by Lily White
That’s the fucking problem.
So why can’t I just come out and say it?
Ivy uncrosses her arms and moves to step around me to leave the room.
Pausing, she doesn’t bother looking my direction when she says, “You wanted this. I’m giving it to you. You win. And when my price is paid, I’ll be gone.”
When she takes another step, I wrap my hand around her bicep without thinking, her eyes sliding to meet mine.
We stare at each other for several tense seconds, my mind racing with a million thoughts I can’t make sense of while she flicks a glance to my hand and back up.
“Do you mind? I’d like to go back out there and do as I’m told.”
My jaw tics, frustration eating at me because I don’t fucking want that.
Rather than saying anything, I release her arm and watch her walk to the door.
She looks at me from over her shoulder. “I don’t know why you dragged me back here, Gabe. I’m behaving just like you asked. You should be smiling because I’m giving you everything you want.”
Except I don’t want it.
I certainly don’t fucking like it.
And if I don’t stop being a damn idiot, the woman I can’t admit I’ve always wanted will be gone for good.
After eighteen years, Ivy is finally giving up.
A girl who always fights.
A woman who never crumbles.
She’s walking away.
And that’s the last fucking thing I want.
Ivy
I don’t know what came over me earlier. I hadn’t intended to call Gabriel out on everything. Hadn’t intended to lose my shit and practically scream in his face.
But it was like it all boiled over and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Years of feeling this way festered to the surface.
Hating him.
Fighting him.
Chasing him.
And in some weird way loving him.
It all shot to the top in a blur of memories and emotions, the words I’ve always wanted to say rushing out before I could stuff them back in.
The entire time, Gabriel stared at me like I was a stranger. Someone he doesn’t know or even care about.
He only wanted me to behave.
To be subdued.
To be somebody I’m not.
Do you know how frustrating that is? There I was, begging him to be the real person I know that he is, and his response was to ask me to wear a mask just like him. To pretend. To hide myself.
That hurt the worst, I think.
I gave him the chance to finally show himself on purpose. I dropped my walls and was honest for once as I tossed it all in his face. And all he could do was stay silent while I practically begged him to see the truth of who we are and have always been.
All I’m asking for is him.
And his only response was to reject me.
He truly has no idea.
But I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
I turned to walk away, my shoulders weighed down with failure, my tears still fighting to fall.
And he let me.
He didn’t care.
He was happy I agreed to be someone I’m not.
So I gave him what he wanted. I sat there. I let Tanner tell me to look pretty. I didn’t say a damn word that wasn’t in some way contributing to what Gabriel wanted.
Even that doesn’t make him happy.
The only choice I have is to walk away.
Everything I’ve done.
Everything I’ve risked.
It’s all for nothing.
I’ve done a lot of stupid things in life. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions. But the worst mistake I’ve ever made is believing that Gabriel could ever change. My worst mistake was holding on to him with the hope he would one day drop the mask.
I’m walking away again, and I’m almost to the door when he finally speaks and says the last thing I expect him to admit.
“That’s not what I want.”
Gabriel’s voice is so quiet that I’m not even sure I heard him right.
My feet pause, my fingers sliding over the handle of the door.
I shake my head and think I imagined it, so I move again to open the door.
Gabriel rushes forward to slam his hand against the wood and shut it.
I feel the heat of him against my back, tremble when he lowers his head to speak next to my ear.
“Did you hear me?”
There is so much anger in his voice. Frustration. Pain. It fucking pains him to admit the truth of his thoughts. It pains me to hear it.
Letting out a shaky breath, I say, “I thought I was imagining it.”
Silence beats between us, but he doesn’t move and neither do I.
“Damn it, Ivy. You know what I said.”
Refusing to look back at him, I close my eyes and vacillate between screaming at him again or letting him speak.
We’re frozen in place, hesitant to confront the issue that is blazing like a spotlight in our faces.
What do we want?
What can we give?
Is it possible to cross the enemy line we’ve always drawn to be what we always should have been?
“What don’t you want?” I ask, my voice a shaky whisper.
Gabriel’s mouth brushes my ear, breath hot against my skin.
“I don’t want you to behave. I can’t stand it when you pretend to be someone you’re not.”
My lips curl to hear it while sorrow douses my heart.
“That’s funny. I’ve always thought the same about you.”
Gabriel’s hand grips my hip, his fingers latching down so hard that I gasp.
My forehead falls against the door as he tugs my ass against his body. When he runs his lips down the centerline of my neck, I shiver at how soft they are.
It’s like having a powder keg standing behind me, the threat of violence ready to explode. I can feel his hesitation in the grip of his hand, can feel the tension of his restraint.
Just cross the line, I think, but I say nothing.
If Gabriel is ever going to let go, he needs to be the one who decides it.
Eventually his mouth moves to the nape of my neck, lips pressed against the skin.
For a moment, I think he’ll release me and walk away, that he’ll pull that mask back on because it’s what he always does. That he’ll demand I behave.
