by Stasia Black
Okay. Even Jonas had to admit that was impressive. “How?” he couldn’t help asking.
Henry looked smug. But considering he’d gotten them fucking brisket, he had the right. Any meat the township got was usually strictly rationed among all residents, put in stews and spread so thin you could barely taste it.
But the town nutritionist said the taste wasn’t important, that it was all about the animal protein it provided for their diet that mattered. Jonas would have begged to differ, but that would have meant getting involved. Which he had a strict policy against.
Oh look, he was still disciplined in one area of his life.
He was disciplined at not giving a fuck.
“Sit, sit,” Charlie said, ushering Shay over to a dining room chair. “You’ve been on your feet all day.
Charlie went into the kitchen and got plates out of a cabinet. Looked like the prep crew had really fitted this place out.
Jonas had heard that hitting the lottery was really like… well, hitting the lottery, but damn if they didn’t do everything up sweet for the clan families.
As soon as Charlie came back, Rafe snatched a plate off the top of the stack and started piling food on it.
“Hey,” Henry snapped, grabbing the lid to the container and slamming it down on top of Rafe’s fingers as he reached for more. “Rationing.”
Rafe just narrowed his eyes at Henry, but then a commotion at the door had everyone’s attention.
“Sorry we’re late!”
The screech of little kids voices filled the foyer.
Jonas looked over to see Gabriel Herrera and his two boys coming in the door. Gabriel was a good guy—he worked the corn fields six days a week and sometimes came on his day off to help Jonas with his grow fields for extra tokens to spend at the mercantile. All so he’d have a little extra to get his kids a slightly bigger ration of food, a few more toys, and keep them in nicer clothes. He lived his whole life for those kids.
“Boys! What did I tell you on the walk over?” snapped Gabriel as he chased after his two young sons. Jonas looked the boys over. Maybe not so young anymore. The oldest had to be what? Eleven or twelve by now?
Gabriel finally got a hand on both their shoulders. “Best behavior. We’re meeting your new mama, remember?”
The oldest glared up at his dad. “I don’t want a new mama.” Then he ran past Gabriel and up the stairs.
“Where are you going?” Gabriel called, throwing his hands up. “You don’t even know which one is your room.”
“Wait for me!” called Alex, the younger boy, chasing after his brother. But Gabriel was faster, scooping him up before he could get more than a few steps.
“Sorry,” Gabriel said, looking over to where they all were watching on. “You must be Shay.” He smiled her way. “I’m Gabriel. And this squirmy worm is Alejandro. Alex for short.”
He flipped the boy in his arms, exposing his belly so he could blow a loud raspberry on it. The little boy let out a giggling shriek and started wiggling even harder to get out of his dad’s arms.
Jonas smiled. He’d liked Gabriel ever since he and his boys had shown up to town six years ago. Alex was just a toddler then. Always had been a cute kid.
Jonas looked over at Shay. She had to be relieved to meet her last husband. Gabriel was the kind of guy who’d set anyone at ease.
But instead of looking happy or relaxed, she’d gone pale as a sheet.
“I want to go play with Tim,” Alex said, squirming even harder.
“Okay, okay,” Gabriel gave a heavy sigh like it was a huge imposition. He let Alex down, but not without a light smack on his bottom. “But I’m gonna bring up a plate for you and your brother in a few minutes and you have to promise to eat everything on it, not just the bread. Pinky swear?” He held out his pinky.
The little boy looked over at the spinach on Rafe’s plate and made a face, but he finally let out a sigh that was humorously similar to his dad’s and linked his pinky. “Pinky swear.”
Then Alex was off in a streak toward the stairs.
Jonas glanced at Shay again and saw her eyes locked on the stairs. “No one told me there’d be…” Her voice trailed off.
“They’re good boys,” Gabriel hurried to say as he shut the door and came over to the dining room. “They won’t be any trouble. Promise.”
But it was like Shay didn’t even hear him.
