I intend on going home to do it in private, but when I spot a Starbucks before I get to the tube station I find myself walking inside and straight towards the toilets.
The last place I want to do this is in a public bathroom, but now the test is in my possession, my need to find out is too strong.
I lock myself in the last cubicle and pull the box from my bag. I read the instructions, trying to register what the words are telling me, but other than the final result everything passes me by. I know the gist of these things; I’ve heard them spoken about enough. Pee on the stick and wait for your fate to be decided. So that’s what I do.
I balance the little bit of plastic upside down on the toilet roll holder as I right my clothing and begin pacing the tiny space.
I’m not. I can’t be. Ben’s wrong. I’m just putting too much on myself with work and I’m exhausted. No matter how many times I repeat those words in my head, I know they’re not true.
Glancing down at my phone, it confirms that enough time has passed. I take a long, slow breath and shake my hands out, hoping they’ll stop trembling, and reach out for the test.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I turn it over, count to three and then look.
Pregnant. “Fuck.” I stumble back and crash into the cubicle wall.
“Are you okay?” someone calls out.
“Y-yeah, thanks.” I’ve no idea if it comes out loud enough for anyone to hear; I’m too focused on that one little word.
That one little word that has the power to change my life.
I’ve no idea how I managed it, but somehow I find my way out of Starbucks and onto a tube heading toward home. Everything around me is a blur; all I can see is that one word.
When I eventually make it home, I drop my bag in the hallway, kick off my shoes and curl up on my bed.
I don’t cry, I don’t scream. I don’t do anything. I’m just numb.
* * *
I manage to drag my pathetic arse out of bed, ready for Joe to come home. I try to make myself look a little presentable, but when I glance in the mirror in the hallway I realise I’ve failed miserably.
I kick-start the coffee machine so I can have a mug ready for him. I’ve noticed over the past couple of weeks that he’s started going out on Thursday nights, although I don’t think it’s the kind of night out he’s used to as he’s usually home before ten.
He appears right on time and, as he walks towards me, I push his steaming mug of black coffee towards him, trying to ignore the churning of my stomach as the scent fills my nose.
“Are you okay? Ben said he sent you home.”
“I’ll be fine. You out tonight?”
Something passes across his face but it’s gone too quickly for me to be able to read. “Uh…yeah?”
“This is turning into a regular thing. Have you met someone?” I ask, disappointed that he hasn't even mentioned it if he has.
“What? No,” he says, a little too defensively. “I’ve just been meeting a friend.” I don’t believe a word of it, and the fact that he can’t hold my eyes as he says it confirms that he’s not telling me the whole story. “Thanks for the coffee. I need to shower.” He turns back before he leaves the room and drops a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispers before disappearing. I’ve no idea what he’s thanking me for. Shrugging at his elusiveness, I take my glass of water over to the sofa to find something to stare at on the TV.
Joe reappears dressed to impress, including his thick-rimmed glasses that make him look like a sexy bad boy nerd, and rushes out of the door. It makes me even more suspicious about what he’s up to.
Resting back, my stomach rumbles. I don’t really want to eat anything, knowing it’ll probably only make me feel sick, but guilt tugs at my insides. I need to start looking after myself.
I just get to the kitchen when there’s a knock on the door. Peeking through the peephole, my heart begins to race as I find Trey on the other side. Ben wouldn't have said anything, would he?
I take a couple of deep breaths, hold my head high and pull the door open.
“Hey, are you feeling any better? Ben said you were pretty rough this morning. Did you get worse after I left?”
“Yeah, eating something before leaving the house didn't really help.”
“Are you hungry now? I brought soup.”
My stomach growls loudly right on cue, distracting Trey from the tears once again filling my eyes at his thoughtfulness.
“Yes, come on in. I’ll get bowls.”
It turns out that Trey not only bought soup but also a freshly baked loaf of bread and a new tub of ice cream after I polished off the one he got me last night with gusto. Something about the cold sweetness really helped to settle my stomach, and tonight is the same.
“You’ve got a little colour back in your cheeks. Chicken soup really does fix everything.”
I mumble my agreement but, in reality, soup is never going to fix what I’m hiding right now.
I should tell him, I know that, but the idea of allowing the actual words past my lips has the beginnings of a panic attack clawing at my lungs. I need to figure out how I feel about this before I even think about getting Trey’s perspective. Our relationship might have been becoming more serious lately, but we’re still quite a way from the marriage and kids talk. I’m worried this new development is going to ruin everything we’re been building together.
“If you’re feeling better tomorrow, will you have dinner with me? I want to take you to my favourite restaurant.”
“That sounds good. I told Ben I’d stay off tomorrow as well, so it’ll be nice to get out of the house.”
He nods, pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. I allow myself to relax into his warmth and fight to keep thoughts of our future out of my mind.
