He startles at my voice, obviously lost to his own thoughts. “Oh… um… yeah. I just asked for a selection of fruit. There’s even chocolate dipping sauce.” His eyebrows wiggle suggestively, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Give me one orgasm and you think I’m a sure thing, eh?”
I lower myself down on the opposite couch to him. “No, that’s no—”
“It was a joke, Ethan. Don’t look so worried. I meant what I said in there.” I nod to the bathroom. “I was fully on board, every single time. Amalie and Camila said that you—”
“Motherfuckers,” he mutters, rubbing his hand over his face.
“They said you thought you forced yourself on me, that it was the reason you left.”
“That was part of it…” He blows out a long breath, his eyes focused on the huge windows that look out at the beach beyond.
“And the rest of it was my diaries,” I add, filling in the gaps that he seems to be skirting around.
Silence descends around us. The only thing I can hear is his heavy breathing as he tries to form the words he needs.
Sitting forward, he rests his elbows on his knees and drops his head into his hands. “I just… I read some of what you’d been through, and all I could see was me doing the exact same thing. I pushed you until you didn’t have a choice but to give me what I wanted.”
“Ethan, no—”
“I freaked out,” he continues, cutting me off. “I was already ashamed of everything I’d done and knew that no matter what I told myself, I didn’t hate you or blame you for how my life had turned upside down. I panicked because I realized that what I felt for you was something very different. That night when I…”
“When we had sex?”
“Yeah. It was different from any other time I have. It was… incredible, mind-blowing, and I knew it was never going to be enough for me. I knew I wanted more. That I wanted you. But I also knew that I didn’t deserve you. And then I read all that and… fuck. I don’t know, Rae. It was just so much all at once. I freaked.”
“I understand. It’s a lot to take on board.”
“I don’t mean what happened to you. I couldn’t give a shit about that…” I gasp, and he must realize how what he just said sounded. “Wait… no. That came out wrong.”
“Look at me,” I demand, needing to see his eyes.
He looks up at me, although he doesn’t move his head. His eyes are dark and haunted as he remembers. “Of course I care. I fucking hate that you went through that, and I hope that one day you might be willing to tell me all of it in detail so I can totally understand. But knowing about it... it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’m not ashamed like I made out the other day, that was bullshit to keep you at arm’s length. All of it has just been fucking bullshit.” He lifts from the couch before dropping down on his haunches before me. He takes my hands in his, his eyes laser-focused on mine. “Can we start again? From tonight. From right now?”
Memories of everything he’s said and done to me since I arrived flash through my mind like a movie. “I… I don’t know.” A huge part of me wants to say yes and jump into his arms, because this side of Ethan Savage is one I can get on board with. But there’s that other part, one that I remember all too well still. The wounds are still too raw.
He nods, his eyes full of emotion as he stands and backs away from me. Every muscle in my body aches for me to reach out for him, to pull him into my arms and to tell him that I’d love to start over as of right now, but I know I’m not in the right place after the events of tonight to make that kind of decision. I need food, I need sleep, and I need a hell of a lot more painkillers.
“Okay, okay. I understand.” He walks back into the bathroom, his shoulders sagged in defeat, and I hate myself for hurting him but knowing it’s the right thing to do and nowhere near what he deserves for how he’s treated me.
When he returns only a few moments later, he’s picked himself back up and replaced the towel that was still around his waist with his boxer briefs.
My eyes feast on his toned and tanned skin as he makes his way back over to me. But unlike I’m expecting, he doesn’t stop at the closest couch to him. Instead, he falls down beside me. “Not hungry?” he asks as if our previous conversation never happened.
“Uh… yeah.”
I sit back as he grabs a selection of fruit from the vast arrangement, some of which I’ve no clue what they are, but I’m not going to point that out. The vast differences between us are already stark; I don’t need to remind him of why he spent our first few weeks calling me trailer trash.
“Thank you,” I whisper when he hands me a plate.
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, my head’s getting worse though. I think it’s time for more pills.”
Ethan grabs his cell from the coffee table. “Fuck,” he barks, rushing to get up. When he returns, it’s with the bag full of pills the doctor insisted I left the hospital with. “I’m already doing a shit job of looking after you,” he mutters, pulling the boxes out and reading the instructions to find out which ones I should be taking.
He stills when I rest my hand on his forearm, stopping his movements. “You’re doing a great job. Stop worrying.”
He sighs and relaxes back. “Why were you even there alone tonight?” He already knows the answer to this—he was there when I answered the officer’s questions.
“Because it was quiet and it seemed like a waste of time for us all being there,” I repeat.
“I know, but it was fucking stupid.”
“Hindsight and all that,” I mutter, feeling pretty fucking stupid for allowing it to happen in the first place.
“He could have fucking killed you, Rae.”
“I know. But he didn’t. I’m here, and aside from an unexpected haircut and a headache, I’m fine.”
He glances over at me. His question’s written all over his face.
“Really. I’m fine. Stop worrying.”
“Not possible.”