But then the powder keg explodes, the line finally crossed as he spins me to face him, and his mouth collides with mine.
We become the storm at that moment, a mess of teeth and tongues, of hatred and need, of violence that swirls with everything we’ve felt for each other but we’re too stubborn to admit.
We’re exploding and imploding all at the same time. Shedding our masks. Laying down our weapons. Wiping the line from the sand that has always been our battleground.
Gabriel’s hand slides to the cheek of my ass to lift me up, my legs wrapping around his waist as my fingers dive into his hair, and I pull him tighter into the kiss.
Breathing isn’t necessary because he has always been my air. The influence that gives me life. The man who painted all my colors and showed me who I am.
Even if he never knew it.
Even if I’ve never admitted the truth of what I felt.
Gabriel’s biceps bunch as he yanks me from the door and carries me to the large couch in the center of the room, my back pressed against the soft leather as his hips spread my legs apart, his hand sliding up the back of my thigh.
Fingertips drag red trails up my skin, and I squirm at the desperation I feel in him. I don’t care about the marks. He can carve his damn name in my skin if that’s what he wants.
Take it all, I think. It’s always been there for you to grab onto...
Breaking our kiss, he presses his forehead to mine, green eyes trapping me in place so full of heat they’re liquid.
“How do you do this to me?” he growls, and I tremble beneath the rough ed
ge of his voice.
I blink up at him, heavy breath beating quickly over my lips.
“Do what?”
“Take away my control? You’ve always done it.”
His fingers clamp down on my leg harder, my eyes fluttering closed because I don’t know what to say, don’t know what to feel.
All I know is I need him to run that hand up higher and show me what I do to him.
“Show me,” I breathe out. “Just show yourself to me for once.”
The last thread of hesitation snaps, and Gabriel gives me everything.
His mouth claims mine again, and he shoves my skirt up to my hips with one hand while peeling the thin strap of my dress off my shoulder with the other.
Gabriel’s teeth sink into my bottom lip, his hand still dragging the top of my dress down until it’s a bundle of fabric covering my abdomen, a thin barrier lost as he takes everything I’ve always been willing to give him.
A masculine sound rattles in his chest as his hand locks over my breast, his thumb circling the nipple before he dips his head down to suck it into his mouth so hard that my head falls back and electricity shoots like a line down to my core.
I’m fighting to drag his shirt off his body, and he’s shoving my panties down my legs.
We’re a coordinated effort struggling to strip away every barrier between us, frantic to finally come together in a way that leaves both of us naked and bare.
Not just our bodies, though.
We want to see everything.
Taste it.
Bite it.
Fucking bleed for each other, if necessary.
Releasing my breast to rip the shirt over his head, his mouth lands on my neck, his tongue sweeping out at my pulse as my hands fight to unbutton his pants.
My fingers lose their grip when he thrusts three fingers inside me, stretching them apart until his name rolls off my lips.
“Fuck, Gabriel...”
I can feel his smile against my skin.
The real one.
But it’s gone as a moan crawls up his throat, the wet sounds of his hand moving between my legs only turning me on more.
Mouth to my ear, he teases me.
“It’s time for you to pray again. I won’t fucking stop until you’re screaming it.”
My voice is trembling when I argue, “I don’t pray. Oh! God...”
He laughs. “There it is.”
His hand thrusts harder, and I’m shoved up the couch, my back arching as his lips close over my nipple, his teeth teasing me before he moves to the soft flesh and bites down to bruise the skin.
Fingers twisting into his hair, I lose the battle against the first orgasm that assaults me, his thumb circling my clit just as my inner muscles tighten around his fingers.
“Do you see me now?” he breathes against my ear.
Nodding my head, I can’t speak with the waves of pleasure rolling through me, can’t see past the stars bursting behind my eyes.
My entire body goes taut, and I just ride it, become lost to what his hand is doing to me, shiver beneath the way his lips trail down my neck until his teeth sink into the soft spot that drives me wild.
Catching my breath, I blink my eyes open.
“I want to see all of you.”
Our gazes meet for a silent second, and I do see him.
I see Gabriel without the mask he always wears.
Reaching between us, I rip the button of his pants open, his hips lifting as I shove them down over his hips.
Gabriel pushes up to his knees to help me out, and I stare up at a body that is perfectly carved.
Sliding my palms up his chest and over his shoulders, I tug his mouth down to mine as he shifts to kick his pants off his legs. His cock notches at my pussy, the head sinking in slowly when a fist pounds against the door.
“Guys! Come the fuck on, we’re in the middle of a meeting.”
Gabriel growls at the sound of Tanner’s voice.
“Give us a minute!”
For a few seconds, we pause, my body squirming because I need him inside me.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tanner yells. “Again?”
“Go away,” I yell, laughter in my voice until Gabriel’s eyes meet mine and his cock sinks slowly inside me.