I end up falling asleep beside him. I’m vaguely aware of him carrying me to bed and sliding in beside me, but that’s it. The next time I wake, I’m once again alone in my bed with only thoughts of my reality to keep me company.
Chapter Eighteen
After another day lying on the sofa watching reruns of Friends for the millionth time, I’m glad I agreed to go out tonight. I’ve grazed on beige food all day, and eating little and often has helped keep my sickness at bay.
As much as I’ve tried to tell myself that I can keep this a secret, I know I’m only lying to myself. Trey deserves to know about what’s really wrong with me. After all, it takes two to tango, and although I reassured him that I was on the pill, we’re both intelligent adults who know that it’s not one hundred percent effective. There’s always a risk. The chance might be low but unfortunately we’re now some of the unlucky—or lucky, depending on how you look at it—ones.
Standing in the mirror, I stare at myself in one of my favourite fitted dresses and try to imagine what I might look like in a few months’ time if I continue with this pregnancy. I always thought that, if I ever got pregnant, it would be when I was in a stable relationship, married even, and that it would be planned. I’ve always ensured I’ve stayed on top of my birth control to stop any unwanted surprises, but now it’s here I don’t really know what to think. Is it an unwanted surprise, or is it just one of those things that’s meant to be? Is it a sign that Trey really could be the one and that we’re destined for a life together? Is this the universe pushing us closer and making me pull my head out of my arse and ensuring that I accept how I really feel about him?
I rub my hand down over my flat stomach, thinking about how it might feel to have another person growing inside me. A part of me—a part of Trey.
My heart tumbles again. I need to tell him as soon as possible. I consider phoning him and arranging for us to have dinner here so I can do it in private, but I remember the excitement that glittered in his eyes as he told me about his favourite restaurant.
It’ll be fine, I tell myself. He’ll totally accept it.
Grabbing my phone to check the time, I find a voicemail from him. Quickly swiping the screen, I pu
t it on speaker. It doesn't matter how many times I hear his deep voice, it still affects me like it did that first time he whispered in my ear at The Avenue all those weeks ago.
“Hey, sweetheart. I’m so sorry, I’m stuck in traffic. I’ve organised for a taxi to come and pick you up. I’ll meet you at the restaurant. See you soon.”
My stomach drops, knowing that I’m going to have to wait even longer to see him. I need to get the words out that have been taunting me since the moment I revealed the result on that little white stick. The more time I have, the more chance there is that I’ll manage to talk myself out of telling him, and that can’t happen.
Pulling on a pair of court shoes, I head out of the building to find the taxi he promised.
The second I pull the main door open, I spot the black cab idling outside.
“Erica?” he asks as I walk towards him.
“Yes.”
I jump in the back and try to prepare for what tonight’s going to bring. My stomach churns with nerves and I feel sicker than I have all day.
By the time the taxi pulls up outside the fancy restaurant, I’m a mess. My hands are trembling, my palms are sweating, and I can barely swallow, my mouth is so dry.
It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine, I chant as I walk inside and speak to the maître de.
He smiles warmly when I say Trey’s name, and he tells me to follow to his favourite table.
I lower myself in the seat when he pulls it out and order myself a lime and soda to sip while I wait.
He’s back within seconds and leaves me with the menus to browse. I flick it open but I don’t see any of the words; they all just blur into a mix of letters and numbers as what I need to say to Trey runs around my head.
I’m totally lost in my own thoughts and it’s not until the chair opposite me is pulled out and a body drops down onto it that I realise I have company.
Looking up, my brows draw together, a deep line forming between them as I stare at a woman. She looks kind of average and most definitely isn’t dressed for this place, which confuses me even more.
“Hello,” she says with the fakest smile I think I’ve ever seen.
“Uh…hi?”
“I know you’re not expecting me.” My eyes narrow as I try to figure out what she’s saying. “I’m Sarah, Trey’s wife. I thought it was time we met.”
Erica and Trey’s story continues in DEMANDING REDEMPTION.
ONE CLICK NOW
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Acknowledgments
When I first embarked on this series, I had no idea that Erica was going to appear, but not long after writing her spunky office girl character, I knew that she had a story to tell. It’s safe to say that she threw all my plans out of the window and started to tell me her story instead. And I’m so glad she did, because I love her. I love her hard outer shell that gives the impression that no one can touch her but, in reality, she’s craving love and a happily ever after like everyone else. Much like Trey, really. How hot is he? I was really worried about the man who was going to follow on from Ben because he owns such a huge part of my heart, but Trey…I’m pretty sure he rose to the challenge with his dominance and sexy demands. Although he’s got his work cut out for him after what’s just happened. I’m excited to find out how he deals with it and wins his girl back.
