The truth in that felt like a sack of potatoes heaved into Josie’s lap. Marriage was meant for a lifetime. It was something sacred, and yet here she was, playing with it—teasing it—like some cat playing with a dead mouse.
There was a long pause where Josie could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, and then her mother finally asked, “Does he make you happy?”
That was an easy answer. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”
“And he takes good care of you?”
“He does.” It was a relief that these answers didn’t need to be lies, too.
“Then I’m happy for you, Josie.”
“You are?”
“Of course, I am.” Peg wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her there and when Josie tugged back, she just held on tighter. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, you know. To love and be loved just as you are.”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted, too.” Josie had to swallow around the emotional lump clogging her throat.
“Let’s go meet this mystery husband of yours, shall we?” Peg propped out an elbow for Josie to slip her arm into. “I have a feeling I’m just going to love him.”
Josie had a feeling, too. When it came to Seth Ford, it was nearly impossible not to.
21
Seth
Josie was different tonight. Relaxed. Comfortable. Less like a dog with its hackles up, readied for a fight. Seth figured Peg had a little something to do with that.
Peg Friar was wonderfully gracious, thanking his parents repeatedly for having her out to the ranch. She spent some time in the house with Donna prepping the dining table, at the barbecue with Mitch discussing why medium rare was the only suitable temperature to cook a steak, and she even tossed a football around with his nephews after all of the plates had been licked clean, washed, and put away.
“How are you holding up?” Seth came over to the deck railing where Josie rested her elbows, her eyes fixed on the hills that had recently tucked the sun behind their rolling peaks.
“Better than I thought I would. Having my mom here is almost…I don’t know…It’s almost nice. Like a security blanket, I guess.”
“She’s definitely kept my mom in check and on her best behavior. Nothing like trying to impress your peers to ensure that outcome.”
Josie laughed softly. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be to lie to her, though. Or how easily she would believe me.”
“I’m sorry you had to do that, Josie.” He pressed his shoulder to hers. “I’m fine with ending all of this right now if you think it’s best. Just say the word.”
“The damage is done, Seth. If we were to come clean now, can you even begin to imagine what that would do?” She spun around and slumped against the rail. “I mean, just look at this. It’s almost like one big, happy family. If we tell them it’s all a lie, everything will blow up. I don’t think either of us can afford a mess like that right now.”
He agreed, but that was neither here nor there. If Josie wanted to call it quits, he would do so in a heartbeat. He could easily end their made-up marriage, take off his own ring he’d purchased the day before from Wal-Mart, and stop it all in its tracks. All of those motions would be easy to execute. But the part where he had to tell his heart to stop beating for Josie? That wouldn’t be quite so effortless.
“I think my parents are wrapping up here, but if you don’t mind, I was going to ask your mom to come over to my place for dessert and drinks. I’d love to get to know her a little better. But only if that’s alright with you.”
Josie’s shoulders dropped by several inches. “That sounds great, actually. Let me say my goodbyes and grab my coat. Meet you back out here in five?”
“I’ll be right here.”
Seth studied Josie as she moved from group to group out on the redwood deck. She gave Amy’s shoulders a little squeeze and then snagged a marshmallow from the bag next the fire pit to pop into her mouth. She waved at Tanner who had a gooey mess roasting over the flickering blazes. High fives for the nephews and a cordial, somewhat forced hug with Seth’s mother. When Mitch hooked his arm around Josie’s shoulder and yanked her close, Seth noticed the authenticity in the gesture and his heart tripped up a little.
Josie had worked her magic on each and every one of them, and it was fair to say Seth was also completely under her spell.
An hour later, they were back at his place, beers in hand for Josie and Seth, and a glass of chardonnay for Peg. Seth hauled one of his dining chairs out onto the porch to join the women in their rockers and he listened in as the two discussed Peg’s wedding plans. He observed the way Josie mimicked her mother’s excitement, but there was a slight lack of sincerity he picked up on, but only because he was looking for it. Josie wasn’t enthralled with wedding colors, cake flavors, and first dance songs, although she did offer her suggestions when her mother asked for them. It made Seth wonder what Josie’s dream wedding would be, or if she even had one. She was so quick to conjure up their fictitious courthouse wedding that he figured this might’ve been her only option.
Peg’s preoccupation with her upcoming nuptials didn’t leave any space for questions about her daughter’s lack of a real wedding, and that came as a relief to Seth. He, too, would have a hard time lying to this woman. She was kind, warm. Motherly. The many things his own mother wasn’t and for a split second, his heart lagged behind his head when the surge of gratitude over having a mother-in-law like Peg swept through him.
None of this is real.
Seth caught Josie’s gaze across the distance separating them on the porch. Her amber eyes searched out his, eyelids half mast with an uncertain look stamped across her face. “Seth? Would you mind helping me in the kitchen for a second?” She stood from the rocker and collected their empty beer bottles, then moved to the door and nodded her head toward it.
“Sure thing.” He offered Peg another glass of wine and took her empty one by the stem.
