by Stasia Black
She had to swallow down a lump in her throat and force herself to smile. “You need to go get a job.”
He frowned. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
She’d smiled then—a real one. “Never.” It was scary how much she meant it, too. She felt her smile dim. “But you need something else in your life. I can’t be your everything. It’s too much…” She shook her head and looked down. “I’m worried I’ll…”
Break your heart.
Take your trusting nature and rip it to shreds.
Crush you like so many people crushed me.
“…that I’ll let you down.”
“Hey,” he said softly, reaching to tip her chin back up so that she was looking him in the eye again. “That could never happen. Every day with you is a gift I never expected. You’ve already given me everything.”
Oh God. Didn’t he know that every word out of his sweet, gorgeous mouth just made it worse?
He stepped back, though, a gentle smile on his face. “But if it will make you feel better, I’ll get a job. I heard Henry complaining that he couldn’t get his pony express messages out on time because they were short on stable hands. I worked with horses back at my Uncle’s. I rode when we used to go hunting and was pretty good with them. I’ll see if I can’t get some work there.”
Shay wanted to reach for him even as she forced herself to push him away and nod. “That sounds good. You should go before someone else takes the job. Good ones like that don’t stay open for long.”
He’d nodded like he agreed but still didn’t go apply until Gabriel got home a couple of hours later with the boys.
But that was just Charlie. He was never willing to take any risks when it came to her safety. He was so caring and considerate. He was the same in the bedroom each night.
A couple of weeks later and she still blushed as she got dressed, morning light streaming through the curtains. They’d all had a leisurely breakfast together this morning before everyone went off to work and now she was getting prepared for the day.
Charlie had gotten the job at the stables. Of course he did. Anyone who spent time with him was drawn to him. He made you feel like a better person just by being around him.
And the nights. Oh God, the nights.
Shay had never known sex like this before. She couldn’t remember what it’d been like with her first boyfriend, Andrew. And beyond that, there’d never been sex without… well, fear.
Maybe in the very earliest days with Jason she hadn’t been afraid. But all of it had been an illusion. She’d just survived what was basically a three-month long siege on her dorm, watching hundreds of girls die. She’d been so screwed up, she’d barely known up from down.
But Charlie and her other husbands… they were the perfect mixture of tender and rough, hard and soft. Well, mostly hard—lots of nice, hard bodies—she chuckled to herself as she pulled a yellow summer dress on over her head and combed her long blonde hair out.
She glanced in the mirror and then lifted her hands to her warm cheeks. She swore she’d never blushed more in her life than in the last three weeks. All day long, her mind was either on the night before or the night to come.
It was the last thing she’d expected.
She thought the sex would be… well, sort of a chore. Occasionally enjoyable, sure. She had needs like any woman.
But this insatiable and constant obsession she was forming for their bodies and their touch? No, that she had not seen coming.
She ran her hands down from her cheeks to her neck. Then she teased her fingers along her breasts, closing her eyes and sighing as she briefly pinched her nipples. Jonas had seemed obsessed with her nipples last night. Like he’d been determined to drive her to orgasm just through nipple-play alone.
He’d gotten her there, too. Well, Henry had started fucking her but she’d come literally within two thrusts, Jonas had gotten her that primed with his talented fingers. He said he wanted to introduce her to nipple clamps. Though that was never anything she’d ever thought she’d like, she found herself loving it the harder Jonas went at—
A knock sounded at the bedroom door. “Shay? You ready?” Charlie called. “Can I come in?”
She dropped her hands from her breasts, feeling her cheeks go even warmer. “Yes, come in,” she said back. If it had been Rafe or Jonas, they would have just pushed the door open—they had no boundaries. It was their shared bedroom, after all. But the others tried to give her space. During the day anyway.
Charlie pushed the door open with a wide grin, immediately coming over to her and giving her a lingering kiss.
“Hello, wife,” he said, pulling back, the boyish grin still on his face. “You ready?”
