by M J Hardy
30
Despite everything that’s happened, I settle into life at Julian’s guest house and soon it becomes like my own home. Every time I broach the subject of leaving, Julian comes up with more reasons why I should stay and we soon settle into a routine where we share the journey to and from work and occasionally grab something to eat on the way back.
On the evenings Julian eats with his family, Nicola prepares the same meal for me, which is delivered to the guest house and waiting when I return.
If I’m lonely, it doesn’t feel like it because this little bubble I’ve fallen into is just what I need right now after the trauma of the past few months.
Julian is also a little less angry, less demanding and a surprisingly good companion when he wants to be, pushing my desire to leave even further away.
There is still no word about Ronnie, but Julian assures me he is working on it and I have to be satisfied with that. I dread what they may find, anyway, so carry on being cared for in a world far away from the one I was brought up in.
I don’t set foot inside the main house, which suits me fine because the thought of coming face to face with Cressida is not a pleasant one. However, I am curious to know what she thinks of me staying here but am not brave enough to raise the subject.
So, it’s with some surprise that as I wait for Julian by his car at 7am, he opens the main front door and beckons me over.
“Emma, you will work from here today.”
Quickly, I move towards him and note that he appears tired and irritated and my heart sinks. This could prove to be a very trying day.
As I enter his home, he says tersely, “Come, I have a very special job for you today.”
Instead of heading to his study, he heads into the drop dead, gorgeous kitchen and I stare in surprise at the two pretty little girls sitting at the island unit, eating their cereal in their pyjamas,
They look at me shyly and Julian says in a softer voice than normal, “Girls, this is Emma. She works for daddy and will be looking after you today.”
I stare at him in total shock and he shakes his head, warning me from saying anything.
I look back at the girls who look interested and smile pleasantly. Then one says, “Hi, Emma, I like your shoes.”
Looking down at my red stilettos, I laugh. “Thank you very much…”
She grins. “Amelia.” Turning to her sister, she says sweetly, “This is Imogen and she’s shy.”
Imogen blushes prettily and looks down and I say softly, “There’s nothing wrong with being shy. Did you know that when I was Imogen’s age, I used to ask my friend to speak for me? I couldn’t bear to speak because I didn’t want anyone to look at me.”
Imogen looks up under her lashes with curiosity and I move across and sit beside them. “We all have something special about us and I can see that you are both very special girls in different ways. We can’t all be the same, and that’s absolutely fine. So, Amelia, Imogen, I understand we will be spending the day together, is that ok with you?”
Amelia nods vigorously while Imogen stares at her cereal. “What are we going to do, Emma, can we play fairy camps?”
Laughing, I nod. “That sounds like fun. You will have to show me how it’s done though because it’s a long time since I was a fairy.” Amelia looks pleased and Julian interrupts, “A word, Emma.”
My heart sinks as I make my way across the room, leaving the two girls to carry on eating, and he whispers, “Nicola’s on a day off and Cressida didn’t come home last night. I can’t watch them all day, and so I’ll work from home while you entertain them. If Cressida shows up, we’re off the hook.”
I nod and he says tersely, “I’ll be in my study. Give them whatever they want and keep them out of my way.”
He strides off and I feel so angry I can hardly speak and hoping they didn’t hear a word he just said, I smile brightly and say, “Right then, can I get you anything else to eat?”
Amelia says loudly, “Chocolate.” Imogen giggles. Laughing, I reach for an apple from the overflowing fruit bowl and cut it into pieces with a knife resting in a block by the kettle. “In our house this was considered the finest chocolate.”
Amelia laughs. “That’s just a stupid old apple.”
“To you, maybe. But where I come from, it’s the finest food imaginable.”
They look doubtful and I lean on the counter and take a piece of apple and pop in my mouth, groaning with pleasure. They stare at me in astonishment as I savour every morsel and say in a whisper, “Don’t tell anyone I told you, but this is what princesses eat to make them beautiful and strong. They eat at least three a day because this is magic food.”
Even Imogen looks interested as Amelia gasps, “I want some.”
Shaking my head, I pop another slice into my mouth and watch as they suddenly decide they want this apple more than any packet of chocolate they may have in the cupboard. I finish and say sternly, “Only people who understand its power can eat it. If they don’t, it doesn’t work, you see, magic apple, like I said, is more powerful than anything else. It makes you grow big and strong. It gives you the power to fight off anything that may harm you. Your hair grows long and shiny and your teeth sparkle. Chocolate destroys all its good work and was created by evil witches who want to control you. Are you strong enough for the power of the apple?”
Amelia nods vigorously and Imogen nods slowly. “Then I will grant your wish and let you sample the power yourself.”
Quickly, I cut them each a slice and offer it to them both solemnly. They take it in their hands as if it’s the finest jewel and take little bites out of the end. I see the excitement in their eyes as they devour it and laugh to myself as they look at each other with pride and joy. Then Amelia jumps up and runs around the room, shouting, “I’ve got the power. Come on Imo, let’s go and get our fairy dresses on.”
