And more stages are to come. Still a wife and mother, I’m negotiating the unfamiliar spaces of our now-empty nest and watching our grown children from a distance. There will surely be midlife crises of various sizes, financial worries, career stresses, weird growths, gray roots, and all sorts of marital annoyances to pick apart. The coming years will bring extended-family milestones like crying tears of joy at college graduations (if Lilly passes Organic Chemistry), bonding with future in-laws at engagement parties (as long as they know, we get them for Thanksgiving), dancing at wedding receptions (if Francis’s sciatica isn’t acting up), taking the grandchildren out for ice cream (as long as they follow “The Rules”), and big family vacations to Fiji paid for by our wildly-successful children (I like to think positively).
I look out at what lies ahead, and I sense the familiar mix of excitement and fear I felt at age three on the beach, standing before the great, big ocean. But now, I take in the chaos and the joy around me and remind myself with confidence, “It won’t hurt you, Mommy.”
CREDITS
The Husband: Francis
As readers have surely come to understand, you, Francis, are probably reading these acknowledgments hoping and expecting to see your name displayed prominently. Your inflated ego is part of what I (and many others) love about you, but your endearing self-centeredness also provided useful fodder for your character portrayal in these episodes.
So, first and foremost, I must thank you, Francis. Without you, I wouldn’t have such good material. But also, you have been there, supporting me, reading with me, laughing with me, from the first essays I wrote while you were on deployment, to the public humiliation of me having your toenail described as a “little hoof” in The Washington Post, to the development of my blog and column, to the nights when I hadn’t cooked you dinner because I was on deadline, to the times that I read my drafts to you over the phone while you were commuting from New Jersey, to the joy we both felt when I signed the contract to publish this book.
If I had a quarter for every time you bragged, “Have you met my wife, Lisa? She’s a columnist, and she’s written a book,” we’d have enough for to pay those tuition bills. Well, not exactly, but the point is that I am forever grateful for your love and support throughout this project. You’re my Day One, Honey.
The Mother: Mom, a.k.a., Maz
Because of your unconditional love and encouragement, I’ve read my stories to you over the telephone every week for years. You’re the person I turned to for suggesting the perfect wording for a sentence, brainstorming titles, coming up with synonyms, and creative turns of phrase.
And in return for that loyalty, I offered nothing but sarcastic retorts and blatant disrespect.
Mom, thank you for never complaining when I demanded your ideas then immediately shot them down in disgust. Thanks for always answering my requests for clever words, puns, and alliterations, only to have me patently reject them. I’m grateful for the many times you suggested other options, even though I summarily waved each one off. You were the best sounding board any author could ask for.
(Truth be told, I used a lot of your ideas, and even when I didn’t, our weekly calls always made my writing better.)
Love you, Mom.
The Kids: Hayden, Anna, and Lilly
If you are reading this, you must be middle-aged by now, and you found this book while cleaning out the house after I died. Don’t worry, I’m not angry about that. I understand why you were never particularly interested in reading my columns and stories. For you, this was simply your life. You didn’t need to read about it to know what happened.
But still, I hope this book serves as a written scrapbook of the hilarious, scary, heart-warming, sad, boring, poignant, and real moments in our family life. I was so proud to describe each one of you in this book, because being the mother of three unique, smart, loving, funny, successful, talented, compassionate children has been my greatest accomplishment in life.
Thank you, Hayden, Anna, and Lilly, for making me the luckiest mom in the world. I love you forever.
By the way, when you come across my vintage apron collection, don’t give it to Goodwill. It must be worth some money by now, so sell it on eBay, and take yourselves out to dinner together on me. XOXO
Location Manager: US Navy
This book would not exist if I were not a military spouse. Instead, I would probably be sitting in the plush corner office of my own law firm, counting my bags of money. But in a random twist of fate, I married a navy man. The navy moved us to foreign lands, rendered my law career impossible, convinced me to be a stay-at-home mom, and brought me to the brink of insanity during a year-long deployment. Without that turn of events, I would not have started writing to relieve my stress.
