blake show up at hers and want to talk about them . The surprise in his face didn’t last long. Thea could swear it was momentarily replaced by something that looked a lot like guilt.
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Blake nodded. “We do need to.”
“We can’t just keep going as we have been,” Thea said, forcing her voice to sound determined. “I don’t believe either of us meant any harm.” She did believe that. It would have been easier if Blake had been a scumbag, someone Thea thought was hurting Doe intentionally. She trusted that Blake wasn’t like that. She certainly knew she hadn’t wished for any of this.
She gave herself a little shake. “If we don’t change something, we’ll end up hurting someone. Hurting Doe .”
Thea felt a moment of total insecurity, like the bottom had dropped out of her stomach. “I’m not imagining it, am I?” she suddenly asked. “You did kiss me back?” She had to know.
“I did kiss you back,” Blake confirmed. Thea almost gave a sigh of relief. Except there wasn’t anything to be relieved about. “Thea, I wanted to kiss you before then and I’ve wanted to kiss you since then,” he said, sounding so fucking sincere . “And yes, I know that’s not... I know Doe’s your best friend and it’s really shitty of me.” The look on Blake’s face portrayed genuine guilt. Somehow even that made him look attractive.
“So I’m going to break up with Doe. And I...” But before Blake co
uld finish, Thea interrupted him.
“What?” It had been the last thing she had expected him to say. Thea just stared at Blake, like if she looked at him hard enough, she’d be able to understand what was going on inside his head.
“You think I came here to convince you to break up with my best friend?” It honestly shocked Thea that Blake could think that of her, that he could misunderstand her so badly. All Thea wanted in the world was to get herself out of this situation without hurting Doe.
Which meant Blake couldn't break up with her. Not so soon after Doe had decided that she loved him. It would break her heart. Thea wasn't willing to stand for that.
“I’m not interested in dating you, Blake,” Thea said, making her tone as blunt as she could. “It would be shitty of me . I'm not going to do it.”
The words seemed to almost push Blake back as he took a step away. Then, Blake shook his head. “No, of course. I didn't think you came here to tell me to break up with Doe,” he answered her question. It was almost like Blake was using it to gather his thoughts.
“If you're not interested in dating me that's... fine. Like, it sucks but I get it. I'm still going to break up with Doe. It's not fair of me to date her when I... When I like someone else instead.”
Thea could feel the guilt she’d carried around for days turning into irritation. “Not fair ,” she repeated, unable to keep the sarcasm from her tone. “But you think it’s fair to break up with her?”
She didn’t pause to let Blake answer that. “Doe doesn’t deserve to be dumped when she hasn’t done anything wrong.” It made Thea’s own heart hurt to think of how upset Doe would be.
“You haven’t given her enough of a chance,” she insisted. “You’ve been too busy talking to me at parties, taking me skiing. That’s why I came over - because I think we need to keep our distance. That’ll give you a chance to actually get to know Doe, properly.”
Best Shot (Madison Howlers Book 2) Page 14