She looked haunted. Like she’d just seen a ghost, not a little boy. What the hell?
“Shay,” Jonas said her name firmly and her head turned his way. Her eyes were still distant, though.
Jonas’s frown deepened.
She wasn’t telling them something. Okay, sure, he hadn’t spoken more than a few sentences to her so it was hardly surprising she hadn’t opened up.
But it suddenly bothered him.
A lot.
And for the first time all day he realized exactly how much of an asshole he was.
He was tired?
He was disillusioned with life and the human race?
He wanted to seek what pleasures he could in life before he died?
What about her?
He blinked. Trying to put himself in her shoes and think about what all this must be like for her felt as awkward as trying to flex an unused muscle.
Empathy.
Compassion.
She’d shown it so easily to the patients at the hospital earlier today. But when was the last time anyone had given her any?
Jonas tugged at the collar of his t-shirt. Was it hot in here?
Everyone looked out for themselves. That was the law of the apocalypse, right? You looked out for numero uno and fuck anyone else.
So why, an hour later, as he spoke the same wedding ceremony script that he did for every new clan, did the words strike him so viscerally?
Just the six of them had gathered in a circle in the dining room. Gabriel’s boys were still playing upstairs. Used to handling wedding details, Jonas had asked Shay if she wanted him to go get Sophia as a bridesmaid but she’d just looked at him like he was some strange creature she didn’t understand.
“No,” she’d responded, “I just want it to be us. You can do whatever paperwork you need to later. But I don’t want to deal with other people. Besides, all that matters are the promises we make to each other, right?”
Right after she said it, it was like both of them had realized the weight of it. She quickly made an excuse about needing to go change. But her words had stuck with him.
All that matters are the promises we make to each other.
“Marriage provides a stabilizing unit…” Jonas said before trailing off and swallowing hard, his eyes shooting over to Shay.
Shay looked beautiful. She wasn’t wearing a wedding dress or anything. She’d changed into a fresh t-shirt, but still had on the jeans she’d been wearing all day. Her long blonde hair tumbled over her shoulders, honey colored streaks shining from the sunset streaming in through the window.
Jonas blinked. Shit. What was the rest of the script? He’d done this a hundred times over the years and now he forgot the words? At his own damn wedding?
He wracked his brain and finally blurted loudly, “Marriage establishes rights and obligations between all spouses.”
He felt everyone watching him and he continued, in spite of feeling the back of his neck heat. He swallowed hard and looked to Shay again. “Marriage is meant to be a safe haven. Both for you and your husbands.”
Her green eyes locked on his at this, like she realized he was really talking just to her.
And suddenly he wanted more than anything for the words he’d just said to be true. He wanted to be her safe haven. He had the terrible feeling it had been a long time since she’d had one.
“You’re safe with us,” he repeated softly, never breaking her gaze.
She swallowed and looked away, and only then did he continue with the ceremony. Jonas couldn’t take his eyes off her the rest of the time, though.
He’d spent the last eight years of his life embracing nihilism and hedonism, figuring that nothing mattered so he might as well get as fucked up as he could and stay that way as long as possible.
But one day with this woman had him feeling… well, that was the point—she had him feeling again.
And all the sudden it hit him with the weight of a hundred-pound rock.
He was a fucking hypocrite.
He hadn’t been chasing pleasure the past eight years.
He’d been fucking running.
Trying his damndest to numb himself to feeling anything. Ever. If he felt his high start to wear off? Fine, just toke up again. One joint wasn’t enough to get the job done? Okay, he’d eat some edibles along with smoking.
And any time something threatened that numbness in the tiniest way, he’d do even more until he spent days so goddamned high he detached from his own damn body.
But now…
Now there was her.
And she deserved better.
She deserved so much better than a fucked-up loser like him.
Why the hell had he put his name in that goddamned lottery?
But you did, asshole. And now you’re gonna make her pay for it?