So thank you, US Navy, for inspiring me to write for survival, obviating the need for me to count any bags of money. In all seriousness, I consider being a military spouse an honor and a privilege. Frankly, I’m downright sappy about it. I wouldn’t change my husband’s twenty-eight years of service for the world. Our experiences as a military family made us richer and more grateful than we’d ever dreamed.
Thank you for the privilege of serving this country.
The Backstage Crew: Newport Round Table
When I joined our small local writer’s group back in 2013, I thought you all looked like you might be serial killers. But thankfully, on that first night when my “fight or flight” instinct told me to run for the door, I resisted the urge, and instead of bolting, I wrote funny things about each of you in my notebook. Yes, I still have that notebook, and no, you can’t read it.
I soon came to realize that you were all talented writers, skilled critics, and really cool characters, and that I needed your guidance. You faithfully read and critiqued my stories over and over, one after the other, until my manuscript was done. Sure, there was some drama along the way, but I cherished every moment when my readings made you laugh.
Thank you most especially to Nancy, Carolyn, and Devin. You gave me advice, encouragement, confidence, true friendship, and plenty of damned good guacamole.
The Producers: Terri and Karen at Elva Resa Publishing
If it weren’t for you, Terri Barnes, I’d probably be working the night shift at 7-Eleven. We met in a mall food court when we were both stationed in Germany, launching the Patch Barracks writers group. You opened doors of opportunity to me and recommended me to replace you after you completed your tour of duty as a columnist for Stars and Stripes. You’ve been a mentor to me, so it seems perfectly scripted that you became the editor of this book.
Thank you for encouraging me to take my book idea to Elva Resa Publishing and for introducing me to Karen Pavlicin-Fragnito, publisher at Elva Resa and a fellow military spouse.
Karen, thank you for publishing my story. I couldn’t be happier to work with a company dedicated to books by, for, and about military-connected folks. You are my people.
Thank you, Terri and Karen, for this opportunity, for shaping and publishing this book, of which I will be forever proud.
READER DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
In this book, author Lisa Smith Molinari is open about her own struggle to cope with the complications of parenting and marriage. In what ways can you relate to her struggle?
What aspects of the author’s stories resonated with you the most? Why?
Which story in the book did you think was the funniest? Which story was the most poignant?
As Lisa discovered, sometimes the reality of marriage was different from her expectations. Have you found that to be true as well? If so, what does that mean for your relationship with your spouse? How do you address the differences between expectation and reality?
How is family life different for you than it was for your parents? How are your daily demands different from those of your parents?
Has technology had a negative or positive impact on parenting and marriage today? What are some examples from your experience?
Do you think t
he impact of the latest technology is different today than the impact of the technologies developed in other generations?
Research suggests that people today experience more anxiety and depression than those of previous generations. What aspects of modern life might contribute to this phenomenon?
Sometimes the minutiae and busyness of daily routines can overshadow the essentials of family life. Have you ever overlooked something important in your marriage or parenting experience while focusing on daily duties? What are your biggest distractions and how do they impact you?
In what ways did having a child with special needs affect Lisa’s career path and choices? Her parenting philosophy? How were other members of the family affected?
How does humor help Lisa cope with the daily challenges she writes about? When is humor effective in mitigating family tension and stress? Are there times when humor is not effective, in your experience?
What are some other strategies families can use to cope with daily and ongoing pressures and stresses? What works best for your family?
The episodes in this book span about twenty years in the life of Lisa’s family. How did her perspective change as the book progressed from her wedding to empty nest? How has your perspective changed during your years of marriage and/or parenting?
What struggles does Lisa present in “The Rise and Fall of Supermom”? How does she revisit those struggles in the epilogue, “It Won’t Hurt You, Mommy”? For each, has she solved the problem or overcome that struggle? Why or why not?
How do you look for and discover the hidden meaning in the chaos of daily family life? What are the meat and potatoes of your life?
The Meat and Potatoes of Life Page 19