Laughing, I make to follow them and then hear a soft laugh and turn to see Julian leaning on the door frame, shaking his head. “Stupid kids, they believe anything.”
Feeling annoyed for them, I say, “Stupid father, doesn’t see the true value of what he has.”
Then I walk after them, leaving him standing there with a strange look on his face.
31
I am utterly exhausted. I can’t believe children have so much energy.
I followed them to their room, which actually turned out to be an entire floor of the house. They each have their own amazing rooms and a shared playroom that is larger than my entire upstairs at home. It is stuffed with every toy imaginable and decorated in the prettiest pastel pinks. The carpet is totally impractical for children and is the softest, deepest white, with scatter rugs everywhere. I am completely blown away by how much these two girls have and feel a little sad as I see it’s just to make up for the fact they have two parents who don’t want to spend time with them.
Nicola was right, these girls are lovely in every way and now I know why she stays here. They are good company and I’m happy to see that Imogen begins to relax and comes out of her shell a little, as she lives under the shadow of her more outspoken sister.
We decide to head to the kitchen for lunch and I allow them to help me make some sandwiches and more apples than is probably good for them. I find some little cakes in a tin that I decide will do as a treat if they eat all their sandwiches and fruit. I even make one for Julian, although I’m tempted to get him to make his own, but a part of me wants him to eat with his children because I’m guessing they don’t do that very often.
So, as the girls wash their hands as instructed, I head towards his study and knock tentatively on the door.
“Come in.”
As usual, his voice is irritable and I head inside and see him staring at the computer with a deep frown. “What do you want?”
“Lunch is ready and we thought it would be nice if you joined us.”
He looks up in surprise. “Lunch, already, why what’s the time?”
“12.”
He
looks at his watch and groans. “Fuck, I haven’t stopped.”
He stands and then looks a little anxious. “Have they behaved themselves?”
I can’t help the smile that breaks out across my face as I nod. “They are amazing, you should be very proud.”
His face softens just for a minute and then he moves towards the door. “Ten minutes, then I must get back to work.”
Sighing, I follow him to the kitchen where the girls are waiting, eyeing up the apple keenly. Julian laughs as Amelia says seriously, “Daddy, you can have the sandwiches and we can have the apple.”
Grabbing a stool beside her, he ruffles her hair and says seriously, “It doesn’t work like that. You see, the apple needs the sandwich to activate its power. Without the balance it won’t work.”
Amelia groans. “Why is life so complicated?”
Julian laughs loudly and tickles her relentlessly, and as she giggles and screams, I stare at him in astonishment. Who is this man?
He turns his attention to Imogen and lifts her onto his knee and strokes her hair softly, kissing the top of her head and feeding her a little bite of a sandwich.
Suddenly, everything shifts in my world. I see him properly for the first time, and I like it very much. Now I see the man behind the sharp retorts and cutting remarks. In his own home, surrounded by the people he loves – and he does love them, it’s plain to see – he becomes much more of a man in my eyes and now I’m more than interested.
Lunch is very different to how I imagined it to be. Ten minutes turns to twenty and we laugh more than we eat. The girls entertain us with stories from school, and I’m glad to see that Imogen opens up a little and interjects with tales of her own.
Therefore, it’s like a cold bucket of water soaks us to the skin when we hear a cool, “Well, isn’t this nice?”
Immediately, the humour leaves the room and I watch as Julian reverts back to the cold bastard he is for most of the time. The girls look down and start eating and I turn to stare at the beautiful woman, in looks alone, who glides into the room, very much looking like the queen of all she surveys.
Julian snaps, “Good of you to show up.”
Cressida shrugs and looks at me pointedly. “What’s that?”
She waves a well-manicured finger in my direction and Julian says with an ice-laden voice, “Go to my study, Emma.”
Feeling like a fish out of water, I do as he says because I am, quite honestly, keen to get away from this vicious woman. I hear him say in a softer tone, “Girls, go and choose one of your favourite films to watch while daddy talks with mummy.”
Even they leave with no words spoken, and it strikes me that they didn’t seem pleased to see their mother at all. I thought they would run into her arms, or squeal with delight, but her appearance just dampened the atmosphere.
As I wait in Julian’s study, I can only wonder what they are saying and if I feel anything, it’s pity for those poor little girls who are such a credit to their parents.
I take a seat in the corner and shrivel up inside. What’s that? Her words haunt me as I replay them over and over in my mind. Those two words made me feel so worthless, so unimportant, and as if I didn’t matter in the slightest. I feel cheap and as if I am worth nothing and it hurts.
The tears slide down my face and I brush them angrily away. I’m a nobody, the grey woman who watches everyone else have a life. My place is in the shadows where nobody has to look at me because I am not one of them. Even Ronnie didn’t want me, and my own family couldn’t care. I have no friends and no life outside of work, which I hate more and more every day.
What’s that? I can’t get the words out of my mind as I lose it completely. Why do I even bother trying? I should know my place and should never have dared to think I was someone better than I am.