I smile at him before holding my hands out for the tablets he’s holding and accepting a bottle of water when he hands it over for me to take them with.
37
Ethan
I awake with a start. My heart pounds as I turn to look at Rae beside me.
“It’s okay, I’m still alive.”
“Fuck,” I bark, first because I was supposed to stay awake to wake her every so often because of the concussion, but also because the last thing I was expecting was to find her wide awake. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Well if you hadn’t have fallen asleep on me then you’d have known every so often that I was awake.”
“Smart ass.”
She shrugs and goes back to staring at the ceiling like she was when I first looked over.
“How are you feeling?”
Dread sits heavy in my stomach, because from just looking at her tense body, I know she’s shut back down. I guess I should have expected it. Last night she’d had the shock of her life. I wasn’t her biggest concern. She’s probably kicking herself for letting me in like she did last night. But it’s too late now, because I remember all of it. Every word she said to me and the exact look in her eyes as she did.
She can tell me as much as she likes this morning that she hates me, but I know it’s not true. Not really.
“Like shit,” she mutters. “We should probably go home and see if the house is still standing.”
I know she’s right, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to walk out of this suite. I need to know where we stand.
“Rae,” I say, turning onto my side so I can look at her.
From here, she looks totally normal, and as if last night never happened. Sadly, I know that’s not the case. She’s in pain, and that’s only confirmed when she briefly glances at me. Her eyes are dark, proving that she didn’t get much sleep last night, and the bruising is really starting to appear on the side of her face.
“Fuck.” I reach for her,
but the second she stills, I pull my hand back, not wanting to push her too much.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, she keeps her back to me. “I shouldn’t have called you last night. It was a mistake. Clearly I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“What? No, baby. No. I’m so glad you did.”
She pushes to her feet and walks to the end of the bed. “Why? So you could see me suffering? See me in pain? I bet you fucking loved that after everything, didn’t you?”
“What? No. I fucking hated it. What the hell are you talking about?”
“You think I believed a word of what you said last night? The bullshit you spewed about how you really feel about me? Like fuck did I. We both know that you were just taking advantage of me when I was at my lowest. Well, congratulations. Last night was probably the second worst in my life. But I doubt even you could beat my worst.”
“Rae, stop. Just stop talking.” I’m in front of her in seconds, my fingertips running down her arm to find her hand, but she pulls it away as if I’ve just burned her.
“I’m done with this bullshit. Where’s my purse?” My mouth opens to respond, but no words form. “Fuck it. I don’t need your help.”
She spins on her heels and races around the room until she finds her purse on the dresser. She pulls her cell out and taps on the screen for a few seconds before rushing into the bathroom and slamming the door behind her.
The loud bang is what I need to drag me from my daze. “Rae. You need to hear me out.”
I stand on the other side of the door, knowing that she can’t hide in there forever and wait.
The toilet flushes, water runs and there’s some rustling, but she’s silent no matter how many times I knock on the door and beg for her to come out and listen to me.
I pace back and forth, knowing she’s going to have to emerge soon. The second the lock clicks open, my heart jumps into my throat. I crowd her in the doorway, my eyes burning into hers, begging her to listen, to believe what I’ve been saying to her.
“Rae, please. I swear on my life I meant every word I said to you last night. This thing between us, the chemistry, the need, that pull you feel. It’s real. Please.”
“I’m done, Ethan. There’s a car waiting for me outside. Don’t follow me.” It’s only now I notice that she’s no longer just wearing my jersey but also her skirt and boots.
She pushes past me. I’m so lost that I allow her to do so, I even stumble a little with the force she uses that’s not necessary.
“Rae, please. I’m begging you. Come back and we’ll talk. Just give me a chance.”
“You had a chance when I first arrived and you were a cunt. You made your bed, Ethan. Now you need to lie in it. Alone.” And with those parting words ringing in my ears, the suite door slams behind me and I drop to my knees.
“Rae.”
I hang my head, trying to work out what the hell went wrong, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity for two seconds before I make my way back to my feet and rush toward where my pile of clothes still sits on the bathroom floor.
I tug on my jeans, pull my hoodie on, sans jersey seeing as Rae’s still wearing it, and shoved my feet into my shoes, foregoing socks because they’ll take too long. Emerging from the bathroom, I spot the white bag full of painkillers that Rae will need. I swipe them from the side table and run from the room.
I request an Uber as I race down the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator, but I regret it when I see I’ve got a ten-minute wait for the car to arrive.
Hoping I might find her outside the hotel also waiting, I run out, but she’s not there.
“Fuck,” I pant, my hands landing on my knees as I stare out over the hotel grounds.
The ten-minute wait for the car is the longest of my life. I’ve fucked up royally when it comes to Rae, time and time again, but as far as I’m aware, I did nothing but look after her last night. She told me everything was fine and I believed her. I thought I could read her. I thought the way her body responded to me last night was all the evidence I needed. Well, this morning just proves that I could be very, very wrong.
She was just freaked out over what happened to her. She was craving the feeling of safety. She wasn’t of sound mind. You took advantage… again.