Jonas’s throat was so clogged up, he barely managed the final words. “And do you, Shay Monroe, accept the men before you as your wedded husbands, for as long as we all shall live?”
He held his breath as he waited for her answer, part of him wanting to yell at her—no, don’t do it. You can do so much better than us. I’m totally full of shit. I don’t deserve y—
“I do.”
Jonas felt her clear, confident words echo all the way down to his soul. And as Henry slipped the ring on her finger, Jonas knew—knew with as much certainty as the prophets of old—that nothing would ever be the same again.
Chapter 8
CHARLIE
“I now pronounce us husbands and wife, christening us Clan Cole,” Jonas said as they all stood in a circle in the center of the living room. Henry smiled extra wide at that since it was his last name they’d all be taking.
And then Jonas continued, “We may now kiss the bride.”
Every cell in Charlie’s body rebelled at what was happening. But Shay? She just smiled good-naturedly at all of them.
“How about we head upstairs instead?” she said. “No point in kissing and getting started down here since we’re just going to go up and… you know.” Her cheeks went pink as she waved a hand toward the stairs.
Holy shit. She meant she wanted to— Tonight?
Charlie’s heart started beating double time as he watched her more carefully than ever. But she genuinely didn’t look afraid or upset. Maybe he did have old-fashioned ideas about sex. It was just— He was so used to being afraid and constantly vigilant for Audrey. He guessed it was hard to turn that protective instinct off.
“I think that’s my cue to go get the boys,” Gabriel said. “I told them I’d take them camping in the woods out back tonight.”
“You’re going to take them?” Shay asked, obviously confused. “But what about… Don’t you want to—” She broke off, eyes going to the stairs.
But Gabriel just smiled easily as he took a step toward her. “I didn’t put my name in the lottery for myself. I did it for the boys. So they could have the life they deserve. A house. A mother.” His eyes gentled but Shay jerked back like she’d just gotten stabbed with a hot iron.
If Gabriel noticed, he didn’t let on. “I don’t plan on sharing the marriage bed. I’ll sleep in the boy’s room downstairs. But that doesn’t mean I’m any less honored to be your husband or that I take the vows we just made lightly.”
He leaned forward and dropped a quick kiss to her cheek. “All I ever wanted for my boys was safety, family, and a future. You’re giving them all three.” He took Shay’s hands in his and squeezed. “Thank you.” Then he let her go and stepped back.
Shay blinked rapidly and Charlie realized there were tears in her eyes. And even though Gabriel had made her almost cry, he was the one guy Charlie’d met in this place he thought he could actually like.
After Gabriel brought the boys down, Shay was the first one up the stairs. Was she nervous? She had to be nervous. They were strangers.
Charlie followed the stoner ex-pastor up the stairs. He couldn’t get a solid feel for the guy. Charlie knew he didn’t like the way he couldn’t stop staring at Shay all day. At the same time, any time Shay tried to really engage him in conversation he pulled back, or went to take what he called a smoke break. Except he came back smelling like weed, so obviously it wasn’t just cigarettes he was lighting up. Then he’d go mellow and a little distant for a couple hours.
Which, all in all, was fine with Charlie. It meant he’d been able to stick by Shay’s side all day. Watching and helping her with the patients at the hospital had been amazing. Then he’d had a blast helping her pick through odds and ends at the Scrapper Yard. It was kind of magical just watching as her intelligent eyes assessed what looked like absolute junk to him like it held some secret value only she could see.
And now they were headed upstairs to— to— he swallowed, his hand shaky on the rail as he hit the top of the stairs and followed Shay and Jonas down a dark hallway. This already felt completely surreal. The sun had just set and the candle Shay held only made it even more dreamlike.
Charlie glanced over his shoulder at Henry and Rafe. All of them lined up like this, Charlie had the oddest moment of deja vu like he was back in school, following the teacher.
Except his teacher had never whipped her shirt off over her head the way Shay did when she got to the master bedroom.