I’m not sure how long I sit in the chair in the corner. Time has no meaning anymore because obviously I don’t count. I am made to wait for someone else to tell me what happens next with my own life, and I am so defeated I sit patiently waiting for it to happen. ‘What’s that’ just about sums my life up and I feel empty inside.
Then Julian heads into the room and looks so angry I can almost taste it.
He doesn’t even glance in my direction as he snaps, “We’re leaving.”
Once again, I run after him as he heads through his house and wrenches the front door open.
I struggle to keep up as he heads to his car and just about manage to fasten my seatbelt before he screeches out of the drive, leaving the gravel shooting off in all directions.
He is so angry I wonder if this was such a good idea being in the car with him at all because he drives like a madman down the country roads that lead away from his palatial home.
He doesn’t speak at all until we screech to a halt in an underground car park and then turns to me and says tersely, “Come.”
For the first time, I speak, “Where are we?”
“You’ll see.”
He exits the car and heads towards an elevator in the corner, and I hurry to catch him up as he locks the car behind me. As we wait for the lift, he taps his foot angrily on the concrete floor and growls, “I’ve had enough. That bitch is going to get what she deserves and I will deliver it personally.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry and daren’t speak as we enter the lift and the only sound I can hear is the machinery starting up as it propels us to God only knows where.
We arrive at what appears to be an office complex and he strides down a carpeted hallway towards a door at the end. The name on the door is, ‘Smith & Robinson’ and I wonder what they do.
The woman on the reception desk nods as she sees Julian and says pleasantly, “Mr Landon, it’s good to see you. Go straight through.”
We don’t even sign in and Julian strides towards a door at the end and knocks loudly. I hear a pleasant voice shout, “Julian, good to see you,” and then the door slams in my face. Feeling a little shaken, I turn around and take a seat in what appears to be a small waiting room and try to grab what’s left of my dignity around me.
32
Once again, I wait alone, feeling worthless and as if I don’t count. I’m of half a mind to walk out of the door and never look back, but I have nowhere to go. My life has unravelled so quickly I never saw it coming and I feel the despair overwhelming me and sink my head into my hands. A lone tear slides down my face and splashes onto my skirt, and I cry bitterly on the inside. I can’t break down; I need to stay strong because I’m all I’ve got.
I don’t hear the door open and the first thing I’m aware of is a strong arm pulling me close to a familiar scent. Those same arms lock me tight and his hand strokes my hair much like he did to his daughter and whispers, “It’s ok, I’ve got you.”
Pulling back, I wipe my tears away and feel foolish and weak. Everything he despises and try to pull myself together. “It’s fine, I’m being stupid.”
The look he is giving me is not his standard one and I sense something just happened in that room, because his eyes sparkle with an excitement I haven’t seen for a while.
“What happened?” I am shocked out of my pit of despair and he pulls me to my feet and swings me around, leaving me more shocked than I was before.
“It’s done and now we’re going to celebrate.”
I stare at him in disbelief, and then I hear a low chuckle coming from the corner of the room. Looking in the direction it’s coming from, I see a portly man watching us, shaking his head with amusement. Julian actually smiles at the man and pulls me over to meet him. “Charles, this is Emma, my assistant.”
Holding out his hand, Charles grips mine hard and shakes it vigorously. “I’m pleased to meet you; I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You have?” I stare at him in surprise, and then he turns to Julian and shakes his hand just as vigorously. “We’ll iron out the details over the next 24 hours, so lie low for a couple of days. Maybe give us until Thursday and then it should be done.”
Julian smiles and says gratefully, “I owe you big time for this.”
Charles nods. “A bottle of my preferred tipple will do just fine.”
Julian grins and grabs my hand and pulls me after him, and I don’t mind in the slightest. Where I am normally running behind him struggling to keep up, this time he holds my hand firmly and walks beside me with an air of familiarity that doesn’t escape my attention. What’s happening?
As soon as we reach the lift and the doors close, he pulls me close and tilts my head back to look into his eyes. Then to my utter amazement, his lips crash against mine and he fists my hair, devouring my mouth as he pushes me hard against the walls. I’m not sure what on earth is happening, but I’m not complaining? Despite everything, I kiss him back with a desperate passion that has been building for months. We kiss like lovers and I groan as his hard body pushes into mine and I feel how interested he is in me all of a sudden.
The lift brings us back to earth with a bump and he grabs my hand again and almost runs with me to his waiting car.
This time, he holds the door open for me and sees me safely inside. This time, he fastens my seat belt with a care that warms my heart and then he kisses me softly on the lips and whispers huskily, “Now, let me show you how important you are.”
I stare ahead of me in shock, as he jumps into the driver’s seat and reverses at speed out of the space. Then he heads off through the traffic and I say with a stutter, “What’s happening, where are we going?”
He grins. “You heard the man; we need to lie low for a couple of days. I’m taking you away with me.”
“But where, why…?”
I am confused and he reaches over and grips my hand tightly. “Trust me, Emma. Soon it will all be done and we can start again.”