Shay blinked and fought the impulse to look away.
Right.
Today.
The task she had in front of her.
If she was honest, she knew she’d been up here distracting herself every way possible so she wouldn’t have to think about what she was about to do.
“Yeah. Ready.” Did Charlie notice the tightness to her voice?
If he did, he didn’t let on. He just took her hand and together they went downstairs.
He grabbed the large cardboard box she’d carefully packed earlier and then together they walked down the block to Audrey’s house. Every step they took made Shay’s nerves string a little tighter.
Shay banged the knocker on Audrey’s door.
“You look beautiful today, by the way.” Charlie said it so easily and his voice was full of affection. “Did I tell you that yet?”
Shay squeezed her eyes shut. He had to stop. Didn’t he know she could only take so much?
No. Of course he doesn’t.
He was young and in l—
Her eyes shot open.
In lust.
He was in lust, that was all.
Shay expelled a huge breath of relief when Audrey opened the door. The last time she’d run into Charlie’s sister, Sophia had been with her and had suggested they have a girls’ day. So here she was. Charlie was just here as a delivery man
Audrey had volunteered her house and Shay had eagerly agreed. But now that she was actually here, her knees felt weak.
Was she actually doing this?
Shay forced a smile, a skill she was becoming disturbingly good at. “I come bearing gifts.” She waved Charlie forward. He lifted the large box he was carrying, gesturing down at it. Audrey’s eyes lit up.
“Charlie! And Shay, hi! Come in, come in.” Audrey backed up and waved them inside. Shay knew Charlie and his sister spent time together every couple of days but Audrey still lit up like a Christmas tree whenever she saw him. It was endearing and spoke to what a good man Charlie was that his sister loved him so much.
“How you been, Sis?”
Nix was standing in the corner of the living room, arms crossed over his chest, and Charlie didn’t even shoot him a death glare. He was clearly making an effort to be less confrontational.
Okay, well it was only a quick glowering look. Then Charlie turned back to his sister and started chatting with her even though he was still holding the box. It was big, but light.
It looked like they were the last to arrive. Sophia, Drea, and another woman Shay had never seen before were lounging in the living room chatting.
The woman was thin and even though she didn’t look older than her early twenties, she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was cut really short in odd patches, like a blind man with a butcher’s knife had given her a haircut.
Well, as Shay came further in the room, she saw it was more accurate to say that Drea and the woman were talking to each other.
“Okay, well look at this one.” Drea twisted where she sat and lifted her shirt up slightly to reveal a long, thin scar. “Knife fight. Three on one. They might have gotten one good slice in but I took those fuckers out.”
The other woman nodded. “Impressive, impressive.” Then she grinned. “Still, I think I’ve got you
beat.” She was wearing loosely fitting jean shorts and she lifted the hem up to expose her thigh about two inches above her knee. There was an angry pink circular scar there.
“Gunshot. Some smugglers who thought they were gonna sell me to a damn brothel a few years back were bad sports about it when I escaped. Coward shot me as I was running away.” Then she shook her head like she was disappointed in herself. “In all fairness, I was the dumbass who turned back to see if they were following me and that’s when I got popped.”
“Holy crap,” Shay said as she walked further into the room. “I suddenly get the feeling I’m not badass share the same air as you guys.”
“Oh don’t be silly,” Sophia said when she noticed Shay. Then her eyes widened when she saw Charlie depositing the box on the coffee table and she clapped in excitement.
“Oh I love presents,” Sophia exclaimed. “What’s inside? Open it, Audrey. Hurry and open it.”
“Don’t you think it might be more appropriate to introduce Shay to Vanessa first?” Drea asked, looking Sophia’s way like she could barely tolerate her over-the-top enthusiasm.
“Oh, of course,” Sophia said, her eagerness only dimming the tiniest bit. And just for a moment, because the next second, she was bouncing over to Shay.