“You okay?” Josie spun around and asked immediately once inside the house. She dropped the bottles into the recycling bin under the counter with a clatter and then threaded her arms over her chest.
“I’m fine.”
Her jaw set. “You sure? You seem a little lost in la-la-land out there.”
He had been doing his best to stay present in the conversation but evidently his facial expressions didn’t convey that. Josie read him remarkably well. “Listening to your mom talk about her wedding just made me wonder if those were things you wanted, too. If somehow I took that from you. I know this marriage is fake, but I can’t help feel like I’ve stolen something special from you that you’ll never be able to get back.”
“I think you’re taking all of this a little too seriously.”
“That’s the thing, Josie. I am taking this seriously. I’m serious about you.”
A flash of shock that verged on suspicion crossed over Josie’s face. “Let’s get my mom that chardonnay, shall we?”
He reached for her elbow. “Josie, I know this is all happening so fast, but I think it’s fair to say I’ve completely fallen for you.”
Her breath rushed out in a hot whoosh that sounded like a laugh. “Only because you really don’t know me yet,” she said, head whipping back and forth like it was a phrase she had rehearsed all her life. “All of that will change once you do.”
“I’m sure it will,” Seth said. “But I don’t see my feelings getting anything but stronger.”
“Why do you talk to me like that?” A churning river of emotion swirled in Josie’s fiery gaze. She shoved her hands against his chest like a push and he tried not to stumble back from the unexpected force. “Why do you say these things to me?” Another shove. “Things that give me hope for something that’s never going to happen?”
“Why do you think it won’t happen?”
“Because things don’t work out for me, Seth.”
“That’s a crazy thing to say.”
“Is it?” Her fingers curled into his shirt,
nails scraping against the flesh underneath, gripping him there. “Every time I try to do something good, it invariably goes wrong. I gave Brian money and he totaled my car. I pretend to be in a relationship with you and—”
“You haven’t messed anything up here.”
“Not yet, but I will. It will all implode once we’re done playing the game. Your family will hate me. Hell, you might even hate me.”
“That’s not going to happen.” Seth’s tone was unyielding. He clasped onto her hands still pressed to his chest, sensing that if he didn’t hold on, she’d run right out of his life forever.
“It will,” she insisted. “Just wait. You’ll wish you never texted me about those stupid mustangs to begin with. You’ll wish you never met me.”
That harsh comment sat between them, cradled in the crackling energy of their discussion. She didn’t mean that and he knew it.
“Why are you so damn stubborn?” He let go of her hands and found her hips to drag her near, bringing her chest to chest, needing to be as close as possible to get through to her.
“I have to be.”
“Really? You have to be? Why?”
“It’s the only way I know how to protect myself.”
“Let me protect you,” Seth pleaded. He clenched his jaw in frustration at the situation, but not at her. Josie was just being Josie. “Let me. Please.”
Her eyes raked over his face and then the hands twisted in the fabric of his shirt shot up to his jaw. She jerked him down to her and slammed her lips on his in a kiss that was two parts desperation, one-part surrender. Josie wouldn’t give up the fight that easily and Seth knew it. He couldn’t reverse a lifetime of self deprecating talk with one conversation. But dammit, he sure as hell was going to try.
She pressed him against the counter, her body to his. Her mouth was frantic, demanding, this pent up emotion like a rudderless ship tossed about a violent, roiling sea. She couldn’t find her rhythm—she was all lips and tongue and need. Seth liked the loss of control, the way she yelped and breathed in a hot, insistent rush against his equally eager mouth. It was primal and uninhibited and it made him crazy with desire.
He was so wrapped up in the moment he almost didn’t hear the creak of the front door opening on its hinges, but when Peg called out for them, he slammed back into the here and now. Josie shot five steps backward like she’d just been electrocuted.
“I think I’m going to pass on that second glass of wine and just head home for the night.” Peg’s voice carried into the kitchen before she did. Her expression went blank, then composed once she took in the sight of the two, all heaving chests and palpable tension. “Oh. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“No, Mom. I was just about to grab that wine for you. Sorry.”
“No need, Jo. You two get back to whatever it is you were doing.” She gave a slow nod and a wink. “I’ll catch up with you in the next few days. Don’t have to see me out. Night, you two.”
Seth waited until he heard the telltale sound of the door fitting back into place before he dared to speak, and even then his voice came out in an unsure crack. “Why is it that I feel like a teenager who just got caught?”
“Because we did just get caught.”
“But we’re married.” He walked forward and slipped an arm around her middle.
“Pretend married,” she corrected. When Seth’s mouth found a bare spot of skin on her neck and sucked lightly, he felt her go instantly languid in the circle of his arms.
“Stay the night with me again, Josie,” he whispered into her hair. Her relaxed frame pulled taut like a wire at the invitation. He kissed under her earlobe and something about that made her body melt once again. “I just want to be with you.”
She withdrew a little and looked up at him, nodding silently before taking his hand to lead him down the hall.