Charlie gulped hard even as his cock jumped in his pants. He’d been hard all through dinner and had been glad for the waning light outside.
There was light in here though. He didn’t know who’d lit the oil lamps all around the room, but it gave a soft, otherworldly glow.
And Shay was fucking luminous.
Her skin looked so soft. Perfect.
At least until she turned to pull her pants down, leaving just her cream-colored lace panties on.
“Shay,” Charlie cried, striding forward and turning her to get a better look at her back. “Fuck, who did this to you?” He lifted a hand to the marred flesh on her upper shoulder in the shape of a T.
She’d been fucking branded.
Shay pulled away from his touch and turned around, covering her breasts with her arms. It was the first time all night she’d looked anything other than easy and confident.
Her eyes were locked on the floor as she mumbled. “It happens to girls in Travisville.”
Travisvi— Son of a motherfuck— If it was the last thing he did, Charlie was gonna burn that fucking place to the ground. He pulled Shay into his chest both to cover and comfort her.
“I’m so sorry, honey.”
“It’s fine,” she said, shaking her head as she pulled back. “It’s the past.” Her gorgeous green eyes lifted and searched his. “I’m more interested in my future.” Her voice was breathy and soft. “This is my wedding night after all.”
Then her eyes dropped to his lips. Fuckin’ hell, was she trying to kill him here? And when she lifted up on her tiptoes he couldn’t help himself in spite of all his reservations. How long had he been dreaming of this? He had to taste her.
He dropped his lips to hers and she immediately opened to him.
It was his first kiss.
The first kiss of his entire life.
He’d been a pimply, shy fourteen-year-old kid when the world went to hell in a handbasket. When he got older and went on hunting trips with his Uncle Dale, well, it wasn’t like they were stopping in the city brothels on their way back home. Even if that had been something his uncle wanted to do, Charlie would have let him go on his own.
Call him old-fashioned but, well, he’d grown up watching his mom and dad love each other. After she died, Dad was never the same. But even that was sort of beautiful, becau
se Dad loved Mom that much.
Charlie just always assumed when he grew up he’d have a relationship like that. Then there were barely any women left and Charlie figured the closest he’d get to a woman were the fantasies in his head and the nudie magazines he occasionally got his hands on.
But here was this gorgeous creature, naked in front of him. Rubbing her hands up and down his chest, her tongue teasing along the tip of his in a way that, holy shit—
He grasped her hips and pressed his erection into her, groaning into her mouth. Even through his jeans and her tiny little panties, goddamn, he’d never felt anything like it in the world. She was so hot and responsive in his hands.
Or was she?
Maybe she was squirming like that because she was trying to get away from him? Or because he was doing it wrong?
He felt immediately stupid. He didn’t even know how to kiss, so how in the holy fuck was he going to—
But then Shay rolled her hips against his erection and grabbed his shoulders, going up even higher on her tiptoes.
Instinctively, he leaned down like she seemed to want and she whispered in his ear, “I want you to be the first of my husbands to have me.”
Charlie went immediately stiff.
Shay obviously felt it because she pulled back, her eyes suddenly guarded. “Do you still think I’m bad or wrong for wanting this?”
“No,” he said in an explosion of breath, glancing over her shoulder at where the other three men stood watching them. Only Henry glanced away. Jonas and Rafe just kept looking. Charlie breathed out again and then leaned down to Shay’s ear. Goddamn this was embarrassing but there was nothing for it except to just say it.
“I— This is my—” He huffed a frustrated breath out and it fluffed the hair around Shay’s ear. God she was beautiful. Her silken hair. Her elfin little ears. He pulled back so he could look her in the eyes. “I’ve never done this before.”
Her eyes went soft and she bit the edge of her lip as she blinked up at him. Then she smiled. She smiled so beautifully and took his hand, pulling him over to the bed with her.
And—because he wasn’t a fucking idiot—he followed.