“Shay, this is Vanessa. Vanessa,” Sophia gestured grandly at Shay, “this is Shay.”
“Hi, good to meet you,” Shay said.
Vanessa gave a little wave. “Hey. Guess we’re pass the formalities if you’ve already seen me comparing battle scars.”
Shay smiled. The chick seemed cool.
Sophia looked at Shay. “Vanessa just got to town and had her own lottery a few days ago, isn’t that wonderful? And she got the twins! Ross and Riodan, they were in my class here in the town school growing up. We all graduated together in May. They’re great.”
“Yeah,” Vanessa said. “They’re really great.” She nodded, almost like she was surprised by the fact.
“I mean, I haven’t exactly been around humans for a while, so I might be biased but everyone I’ve met here,” she laughed self-deprecatingly and ran a hand over her mostly bald head. “Anyway, I’ve felt really welcome. It’s been… yeah, well, I guess great’s the best word for it.”
Drea put a hand to Vanessa’s back. “What I think Sophia means to emphasize in her introduction was the fact that Vanessa survived on her own for seven years in the wilderness. She’s an example of strong female power that we could all do well to learn from.”
But Shay was still stuck on one fact that Sophia had mentioned. She frowned, confused. “Wait, brothers? Isn’t that, um, really unlikely? They pull numbers out of the lottery at random, don’t they?”
“Oh there was all this drama,” Sophia said, waving a hand. “The lottery box with all the names went missing at the last minute.”
Vanessa winced, hand going to her head again. “Yeah… bad luck sorta follows me wherever I go.”
Shay felt her eyebrows shoot up. “How does the lottery box go missing?”
“I know, right?” Sophia said, shaking her head. “So they had to scramble last minute to come up with a whole new system that would be fair, right there on the spot. Dad handled it great, of course.”
Shay rolled her eyes internally. Sophia was such a daddy’s girl.
“So they did it by groups. And Riodan and Ross were in the same group, so they both get to be her husbands, isn’t that great?” Then Sophia stood up straighter, eyes darting to Shay and Charlie. “And afterwards Dad made sure to double check all the guys who got chosen were properly vetted,” she reassured. “He was very careful.”
“Are they identical twins?” Audrey asked.
Sophia nodded. “Yeah, but it’s funny, they’re nothing like each other. Looking at them, though, you’d never guess. Totally identical.” Then Sophia leaned in, “Well I guess Vanessa’s the only one who can confirm if they’re totally identical, if you know what I mean.”
“Annnnnnd I think that’s my cue to leave,” Charlie said.
“Oh, not before I open my present, my most favoritest brother in the world,” Audrey laughed, hugging her brother and giving him a noisy smooch on the cheek.
“Ew, get off of me,” Charlie said, pretending to push Audrey back.
Audrey just went up on her tiptoes again, lips puckered in an over-exaggerated way. Charlie fended her off and instead, she went for his stomach, tickling him.
He let out a bark of laughter, then grabbed her by the waist, lifting her off her feet and making her squeal as he swung her around and tickled her at the same time.
“Uncle!” she cried, shrieking with laughter. “Uncle!”
He set her back on her feet, but not without going for her stomach one last time. She doubled over in laughter, shrieking again.
Shay stood frozen, watching them, her heart in her throat.
She didn’t know that happiness could make you physically hurt.
But then, it wasn’t just happiness, was it?
You’re going to break this beautiful man.
She lifted a hand to her forehead, feeling faint.
“Uncle! I said Uncle,” Audrey said, still giggling and gasping for breath. “I have to open my present. Besides, this is a girls’ day. No boys allowed. You need to go away. You and Nix both.”
“Okay, okay,” Charlie said, holding his hands up. “White flag?”
Audrey nodded, grasping her stomach like she had a cramp, a wide smile still on her face. “White flag.”