Every nerve ending in Seth’s body pulsed in anticipation, each step ratcheting up the adrenaline that coursed through him like its own sort of energy. When Josie turned around and shut the bedroom door behind them, he just about lost it. There was something so intimate in the act. They had the entire house to themselves, but now they were closed off in his room, in this small, sacred space, and he knew it would take everything in him to keep his word that he wouldn’t let things go too far.
She padded over the hardwood to him, a heady look fixed in her eyes. Her fingers found the top button on his shirt, then the one below, until she had undone each one and the soft fabric hung open at his sides. She placed her hands on his stomach and Seth’s breath hissed instinctually between his lips at the contact. With a measured gaze, she ran her palms up his bare chest and around to his shoulders, slinking the shirt from his body. When her fingers dipped down to his belt, pulling the leather back and then unhooking the buckle, Seth trapped his breath in his lungs so as not to tremble it out in a nervous, ragged rush. It was too much, how she met and held his stare while her hands worked to tug the belt free from his jeans.
When the leather strap hit the floor, Seth snapped.
He lifted her up and took her mouth in a kiss. Josie’s legs wrapped around his waist and he walked over to the bed, their lips never parting. He wanted nothing more than to toss her onto it and take her in every way imaginable, but he’d promised to protect her and that was something he intended to do. He laid her down gently and when her head hit the pillow, her hair fanning out around her gorgeous face flushed with desire, her expectant gaze was a siren call he couldn’t keep from answering.
His hands found the hem of her shirt. She wriggled against the mattress to allow the fabric to pull free while Seth lifted her t-shirt up and over her head. He tossed it to the other side of the bed and sat back, unable to keep from staring at the overwhelming vision before him.
Josie’s arms crossed over her upper body.
“Don’t do that.” He shook his head and came closer. “You’re beautiful.”
“I’m not.” She laughed nervously. “Seth, I’m wearing a sports bra.” Her hand slapped against her forehead and she rolled her eyes. “I’m not even one of those girls that has pretty, matching underwear.”
“You think I care about that?” He pulled her hand back to admire her. “You’re perfect, Josie. Perfect for me.”
She looked like she might cry and for a moment he worried he’d said something wrong, but when she undid the button on her jeans and shimmied out of them, he hoped she had decided to truly believe his words. She laid there next to him in a black sports bra and boy shorts and even though he’d seen women in less in his lifetime, it was enough to entirely do him in.
“Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
She rolled onto her side to face him. “Why don’t you show me?”
22
Josie
Josie had never had a man so attentive to her. Every move, every kiss, every caress was to make sure she felt safe and cared for. Maybe even loved, but she couldn’t let her heart venture into that territory yet. Seth was ever the gentleman even when she could sense it took everything within him to stay that way.
His fingers traced the slope of her curves, his hands roved over her skin, and his mouth followed the path marked out by his touch. The stubble on his chin rubbed in a delicious, almost excruciating, way and she found herself mesmerized with each corded muscle on his strong body as he bound her tightly in his arms. She wanted to explore him—every part of him. Even though she’d never had a real boyfriend, she’d given herself to men in the past and knew that it never ended well when the lines of lust were crossed.
With Seth, she never wanted things to end.
“Seth,” she groaned when his mouth met her collarbone and then dipped just below it. She raked her fingers through his hair and held him there.
“Josie,” he breathed in a husky voice against her fevered skin. “We’re going to need to stop unless you’re okay with going farther.”
It felt like both an invitation and a warning, and for a few heartbeats she didn
’t know which direction to take. Her body wanted Seth, there was no denying that. Her heart did, too. But her head—the quiet voice that had to shout over everything else to be heard—told her to wait.
She rolled off of him and flopped back onto the mattress with an exasperated huff. “I’m sorry.”
“What on earth do you have to be sorry for?” He propped up onto his elbow to look at her, his finger lightly touching her chin to direct her gaze back onto him.
“I think we should probably stop.”
“Don’t apologize for that.” The back of his knuckle grazed her cheekbone. “You do not have to apologize for drawing a line, Josie. Never. I will always respect that. Respect you.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, Seth. I do. Badly. I just think things have gotten so complicated recently and if we sleep together, it’ll only make that worse.”
“I totally get that.”
He rotated onto his back and pulled Josie over to lay her head on his chest. Her fingers traced the patch of hair there and she could feel the slight rise and fall as his soft breathing decelerated into a slower rhythm.
Josie hadn’t grown up with an ideal wedding in mind. No perfect dress. No preferred flavor of cake. No favorite destination or fancy venue.
When she thought of her future, she couldn’t see it because the things she wanted out of life weren’t tangible milestones like engagements or weddings. She couldn’t see her future, but she could always feel it.
She wanted safety. Security. Love and respect.
Envisioning all of that wasn’t easy, but right now, as she slipped her eyes shut, she finally saw those desires take shape in the form of the man next to her.
When she hoped for the future, she saw Seth in it.
“What are you thinking?” he rasped into her hair as he mindlessly smoothed it with his palm. He kissed her forehead and let his lips linger there a moment before pulling back.
Take the Reins (A Cowboy's Promise Book 2) Page 16