“Yes,” I hiss when what I hope is my car pulls up to the entrance. I jump in the back and bark my address at him. I don’t need her going back to the mess my house could be in.
The roads are deserted but still, the journey still takes forever. My knees bounce and I fidget my hands in my lap as nervous energy races through me.
“Thanks,” I call to the driver, but I’m already flying up the driveway toward the front door so I have no idea if he hears or not.
The front door is unlocked, and I basically fall through it in my need to find her. There are bodies littered everywhere as expected, but what I’m not prepared for is five people to emerge from the kitchen, each one looking stressed and harassed.
“Ethan, what the fucking hell?” Jake barks, his voice full of anger. “Where the fuck have you been?” He steps up to me, and his palms slam down on my chest, forcing me to take a step back.
Fuck. It’s the first time I register that I just took off last night, no explanation, no reason, no destination. I just left them.
“Where’s Rae?” Shane asks, standing shoulder to shoulder with Jake, a darkness to his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“She’s… She’s…” I stutter, but I don’t get a chance to finish it before the front door opens.
“She’s here.”
“What the fuck?” The question is asked by all of them simultaneously as they turn toward her. The bruise on her face is unmistakable, but when she steps toward us and they get a look at her head, they all gasp in horror.
Everything after that is a blur as Jake’s fist connects with my jaw, and I fall back into the wall. I don’t make it to the floor before he grasps the front of my shirt and pulls me up to face him.
He cocks his arm back once more before it lands on my cheek and another to my mouth that successfully splits my lip before Amalie manages to pull him away. At no point do I fight back, because I might not have anything to do with Rae’s current state, but I deserve a few good hits for what I have done.
The hate in his eyes rivals my own that I’ve felt over the past few weeks.
“What the fuck?” I ask, lifting my hand to wipe the blood. “That wasn’t me. Fucking hell.” I shake my head before locking my eyes on Rae, waiting for her to explain. Both Amalie and Camila are now at her sides, checking her over, but the concern’s not left her face.
It takes too fucking long for her to say something, but eventually she breaks the silence. “Aces was broken into. The guy had a gun. Thankfully he only hit me with it.”
“Jesus. Fuck, Rae. Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Where have you been?”
“Ethan took us to…” She hesitates, not wanting to admit that we’ve spent the night together, despite the fact nothing really happened.
“I took her to a hotel so she didn’t have to deal with this lot.” I gesture to the still passed out bodies surrounding us.
“You better have fucking looked after her,” Jake seethes.
“Fucking hell, I know I’ve been an asshole, but shit, Thorn.”
“He did,” she whispers. “If you don’t mind. I’m going upstairs.”
Everyone takes a step back to allow her the space she needs, and we all watch as she climbs the stairs and turns the corner.
Every inch of me aches to follow her, to make sure she’s okay, but she’s made it more than clear this morning that she doesn’t need or want me. The thought is like a baseball bat to the fucking chest.
“Get these motherfuckers out of here.”
I push through my little crowd in favor of the kitchen. I might need to follow Rae to make sure she’s okay, but I’m not a fucking idiot. She doesn’t want me right now, and as hard as the rejecti
on is to take, having it witnessed by half our fucking class is not necessary.
I power up the coffee machine before falling down in one of the chairs to the sound of the five of them waking bodies and pointing them toward the exits.
Dropping my arms to the table, I rest my head on them and try to block everything out. I need sleep.
“Everyone’s gone,” a voice says, dragging me from my uncomfortable slumber. My back aches and my neck pulls as I try to sit up.
“Yet you’re all still here,” I snap, looking at them all.
“You can be an asshole to everyone else, Savage. You can push them away until they never return, but you can’t fucking get rid of us. We’re in this for the long haul, so I suggest you pull up your motherfucking panties and get a grip.”
“Fuck you,” I spit at Mason as all sets of eyes bore into me. “I’ve done fuck all wrong. She called me. I went to her. I looked after her. I was fucking nice, did everything for her I can think of, and the second I woke this morning she ran as fast as she fucking could.”
“And you blame her?” he bellows. “You’ve been a fucking cunt to her since the moment she arrived.”
“She seemed pretty happy with me being there last night. After all, she called me and not any of you.”
“You’re a fucking idiot, Ethan.”
“Why? What the fuck am I missing?”
Mason shakes his head. “I can’t, I just fucking can’t.”
He spins away from me and shakes his arms out.
“You guys go and… hit the gym or something. We’ve got this,” Camila says, taking a step toward me.
“No, I don’t need a fucking girly intervention.” I stand and both Camila and Amalie have the balls to stand toe to toe with me.
“Yes. Yes, you fucking do,” Camila states.
Our stare holds, my lips pursing in frustration but knowing I can’t move them like I would if it were Jake and Mason staring at me like them.
“Fuck, that’s hot,” Mason mutters, looking his girl up and down, desire filling his eyes.
“Fuck off, you three,” Amalie says, waving them off.
SAVAGE: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Rosewood High Book 3) Page 29