She finally moved and sat on the couch in front of the box. She pulled open the flaps on top and gasped. Nix immediately jumped forward but then Audrey reached inside. She stopped herself though, pulling her hands back at the last second. Her eyes lifted to Shay. “God, Shay. It’s amazing. But I don’t want to pull it out wrong and hurt it somehow.”
Shay forced yet another smile she didn’t feel. “It’s sturdier than it looks.” She leaned over and lifted out the three-dimensional eagle she’d created out of objects she’d found from the Scrapper Yard. Charlie pulled the box out of the way and Shay set the eagle on the table. She’d attached it to a thick, sturdy wooden base that she’d carved ornate decorations into using some of the power tools at Mateo’s workshop—another of Audrey’s husbands.
Appreciative noises sounded all around her. “And here, this wing attaches like this.” Shay clicked the wing into place.” Including wingspan, the whole sculpture was about four feet wide. It didn’t fit in the box completely assembled, so she’d made the wing section detachable.
“Oh my God,” Audrey said. “I mean, Charlie told me you were an artist, but I had no idea you were like, a real one.” She leaned in and looked closer. “Are those wings really made out of… old spatulas?”
Shay smiled. “Yep. They have great flexibility if you just add a little heat. Plus, it was easy enough to find enough black ones so I could stick to a single-color story for each section of the bird.”
“It’s really beautiful,” Vanessa said, her large brown eyes taking in every inch of the sculpture.
Their reactions were one of the reasons she’d always loved creating art in the first place. She loved taking the ordinary and creating something extraordinary out of it. She loved finding beauty in the mundane, even the ugly.
But she didn’t feel pride as she looked down at the eagle she’d so meticulously crafted. She hadn’t poured love into this piece.
And while she usually enjoyed people looking at her work from all angles, delighting in every minute, every second they took soaking up her creations, all she could think now was, all right already, that’s close enough. Nothing to see here. Back away.
Because if they looked too closely, they might notice the thumbnail-sized listening device she’d installed right behind the crown of the eagle’s head.
The one Colonel Travis—Jason—had instructed her to plant.
Because she was his spy.
Chapter 13
GABRIEL
Gabriel
would do anything for his children—anything.
Including entering that crazy marriage lottery so they could have a mother.
He’d always sworn to himself there’d never be another woman for him besides his wife, Letty. She was his soulmate. He figured a man like him was only lucky enough to get one of those in a lifetime.
But there were Alejandro and Timothy to think of. And they needed a mother. Timothy especially, though he’d be the last in the world to agree. That boy had too much stubborn in him. And he liked to think he was a man already even though he was just twelve.
Gabriel glanced out the back window of the kitchen, watching Alex and Timothy play chase. Shay was out there on the back deck, working on another of her sculptures. About fifteen minutes ago, Gabe had sent the boys out to play in the backyard. They were playing chase and shouting and laughing and generally making themselves hard to ignore.
It looked like Shay was still doing her damndest to anyway.
He sighed.
His plan seemed to be backfiring. He thought if he ever won the lottery, it would all be so simple. Get a mom for the boys. Be a big, happy family again.
But over three weeks in, Shay still hadn’t taken to the boys like he’d hoped she would. She couldn’t seem to even stand being in the same room as them. The couple times he’d tried to talk to her about it, she’d quickly excused herself and all but run away.
It was even more heartbreaking to watch her with Alex. He was just eight and he was the friendliest kid. He kept going up to her and chatting her ear off, but she’d only reply in monosyllables and then leave the room as fast as she could.
Through the window, Gabriel watched the boys run to the grove of trees near the left side of the yard, grabbing the branches and swinging like monkeys. They were good boys. In spite of everything, somehow they weren’t too screwed up. Timothy still woke up with nightmares sometimes, but Alex had been too young during the worst of the Xterminate death riots. Tim, though. He’d been a wide-eyed four-and-a-half-year-old. Taking in things no grown man should ever have to see.
Gabriel lifted a hand to the glass as Tim helped his brother up into the tree. Gabriel smiled.