The sound that rolls over my lips is carnal, my eyes closing as his mouth drops to my ear again to remind me, “Those sounds are mine, Ivy. This perfect cunt is mine, too.”
When his hips move with every punishing thrust, I can’t argue.
He owns me in ways I’ve never allowed another person. Brings me to life until I’m swimming in the broad strokes of color we paint for each other.
We’re a storm again, only when it’s like this, I’m dancing within the violence instead of running like hell to survive it.
It’s not long before he drives another explosive orgasm through me, my body going taut as my inner muscles grip down, every thrust pushing me so far over the edge that my fingernails dig into his back, marking him as much as his mouth marks me.
“Pray,” he whispers against my ear, but it’s only his name that falls off my lips.
His teeth nip my earlobe.
“I think I like my name on your lips most of all.”
Gabriel sinks deeper inside me, fills every inch of me, stretches me until I feel nothing but him. But even he can’t keep from being shoved over that edge, his mouth finding mine as he pulls out in time to come on the inside of my thigh.
The mess we make somehow feels right.
We’ve always been messy.
Neither of us content to stay within neatly drawn lines.
We both break away from the kiss, our foreheads pressing together as he stares down at me.
“What am I going to do with you?”
Grinning at that, I’m breathless when I answer, “The thing you should have done all along.”
He manages to cock a brow.
“And that is?”
“Ask me to help you instead of always fighting against me.”
Something unsaid rolls behind his eyes. He blinks, and when he lifts the lids, my breath catches to see him so open.
“Will you help me?”
My smile stretches wider.
“It’s about time you ask. Of course, I will.”
“Even if it means going against your father?”
I press my palm to his cheek.
“I think we can do this without hurting him in the process. And if you’d just given me a chance to tell you that without bullying me, I could have explained it.”
Staring at me as if it’s the first time he’s really seen me, Gabriel grins.
“Sorry about that. Maybe someday I’ll try to make it up to you.”
“Oh, you’ll try?” I laugh. “Just do me a favor from now on, and that’s all it will take.”
He doesn’t need to ask for me to say it.
“Always show me the real Gabriel from now on. No more Fraud. No more fake bullshit. I don’t care what you show other people, but you better be real with me. Can you do that?”
His lips purse in consideration.
“Yeah.”
My heart swells for us to finally be here. At this point. On the other side of the dividing line.
“Good. Now let’s get cleaned up and get the hell out there before Tanner has a heart attack.”
Laughing, Gabriel pushes up on his arms, but is still looking down at me.
“He might try to kill you for the chair thing.”
I roll my eyes.
“I’m not worried about it. I’ve taken on guys just as big and bad as him. After fighting with you for years, there’s nothing in this world that scares me. Especially him.”
“Glad I could help,” he says with humor in his voice.
He smiles again, and I see the truth of him.
It’s like sunshine finally breaking through the dark clouds.
I don’t say it, but only one thought whispers in my mind.
Thank
you for challenging me. And thank you for always making me feel alive.
Gabriel
When we leave the den, Ivy walks out ahead of me, her long hair a mess falling down her back and her eyes scanning the living room as we walk in.
Tanner’s stare shoots to me immediately, and I grin like I hadn’t just wasted an hour of his time.
Even though Ivy got cleaned up and was ready to walk out, I’d trapped her against the door for round two.
We weren’t quiet about it either.
Leaning a shoulder against a wall, I watch Ivy resume her place by Luca and Ava.
“We all good now?” Tanner asks me. “Did you get it out of your system...again?”
A smile stretches my lips. “Yeah. We just had some issues to discuss.”
The other guys smirk and laugh softly, a few elbowing each other as Tanner stares at me with disbelief.
“It sounded like one hell of a discussion. You sure you’re ready to get back to why we’re all here?”
“I can go one more time if you all want to give me another half hour.” I shrug and run a hand through my hair. “I’ll make it quick, just so you don’t feel bad about yourself.”
Tanner’s stare narrows on my face.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Another shrug. “Nothing. It was just the type of discussion that takes time. But if you think it can be accomplished in less than five minutes-“
I leave the implication to hang between us as his eyes widen.
“Whatever, asshole. I’m not going to stand here and argue about my stamina.”
I know Tanner better than that. He won’t let the jab go. He’s too damn arrogant to let it slide.
“I’ll let Luca tell you instead.” He turns to her. “Babe, tell him.”
“Are you insane?” Her face turns a bright red as her head spins to glare at Tanner. “Just finish the meeting, and shut the fuck up.”
The rest of the guys bust out laughing, and my eyes slide Ivy’s direction to see her cheeks stain pink.
It feels weird seeing her as part of the group. But maybe that’s what fate had always intended. I can’t say I’m surprised about it, though. In so many ways, our paths have always led the same direction.
Thinking back to what my father said, I wonder again about the agreement he had with Ivy’s father.
Why would they want us to get married? It seems like every time we get closer to one answer, a million more questions pop up to replace it.