A huge thank you once again to Michelle for being there every step of the way with this book. I couldn't do this without our daily chats, whether it be over tea and cake while the monsters play or over the phone. By the time this book releases it will be five years since we met. That day, neither of us knew it but our lives were about to change forever. Because of meeting you, I’ve done things I never ever thought I would, my life has changed in so many ways, and I know the woman who made it happen would be up there smiling down on us now, knowing she had a hand in it.
Deanna, Susanne and Tracy, thank you so much for picking up Erica and Trey’s story the second it dropped on to your Kindles and your kind—and not so kind—messages about it. I appreciated every bit of your feedback more than you know, so thank you.
My long suffering editor, Evelyn. Thank you once again for taking my mess of words and commas and turning it into something readable! I could not do this without you.
Huge thank you to Paige who agreed to proofread this around her wedding. Massive congratulations and thank you so much for squeezing me in.
Thank you so much Samantha, who made the somewhat silly decision to help PA for me earlier in the summer. I am the world’s worst control freak (sorry for not mentioning that sooner) but you’ve made my life so much easier and I can’t thank you enough for all the time you’ve put into helping me find more time to write.
I’ve got so much heading your way—get those Kindles charged, you’re going to need them!
Until next time,
Tracy xo
About the Author
Tracy Lorraine is a M/F and M/M contemporary romance author. Tracy has just turned thirty and lives in a cute Cotswold village in England with her husband, baby girl and lovable but slightly crazy dog. Having always been a bookaholic with her head stuck in her Kindle, Tracy decided to try her hand at a story idea she dreamt up and hasn’t looked back since.
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Also by Tracy Lorraine
Falling Series
Falling for Ryan: Part One #1
Falling for Ryan: Part Two #2
Falling for Jax #3
Falling for Daniel (An Falling Series Novella)
Falling for Ruben #4
Falling for Fin #5
Falling for Lucas #6
Falling for Caleb #7
Falling for Declan #8
Falling For Liam #9
Forbidden Series
Falling for the Forbidden #1
Losing the Forbidden #2
Fighting for the Forbidden #3
Craving Redemption #4
Demanding Redemption #5
Ruined Series
Ruined Plans #1
Ruined by Lies #2
Ruined Promises #3
Never Forget Series
Never Forget Him #1
Never Forget Us #2
Everywhere & Nowhere #3
Chasing Series
Chasing Logan
The Cocktail Girls
His Manhattan
Her Kensington
Flirt Club
His Sorority Sweetheart
Cheeky Trifle
Santa’s Naughty Elf
Resolution: Exposure
Dear All Star Player
Forever Ruined (A Ruined series spin off)
Mr. Silver
Spring Break Secret Baby
His Cherry Blossom
Something Borrowed
Her Smokin’ Firefighter
Cowboy’s Fantasy
Falling for the Forbidden Sneak Peek
Chapter One
Falling down on my bed, I blow out a long breath and tell myself that everything will be okay.
I had plans for this summer—a few weeks of fun before uni starts. The girls and I had been looking at last-minute holiday deals, and we had tickets for a music festival…but then my dad swooped in, in that way that he does, and ruined everything.
I knew it was coming.
I just wasn’t expecting it quite yet.
I’d hoped agreeing to study what he wanted me to and working for him was enough—apparently not.
I decided a few years ago that I wasn’t going to move away to study. I mos
tly love my life in London, and I loved living with Mum. I’m not ashamed to admit that she’s one of my best friends. It was only as I started looking at universities that my dad piped up and told me that I would be studying accountancy and finance at The London School of Economics. He’d done his research and decided it was the best place for me to learn my trade so I could enter the family business.
I just about managed to contain my laughter when he emphasised the word family.
I’ve no idea how long I lie on my bed trying to convince myself that moving into his house with his new wife and her son isn’t the worst thing to ever happen to me, but eventually my stomach rumbling has me moving. I sit on the edge of the bed and take in all my half-unpacked boxes. A large sigh falls from my lips. If I don’t find everything a home, maybe I won’t have to stay. I know it’s wishful thinking. This is it for me now.
Disappointment floods me as I make my way through the silent house. It’s not that I was expecting a welcome party or anything, but someone being here would have been nice. Someone to help me carry everything up to my room would have been even nicer. Since Dad moved in with Jenny a few years ago, I’ve been told to treat this place like my home.
It will never be.
It's just a house, a show home, a shell in which I'm scared to touch anything for fear of making a mess. Home is a place with character, with mess from day-to-day living, with people who love and care for you.
My dad isn’t a bad man, per se, but he’s not exactly what you’d describe as a doting father. Everything he does is for his own gain—if it happens to help others in the process, that’s just a bonus.
My step mum, Jenny, is lovely. She really is, but I can’t help feeling like she’s just a little bit…broken. She makes all the right comments and does all the right things. She’s a great mum. But there’s such sadness in her eyes.
Craving Redemption: Forbidden Series #4 Page 14
